How Flex Seal Saved My Career...
Hi Everybody,
One can say that I took an unorthodox route in my career. I got my job just like everyone else, I networked tirelessly and ended up getting lucky at a BB. During my first year with the firm, I wasn't necessarily the best analyst, actually far from it. I couldn't keep up with the Ivy kids and felt like I was getting swallowed up by my work and trying to balance that with my everyday life. During the start of my second year, it was the same old story, although I was improving slightly, I still couldn't figure out the concept of time value of money (you guys know how problematic that could be). I was stagnating in terms of career advancement, I knew IB was a hopeless route for me.
It was a cold winter night in the city, me and a few analysts decided to go out after work to get some drinks. Long story short I got trashed. I remember waking up the next morning and turning my TV on to watch SPIKE TV, but forgot how that channel is now overrun by infomercials. That's when I first saw him: Phil Swift. For those of you who do not know Phil Swift, he is the fabled brain behind Flex Seal. The infomercial turned a light on in my head, and I've never looked back since. The next day before work, I got up and went to a hardware store nearby and picked up a can of Flex Seal. In all honesty, I'm not sure why I bought it, but I am pretty sure it has something to do with Phil Swift's impeccable charisma in his infomercials. Naturally, I bring the can of Flex Seal with me to work.
The day was fast paced, we had a bunch of deals that were close to closing and I was being berated by the directors in my group because I still had no idea how to navigate PowerPoint efficiently. I felt worthless. All of the sudden, fate struck me. My MD threw a temper tantrum and threw his chair across his office, shattering a lot of essential working parts of the chair, and destroying a pitchbook we needed for one of our clients. I realized that this was my moment to finally do something helpful in the office, and I just so happened to have a can of Flex Seal on me. I ran into his office, not making eye contact or exchanging any words with him. I just went to town on his chair with the Flex Seal. It was poetry in motion, I put together that chair just like Phil Swift taught me on the infomercial. My boss was in awe, but still frustrated that the pitchbook was destroyed. I assured him that the highbrow Phil Swift thought about that scenario when creating his product. I quickly created a binding with the Flex Seal Extra-Strength spray to bind together the pitchbook, and my MD still had 5 minutes to spare. He was thankful, and assured me that my work would not go unnoticed.
I ended up losing my job, when I was using the Flex Seal to bind the pitchbook together, my lack of attention to detail failed to pick up on that I completely sealed the pages in a random order. Needless to say the client was disgruntled and stormed out of the office.
But this story has a happy ending. I now do freelance repairs on craigslist where I fix peoples stuff for them, solely using Flex Seal. As a side hustle, I make art with Flex Seal and sell them at local galleries. I hope this was entertaining and helpful for you guys.
I can't tell if this is some kind of nihilistic copypasta or if you just sat down and typed this. Either way I hate you.
weird Flex but ok
its fine - its all fine
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3/10 not worth reading.
They can't say the safe word if their mouth is sealed shut with FLEX SEAL
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I can't wait to see where your account goes
can't believe people actually waste their time typing up shit like this.
can’t believe you haven’t FLEX SEALED your mouth shut All glory and power and honor be to our loving father Phil Swift
Today I think I’m gonna coat, seal, protect & stop leaks fast, or should I brush, roll, drip & pour or maybe I’ll caulk, bond, seal & repair or instantly stop leaks and bond, seal and repair virtually everything! What are you gonna #flexon today?
The cadence here is vaguely familiar.......
tl;dr
Honestly I feel bad for this guy. He wasn't smart enough to figure out that there are other areas of finance that pay shitloads more than what he's making right now, and that are actually enjoyable.
I haven't found too much in finance to be enjoyable. Do tell... what are the parts in finance that are?
Asset management. You get the best of both worlds. You get to meet with clients and you get to trade. What could be better?
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