GF or Top BB

Of course by no means a cut and dry answer especially without context, but currently live in the same city as my long term girlfriend and it's been great.

currently an An2 at a mid tier BB and I've been offered a lateral spot at a top BB but in another Tier 1 city (think NY/SF or vice versa). Not sure what to do as I feel like I'm choosing between love and career since I don't think we'll be able to do long distance. 

my thinking is maybe the marginal trade off in brand name isn't worth disrupting a good relationship, but also very much value starting my career at a top name as opposed to a mid-tier name. 

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Comments (21)

Nov 22, 2021 - 10:46am

Sorry need more context here.  Is she open to moving with you?  do you even want to have that conversation?  If that's not even a conversation you want to have you probably should just let the poor gal go. I think this is what you need to ask yourself regardless of the offer, now don't get me wrong good relationships can be hard to come by and I am sure there are more factors that make it a hard decision, but If you cant have that conversation then I think you need to think about what you want to get out of the relationship as a whole.  

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Cov
Nov 22, 2021 - 11:41am

Good point yes I should add that I would ask but she is unable/unwilling because of work commitments. Similar story to me - if we both optimize for career we'll be apart, if one of us makes a sacrifice we can be together 

Nov 22, 2021 - 12:02pm

That's a tough one and I am sorry that is where you are at.  I want to tell you that everything will be alright if you take the new job, but I am going through something similar.  long story short it is never easy and at least if you focus on your career, you cannot go to wrong with that.  AKA there is nothing else holding her to you either.  

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  • Associate 2 in Consulting
Nov 22, 2021 - 11:53am

Do what you feel is best for you. I would personally approach this situation by asking myself if she is the "one". If I can see myself being with her for the rest of my life, which will be another fantastic 2 years before my little heart pitters out from work (currently in late 20's), then I would personally choose to sacrifice the marginal upward tick in my career to be with this woman, but caveat would be that I would also ask myself if she would be willing to do the same for me in the future at a certain point, if necessary, and if the answer is a probable "yes" then sacrifice, if "no" then try long distance or move on.

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Nov 22, 2021 - 2:29pm

Yeah,  If she is not willing to do the same for you further down the road then I would say move on.  I mean I see her point of view where you both have good jobs and are setup and she probably is like why do you want to rock the boat (especially if family is near by.) 

  • Intern in IB-M&A
Nov 22, 2021 - 1:41pm

In the words of Kevin O'Leary, which is easier to replace? Your GF or career? When he asked the question the GF was easier to replace than that specific guy's career opportunity, but in this case I'm not so sure. If I had to guess you're either in Chicago/Houston doing industrials/O&G or Charlotte at BAML. If you don't want to be Pigeonholed into O&G, I'd say the switch is worth it. I'm not to sure about exits/career prospects in Chicago offices, but I'd assume you'd have the option to move to any of the Chicago PE firms and get looks at many NYC PE firms from any-tier BB, so not sure if the career switch is worth it. If it's BAML Charlotte, then the outcomes from NYC/SF GS/MS can be a huge difference and it may be worth it.

  • Intern in IB-M&A
Nov 22, 2021 - 2:10pm

If you're willing to get rid of your gf to go from a mid-tier BB to a top-tier BB then maybe you don't love her as much as you think you do

Nov 22, 2021 - 2:33pm

You're only an analyst 2, which means you're in you early twenties. Which means your gf is likely also in her early twenties. For every 1 early twenties relationship that ends in a happy long-term marriage, about 19 end with breaking up. Seems pretty easy decision to me. Just check the stats man.

  • Associate 3 in IB-M&A
Nov 22, 2021 - 6:56pm

Stay where you are. Mid to top BB is not that big of a jump, and you will easily be able to lateral in IB

Nov 24, 2021 - 4:39pm

Just lost a long term relationship because I'm moving to SF and she needed to stay in her city. Definitely a tough calculation but if neither of you are willing to move / stay for the other, there's not a lot you can do. If you're already at a BB, I don't know how much you'd get out of an upgrade. Not sure if you're planning to stay at the bank forever or jump to PE, but you should make sure the new bank provides either substantially better PE opportunities or better culture for a long term career.

  • Prospect in RE - Comm
Nov 24, 2021 - 10:14pm

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