How To Comfort Women Emotionally

I'd like to learn how to do emotions better. My wife is a very emotional person and I'm not. She just started a job as a special ed teacher and finds it very stressful (underfunded school in the ghetto, contract, not the long-term goal, long story). She does a lot of crying and being stressed in general. She's emotional about everything though, good and bad. She'll cry because of some shit she saw on the internet. It's absurd.

I'm not emotionally retarded or anything. I understand why people feel how they do in different situations. It just takes great extremes for me to feel much of any emotion. I don't really find anything that isn't threatening to life/limb/etc to be a very serious matter. I don't have any close friends, like alone time a lot, etc. My stoicism has been immensely beneficial elsewhere in life, but it's not working ideally here. I'd like to learn to be more comforting. I do what I can, but it's just very strange to me to listen to someone talk about their issues without asking for advice, which is what women like to do apparently.

She knows this about me and I know she represses a lot of her emotional expression because she knows it irritates me. She says she understands that's just not who I am and she's OK with it and blah blah. But I know that's not sustainable. I'd rather learn how to deal with it now than walk in on her with some dude who understands feelings better in 5 years.

So, I'm all ears. Please give me your advice on comforting women emotionally. And yes, we both realize we got married way too young and soon (24 & 22). No kids so whatever. I give this marriage like a 35% chance of success, but I'm going to give it a valiant effort.

Comments (18)

Mar 20, 2017 - 4:31pm

Sounds like she's looking for an excuse to argue. There may be something else that's bothering (or interesting) her. But to answer your question directly, I would just approach the topics logically. Ask why she's in distress, try to present potential solutions and let her know that you're there to discuss it.

“Elections are a futures market for stolen property”
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Mar 20, 2017 - 4:32pm

Enjoy being married. I give it a year before you're debating the merits of different rope to hang yourself with.

Empathy is only relevant towards mature emotions. Sounds like you need a lesson on coddling. Buy a book on dealing with infants that stress cry or sob when they are startled. And a bottle of whiskey.

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Mar 20, 2017 - 4:56pm

Guarantee she wants you to just reinforce what she's saying (i.e. if she's bitching that the principal isn't supporting her and is leaving her on an island you could say "wow babe, that really does sound stressful, it sucks that you have to do "x" when the principal should be helping with that"). Honestly, if you know your wife has a favorite food or likes to see plays or something just take some time out of your day and go see one with her or make her some cookies or something. Most of the time (just like guys) women just want to see some type of effort being made, especially if she already knows you're not the best emotionally.

Mar 20, 2017 - 6:15pm

In my experience the best way to deal with upset women is to let them know that you understand them and feel them and whatever you do DO NOT try to fix it or give them advice or offer a suggestion unless they ask. Women are feelers and men are more logical and I think a lot of women get really frustrated with their boyfriends because the guys don't realize that when a woman is venting to them they really just want someone to be on their side and validate their frustration rather than respond with some advice that suggests that there is an easy, logical fix to their problem that they aren't trying. Even if you're 90% sure your wife is just PMSing and the only reason she is crying is because she never checks her fucking rear-view mirror before backing up so she backed into her bosses Mercedes and then sped home crying without apologizing about it - just be like "wow I'm so sorry about that, that's really upsetting, I know your boss is a huge dick, it's totally not your fault." instead of being like "yeah you should definitely just go face him and I'll pay for his car and in the future try to check your rear-view mirrors."

Sources: Master of the Friendzone

Mar 20, 2017 - 7:02pm

+1. In my experience, most people (but especially women) will vent and complain to you not because they want you to give them advice or a proposed solution, but because they want someone to listen to their perceived struggles.

In terms of your relationship, it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you'll get divorced, then you'll definitely get divorced.

"He was an idiot! He was a bouncer who got his Series 7" - Josh Brown
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Mar 20, 2017 - 7:09pm

Leave her to cry in the corner. If it it works for children it sure as fuck better work for grown ass adults.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne
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Mar 20, 2017 - 7:23pm

This is spot on advice, but will be ballyhooed by the kids on this forum.

Appropriate reasons to cry

Car accident
House burning down
Something rediclously Happy happens

Appropriate reasons not to cry

Tough day at work
Looking fat in jeans
Not getting your way

Shits emotional control and feeding into it reinforces the behavior. My fucking 8 year old niece doesn't pull this shit.

Mar 20, 2017 - 7:46pm

Adding to the list:

Appropriate reasons to cry:
Beginning of UP
Ending of Shawshank Redemption
Realization that entropy is irreversible and the heat death of the universe is inevitable

Appropriate reasons not to cry:
Starbucks put too much ice when you specified "light ice"
Conservative government in a foreign country got elected
Kim Kardashian [anything]

Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.
Mar 20, 2017 - 10:28pm

I know you have heard it before, but pick your fights very wisely. Also, you have to reiterate what she says. Offer up a solution when you think you have one, but don't be amazed if she has multitude of reasons as to why it won't work. Doing this will show you are concerned and trying to help.

Only two sources I trust, Glenn Beck and singing woodland creatures.
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