At a recent networking event, many of the people that I was talking with gave me the impression that I was being cocky. How do I project confidence at the same time without being an ass? I know its probably second nature to some of y'all so I'd love some insights on how to do this.
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Being cocky is talking about how cool you think you are, being confident is letting other people see how cool you actually are.
Nicely put. SB for you
I would try not to think about that stuff at all and instead ask informed questions about the people you're talking to and try to get to know them as best you can.
One principle of physics (physics guys weigh in here if I'm off base) - when you observe the experiment, you change the experiment.
If you're in your own head about portraying confidence and you're observing your own behavior from afar while you're talking, it'll likely come off stilted or self-aggrandizing, or at the very least, not how you want it to.
Good luck!
Physics principle is not accurate and only sort of applies in specific instances on a very small level (quantum mechanics) but I get the point. So I should just be less self-conscious?
See.... you just did it
You could just say, "I get the point"
Informing someone that despite the flaw in their premise, you understand the point they are making could make you come off as an ass.
Nice tip! Thanks!
Focus on being an good, active listener. Make great eye contact and listen deeply. Don't just quickly spout off answers. Be thoughtful.
Few points:
Speak less, speak slower. Cocky people try and drown out everyone in the room. When confident people speak, others stop and wait to hear them.
Don't be afraid to be unconventional (but not a peacock). I mean that confident people are comfortable in their own skin, and are ok doing what they want to do, not what the crowd wants or what others think they should do. Cocky people worry too much about what others think of them.
Treat everyone with respect. Doesn't matter their position or title, janitors all the way to Heads of State deserve respect. Treating everyone with respect is a sure sign of confidence in the eyes of others. Cocky people gravitate towards status and therefore ignore or don't see those they perceive are beneath them.
This. Especially the speak less point. There are only a few people that I genuinely hate and it's usually because they're cocky, arrogant, and self-serving.
Ask questions to your peers, figure out what they're interested in, ask followup questions, have a good conversation. People will see you're confident if you're the one to break the ice, and people will like you if they feel that you're interested in them. Make people feel positive about the interactions they've had with you and the rest will take care of itself.
You can't learn social skills on an internet forum of all things. Hopefully you have friends you can talk to about this.
at first I read "hopefully you have friends" hahahahaha
Stop talking down to people to make yourself feel more important
Confidence: "I'm great at X"
Cocky: "X ain't shit. I'm better than anyone at X."
Try to use "we" more than "I". I know it sounds a little too simple, but it works wonders. Accentuate the team as much as you can, instead of "my group" use "our group" etc. etc. If you're highlighting a key role you may have played in a project or something, try to speak highly of something someone else did on your team first, before getting into the details of what you did. Before you know it you'll be seen as more of a team player and that will help your cause.
loudest guy in the room is the weakest guy in the room
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