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1) Your age - depending what you can afford/what's appropriate for age-group 2) Her age - her level of expectations are different 3) Date type - dinner, movie, drinks, other event 4) What you're looking for - potential girlfriend or just hook up
If you drop a lot of money on a first date, you are setting a high bar and expectations. Maybe you want her to like you for you or maybe you just want to show off your "status." If you refer to a previous thread, one particular woman was turned-off by the guy flaunting money and only referring to how expensive the date was. Be subtle.
I would suggest meeting for drinks on a Thursday night. Drinks are preferrable to dinner or movies because of the timing. If things are not going well, you are stuck at dinner/movie for 2 hours. Drinks have an easy out. Weekend dates are reserved for more serious dates.
What type of first date costs $200?
I've had many dates that cost $200 or more, even outside New York. If you order a nice bottle of wine and add tax and tip, you're already halfway there. During my summer internship I was hanging out at the bar at Babbo and a guy asked me to have dinner with him. We ordered a Supertuscan along with primi, secondi, a salad, cheese, dessert, and port. It came to nearly $400. In contrast, I took my fiance there on my own dime and we got out for just a hair over $200 (because we were trying to keep it fairly low).
In New York, it's really tough to have a nice meal with your date for under $200. If you just order an entree and a drink, you can get out of there for less, but that's not the point when you're on a date, right? We actually hashed that out on this board about a year ago. Turned out that a lot of people on this board at that time a) tried to stiff people on tips and b) tried to skimp on the full experience when they go out to nice restaurants.
Now, the latter is fine (if pretty lame), but I want to give a little PSA about the former just in case I might have a chance to alter some young person's point of view.
Waitstaff are frequently people in pretty desperate straits. They never know if they will be able to make rent, very few have access to health care insurance, and they're on their feet all day and all night serving (and working for) some of the world's biggest assholes. Yes, you have to tip them. Always. Yes, it should be at least 15% even in a nice restaurant, but those in the industry and those in the know rarely go below 18% (or, if you're like me, 20%). Yes, that means you're dropping $30 and $40 tips on bigger tabs sometimes. If you can afford to run up big tabs, you can afford to tip on them properly. If you run up a thousand-dollar tab, you need to tip around two hundred.
The last thing you should do is look at a $200 tab and go "Ouch! I had no idea her top-shelf drinks cost that much. Well... any waiter would be happy with a twenty-dollar tip, right? And he didn't actually have to DO anything to those drinks; those came from the bar." Reality flash: he's got to tip out his bartender and bus staff based on those drinks, which happens out of his pocket, whether or not you tip him for them.
Finally, if you think the meal was crappy and are about to stiff the waiter on the tip, think back and try hard not to let a kitchen fuckup, a hostess fuckup, a menu fuckup, or a restaurant-design fuckup affect your tip. Talk to the manager if things went badly wrong and you want something comped, but don't take it out on the waiter if it isn't his fault. The waitstaff of the world will thank you.
The rest of the world don't tip, except in exceptional circumstances.
Omfg. This again goes to show how full of shit Mis Ind is. Research on tipping has clearly demonstrated that waiters typically make MORE than people in other professions that require similar skills and education (see http://people.cornell.edu/pages/wml3/pdf/Business_Considerations_Tippin…).
Also, for those of you who haven't figured out yet: Mis Ind is in HR, NOT in a front office position at her PWM firm (same as with her previous employer). This lady is a serious pathological liar...
You need to know the person agreed. I generally favor dinner over drinks, but that's just me. I can see both arguments.
Thing is I generally like sushi as a date and a bottle of sake or two gets you to the $200 level quickly.
But obviously it's not a question of 'look, i'm spending money' more that I'll take girls to the sort of place I'd be going to anyway.
As a girl, when I did drink, I didn't mind going to a nice lounge for drinks as long as it wasn't too loud or too ghetto. Now that I don't drink, it kind of leaves it open as to what to do. If a guy asks me what he wants to do after he suggests drinks and I say that I don't drink, I usually suggest pool. That way we are doing something and he can drink and we can still have a nice chat.
********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********
Alright, I'll bite. No booze?
pool is fun and low key.
I don't drink nor do drugs. I'm on medication that wouldn't work as well if I drank.
Plus it's much healthier!
********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********
Medication huh ..? it figures..
"During my summer internship I was hanging out at the bar at Babbo and a guy asked me to have dinner with him. We ordered a Supertuscan along with primi, secondi, a salad, cheese, dessert, and port. It came to nearly $400. In contrast,"
I like the way you play the game. Not that into Babbo myself, but one of my brokers loves it.
"Finally, if you think the meal was crappy and are about to stiff the waiter on the tip, think back and try hard not to let a kitchen fuckup, a hostess fuckup, a menu fuckup, or a restaurant-design fuckup affect your tip. Talk to the manager if things went badly wrong and you want something comped, but don't take it out on the waiter if it isn't his fault. The waitstaff of the world will thank you."
The meal itself sure, but I have no problems dinging them for crap service.
Jimbo
My friend once did not tip at all at that comfort diner place on 23rd. This is because he ordered eggs, easy over (which is basically like sunny side up), they came out scrambled. The waiter did not want to return it. He ate the scrambled eggs, and we left without giving him a tip. The waiter saw the bill where you leave the cc tip, and he just crumpled it in disgust.
Another time, at Dallas BBQ, we ate and it was the busboy who was helping us out and not our waiter. So we tipped the busboy the appropriate amount, and did not leave a tip for the waiter. He CHASED us as we were walking out. We were both so drunk so we were just walking away saying that the bill was correct! Oh man was that guy angry. These incidences happened with my same friend both times who for some reason, likes to tip based on the service.
********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********
Jimbo, with the kind of girls 'we' date, $200 is sending the wrong message. If she isn't happy shooting the breeze with a laugh or two, send her back to where she came from.
you are probably right....i should make her cook actually =)
Jimbo
If she really likes you... a girl will want to cook for you. Just remember, AT LEAST OFFER TO HELP IN THE KITCHEN OR BRING A BOTTLE OF WINE!!! LOL :-)
A great I had earlier this year, cost less than $100... we went bowling and made a meal out of numerous appetizers and had a few beers. Easy breezy. We both stunk at bowling, but who cares. We wore t-shirts and jeans, were being pretty laid back, no pretenses. Just a nice time.
In comparison I had this amazing $250 meal at "Mr Chow" in Beverly Hills recently. It was awesome. But if I could re-do one date again it would be bowling vs. Mr. Chow. Just some insight that sometimes a modest evening goes a LONG way.
Of course it's easy to get over $200 on a dinner bill.
This original thread is about how much to spend on a first or second date.
I've had guys take me on $400 meals and I've had guys take me on $50 dates. I usually like the $50-$100 dates for the first couple of dates, though $50 is prolly more accurate. This is because I found that the guys who spent more money were obsessed with making me 1. know that they had money 2. trying to win me over. Like an expensive meal is going to do that. I am a foodie though, and enjoyed myself, though not for any romantic reasons. It ended up feeling awkward and strained on my part, though I did put my best foot forward.
********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********
wow you people really enjoy yourselves. I've spent around 200 on dinner for 2 people maybe 2 times, and never over that
first- one year gf anniv second- best friend moving away to a diff city
You're obviously a tight-fisted schmuck then... Go EAT A NICE STEAK AND ORDER A HUNDRED DOLLAR BOTTLE OF WINE....... IT WILL MAKE YOU A BETTER PERSON. Why? You can spend the money, know it was a little indulgent...and pat yourself on the back for not being so concerned. Why? You're going to make a ton of money? Sometimes you;ve got to be willing to spend some $ to have a variety of 'different' experiences.
Alot of what Ms. Ind is saying adheres to a basic point: If you're so stuck on money all the time, it takes the fun out of things.
It's definitely easy to spend at least $200 (if not $300) on dinner...You're not going to get anywhere though, unless it's part of who you are and the girl is cool with who you are...if you and your buds are more likely to only spend $25/person, then why should you act any differently w a girl...
$50, maybe $70 tops. That's $100-$140 for the two of us obviously, since we'd split all the bills.
Har har.
********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********
don't you get tired of the dinner routine?
i would rather order some food in and relax at my place.
If I'm paying more than $75, all inclusive, for a meal, it better be a special occasion. At 22 years old, I don't feel entitled to eating out or having steak on a regular basis, and neither should the girl. Besides, I think people try harder to be "classy" eaters than eating something they enjoy. My favorite restaurant? TGI Fridays. Its pasta and chicken is amazing, far better than any $30+ meal I could ever buy. It is the restaurant of choice for my girlfriend and I on special occasions because we both love it so much.
Not to target you Jimbo, but I hope the $200 you are paying for a meal is because you love the experience and atmosphere, not the food. Of course, we are on very different income scales (I haven't even received my first bonus yet!), so things are relative.
Wow I just went on a complete tangent and missed my point altogether.
P.S:. Waiters are overpaid. I worked at a decent restaurant and people were pulling in $20 - $25 an hour (sometimes $30+) while still in college. That is actually pretty great earnings considering they weren't reporting half of it!
"Not to target you Jimbo, but I hope the $200 you are paying for a meal is because you love the experience and atmosphere, not the food. Of course, we are on very different income scales (I haven't even received my first bonus yet!), so things are relative."
I'm usually more about the food actually.
In that case, you are very much like my brother who always appears to pick his meal based on the right-most column of a menu and not the left.
I guess it pays off for me to have cheap taste
Depends what you mean by 'pays off'...
I'm all about spending for value. There is considerable pickup, in my experience in upgrading from 75 dollar meals to the 200ish type of range. I get a lot of value out of it. So I have no problems spending on it. I also get taken out to dinner a decent amount so I wind up spending nothing on those nights.
I have a friend who buys a new car every few years. For me that'd be insane (my car is nearly 10 years old), but he gets a lot of his car, and it's completely worth it to him. Different people, different preferences.
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