Girlfriend broke up with me and I start my IB job this summer

I'm currently a college senior and I thought I'd marry this girl. She was perfect and everything was perfect. But she left me out of nowhere. I'm starting to think maybe it was a good thing that she left me? This way I can focus on my banking career and potentially becoming an MD one day. I was very hurt at first but I think this has motivated me to work harder. I've also heard that it's difficult to start a relationship while working in IB. You can't succeed at both apparently. Would appreciate any thoughts from y'all.

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Comments (23)

Most Helpful
Apr 4, 2021 - 8:33pm

Shits tough. Think about my ex plenty but at the end of the day, if it's meant to be then it'll happen and if not then you're better off. Just gotta keep your eye on the prize and roll with the punches. Meditating is also great for this kind of thing (and many others). Sit with yourself and just observe everything without trying to change anything. It's basically practicing acceptance to the max. Listen to whatever sounds you hear, pay attention to your breathing without changing it at all, let yourself feel anxious/upset/relieved/whatever you feel - can lead to a sort of trippy out of body experience and really takes the edge off. Good skill to have in life, let alone IB

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Apr 5, 2021 - 11:24pm

Second this, I saw some video about how anxiety stems from worries about the future and depressive regrets stem from worrying about the past. Just gotta smoke some bud and chill in the moment.

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  • Prospect in IB - Ind
Apr 4, 2021 - 11:45pm

Really sorry to hear that man. Am in almost the exact same boat but one year younger (heading into IB SA this summer) - thought I'd marry this girl, thought everything was perfect, she said everything was perfect, but she does not want to be in a long-term relationship right now. Doesn't feel like a good thing at all but maybe a blessing in disguise? 

Not sure how much I can really offer because this is absolutely destroying me as well and am not doing so hot, but maybe its helpful to know you're not alone. I am planning to start therapy soon (not sure how it fits in with WLB in IB, but will figure that out). Even if it's not killing you, I think therapy is helpful to just talk through such a confusing time. Trying to work out as much as possible. Hanging out with guy friends as much as possible. Anything at all to distract yourself is good, but I have found it tough to not think about it 24/7. Picturing the long-term helps me a bit - you're going to meet a ton of new people, likely to live a very comfortable life financially, and it's hard to imagine that you won't meet another girl who can offer similar things as your ex.

PM if needed.

Funniest
Apr 5, 2021 - 1:08am

20 year olds with girlfriends they thought 'they'd marry for life'

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Apr 5, 2021 - 1:20am

If it's not meant to be than its for the better. But don't let your drive to move up the ranks of IB become an obsession. Make sure to make time for friends, family, and dating. There are plenty of women in this field or adjacent ones who are understanding to what the grind is like, especially in the early years. You just need to make time when you can, even if it sometimes means a little less sleep.

Dayman?
  • Intern in IB - Gen
Apr 5, 2021 - 1:33am

Honestly bro, a word of advice: when you think/the girl verbally says everything is going perfect then trust me, it's the exact opposite. Dated too many girls to realize this here to save y'all some time

Apr 5, 2021 - 1:39am

Act like you don't give a shit that she left you for the next few months. Get friendly/flirty with other girls and do it in a way that she will notice. I can almost guarantee this will bring her back to you. Her jealousy will flare and she'll feel like she's missing out on you. Definitely do not go back to her and ask/beg for a second chance or some shit like that. Trust me, this is how they work.

Apr 5, 2021 - 11:36am

Don't even sweat it, odds were you were going to breakup in the next year or two anyways. Focus on you for a couple years, and work on finding your self and someone will come along who thinks you're the perfect fit. Dating is really easy in college, but gets pretty tough the first couple years out, I found it got easier every year after around 24.

Apr 5, 2021 - 9:17pm

Sorry she dumped you man - I know the feeling of absolute heartbreak and how disrupting it can be. I was in your shoes 9 years ago and I felt the same way about my ex. 

Others have already mentioned meditation/gym/therapy routines that are great advice, especially therapy. Speaking to someone who doesn't feel burdened by your feelings or tears, and who can offer an honest perspective, is incredibly therapeutic. 

If therapy is out of reach right now, my advice is to reach out to your family. I found my relationship with my parents, especially my mother, grew very strong when I was vulnerable to her about my feelings during my college breakup. For what it's worth, I think I've called my mom every weekday since and I'm in my 30s now. 

Also, some reassurance: College may have been sweet and you may have had great times/sex with this girl, but believe me when I tell you that 22-30 are the best years of your life. Goofing off with roommates and dating are so much better with some money, variety, and a big city. You have a lot to look forward to - congrats on your new beginning! 

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Apr 5, 2021 - 10:15pm

Jeez some of you are sad. Please don't neglect dating/friends/other for your career. Enjoy life it can go to shit quickly. It's good that you want to be successful but don't let your desire to climb up the ranks be your sole purpose in life even if it's just for your 20s.

Apr 5, 2021 - 10:28pm

This is solid advice. Can't neglect other aspects of life for your career because it will catch up with you later. Find a balance of some sort and date for a while, but don't take any of them seriously until you've reached certain milestones in your career. 

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