Girlfriend in person on West Coast (not SF/LA). I’m virtual (East Coast). Should I join her?

This is for SA.

Downsides:

  • Have to wake up at 6 AM at the latest, not a morning person. Worried it could impact return offer
  • Tier 2 (at best) city where I literally know no one else vs. living in my major city at home or in NYC
  • Would need to figure out something fast, likely won't be good arrangements
  • We could break up (unlikely), in which case I'd have sacrificed my last summer in college for nothing when I could have been having a blast

Upsides:

  • I genuinely love her. We never fight, there are no issues, and the sex is awesome.
  • She's not from the US and already feels kind of isolated given few from our school are in this city and it's further from her home country than the east coast

Despite a lot of terrible advice on this forum, you guys have rarely let me down in the past on stuff like this.

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Comments (38)

  • Associate 1 in PE - LBOs
May 25, 2021 - 10:39pm

It's an internship dude, so I don't think you need to over think this too much. Be wherever you will be able to perform the best. If you can't be apart for a summer the relationship has no chance to begin with lol

May 25, 2021 - 10:44pm

Either move there or break up with her.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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  • Intern in IB - Gen
May 25, 2021 - 10:59pm

I'll provide some clarity given that you are obviously struggling to make a choice given your posting on here and I also went through a similar situation. 

It's an internship, be where you need to be (in your case in NYC) to perform the best and get the return offer. I'm going to be honest with you, if you think that being away for 10 weeks for an internship that is crucial to your career is going to make you guys break up then I don't think you'll last through your analyst stint. 

This is an easy decision if it was me, do what's best for your career and if she doesn't understand that then it wouldn't last either way as being in IB you need to prioritize your career over everything. 

  • Intern in IB - Gen
May 25, 2021 - 11:08pm

Even if they want to get married/have a long term future - if she can't understand that he should be in NYC for his SA stint to have the best chance at a return offer and would break up with him because of it, I don't think its gonna last regardless. 

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May 26, 2021 - 12:06am

iercurenc

  • She's not from the US

Why is this getting more and more common?

People can just walk into the US these days. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Most Helpful
  • Intern in IB-M&A
May 26, 2021 - 3:52am

Because American girls are liberal, fat, ugly, entitled feminist cows with high body counts while foreign girls are feminine and thin. Not being fat makes a girl a 6.5/10 in the US, while not being fat is 95% of the population in foreign countries. American girls are like American cars - they break down over nothing, they're noisy and loud and never shut up, has probably had seven guys in them at once, they're unreliable, and depreciate incredibly quickly in comparison to Asian ones. American girls are pump and dump material, foreign girls are wifey material. Throw all the MS you want but nothing I said is inaccurate. 

  • Associate 1 in PE - LBOs
May 26, 2021 - 7:45pm

Because American girls are liberal, fat, ugly, entitled feminist cows with high body counts while foreign girls are feminine and thin. Not being fat makes a girl a 6.5/10 in the US, while not being fat is 95% of the population in foreign countries. American girls are like American cars - they break down over nothing, they're noisy and loud and never shut up, has probably had seven guys in them at once, they're unreliable, and depreciate incredibly quickly in comparison to Asian ones. American girls are pump and dump material, foreign girls are wifey material. Throw all the MS you want but nothing I said is inaccurate. 

Fucking based.

  • Associate 1 in IB - Cov
May 27, 2021 - 9:46am

While there are probably more overweight American women than Asian women, there are thin, feminine women of all nationalities and ethnicities. If you can't land an American woman who fits those criteria (there are literally millions of them), then you prob just have a hard time getting laid.

It's alright pal, you'll get there. Keep watching YouTube videos on how to pick up women and you'll be a master in no time

  • Intern in IB-M&A
May 26, 2021 - 12:22pm

I would visit her. I don't think not being in NYC will be the difference between you getting it or not. Maybe just do a week or two if you're nervous about it. 

May 26, 2021 - 6:25pm

I'm in the opposite situation. GF in Chicago and I'm doing a remote SA stint this summer. She's just gonna come out to the west coast once I'm done since she has her own internship/ research. There's no point in living with her since I'll be at a sweatshop and busy as hell.

May 26, 2021 - 10:13pm

Move in with her? If you can't find a place together what's the point of you going there for an internship? It'll be 10 weeks at most and you'll be working for most of the time. You'll be on call Sundays and get Saturdays off, so one day a week you'll see her, unless you're living together. She can handle 10 weeks away from you - just do nice things every once in a while like send her flowers and shit - seriously she'll be ecstatic that you're thinking about her from NY. The real question is what you'll do next year if you get FT offers and are on opposite coasts.

May 26, 2021 - 10:31pm

Yeah I asked about FT as well. The difficult with OP moving to West Coast would be the time zone. Starting at 6AM combined with tough hours and a WFH environment might be too much for OP. He has to consider what conditions are best for him to get a return as well.

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May 27, 2021 - 9:42am

Thanks everyone - we've talked it over and she completely understands me needing to be in NYC. She's going to come at least 1 weekend and I'm going to do the same. she has no interest in staying on the west coast so I think that this will be mostly a short-term thing.

May 27, 2021 - 11:36am

Sounds healthy. Maybe a little late but you should do what you feel is best for your conversion. If she wants the best for you, she will understand. 

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Jul 1, 2021 - 4:39am

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