How drunk is too drunk to hook up?

Serious question from a guy who has had way too much woke, college, #metoo culture thrown at me.  I feel like of all places wso would give me the most honest, no nonsense answer.

I was at a party last weekend talking to girls.  Then this one beautiful girl (probably an 8-9) went up to me and sparked a conversation with me.  We talked for a few minutes with minimal touching until her friends left (and she came with them), but I definitely think she was into me.  Problem is, she was drunk, which is why I didn't make a more aggressive move to try to make out/get with her (she had slurred speech, it wasn't like she was blacking out).  I have been told that "hooking up with a drunk girl is rape" by many people at my uni, and this has caused me to hesitate a little when talking to girls.  One time a few years ago, I made out at a party with this girl and afterwards my feminist 'friend' went up to me and was like "you assaulted her because she was drunk" even though she was perfectly conscious and she initiated it!!

But obviously this is a bunch of nonsense.  I would never manipulate a girl who is unconscious and unable to make decisions for herself.  But if she goes up to me and initiates, is it really an issue if she's drunk? I feel like a lot of drunk people want to get with someone- that's why everyone drinks at clubs and bars. What would you say the line should be between too drunk and ok to hook up with?

Thanks, and I'm sorry I am spamming the off topic board with another dating post, lmao :)

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Comments (50)

Aug 31, 2021 - 5:51pm

Maybe just go for a BJ

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Aug 31, 2021 - 6:40pm

Well the real answer is, is she crazy hot or hot crazy?  That will let you know where to draw the line.

Also don't be friends with feminists, problems solved.

Aug 31, 2021 - 7:09pm

puppydoge

Obviously you gotta start bringing documents of consent for all the girls at the party to sign before they drink.

I usually get a video consent and a photo of the ID before doing anything. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 1
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Aug 31, 2021 - 7:44pm

PaulTwodoorJones

If she can't give you some insight into the evolution of the market economy in the southern colonies, she's doneskies

I usually prefer them to recite the preamble to the Constitution during the BJ. If she's a real OG, she knows the words. "We the People" aka "Wugg tag puggg grgl grgl grgl"

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 2
  • Intern in HF - EquityHedge
Aug 31, 2021 - 7:43pm

Second this. Now 9.9/10 times, I am pretty blitzed but when a girl comes up to me obviously more drunk, it just kind of is a no-no even if she is aggressive. Save it for later

Two weekends ago I was hooking up with a girl and was trashed. I didn't even remember we actually had sex until she told me. Only thing I remembered was her saying why are you touching my butthole so much. Disclaimer: I hate butt hole stuff

Aug 31, 2021 - 7:47pm

Wow

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Sep 1, 2021 - 11:15am

Or the year 1200. Even if you are way more hammered than a girl, if she claims you assaulted her because she's being slut shamed or whatever, then you're done.

Guys, walk away from drunk girls. If she simply gets shamed by her friends, she can ruin your life. Even if you were more drunk.

Always walk away. The court system is stacked against guys, so you'll 99% lose no matter what you say. You have a career in finance to worry about, where every indiscretion is reported publicly via broker check.

  • Associate 1 in HF - Other
Aug 31, 2021 - 10:18pm

To either you & her: If you/she puke during sex, then you're/she's too drunk to hook up.

Otherwise it's okay. Just go ahead and fuck the bitch.

Sep 1, 2021 - 5:09am

Just make sure, as others have said here, that she's not too drunk to comprehend what's going on and that you at least confirm verbally that you're tryna hook up and if that all good. If it feels off and that she's too drunk to comprehend what's happening, it's a good move to back off and not keep going.

  • 1
Sep 1, 2021 - 5:58am

Imagine you have a daughter whom you love more than any other person in the whole world. She's at a party and is inebriated. At what point on that spectrum do you think that if she were to have sex with someone else, that it would be taking advantage or exploitative? Answer this question, and you'll have your answer to the first.

Sep 1, 2021 - 6:58pm

This point was not lost on me when I wrote this, and I'm glad you brought it up. I didn't make the tall ask just to make the tall ask; I did so because I believe it's the only way to come to a true understanding on this. As long as one focuses solely on themselves in this situation, their mind will be clouded by self-interest (surely this is okay. I really want to do this). The solution is to imagine someone you care about as the counterparty in your situation. Only then can you put self-interest aside and come to a truer understanding.

Sep 1, 2021 - 7:01pm

An excellent point. The goal of the exercise was to prevent one's judgment from being clouded by self-interest. Replace the daughter for a friend, or some other woman for whom you want only the best. It's easy to rationalize immoral behavior when you think only in terms of its benefits to you.

* For the record, my religious views make me a teetotaler and against premarital sex.

Most Helpful
Sep 1, 2021 - 8:08am

I know someone personally whose son got hit with aggravated rape in this exact same scenario, he's now a registered sex offender and likely fucked forever (and that's getting off easy). If she's inebriated, you likely are too so there's a couple of things that could fuck you

1. she changes her mind and says she didn't consent

2. you were inebriated enough to not understand whether or not she gave consent

In my opinion, it's not a favorable trade. That said, it happens, let's be honest, alcohol is the social lubricant of the world, but be careful out there. I think there's little harm in making out, so just start there and see where it goes. If you're making out and she's grabbing your cock or trying to take off your clothes, well that'd be pretty hard to turn down, just be sure she actually has her wits about her (eyes open, clear speech, can walk on her own, etc.).

Alcohol is likely the reason you and I were both conceived, so I'm not going to act all high and mighty and say you shouldn't ever consider fucking when you're drunk, but you gotta be smart. Don't do it if it's a totally new group of people, you don't know their level of chill. Don't do it if you have to convince her. Don't do it if you're unsure. And finally, this has so many other benefits but here too, have a wingman who share your values/fears about this kinda shit. A bro that will come up to you and say "hey man, I wouldn't, she's pretty drunk and I saw her flirting with literally every guy in the group across the bar," or "hey man everybody's staring at you guys on the dance floor, chill out a bit, get her number and take this elsewhere," because sometimes you are so consumed with hormones and the excitement of getting laid that your judgment is shit.

Or, you could just always pay for sex then it doesn't matter how fucked up you get!

just trying to live like Hunter S Thompson

  • 8
Sep 1, 2021 - 9:35pm

I had a friend in high school that had a cabin in the mountains at Big Bear California and about 15 of us all went up to stay at his cabin.

There was one girl who was the hottest chick by far, but she was really prude and never put out with anyone. She had a few drinks and my friend ended up banging her that night in the master bedroom. Everyone knew they had sex and she was embarrassed. Then she started saying "maybe he took advantage of me" which was total BS as she gave consent. She didn't press charges or anything, but it definitely put a stink on the whole situation and I know my friend would have never taken advantage of a girl and she was just embarrassed to give up being so prude. I lost respect for her that night as I think it was unfair for her to say that. It just wasn't true. The girls on the trip empathized with her, but the guys talked to my friend who said it was definitely consensual and there was a sort of divide for the rest of the trip.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 4
  • Intern in IB - Cov
Sep 1, 2021 - 6:05pm

I'm probably alone on this, but when I'm drunk, I usually have a lower sex drive. Tipsy sex is ideal imo

Sep 1, 2021 - 9:37pm

I'm probably alone on this, but when I'm drunk, I usually have a lower sex drive. Tipsy sex is ideal imo

Yeah you're definitely alone on this. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 3
Sep 2, 2021 - 12:15pm

I had drunk hookups and the last time in April I got invited to drink at the bar with 2 girls, of course 1 was hotter than the other (8/10 and a 6.5/10). The hot one insisted on so many shots and covering my drink to only go home with the 6.5 and she was petite and tall so she was hammered. From there we went back to my place and made out as soon as we stepped into my apartment and had horrible sex and she puked on my bed and knocked out. I went to my other bedroom and slept on my bean bag bc I didn't want her to stay the night but I didn't want to be accused of some weird shit either. Plus I did help her clean up, she was barely there after she puked, but before it all happened getting to my place and all, she was fine. So i'd say maybe try to measure how well she carries herself when drunk and does she drink alot too bc some girls just don't know how to handle liquor same with guys. But it was a big turn off and i never talked to her again. 

Sep 2, 2021 - 7:47pm

I'm so glad I went to college when I did (ie. before all this woke nonsense).
 

The (shitty, dystopian) future is now.

The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.
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Sep 6, 2021 - 3:18pm

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  • Intern in IB - Gen
Sep 6, 2021 - 4:09pm

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