Comments (66)

Feb 7, 2018

i try to give half of what i earn to them.

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Feb 7, 2018

Doesn't this impair your personal life to quite a large extent if the portion is so large?

Feb 7, 2018

Same here, it covers the mortgage payments.

Best Response
Feb 7, 2018

Speaking from the other side of the issue, as a parent, I require my college-aged son to pay for his auto insurance and chip in for his share of cell phone service, but as long as he is doing what he needs to do to further his cause, I don't want his money. In fact, little does he know, but I take the money he gives each month and place it into a savings account which I intend to give back to him upon graduation, or afterwards, when it's time for him to buy his own home.

Some families need the children to pay for their share. We are fortunate enough not to be in that position. However, it is imperative to impart responsibility on kids while they are still amenable to learning. I've seen it over and over again, where parents spoil their kids their entire life, then the kid turns 18 and goes to school, and all of a sudden the parents begin placing requirements on the kid to pay for certain things, and to budget their money.

Although the kid should be old enough and mature enough to see the need, they resist because they've never had to do it before. This is one instance where I think parents cripple their kids. Responsibility cannot be avoided your entire life. The sooner a young person learns to take responsibility, the better off they will be. These parents who think they're doing their children a favor are actually doing them a grave disservice.

Feb 7, 2018

I completely understand and would be happy to contribute. I've been financially independent since graduating from high school and have paid my entire tuition and all my expenses for quite a while.

I honestly wouldn't even blink an eye if I needed to pay everything for my parents (insurance, phone bills, utilities, any ad hoc expenses), but from what I've heard from my peers (and also some subtle hints from my parents), 10-15% of my monthly salary seems to be a starting point on how much money to contribute to the family.

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Feb 7, 2018

inhope,

It is admirable that you feel compelled to help your parents, and if you're an adult who has moved back home, or never left, then by all means you should be contributing to the cause. These days, food alone is an incredibly big expense if you're being fed good quality, healthy food. And, if you're being fed by a mom who is cooking and cleaning for you, then I would submit to you that 10% should be a starting point.

Have no idea the particulars of your situation, or your parents for that matter. I am simply speaking for my bride and I (but know many other parents do feel the same) that we ultimately want our children to become completely self-sufficient, healthy, happy, and that they find a job that suits their needs. Perhaps a sit-down with your parents, with a plan already constructed, that you plan on staying with them for X more months/years, while saving Y each month in order to be able to move out and live on my own.

As I had drilled into me: plan your work and work your plan. Good luck

Feb 7, 2018

That's a pretty solid idea. I'd even consider giving it back at college graduation or for the new first home, as they are probably a lot more mature and responsible by then. I wouldn't want them or anyone else to get the silver spoon impression.

Feb 7, 2018

Hey dad, it's me. I was wondering if I could get that money now? I'm trynna go on a spring break rager to Cancun at the end of March.

Feb 7, 2018

good father

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

Feb 7, 2018

Why the hell does everyone on WSO act like their parents live in trailer park in Kansas and now that they've "made it" in IB, they have an obligation to send dear old mom and pop a monthly check? I have never even considered giving my parents money. They didn't pay for my education or buy me a car. They provided me with food and shelter for 18 years (i.e. raised a child). Why do they deserve a portion of my salary?

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Feb 7, 2018

People don't feel "obligated" to send money/gifts to their parents -- it's more likely out of gratitude for XYZ reason. I pay for my parent's phone bill and various other expenses not because I feel obligated, but from my gratefulness of them raising me and putting up with me through the years. This is my choice, not out of force.

The point that dm100 made is spot on. You want to raise your kids to be responsible and accountable early on, so that they realize and acknowledge the value of money and the effort it takes to obtain XYZ.

You better get that chip off your shoulder and show some love to your parents before you regret it. I promise you, God forbid something happens (knock on wood), you are going to wish you were there for them physically or financially.

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Feb 7, 2018

Don't get me wrong, if I suddenly came into a lot of money, my parents would be one of the first people I would share it with. But as it stands, I'm not making considerably more than they do, so it would be absurd for me to give them money.

I just don't get the general sentiment that everyone on here makes more than their parents.

Also, it's not a chip, but economic reality. Why would someone with less money give money to some with more money?

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Feb 7, 2018

I think I forgot to mention that I come from an Asian family where these things are a lot more common. Both my parents have retired but my father has quite a large monthly pension from the government, even though a huge portion of this is used in repaying debt that he accumulated quite irresponsibly.

Feb 7, 2018

what historical event facilitated this expectation in your culture?

Feb 7, 2018

Nail on the head. My parents together still make significantly more than I do. All that has changed is that I pay for my own car insurance and I treat them to dinner every now and then. What's my money going to do that they can't already do themselves?

Feb 7, 2018

Well dsch, you ungrateful little shit, I never interpreted any post on the thread as if any of these young people's parents live in a trailer park and ate cat food to send their kids to school.

My impression was that the majority of these people are grateful for what they have, who their parents are, who their parents helped shape them to be, who put a roof over their heads, fed, clothed, insured, held and loved them when they needed it. You reduce it to an 18-year obligation that two individuals must fulfill because they chose to have intercourse one night 18 years ago. How damned shallow! I hope like hell you make a million a year and are just as miserable of a fuck as you come off as being with one post.

For all the parents out there who sacrificed their entire lives in order to give their children a better life than they had, dsch, go fuck yourself!

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN GO THROUGH OLD THREADS TO THROW SHIT, LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I ACTUALLY MADE AMENDS TO dsch ON A SEPARATE THREAD WHERE I MADE MENTION OF THE FACT THAT, EVEN THOUGH I DISAGREED WITH HIS PREMISE, REGARDLESS, I HAD NO RHYME NOR REASON TO SAY WHAT I SAID. THAT IS NOT WHO I AM AND I'VE BEEN UPSET WITH MYSELF SINCE I SENT IT. I ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE DRAWN INTO A DISCUSSION THAT I SHOULD HAVE STAYED OUT OF, BUT HAVE SOME STRONG POSITIONS WHICH I SOMETIMES ALLOW MY MOUTH TO WRITE A CHECK MY BUTT SHOULDN'T HAVE TO CHECK.

SO, AGAIN, dsch, regardless of our differences in opinions, my apologies for using profanity and overreacting to your opinion. We are all afforded the opportunity to have one without being ostracized. My mistake.

Now I consider the case closed, Wish you well regardless of our differences.

Feb 8, 2018

Because they want to act like they are rich or something.

Doubt most parts would accept money from their kids, it embarrassing..

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Feb 9, 2018

Why is it embarrassing? It's a gift and an expression of gratitude.

If the parents don't need the money, they probably accept it just like they would accept any other gift from their children. If the parent's actually need the financial help, then that's all the more reason to accept it.

I know that different cultures view money, love, and responsibility in different ways, but I don't see why it would make sense for parents to be embarrassed of receiving money from their kids,

Growing up in America, I understand the general stigma against relying on the charity of others, and, as far as I'm aware, that stigma stems from the individualistic notion that anyone can get to where they need to be based on his or her own merits. I believe that while that mentality might leave us a bit more guarded, it does push us to be more resourceful, self sufficient, and strong. But, I mean, come on, this is between parents and their children. Extending that same blanket mentality to relationships between individuals in a nuclear family goes a bit too far. If you can't accept help without feeling ashamed from your parents or children, who can you accept help from?

There's no shame is accepting help of any kind, especially if its offered by those who genuinely care about you.

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Feb 22, 2018

Because not everyone was born with a silver spoon in their mouth. If you were raised by a single parent in very, very modest conditions, you'd realize that this isn't merely an expression of gratitude - one carries this responsibility as there is rarely any other alternative.

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Feb 7, 2018

Instead of giving them a monthly "stipend," this year I will pay off their house (not a large amount) and send them to Mexico for a week. They wouldn't take my money unless it achieved a specific goal and even then, I am worried they won't take it.

Instead of being in IB, I got lucky with Crypto and will be taking a very small portion of that to give back. I plan on making their later years comfortable, but my parents will never stop working. They don't have it in them to sit still, so I am not worried about their monthly/annual bills as much as their quality of life.

Feb 7, 2018

Good for you. Sharing is much more fulfilling than hording it. And even better for you to realize that trying to shove money at them is not the real answer. Work can be much more than just a four letter word.

Feb 7, 2018

I don't think there's any sense in sending your parents a monthly check, unless they absolutely need it to cover living expenses etc. A much better idea in my view would be to pay for holidays or experiences, which you can then share with them.

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Feb 7, 2018

I come from an Asian family so its something that everyone tends to do (hell, we actually even have a phrase for children giving parents money regularly).

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Feb 7, 2018

I agree

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Feb 7, 2018

When I chose to bring a child into this world I'll endow them with more than I was endowed with and that'll be my way of paying it forward. Fuck paying it backward, I don't believe in that one bit.

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Feb 7, 2018

I give my parents $0/month. They didn't pay a penny for me since age 17. Not a xmas gift, no housing, no food, no gas money, no tuition etc. I was forced out on my own. This taught me the world doesn't owe me anything. So now I fight this moral battle, that they're getting older, and they have no retirement. Part of me thinks, 'that's not my problem, they weren't there for me esp in the hard times, I have to save for my own future', other part of me thinks, 'bruh, that's your parents, you really gonna watch them suffer?'

Coming from a black family, my actions are extremely frowned upon by not helping the fam out. Again, they weren't there for me, but currently I'm the highest earner in my family, and I'm being called selfish. I'm working to save for my own future family and to retire early. I'm not willing to sacrifice that for people who discarded me, and didn't look out for their own future. Sorry for the rant, question struck a nerve

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Feb 8, 2018

When you get super rich, you should set them up with lavish gifts and housing just as a fuck you, to show how pitiful they were. Also, people would see you 'helping them out' and they'd have to act grateful. That's some payback I dream of.

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Feb 8, 2018

This is the exact kind of nice but still petty, passive aggressive revenge that I dream of.

Feb 7, 2018

Unfortunately, this is something they expect me to do. They'd be patting themselves on the back about what great a job they did raising such a son. Despite their arrogance, when I am super rich one day, I take care of them, after my own wife and kids are taken care of. I just have to figure out how I'm going to get to that point in my financial life

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Feb 9, 2018

it isnt a matter of reciprocity. that attitude will get you nowhere in life. Be a positive force because it's the right thing to do and it will make you feel better whether you realize it or not. I hate this post.

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Feb 9, 2018

That last sentence saved you from ms

Feb 22, 2018
hjohnny:

I give my parents $0/month. They didn't pay a penny for me since age 17. Not a xmas gift, no housing, no food, no gas money, no tuition etc. I was forced out on my own. This taught me the world doesn't owe me anything. So now I fight this moral battle, that they're getting older, and they have no retirement. Part of me thinks, 'that's not my problem, they weren't there for me esp in the hard times, I have to save for my own future', other part of me thinks, 'bruh, that's your parents, you really gonna watch them suffer?'

Coming from a black family, my actions are extremely frowned upon by not helping the fam out. Again, they weren't there for me, but currently I'm the highest earner in my family, and I'm being called selfish. I'm working to save for my own future family and to retire early. I'm not willing to sacrifice that for people who discarded me, and didn't look out for their own future. Sorry for the rant, question struck a nerve

My brotha.

Feb 7, 2018

110% of my love

Feb 7, 2018

My parents are minorities and grew up really poor in a village. It's a miracle they even made it to the U.S. They faced improbable odds, but they were able to send all their children to college. Seeing their children get a formal education was a dream come true for them. THAT was their crowning achievement. Think about that. I'm sure some folks here can relate.

Sorry, but I had to give that preface. Given the current stage of my career, I can comfortably give my parents $1000 / Month, give them ~20% of my pre-tax bonus at the end of the year, and take care of their vacation costs. I also told them they will never have to worry about finances for the rest of their lives and gave them the option to retire soon (once I get promoted). All of this to show how grateful I am, but in reality I will never be able to pay them back. They sacrificed their entire lives so I can have the opportunity I have today (an opportunity they never had) instead of having to be a farmer like the many generations before them.

I know everyone's situation is different, but generally speaking if you have decent parents that supported you along the way, why would you not give back to them? Some kids I know that graduated with well paying IB jobs don't give any money to their parents because they claim that they have to pay down their school debt, but then go on to derail their argument by living in a $2500 / month luxury apartment. Not saying that you have to give them a lot, but a just a little something to show gratitude goes a long way.

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Feb 7, 2018

Im sure your parents are very proud of you, good on you

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

Feb 7, 2018

If my parents ever needed support i would be there. Plan on helping them a lot as they age. Financially they should always be fine with their own savings but i would like to do thing like helping them around the house and taking them out for different experiences/trips in their older years.

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Feb 8, 2018

Same here. To add to that- I get to visit the rents about once a week, and they'd always pay for a meal. I used to feel guilty since I can easily afford it myself, and felt like I was using them. When I finally talked to them, they said how much they like being able to do it, and it makes them proud. Makes sense to me, I'd love to take my full grown son out to dinner as he continues to grow later in life, so for now I just show them my gratefulness in other ways.

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Feb 7, 2018

My dad makes significantly more money than I do. I'm still very very poor compared to them. @FWU my parents upbringing is similar

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Feb 7, 2018

Completely understand. Your dad doesn't need money, but something thoughtful like taking him on a spontaneous fishing expedition or a spontaneous vacation to a place he's never been will give him unforgettable moments to cherish. He will always have that story to tell his co-workers and friends!

Feb 7, 2018

Agreed, I'm very happy to spend good money on a gift or a trip for my parents.

Feb 7, 2018

I've been paying my own rent utilities, phone etc. since graduation. My sister is in grad school and I pay for her needs every now and again.

Feb 8, 2018

I understand that cultural differences drive the question at hand, and everybody comes from a different socioeconomic background but I don't think that the premise here applies to most of us coming from Western countries.

My parents own several properties, several cars, and are 100% debt free with a sizeable nest egg for retirement, and managed to do this with middle class 9-5 jobs. Granted they are more frugal than the average, but their generation in most of the western world had it significantly easier than ours in terms of obtaining financial security.

While obviously there are some exceptions, I don't think that on average there would be much of a pragmatic case for children in entry or mid-level corporate jobs to be paying stipends to their parents.

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Feb 8, 2018

Some serious ingrates on this forum. Jesus Christ.

Feb 8, 2018

I currently give 0% to my family. Both my mum and dad make at least double of what I bring home a year and I can not find any reason for why I should provide for them.

Also - this seems to be mostly an American thing. None of my undergrad/postgrad friends in Britain does this, as far as I know.

Feb 22, 2018

Will, don't lie. You send $150k to your parents to "keep them going".

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Feb 8, 2018

Dude, this was pre-Lehman. I also had to cut back on my entertainment budget and I only spent $38.260 on hookers, booze and dancers last year.

God, I miss 2006.

Feb 16, 2018

Mine make multiples of what I do and have assets to live on while my net worth is still negative. I'll take the family out to dinner when I visit home, but a monthly stipend? Not about to happen, barring extreme circumstances.

Feb 17, 2018

Not a specific amount. When they need, I give them according to their needs.

Feb 20, 2018

This is absurd.

Feb 22, 2018

This is a very interesting conversation, really shows some cultural differences. It's also a topic I've been thinking alot about lately.

My grandparents came to America DIRT poor and not speaking english. My dad was the middle of 9 children and first born in the US. Through good graces, my grandfather found pretty good work considering the circumstances. It was tough growing up for my father and aunts and uncles, but they all eventually lived a middle class life. Now my parents didn't go to college and still work 9-5 jobs. They provided a very comfortable middle class life for myself and siblings. We didnt have everything and had to take out some student loans, but had a very comfortable life. We now all have advanced college degrees and have achieved some sort of professional success.

Now my wife and I live in a nice house with 3 little boys and we're thinking about upgrading. It has me feeling torn. I don't NEED to upgrade our 3,000 square foot house, but it's not perfect for us (and we could easily afford something that suits our needs better). My wife and I combined probably make ~3x my parents and I'd gladly contribute to them monthly, but don't. My justification:
- I think my parents would be upset/insulted. They don't NEED more $, they live comfortably and certainly aren't asking for $. I'm not even sure that they'd use the money other than save for retirement (which I'd be fine with).
- I don't really want to get into a discussion with them on finances. If I tried to give them money they'd tell me to put it in a college fund (which we have), save for my retirement (which I do) or pay down my mortgage (which is paid off). It would get to the point where I'd have to say "Mom/Dad we make $X and we're fine" and I dont want that.
- I'd feel bad giving $ to my parents, but not my wife's parents. I love my wife's parents, but they're retired and have a vacation home....very different circumstances.

Where I'm at now is that I'll continue to buy them nicer gifts/experiences with my siblings (although still not lavish at all). They always say we spend too much and my mom gets a little bit upset occasionally, but this is what works for us. I assume this is similar for most in the US.

twitter: @CorpFin_Guy

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Feb 22, 2018
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Aug 4, 2018
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Feb 7, 2018
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What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.