Girlfriend question
So I've been dating this girl for about 5 months now. I met her while she was in New York, but she works in DC. Anyway, I really like her and things have been going well. I'm a little concerned that she doesnt really respond or offer any compliments. Hear me out guys, I think it's weird. So an example, she's working hard to study for her FSO exam (she works for the govt) and I've been really supportive, leaving her nice voicemails, messages and even had flowers delivered to her work place. All she said in return was thanks. That's fine but then she texts me saying how her boss is so nice and left her a "super cute/adorable" message saying good luck on the day of her exam. Are you kidding me? So she was completely oblivious to what I've been doing for the past 2 weeks but adored her boss's message. Maybe I'm being strange here but somethings off right? Am I overthinking this or is she not really into me as much? This isn't an isolated incident. There's been other similar things, as well as her even questioning me to my friends. When we first started dating, e asked my friend whether the stuff I told he about myself was a lie or not. I let it go at the time because I really like her but it's becoming a bit much now.
Basically Am I being a bitch for thinking my girlfriend doesn't appreciate me or should I just end it now?
are you banging her? serious question
Can we have a sub-forum dedicated to dating/girlfriend strategies now?
It's all explained below:
http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/girlfriend-advice?page=1
Have you ever considered the possibility that you aren't physically attracted to women? Nothing wrong with that in my book, but you need to be honest with yourself if you want to be happy. This is anonymous, so there's nothing to hide.
What?
I can't find the words to express how friendzoned you are.
Zen, i suggest that you not let it bother you. It also sounds like you are doing "sweet" and "nice" things for her quite frequently. Stop. Get her birthday gifts and gifts for the holidays but drop the "just because" flowers and what not. She will appreciate gifts more if they are less frequent. I've been dating my girlfriend for over 3+ years and i dont get her jack shit. Just dont try so hard and dont worry about being "appreciated" by your girl friend. Trying to "win" her over with gifts and compliments is going to make you look like a pussy.
I am posting merely in anticipation of datdere coming in with a comment about "beta boys;" this thread better deliver.
this has to be trolling unless im sorry to inform you that your gf is being slammed out by said boss
When you put someone on a pedestal, you force them to look down on you.
I got your point, I jut thought it was ludicrous. How the hell do you conclude I'm gay? Jesus
Thanks. I guess the being nice thing was because she was stressed out with the exam and I wanted to be there for her. I didnt expect appreciation until she gushed over her boss's message. Her boss is a mean fuck too so I have no idea why she was so happy to hear from him. And there's absolutely no way, the boss is involved with her.
Agreed but I don't think I've put her on a pedestal. I like the girl which is a natural reaction, and I wanted to support her through the stressful period of the exam. I don't think that makes me a pushover or anything, just attentive. But I guess why pissed me off was her reaction.
Take her out...bang her out really good and then go on the DL for a day or two (say you've been really busy, be vague as possible) then re-evaluate.
Yeah, exactly--her boss is a mean fuck, did something nice for her and she loved it. That proves my point right there... if it is less frequent it will be appreciated more. This can basically be analogized to supply/demand and also with the law of diminishing returns, it's Econ 101 man.
She is not your girlfriend.
Most probably she treats you like a friend. Make her jealous by banging some of her friends.
I don't think he's gay, SirTradesAlot, just soft.
Go and fly to DC, sit her down and talk to her. Tell her what you feel, if she dosent give you satisfactory response or can't recipricate your feelings. Im sorry bro, you gotta dump her and move on.
Have you considered communicating with her? You invested 5 mths in a relationship with her, she's a bit enthusiastic about something someone did, and you want to break up with her over it? Honestly, the one who cares less in a relationship holds the power. Maybe she doesn't want to be so nice with you because you might take it as her being "clingy."
I love these threads. I think SirTradesaLot is onto something here, we need a dating advice sub section. It can be called "Am I gay" the area where beta males can post their dating and relationship woes for everyone else to make fun of them. And I guess offer questionable advice.
I've been friendzoned before so I think I would know. But I'm thinking I'm wasting my time here..
I think the DL idea sounds good...not sure I want to waste anymore time and money on this.
There's a pretty bright-line that determines whether you are in the friend zone or not (i.e. banging).
I guess you're right but I was simply thinking with our relationship, you know, I may get some fucking affection or recognition especially if some asshole at her work does. Just not sure its worth my time. I've discussed it with her in the past and her answer always is that some things dont need to be spelt out. WTF? I mean, if I didnt spell shit out for a woman, she'd think I wouldnt be interested. Fucking crazy.
I wouldnt say I'm soft but just a little pissed off. As anyone would be..
I'm not flying anywhere to be honest. I would if it was my fault somehow but it isnt so I dont see why I should fly out. I really like her but I dont need any drama or to interpret things. I'm a little old for these games. I think its probably a good idea to move on but just harder to do so then I thought.
Thank you. I second this, because this guy's posts are getting pretty ridiculous/sad.
I dont think so. I have invested a lot of my time, which is precisely at this point, I'd expect a little more of an effort. I dont understand really what the problem is. Its not a case she's enthusiastic about something someone did, its that I've been doing that something for weeks and all I get is a simple "thanks".
I think 5/6 months down the line, its a bit silly to think I'll believe her to be clingy so she doesnt want to be nice or affectionate. I need to move on.
What? I've made one fucking post.
Yeah aware of that thanks. As i mentioned its happened before and without getting into much detail, its definitely not the case here. Which basically makes this all the more confusing.
This is really something you should talk with your friends about instead of waiting for responses from internet badasses.
But I'll bite - is she actually your gf or are you just "dating"?
Her boss is most definitely banging her. Sorry OP.
GF
ZenMaster, are you banging this girl? That is a very important question that you are yet to answer. If after 5 months you are not, then she is not your girlfriend. To her you are a nice guy she wishes she was attracted to but cant fully get herself to like romantically.
Yeah we have.
I guess I was vague before. Sorry. And the reason I posted here was because Ive gotten some reat insight into other stuff so I felt it would be worth a shot.
Sounds like LD is taking its toll. LD doesn't work most of the time just because there's no facetime.
Have you read any of the relationship help threads before? Most of them turn into a the OP is a pussy thread.
There is a chance that she is just not that into you. I advice that you threaten to break up with her and see if she fights for you. If she doesn't, then move on. You would be glad that you wasted only 5 months instead of 3 years. You don't want to be somebody's contingency plan. You want to be the man of her dreams and you deserve to feel appreciated.
delete facebook, hit the gym, lawyer up
LMFAO
Hilarious comments. Although the only legit response is danjohn's before - thanks for sharing.
Are you a pussy? Do you dress sloppy? You are your own and only enemy when it comes to failing relationships. I think you should consider that most of the things you are doing are wrong, then rethink it all.
Also can we cool it with the 'fucking' comments? It's funny, and I laugh, but it's not reality nor good considering these girls are someone's daughter and wife. Just saying.
Yes, you are being "too nice" and she realizes that she doesn't have to reciprocate. Nothing is worse than coming off as needy to a woman.
I once told a girl I made her a mix tape and posted it on youtube. I sent her the link, man I rickrolled her good. She actually thought it was sweet. Double win.
Best story of badassness in a while.
Thanks. Thats all I was really saying. I dont understand, its just confusing. But I guess thats that then. Just finding it hard to end it with her. She's called and texted me about 5 times today. I didnt bother responding.
Yeah perhaps. I mean I get out to DC once every two weeks but we skype/call every day. I guess I should have seen this coming. Perhaps I was into her more than she was into me. It didnt seem that way but it appears to have panned out that way.
I think I may just end it with her. Unless someone thinks I'm being an asshole or an idiot about this...
I guess I was thinking new relationship, I should be a gentleman. Blew up in my face huh
Haha yeah pretty cool.
I wouldn't say just dump her, but actually talk to her about it. Odds are its nothing major. He giddyness over what her boss did is more than likely due to the fact that she wants some kind of approval from him/her. She was excited she got it. However if she feels like you are both taking different paths then there is no real reason to keep it up.
OP, you need to sack up bro. YOu sound pathetic. Not trying to be a dick, but my God, act like a man! Address your concerns with her.
Empirical evidence never lies.
I've brought this up before and she simply said that some things dont need to be spelt out, i.e. I should know how she feels about me. So thats why I'm confused. I know she's into me but I dont want to be taken for granted is the point.
Sorry dude, I didnt realise you're the paragon of manliness. Perhaps some of those guys were pussies, I just wanted an opinion as to whether I'm being a douche about this.
See above. I've done that before..
Sounds like you want a girl that she isn't.
Perhaps. I dont want to lose her but I dont want to feel like I'm making all the effort here. She carried on texting me today and then apologised if she did something. Now I feel bad about that. Fuck. Now I really feel like a fucking pussy.
What's in it for you, with the relationship that is? If you're getting jealous, that's a good sign and your girlfriend is probably flattered. Be a grown-up and tell her why your messages are much better than motivational notes from her 'friendly' bsoss. After 5 months, at very least you can show her you're serious in being with her!
Thanks guys. I guess I was feeling underappreciated and obviously this long distance thing isn't a great idea.
Although, having broached the topic, she didnt really offer any answers. I guess I'm not sure what to do.
In all seriousness, the best relationships are about giving, not receiving. But there's definitely a breaking point where if you're giving too much and she's not reciprocating at all (which is what it seems like), you should move on with your life and cut your losses while it's early. Speaking from similar experience a while ago.
I think she knows how serious I am and honestly I shouldnt even have to tell her that my messages are better. It sounds petty but it pissed me off.
Want an answer? Ok, you guys are not compatible. Yes I know you are a nice guy and you too shared great moments before. But you are not loving her in the way she wants. Cut the lose and move on. Treat her like a stranger. True love should make you feel better about yourself, not the opposite.
Actually we're incredibly compatible, we share a lot of the same interests, likes/dislikes, etc. Thats not the problem. Perhaps I give it a chance to see what happens.
wow, way to not take a single piece of advice anyone here gave you. Why did you even bother posting if you knew that you were just going to try to keep chasing some chick who is indifferent no matter what advice you got?
I posted to get some advice. I got some advice and talked to her about it. She gave me a non-answer. I feel I should move on but I also built up feelings for her over these several months that its not easy to simply give up on her. Hence the reason I used the word 'perhaps'. I'm still thinking this over.
I know a someone's contingency plan when i see one.
I say its time for some serious makeover. Do something different and start to sound vague and tone down the nice gestures a little (extremely rare nice msgs, more of one-word answers, delayed callbacks, no more sharing the details of your life with her,...etc). She will notice something is changing. If she cares about the ground shifting beneath her, she will definitely try to catch up with you and be a part of that change. If she doesnt, you'll be off to a fresh start with someone who deserves your attention, affection, time, care, love and everything you have to offer.
Are you a pussy? Nope, and your instinct is probably right that something is a little weird. I say dont discuss it openly with her as this may just cause more confusion and dilute whatever influence you have on this relationship and what you can do next. Just shake things up a little to see if there's really anything in this relationship for you. Been there, done that.
Whatever you do, avoid the cheap shots (trying to make her feel jealous by trying to hook up with her friends/relatives, bragging about other relationships,...etc). Be constructive for your own good.
i know if i respond to this the way i really want to, i will get banned
im only writing this comment so i can get updates.
OP r u 4 realz?
Seriously, are you getting anything out of this relationship? When a girl really cares about a guy, and he does something thoughtful for her, she can't help but effusively praise him. I can keep a poker face negotiating deals with men more than 2x my age, but the second a guy I'm dating does something thoughtful for me, I lose my shit. Flowers sent to the office?! (Requires way more foresight than just picking up a bouquet at a bodega on your way over) He's coming home to steak and a beej for sure.
If she gave you a non-answer when you broached the subject, she just doesn't have the heart to tell you she's not that into you, or she wants to keep you around until finds an alternative plan. Do yourself a favor and a relationship in NY that gives you a better ROI.
Aren't you married, SirTradesAMultitude?
That is just a technical problem, to which there are multiple solutions.
HAHAHA
LOL, is it March 14th already?
Ha I knew I was going to get shit for that! I failed to mention the prerequisite of being in a relationship with me.
I should seriously start a PUA program or something seeing how many guys are asking these questions.
OP you are on your way for developing a serious ONEitis
OP she is "shit testing: you aka "fitness test" to see how you respond. If you act clingy, supportive, validating she will dump you or use you as an emotional tampon while she fucks other guys.
Anyways for short term follow this:
You have to work on your inner game son
Do not to any of these things. Be a man and just tell her it's over. Then I guess you can do #3.
Ignore anything Marketmistress has said OP. she doesn't know what she's talking about
This thread is starting to get juicy. We need more girls on this forum, that's for damn sure.
I was operating under the assumption that OP wants to be a decent guy. If he'd rather be a dick, by all means, be a dick. But go.with.the.flow's advice isn't even being a dick, it's being a passive-aggressive little girl. "Waaahh you're not paying enough attention to me, I'm going to cut my text responses down by 33%! Look!! Pictures of me with other girls! Aren't you jealous?!" Seriously, you sound like a high school girl. Just end it with that girl- she sounds like a dumb bitch anyway- and begin the shooting fish in a barrel known as dating in NYC.
Advice from a non-player, non "pua" and a regular guy. I dated this chick a few years back who always said she loved me, bought me stuff and was very sweet overall. I became attached to her and found out she still had feelings for her ex-boyfriend and maybe another guy. Instead of being a man and dealing with it, i started acting out and drove her away. Lesson Learned, if you are going to act like a wimp and not be upfront with your girl she will move on.
You responded with "we have" when some1 asked you if you have banged. That's your answer? We have.... in 5 months you have? You should've tried every position in 5 months.
Anyways sorry to say you are in for a heartbreak, mark my words. Its coming, just wait for it. If you don't want that to happen, move on from being the guy you are and get your shit together.
deleted
How old are you? So you are dumping your gf because some strangers on WSO who read 1 paragraph of your interaction with her are telling you to do so? This is your relationship and you have to man up when there's a problem. Dump her= avoid the problem, not solving it. Granted, she might not be really into you, but at least make your own opinion instead of getting all work up because some guy is calling you a pussy on the internet?
I cringe a little in embarrassment while reading these posts.
Update - I am not dumping her. We had a fantastic talk through our issues and we're happy. Thanks for anyone who provided sincere advice.
Anyone ridiculing these posts, I'm sure you're crushing women all the time. You're probably still in high school so lets not pass judgement OK?
Definitely. A woman's perspective would be great on such issues. Most guys on here are quite predictable with their responses.
Dude, everybody at some point or another has had girlfriend/boyfriend issues. But frankly, I can't help but pass judgement on people that come onto a finance forum to post personal relationship questions to a bunch of internet strangers. It's just weird. Input from friends and family should be enough.
Sure agreed. But sometimes, an anonymous forum offers the best option when they have no stake in the actual outcome.
dude whats up with all these autistic Asian kids asking for dating advice on this forum it's entertaining but a bit annoying
Someone needs to have a life. :)
Sorry babe, no can do. Once you go inanimate you can't go back, unfortunately.
Dude, shut up. Thats offensive.
Mating is nothing but a "game". Nothing amoral or moral about it. So by not playing you have already lost.
//www.youtube.com/embed/CemLiSI5ox8
Which part, the Asian part or the autistic part?
The autistic.
Oh ok, in that case: take your meds.
"giving" or giving? pls clrly define ur terminology
both http://www.artsjournal.com/realcleararts/wp/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/… and http://travelanthropist.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/374268661_c63d40…
Hahah I stopped reading halfway through. OP has gotta be trolling, especially with his 4-in-a-row, each-one-sadder-than-the-previous-one posts that basically ignore anything people tell him.
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