How do you deal with regret?
Maybe because its getting close to Christmas time but I (as I'm sure like most) always find myself more reflective come the end of the year.
I am incredibly blessed with a financially stable, great family living in a fantastic country. I also am ridiculously fortunate to say I have no physical or mental ailments of any kind. What I'm trying to get at is simply: I know how great I have it and I am eternally grateful for it. That being said, I can't help but feel some regret for decisions I've made in my life. Sometimes I feel I chose the wrong major, wrong school, made less than optimal decisions surrounding friends, girls, you name it. Nothing I don't think is out of the ordinary, nor is major or illegal, but nevertheless, it is weird to think about things you've done knowing that you can't change any of it and that some of those decisions you'll carry for life. Obviously you try to make adjustments to make sure you minimize those mistakes as you move forward, but there are always those that you can't do anything about.
So that brings me to my question - how do you deal with regret?
Not from the perspective of "help me", but more from "I'm curious to see what others say".
It isn’t possible to live life without some regret. I always try to remember that when I get the feelings you described. No matter which path you go down, you’ll have thoughts about other roads you might have taken.
My life as a whole, is a better than the sum of its parts - if that makes sense. Yes, there were things I wish I did, might have made life easier. Yet, I can’t go back and change it,I sometimes have moments like this and use it to reflect on past mistakes and come to a conclusion that I’ll make a better choice in the future.
Your life will go the way it goes, you control the things you can and have to deal with everything you can’t. This means you will have goals you’ll never reach, things you wanted, you’ll never have (this includes people as well). You have to accept that. I hope I don’t sound like a defeatist. I’m not. Keep going, make the best choices you can make and come what may.
The key for me is to acknowledge shortcomings and bad decisions, or just situations that could have gone either way, but not dwell on them. It is useful to reflect on both the decision and the outcome when it can serve as a guide for a current situation, but it is not healthy to dwell on the past. All you can do is move forward, live the life that you have, and try to make the best choices you can going forward.
I just go jack off. You have this feeling of sin and regret after jerking off, and it kinda offsets your actual regret. Works every time.
You feel sinful and regretful after jacking off? Every time I’ve jacked off, I’ve felt relieved. Other times I felt thankful I didn’t make a horrible decision.
this is my mindset for ALL things, but especially regret. acknowledge what you regret. then start asking "so what" over and over and over and over again. you will find that most of the time your regrets are surface level but they're digging at some deep seated idea that you are underachieving because of some past decisions. while that may be true, what's a better way to improve your achievement: regret, or action?
when you do this reflection and acknowledge your demons, you will find that your regrets are completely out of your control and that more often than not the best action you can take is to get on the path of self improvement (and that comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes). you cannot change what you majored in or where you went to school, so it is a waste of time lamenting that decision. you can, however, acknowledge that a potential gap in your education is limiting your advancement (maybe, I'm just guessing here) and then construct a path to closing that gap.
acknowledging your woes is important, but that's a minor step. if you take action, the only regret you'll have is that you didn't start sooner. you'll be left with victory or defeat, and both are fine, but inaction is never fine.
good luck, feel free to ask more questions, I love this kinda shit.
I don’t have enough points to vote, but really appreciated this.
always happy to help. thanks for your kind words
Any book recommendations for self improvement? What books/ blogs/ videos or podcast did you use to develop a strong and positive mindset?
I could go on for days about self improvement. the short version is this - what kind of life is more fun to lead? one where you're just a passenger along for the ride, or one where you try to be all you can be, even if you fail? I've read a ton of books but I can't say that's what did it. I get frustrated with my current circumstances a lot and then figure a way to improve it, and that distracts me until I either accomplish my goal or reach a brick wall that I'm unable/unwilling to bust through (like I'll never be able to hit my maximum lifting #'s while still doing a half marathon with sub 8 minute miles, I have to pick and choose). that, and surrounding myself with people who have a similar mindset and getting rid of the dead weight from my life that doesn't share this mindset (this includes friends, family, coworkers, various media, etc.).
my ultimate goal is to be the best version of myself, period. wherever that takes you depends on your priorities, but if that's how you approach life (rather than "what's the point?" views) then you're already on the path, you just need to act.
When making decisions / working / or pursuing any activity, I always ask myself what I would regret doing / not doing.
Thus, I don't usually have regrets about anything, because at the time I did my best and took the decision I perceived to be the best one at the time.
You're naturally going to regret everything to some extent (within reason) because of hindsight bias and knowing how it played out after the fact. Once I realized that I didn't really think of it anymore, you don't really deal with regret you just move on and learn from it.
For every Apple, there's an Enron.
For every Mercedes-Benz, there's a Saturn.
For every lonely person, there's a miserable couple.
For every rich person, there's a richer person.
For every poor person, there's a poorer person.
For every steak, there's ramen noodles.
In life, it's literally impossible to be on the winning side of everything, everytime. You will have successes and failures. People in general have a tendency to only share their successes and not their failures, so take what you see on social media with a grain of salt. Remember this and the failures don't feel nearly as bad.
MOST failures can be corrected. Didn't go to an ivy for undergrad? There's always grad school. Tired of eating ramen? Find a way to upgrade to steak. I went from driving a 1989 Ford Escort to my dream car of a Porsche 911 Turbo S. You can be jealous or motivated reading that, and your attitude will determine where you are and where you'll go. No one side it would be easy or cheap, but where there's a will, there's a way.
Capitalize on the momentum from successes and use failures for motivation, but be biased and always focus more on the former rather than the latter.
It is much more productive and rewarding to focus on the good stuff in life than to dwell on some bad stuff. I guess not going to an IVY was a regret for me but to compensate a bit I picked up a MBA from a good school and went through the CFA program. I probably could have made it to an IVY but my priorities as a kid were a little off and my family was not focused that much on education.
Do you think anyone regrets committing the time to the CFA. I doubt anyone would say it but I've seen plenty of charterholders get out of finance.
I am sure some of the ones who failed out of the program regret it. I do not know any CFA charterholders who regret studying for exams. I am sure there are some but I do not know any of them. A friend of mine who took the exams while she was a credit analyst ended up leaving the industry. Fortunately for her, her husband makes a lot of money. She has never expressed any regret about studying for the exams.
I honestly can say that I regret not working harder in high school and not being competitive enough for a target. I had the resources to do it but I was too fkin lazy. Now, I feel like the network or experience that I have is not as strong as it could be.
However, this provides fuel to consistently continue my education and connect with people that I admire. Maybe some guys from the good schools get complacent in that regard? Wouldn't know.
I also miss playing sports competitively and wished I BUSTED my ass in the weight room. Didn't know hard work until I saw some of the athletes train at my college.
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