Getting drinks with girls = you always have to pay?

MomentaLaugh's picture
Rank: Orangutan | 285

Or does it matter how you phrase it?

Ex:

"Lets get a drink together sometime."

Does this imply you just want to get drinks and enjoy each other's company. Meaning, she pays for her drinks?

vs.

"Let me take you out for a drink sometime"

This sounds like you're asking her out on a date, where you'd be expected to buy her drinks. Am I right?

However, would some girls still expect a free ticket regardless of how its worded?

Comments (24)

Dec 15, 2012

wording doesn't matter, they're going to expect you to pay either way it's a social norm. Just get her at the most 2 cheap drinks (1 is fine if they're expensive) and just talk to her (dance/get it on if the venue allows for it).

Dec 15, 2012

club: you ask, you pay
real life: split or alternate

personally, would never date anyone who wouldn't insist on paying their own share

Dec 15, 2012
awawgoian:

club: you ask, you pay
real life: split or alternate

personally, would never date anyone who wouldn't insist on paying their own share

I agree, I was thinking that op was talking about club though. If it's after work or something then it's like getting coffee, each party pays for their beverage.

Dec 16, 2012

I'd agree with your assumptions. Personally, I usually go with the former. I'd rather not pay someone with drinks to hang out with me.
The other thing I do is mention that the first round is on me. Makes it clear that we're taking turns paying for rounds without being too overt about it.

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Dec 16, 2012

My guy friends always say "i'll get this round, you get the next - what do you want?"
I don't expect them to pay and I always offer to split if we're friends, but if they offer I also don't resist too much.

Dec 16, 2012

If you're looking for something 'more', you pay. Otherwise, split it. If you're the one who asks, you should probably buy the first one though regardless of the situation.

Dec 16, 2012

if you're just going as friends, split it everytime.

if you're trying to sleep/date her, pay the first 5 times (if it goes that long). yea, i realize it's expensive (you don't need to do multiple rounds), but it's part of being a man. pay the bill and then go remind her what the bedroom ceiling looks like.

My drinkin' problem left today, she packed up all her bags and walked away.

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Dec 16, 2012
Kenny Powers:

if you're just going as friends, split it everytime.

if you're trying to sleep/date her, pay the first 5 times (if it goes that long). yea, i realize it's expensive (you don't need to do multiple rounds), but it's part of being a man. pay the bill and then go remind her what the bedroom ceiling looks like.

To add, you also need to make a distinction between paying because you want to versus being "bitched" into paying out of fear or worry she'll leave, etc. I pay for my guy friends often (even at a diner, etc) and then later on they pay for me (usually taking turns regardless of actual cost) and I follow something similar with girls (who I'm not interested in as well). It helps a lot that we're all students around the same in terms of parents income and can afford similar meals, nights out, etc.

Dec 16, 2012

When she initiates a date with you, then you can let her pay. If you initiated it, you should pay.

if you like it then you shoulda put a banana on it

Dec 16, 2012

This is very interesting. For people my age (mid-30's), the answer would have been the guy pays 100% of the time (assuming you were trying to get in their pants (which also would have been 100% of the time)).

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Dec 16, 2012
SirTradesaLot:

This is very interesting. For people my age (mid-30's), the answer would have been the guy pays 100% of the time (assuming you were trying to get in their pants (which also would have been 100% of the time)).

Oh I see, this is very interesting.

The Auto Show

Dec 16, 2012
huanleshalemei:
SirTradesaLot:

This is very interesting. For people my age (mid-30's), the answer would have been the guy pays 100% of the time (assuming you were trying to get in their pants (which also would have been 100% of the time)).

Oh I see, this is very interesting.

Go girl, grab a few middle-age dudes let'em pay for everything while you swag the night.

Dec 16, 2012
SirTradesaLot:

This is very interesting. For people my age (mid-30's), the answer would have been the guy pays 100% of the time (assuming you were trying to get in their pants (which also would have been 100% of the time)).

+1

My drinkin' problem left today, she packed up all her bags and walked away.

Dec 16, 2012

I would only pay if its a date. Drinks can and usually is a casual thing so its unlikely to be a date in most cases so its probably equally likely you pay as you don't. Depends what the dynamic is really.

Dec 16, 2012

I ALWAYS pay for drinks if its for a girl, even just a friend or acquaintance. Its just the societal norm, not paying for drinks (at least on the first round) is just plain rude in my opinion.

Dec 17, 2012
westsider:

I ALWAYS pay for drinks if its for a girl, even just a friend or acquaintance. Its just the societal norm, not paying for drinks (at least on the first round) is just plain rude in my opinion.

Really? You're getting fleeced then. Its not the societal norm to pay for drinks with friends all the time. Dates, yes. But anything else is above and beyond. Do you pay when you're out with guy friends too? Because you might as well.

Dec 17, 2012

girl in sao paulo bought me gelato last night. expensive gelato. bam.

i do think some of you guys put way too much emphasis on paying for a girls stuff. i mean if you have this some kind of noble idea in your head that you should pay for the girl then i guess go for it but ultimately i dont think you should have to put forth too much 'effort' in having mutual attraction.. you shouldnt impress, you should be impressive yourself and have that reel them in

Dec 17, 2012
shorttheworld:

girl in sao paulo bought me gelato last night. expensive gelato. bam.

i do think some of you guys put way too much emphasis on paying for a girls stuff. i mean if you have this some kind of noble idea in your head that you should pay for the girl then i guess go for it but ultimately i dont think you should have to put forth too much 'effort' in having mutual attraction.. you shouldnt impress, you should be impressive yourself and have that reel them in

Good stuff. I agree. Its a case of self-confidence, do you have something to offer aside from your wallet? Although, I will say I'd play the cards and see what type of girl she is. If she appreciates or expects to be dined and I like her, I'll do it. But I'm certainly not going to pick up tabs for chicks I have no interest in aside from friendship.

Dec 17, 2012

if a girl *expects* to be wined and dined its a huge no no for me, i dont go for them betches

if she is appreciative and does other things back for you (not saying sexually), then she is a winner

if you are taking a girl out just to get laid then you are being played just as much :P she gets the sex and the food for free lol

we would call that 'a bad trade'

Dec 18, 2012
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