How to conceal the devil

Gentlemen (ladies, turn back now...),

I've come back to WSO for your advice on a serious, and what I presume to be a common issue.

First, a bit of background. I've recently joined a PE shop as an associate, and there are significantly more chicks here relative to my old banking group. At my old group, we had a few chicks and TBH they were total non-targets on the babe scale. The senoritas at my current shop are significantly more attractive. One in particular - we'll give her the alias of "Rachel" - is an absolute dime. Blonde hair, blue eyes, bulging brackets, smells like strawberries... just to give you a sense of what I'm dealing with here. Well, Rachel happens to sit across from me, and often times we lock eyes. Whenever this happens, I think about indescribable things and, well... pop goes the weasel. The thing is, once the hound is loose I often find myself having to attend meetings or visit the office of one of the seniors, and this can be a very embarrassing time for obvious reasons. Additionally, Rachel has come to notice on a few occasions and now she seems to look at me with disgust. Clearly, things aren't going to work out between us (but a few shots of Goose (that's Geese) at the holiday party could change this).

Anyway, for those of you who can't relate to this issue in a professional environment, just think back to middle school. Remember when you knew you had to go up to the front of the class for a presentation or had to stand for the national anthem? And it just so happens that the devil is summoned? Yeah, very embarrassing and clearly not an ideal situation.

This brings me to what I've come to the community for today - I need to know how you guys do it. How do you conceal your man sword when at work, or at least adjust discretely? Any suggestions would be sincerely appreciated - my career depends on it.

Comments (17)

Nov 6, 2018

Have you ever kissed a girl before? What do you do when you are out with friends and a girl walks by? I mean I just cannot see how making eye contact with a girl can make you so randy in the office....like what?

This cannot be real.

Nov 7, 2018

Trust me. It can.

Nov 6, 2018
Johnny Peppers:

Gentlemen (ladies, turn back now...),

I've come back to WSO for your advice on a serious, and what I presume to be a common issue.

First, a bit of background. I've recently joined a PE shop as an associate, and there are significantly more chicks here relative to my old banking group. At my old group, we had a few chicks and TBH they were total non-targets on the babe scale. The senoritas at my current shop are significantly more attractive. One in particular - we'll give her the alias of "Rachel" - is an absolute dime. Blonde hair, blue eyes, bulging brackets, smells like strawberries... just to give you a sense of what I'm dealing with here. Well, Rachel happens to sit across from me, and often times we lock eyes. Whenever this happens, I think about indescribable things and, well... pop goes the weasel. The thing is, once the hound is loose I often find myself having to attend meetings or visit the office of one of the seniors, and this can be a very embarrassing time for obvious reasons. Additionally, Rachel has come to notice on a few occasions and now she seems to look at me with disgust. Clearly, things aren't going to work out between us (but a few shots of Goose (that's Geese) at the holiday party could change this).

Anyway, for those of you who can't relate to this issue in a professional environment, just think back to middle school. Remember when you knew you had to go up to the front of the class for a presentation or had to stand for the national anthem? And it just so happens that the devil is summoned? Yeah, very embarrassing and clearly not an ideal situation.

This brings me to what I've come to the community for today - I need to know how you guys do it. How do you conceal your man sword when at work, or at least adjust discretely? Any suggestions would be sincerely appreciated - my career depends on it.

Never Happened.

Array

Nov 6, 2018
    • 1
Nov 6, 2018

1/10

Funniest
Nov 6, 2018

Douse that sucker with some tobasco and it will retreat from the depths of hell it originated from..

side note, send me rachels v-card -- i'd like to pitch her a strong growth opportunity

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

    • 5
Nov 7, 2018

Yeah dude just stop because you're trying a weeeee bit too hard to be funny. Come back when you've got something useful to say, slugger

    • 6
Nov 6, 2018

-HH 'Why do you want to get into PE'

-IBD Analyst 'Females on the buy-side are more attractive'

-HH 'Any other reason?'

-IBD Analyst 'Assuming the life balance is better I should finally have time to date them'

    • 1
Nov 6, 2018

Think of an elderly family member eating a tuna fish sandwich next time this happens and I guarantee you will not have this issue.

Nov 6, 2018

The story involving Cletus was much better

    • 1
Nov 7, 2018

Just hide the chubb, do the waistband tuck

Nov 7, 2018

This is the correct advice.

Most Helpful
Nov 7, 2018

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/71pvYbR0bPL._SL1419_.jpg

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

    • 4
Nov 7, 2018

Genius. Makes it look huge while at the same time making it clear that you aren't hard

    • 1
Nov 7, 2018

Just reach in your pocket and push it up so the head is facing your belly button,

Nov 7, 2018

Flex your arms or something, try and get the blood to go elsewhere.

Nov 7, 2018
Comment