Getting Clean After Burning a Lot of Bridges - How Do You Get Back to Normalcy?

Man In Crisis's picture
Rank: Baboon | 104

In a matter of about a month I managed to take upwards of 150 Xanax, drank a lot of alcohol, did a lot of stimulants, burned through a gram or two daily of mary-jane and burnt a few bridges.

I'm tired of being a strung out, unreliable douche but feel like my life since I was 15 has revolved around partying. I was in a fraternity so all my friends are still into boozing and I haven't had sober sex since sophomore year of college. I'm now a 25 year old man with pretty much no meaningful relationships that aren't forged and fueled through partying and booze/drugs.

For those that eventually grew up - how did you do it? What do you do on weekends? How do you meet people? Ideally I find a girl I like and slowly force her into the role as my caretaker and a hybrid mother/lover to soothe and heal my wounds. Any advice on how to accomplish this? As of recently I've been spending 7 - 11pm sitting in my room alone watching live music on YouTube but I know I'm not gonna last like this.

Advice to the Undergrads: Don't be like me. Make friends through your clubs, find people you have sober hobbies in common with and notice your substance intake. If you find yourself in a position where the only thing you have in common with everybody at your party is that you're all drunk, you're probably on track to end up like me, and I'm miserable.

Comments (45)

  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Jan 7, 2020

I have gone throug a similar situation... The key is to stop the bad habits and find new things to do so you do not have time to do the "bad things".

I know that it can be difficult to stop, there is a point when all your friends are "drug-friends", the main base of your relationship is taking drugs together, so if you stop taking drugs, you think that your social life will end. That is not true. Your social life with those friends has to stop until you are recovered, because if you continue those relationships, it's really difficult to stop; but once you overcome your bad habits, you can hang out with that people again. Meanwhile, you have to look for other people to hang out, or just be a little bit isolated.

I think that sport are the best option: You meet new people, you are entretained for a lot of time and your body is healthier. You can also set goals that keep you motivated.

The key is to realize that you have to stop, and do it. Once you've done it, you will realize that it was worth to stop and you will never want to go back to your past life, you will discover that life is much better if you are sober on a daily basis (once in a while it's fine if you can control it); you will learn to enjoy life without needing substances.

You can do it.

    • 2
Most Helpful
Jan 7, 2020

dont fucking drag some poor girl into your cesspit of escapism and self-loathing you fuck
you have years of work to do
a girl will not save you
only you will save you
and guess what, that girl's gonna want kids, and now if you go in an unready man, now you're just another one of these chinless fucks running around who fancies himself a man just because he managed to survive for X amount of years

do the work.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

    • 22
Jan 7, 2020
GoldenCinderblock:

dont fucking drag some poor girl into your cesspit of escapism and self-loathing you fuck
you have years of work to do

What does this mean though? Everybody says this - "you need to work on yourself" how? I'm self aware, I take accountability, I want to not miss doing drugs and not still have one foot in that doorway/lifestyle. But what else helps? Therapy? Reading?

Jan 7, 2020

figure out what you like to do that makes your life better. Could be running, therapy, reading, or any hobby that takes focus to do. Hell i sporadically signed up for a half marathon after running a max or 5 miles and that kicked off a hobby for running I never knew I had--wanted to get better and i knew that would require a lifestyle change

    • 1
Jan 8, 2020
Man In Crisis:

Ideally I find a girl I like and slowly force her into the role as my caretaker and a hybrid mother/lover to soothe and heal my wounds.

What he means is this should not be the goal. You have to heal your own wounds and be your own caretaker. You shouldn't force anyone to do anything.

Jan 14, 2020

Since you suggested reading, you should probably read your initial post and subsequent comments, from which you will hopefully realize that you are not self aware and do not hold yourself accountable. Your starting point to overcoming your problems is worse than you think it is, and while WSO can be helpful for some personal problems your situation really doesn't seem like one of them.
Unless you're a troll, in which case good job in baiting many users, myself included.

I'm a fun guy. Obviously I love the game of basketball. I mean there's more questions you have to ask me in order for me to tell you about myself. I'm not just gonna give you a whole spill... I mean, I don't even know where you're sitting at

Jan 7, 2020

I'm gonna go ahead and second and say kids definitely not ready to date seriously

Gun rights activist
Jan 7, 2020
Skyywalker:

I'm gonna go ahead and second and say kids definitely not ready to date seriously

It's been a few months, but I believe you and I are in a feud. Please refresh me as to its origins so that we may pick up where we left off.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

Jan 7, 2020

The best advice you'll get given your situation. Time to face the man in the mirror and dig yourself out of the hole. Developing a taste for masochism and being alone will help. Best of luck on your journey.

    • 1
Jan 8, 2020
GoldenCinderblock:

dont fucking drag some poor girl into your cesspit of escapism and self-loathing you fuck
you have years of work to do
a girl will not save you
only you will save you
and guess what, that girl's gonna want kids, and now if you go in an unready man, now you're just another one of these chinless fucks running around who fancies himself a man just because he managed to survive for X amount of years

do the work.

Damn the amount of truth in this

"The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary." - Nassim Taleb

Jan 9, 2020

When I got to the girl part in OPs post I thought it was a troll.

This guy was actually serious about finding a girl who will be his caretaker and mother? I bet OP hangs out in the redpill page on reddit.

My god man grow the fuck up and take responsibility for yourself. Get clean and learn that women arent your babysitters.

Jan 7, 2020

my man popping a fistfull of bars every day yet smoking just under two grams?
thats a crazy ratio dawg

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

    • 2
Jan 7, 2020

Yeah well that's on week nights and I get off around 7pm and only stay up for like three hours after popping the pills so I still was burning through a lot given I smoke(d?) out of a one-hitter and rip bowls mixed with cig tobacco.

Wait fuck, I'm not doing this with you, I'm a changed man!

Jan 7, 2020
Man In Crisis:

Yeah well that's on week nights and I get off around 7pm and only stay up for like three hours after popping the pills so I still was burning through a lot given I smoke(d?) out of a one-hitter and rip bowls mixed with cig tobacco.

Wait fuck, I'm not doing this with you, I'm a changed man!

My man, you have quite a ways to go. You're never really gonna hit any sort of interesting "rock bottom" because you have the soul of a sheltered Bay Area druggie, but you do need to ride this miserable roller coaster for probably at least a few more years before you internalize that the cake can not be both had and eaten.

Thing is - a lot of people think they're out there eating cake and they've been nibbling on a saltine all their lives. Most of them die that way. You have the self-awareness to begin to get it together

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

Jan 7, 2020
Man In Crisis:

Yeah well that's on week nights and I get off around 7pm and only stay up for like three hours after popping the pills so I still was burning through a lot given I smoke(d?) out of a one-hitter and rip bowls mixed with cig tobacco.

Wait fuck, I'm not doing this with you, I'm a changed man!

What kind of fucking self-respecting man uses a one-hitter? At your house, you should have a small collection of excellent glass bongs always kept pristinely clean. When you're out and about, you should have some joints ready to go in the car. You can bring a proper pipe, like a steamroller, if you wish to partake on the move. The only people smoking from one-hitters should be 16-year-old boys in the alleys of punk rock shows.

What's your brand of ciggies?

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

    • 1
Jan 7, 2020

you need books and hill sprints though is what goldie prescribes
and never quit thrusting
just pelvic thrust all the way through life

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

    • 1
Jan 7, 2020

https://media1.giphy.com/media/jJdDbgoHrSoNy/source.gif

Thank you for your interest in the 2020 Investment Banking Full-time Analyst Programme (London) at JPMorgan Chase. After a thorough review of your application, we regret to inform you that we are unable to move forward with your candidacy at this time.

Funniest
Jan 7, 2020
Man In Crisis:

Ideally I find a girl I like and slowly force her into the role as my caretaker and a hybrid mother/lover to soothe and heal my wounds.

Man In Crisis:

force

red. fucking. flag.

Thank you for your interest in the 2020 Investment Banking Full-time Analyst Programme (London) at JPMorgan Chase. After a thorough review of your application, we regret to inform you that we are unable to move forward with your candidacy at this time.

    • 12
Jan 7, 2020
IRRection:
Man In Crisis:

Ideally I find a girl I like and slowly force her into the role as my caretaker and a hybrid mother/lover to soothe and heal my wounds.

Man In Crisis:

force

red. fucking. flag.

Yeah, I'd say. I'm out here telling yall I'm severely fucked and need some advice. I gotta just see a real shrink though. Type of help I need aint on WSO.

Jan 7, 2020

Type of help I need aint on WSO.

You can say that again!! Are you actually physically dependent on the drugs or just mentally still?

Gun rights activist
Jan 7, 2020

do not force anyone to do anything man. that's horrifying.

Thank you for your interest in the 2020 Investment Banking Full-time Analyst Programme (London) at JPMorgan Chase. After a thorough review of your application, we regret to inform you that we are unable to move forward with your candidacy at this time.

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Jan 8, 2020

Delete this thread. Your trolling is weak and drug addiction is not something to joke about.

    • 4
    • 3
Jan 8, 2020

Not a troll, I'm genuinely trash.

Jan 8, 2020

"For those that eventually grew up - how did you do it?" Bro just wake up and take some ownership for your life and what you want to accomplish and the person you want to be. I've been partying since around the same age and was in a frat too and my friends today are still people I get drunk with. I still love to party but I've got shit I want to accomplish in life. What do you want to accomplish? Get that job you want and crush it there. Get in awesome shape. Find a hobby or two. Some frat buddies go your route while the rest just learn to keep it to the weekends. Stop hanging around degenerate friends taking bars 5 days a week at 25.

What are your professional, financial, physical and social goals? Think long and hard on this and go after these. I spend Monday - Friday on that shit only - work, working out, planning and attacking career next steps, pickup sports games, dates, catching up with a friend, etc. If you end up with a free hour or two at the end of the day watch a sports game, read a book, call a family member or a friend, play an instrument, anything you enjoy outside of substances. And if those goals require time on the weekend they get first priority.

    • 4
Jan 8, 2020

I don't think WSO can be much valuable resource in terms of what you're going through.

I would suggest that you contact any means of therapy or mental health services, or even a counselor to help you with this. These people can help you discuss options and treatments (if needed), but offer a pathway that you can explore further to help sharpen yourself.

Good luck.

No pain no game.

Jan 8, 2020

what do you do for work? I recommend you move home and live with your parents for a year. This helped me exorcise some personal demons while working in my first job out of college.

10 months in I got a much better position and moved to NYC.

Jan 9, 2020

If you've popped upward of 150 xans in the last month go to fucking rehab because coming off the benzo's without supervision will be extremely difficult and painful.

Jan 9, 2020
Vandrunk95:

If you've popped upward of 150 xans in the last month go to fucking rehab because coming off the benzo's without supervision will be extremely difficult and painful.

This ^

Jan 9, 2020

He said he wasn't dependent

Gun rights activist
Jan 9, 2020

I'll be alright. Not much sleep and the compounded sleep deprivation combined with the increased brain activity has got my mood/thinking kinda sporadic and I'm not feeling great mentally but if this is as bad as it gets I'll ride it out for another week or two of hell in order to get clean.

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Jan 10, 2020
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