How do you move away from people without hurting feelings or saying/doing anything regrettable? I'm in a friend group that I just don't FW anymore and I'm trying to sever myself slowly. I used to live with a few of them and moved out on my own, removed myself from group chats, don't hit them up on weekends, etc. I get shredded for my lack of effort but that's the point. Its almost easier to break up with a gf in this instance..
Always looking to connect with new interesting people while being proactive about removing myself from the less inspiring and depressing bunch.
Sounds like you're already doing it. THere's usually no need to cut and right sever a friendship, you slowly let it fade
If it's bothering you that much then tell them but otherwise do what you're doing and they won't care in a year
It happens naturally. Just keep doing what you're doing.
Tell them they are a bunch of losers and you only hang out with winners, if they want to become winners you can hang out with them again. This way they will need to improve themselves to be your friend. If they do, great if not you get what you want. This "I don't want to hurt anyones feelings" bullshit is for girls.
Just don't have the time or energy to create drama or play life coach. One example is that one guy's gf is HORRIBLE and so are her friends. Am I going to tell him to dump her? Nah.
You don't have to do anything. Just let them know why. If people improve themselves on their own they deserve recoginition for it. But you don't really need to worry about that. 90% of people don't do anything about.
Lol someone watched too many trump speeches
Hey guys, sorry about being flakey lately. We go way back and have had some awesome moments together, but to be honest I feel like life's been taking us in different directions. Not your guys' fault and I'm glad ya'll keep it real with me which is why I need to be real too and say that I want to find a circle of people that best fits who I want to become. I don't know what that circle looks like and part of my drive right now figuring that out. You don't have to support or understand but the least you deserve is my honesty.
I would just keep interacting less. From the time I graduated undergrad until I turned 26-ish, I really just separated from old friends naturally.
They still went to the same bars at home that we've been going to since college and were scared to leave our hometown and take a chance on life. I moved to NYC and just never really saw them.
Then, they grew up and got serious about shit and we started spending a bit more time together, which has been great.
It doesn't have to be official or weird, and I found it's nice to have a connection to your past when you need it.
I think there is a Seinfeld episode about this. Season 1 or 2.
There's a Seinfeld for everything, so I do not doubt this.
Side note, for anyone comparing Friends vs. Seinfeld (even the comparison is an insult in my eyes), how many Friends lines/scenes/concepts have made it into popular culture? One ("PIVOT!")? Two, maybe ("gum would be perfection")? Seinfeld has to have 10x as many.
"New phone - who dis?"
You don’t have to break up with friends - just let them fade away.
Slow fade, happens all the time
the curious paradox when you fade out is that people start to think youre doing some interesting shit and want to see what youre up to. ive been trying to shake some of my friends for over 10 years, they are nice guys sometimes, but we've just evolved differently. I always think about this when it comes to girls as well - imagining I got with a girl when young and matured like I am today - thank fuck I didnt let a girl trap me with a kid like some of my friends.
this has happened to me a couple of times. those drinking degenerates will hit you up until you stop coming out, and then at some point they'll be like "I never see you out anymore" and when being coy about it didn't work, you may have to say something like "well man to be direct, I'm not all that interested in going out like I used to in the old days, it's kinda hard to get up for a workout saturday morning if you're hungover, and I'd rather just read a book, watch a movie, or smoke a nice cigar and get to bed at a reasonable hour. I'll for sure rip it up like the old days when one of the boys has a bachelor party, but I'm kinda tired of that scene"
I don’t burn a bridge, if possible.
Just tell them you cannot hangout as much due to work/life and eventually you won’t talk, but they will be there for you.
You never know if you’re out of a job and need friends who weren’t just “network material”.
As an expert in breaking up with friends, just stop talking to them and I promise you, you will lose them pretty quickly.
Thank you. All good advice here and think that this will just naturally phase out as a few of you discuss. Agree that its not worth sounding like a dick head and burning bridges.
Separate topic but feel like in the last 2 years I've lost more friends than gained and maybe that's why I'm still hanging around this group. I know I just need to stay proactive about nurturing good friendships but don't have the energy/enthusiasm that I used to (and that rips me up). There are several threads on meeting new people and I'm working to follow a lot of that advice through industry networking, part time school, some volunteering, gym classes, etc. However its genuinely difficult for me to both integrate into other groups (I don't try hard enough) or allow people in (I'm a dick). This is my fault and I need to work on it. Just feeling bored, uninspired, and stuck right now.
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