Going back home for Thanksgiving during on cycle PE recruiting - Bad Idea?

No one can give you a firm answer on this.

Do you want your maximum chances of success in what is effectively a one-time shot at the 'on track' recruiting cycle? (Obviously you can recruit the following year, although there are a very few narrow-minded senior people who actually look unfavorably on someone recruiting as a second-year to enter private equity with three years of prior experience.)

If yes, then stay local. Almost every fund will launch within 48 hours of each other when they hear someone jumped the gun and went early. There will be some stragglers, however (funds that launch the following week), and that means that being available and accessible the 5-15 days trailing the main process can give you interesting opportunities.

A buddy of mine at a megafund griped last year that he lost one of his three incoming associates one week after they all signed because that guy got a hedge fund offer from a week-long interview process that continued after the bang-bang private equity process wrapped up.

Guess what: he had to go back to the headhunters to find someone to fill the seat, and since it had to be a discrete process (what megafund would tolerate the community knowing someone accepted and then jilted them), they wanted to bring in ideally just one high-probability candidate who they'd be confident about being able to make an offer to.

So some poor guy who didn't sleep for two weeks thinking he struck out in private equity recruiting despite his 3.8 from a strong school winds up getting a call for one of the most recognizable names and gets an offer two weeks after all his friends. Miracle, huh?

(or)

Do you want to catch every memory possible with your friends, family, and loved ones? Then prioritize the holiday, go home at the same time as your girlfriend, and roll the dice on the timing not overlapping with recruiting.

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There isn't any one right answer. I have taken either fork (hard choice in favor of career life, in favor of personal life) at different times based on what I was facing. I always boiled it down to what I think of as 'replaceability': "Which of the options I'm selecting between is least easily replaced?"

Applying that heuristic here, the clear suggestion would be to prioritize recruiting.

It's a one-time inflection point for a significant career step ... where your backup options are to repeat the process either (a) exactly one year later with, at best, equal odds of success or (b) on an ad-hoc basis with unpredictable timing thanks to the irregularity of off-cycle opportunities.

You can take the same amount of time (or more) with your family for Christmas/New Year's, and while every family prioritizes different holidays differently, I think any rational family member would understand that you're trying to juggle multiple balls and make it work however you can.

For the record, I have practiced this logic and chosen to deprioritize work in instances of an unexpected illness in the family, a close friend's impromptu wedding, a literal once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be backstage for several consecutive nights on tour for one of the most famous artists in the world, and more.

Each time it was simple calculus: which of these am I unable to replicate in the future?

• Saying goodbye to an older relative who mattered a lot to me; I was able to witness another relative make peace with their passing and be present for support in a way that strengthened our continuing relationship as the depth of care we had for the same family member became clear.

- Here I eventually wound up losing a Limited Partner. I got an earful from them for missing their annual summit (they host a bunch of parties on-site for presentations to the broader Investment Committee, Audit Committee, Oversight Committee .... death by committee, so to speak. It deteriorated the relationship; they tried to exert pressure on fees the next time around, and I eventually just closed them out from future opportunities. Doesn't matter; there are a lot more capital sources than relatives.

• Someone I knew for years and always thought highly of but didn't get to see often thanks to how busy we all let our lives become invited me to a surprise wedding. This meant a lot to me. He had a rough time romantically; he comes from a family background where he could theoretically do a lot of favors for people, and "friends" constantly put him in compromising positions with an "Oh, I'm sure he'd be able to help". When he finally found someone who was kind and caring and mature, it was a joy to see how he continually got happier each time I saw him (every year or so). After four years they were ready, and a handful of us got a "Please meet here at this time for a three-day trip" out of nowhere.

- Here I lost a higher bidder on an asset I was closing a sale process on. I needed to be holed up in a boardroom with them for at least one full day or two to convince them to pay a turn higher than the competitor before the competitor's offer expired that Thursday. I could've done it (it made a ton of sense to roll into their flagship asset) but the guy I had helping me on the deal lacks the gift of speech I seem to have and couldn't get it done in my absence. (Plus me not being there sends a pretty strong signal about how much that conversation matters to me.) Oh well. I can always find businesses to invest in and someone to give me an exit. I'll never forget the private charter back and forth, the intimate sunset ceremony with nine people all on a quiet, glowing beach, and two other guests who have actually become strong friends that I would never have met otherwise. I also wouldn't be in the original friend's life the same way I am for having shared that memory and demonstrated how much he matters to me.

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Pick your priority and make it happen. Good luck in recruiting either way.