How do I start dating as a late bloomer (21) at a target

My whole life, I grew up black in a white/Asian upper-middleclass neighborhood and now go to a very wealthy asian/white target school. I was tall, athletic, personable, intelligent, and charismatic but my interest was never reciprocated by white or asian women. I will admit I was a bit nervous around some girls due to racking up a bunch of pretty bad consecutive rejections. Also, I had pretty bad self esteem because I was treated poorly by friends, coaches, parents, etc. Whenever I showed interest in any girl regardless of how mediocre she was, I always got laughed at, made fun of, rejected, ghosted, ignored, or stood up so eventually I stopped trying, focused on my academic goals and got in to a top target school and have an offer for a SA position in S&T at a top bank for next year. 

Anyway don't mean to jerk myself off but I feel like I am on a good trajectory academically and professionally but socially and romantically I am completely stunted. Anyway I want to know what should I do as a late bloomer with no experience, poor self esteem, and in a predominately white and asian setting (being black)? I am in therapy working on my self esteem and social calibration, I am 6 foot, and fit but I had no luck on tinder/bumble. 

Thanks for the advice, wish me luck, and god speed fellow late bloombers/incels.

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Comments (2)

Most Helpful
Sep 17, 2021 - 10:40pm

It's definitely shitty to get laughed at and rejected - I think we can all understand that feeling for sure. But its not the end of the world at all. There are a ton of girls, and especially at college, almost everyone is interested in getting to know someone else.

Some advice that's helped me:

- Girls love confidence a ton. Try to build up confidence, not sure if you're too confident in conversation but a girl can tell if you are and in 3 seconds decide if she wants to keep talking with you or not. For me, building confidence came from setting super realistic for myself and reaching those goals to kind of prove to myself that I was capable. Once you do this, or at least when I did this, I became much more confident overall

- Try to act like it doesn't matter too much, because it really doesn't. Realistically, there are thousands of other girls like the exact fucking one that you're talking to. So try to just remain pretty stoic when you're talking. Don't treat her like a princess but also don't treat her like shit. It should be happy medium that makes the conversation feel natural and authentic 

- If you walk up to some girl and start talking to her, try to act like she's been your long time friend. Like seriously just talk to the girl like you're known her for years, just ran into each other, and now you're catching up. This really has helped me a ton. It just makes me feel so much more fluent in conversation, like im not pushy but im also not shy

- Get to love yourself. This one is for sure difficult but try and find something that you're good at. It could be anything from a sport to fucking basket weaving. But once you figure out what you're good at, you can build that up and become proud of yourself - hopefully this could help build up some confidence and self esteem

- Lastly, treat yourself. Do nice things for yourself. I don't entirely mean speaking thousands of dollars on clothes to make yourself feel better, but don't neglect the fact that everyone needs to treat themselves to something fun/nice/exciting every once in a while. Go get a nice new haircut, get a manicure, get a massage, nice clothes, dinner, really whatever you think of

Hopefully this is helpful, I kind of ran out of ideas but I've done a lot of these things to try and build up self esteem / confidence and they really worked for me - just be receptive to the idea of changing and I think you'll be in a great place! Good Luck!

Sep 19, 2021 - 12:40am

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