Whenever I network with someone, the intro goes well and then I usually go into “question” mode where I feel like it turns more scripted. At this point, I don’t feel right asking about hobbies, etc. Do you have any suggestions on how to steer it more towards a conversation?
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Bump. Feel like I have the exact same approach to coffee chats
This happens sometimes when there's a bit of tension / the ice hasn't been broken. I think the easiest way to go about this is if you asked like how has your time been at XYZ firm and they mention mentorship or something just jump in and be like yeah mentorship is huge for me and then talk about your mentors and stuff. I think it's harder to just jump in on a phone call but it's doable and personally the easiest way to get out of a Q&A session.
I struggled a lot during networking. I was always a shy person but after getting rejected by a few firms I got my shit together. After about 40-50 calls It just got easier. They are just people and being on the other side it is very obvious who is just doing the call, reading a script, and asking for something at the end. Ask good question and questions you are curious about. Don’t go from “why banking” “what do you like about your group”. I always asked about their background and built off that. Someone mentioned they played golf in college and I asked them about that. You could tell by their voice that they liked/wanted to talk about that.
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alright kiddies, here's the best way to network, I'm happy to get as specific as you need, but the only thing you need to remember is BE CURIOUS!
if I'm sitting down with someone and I know roughly what they do, I'll lead with "tell me how you got to where you are today, I'm curious about your journey." this opens up so much fodder, where they went to school, where they grew up, some lucky breaks they may have had, past jobs, and so on. you can take any one of those threads and run with it. if they say "ah, you know, just came here after college and been here ever since" you can prod on that a little bit "tell me about your career progression, I'm assuming you didn't just become VP after 1 year!" but if they're stonewalling you, they might not have an interesting path, and that's OK. ask them what interests them about what they do, what their longer term goals are, things like that.
when you're ready to transition to hobbies, 2 good starting points are these questions: "you grew up in XYZ, right? what was that like?" and "how do you spend your time outside the office?" assuming someone didn't get terribly abused as a child, learning about people's hometowns is always interesting. what kinda sports did they play, what was the vibe like, did they move around a lot, and so on. you can learn a lot about someone based on where they grew up, and no this is not like a shrink saying "tell me about your childhood" I've used this question with perfect strangers and it works brilliantly. on spending time outside the office, just allow them to talk. maybe they're big on family, I've had people say nothing more than spending time with kids, spouse, putzing around their house on weekends,because they're introverts. I've had others disclose to me that they have vacation properties that have been in the family for years and that is an enormous part of their lives.
the key is this - ask open ended questions that are general. something like "so you grew up in Altuna PA, what was that like?" sounds specific, but it's really not. they can answer it however they want, you're just steering the conversation to an area that is ripe with other juicy conversation nuggets. you can also use the technique "tell me more about that" if they lose steam with an answer.
say I was having a coffee chat with someone and I knew I only had 20 minutes, I'd spend no more than a couple minutes bullshitting about how it was hard/easy to get there, hope they're having a good day, etc., spend the next 10-12 minutes on getting to know them (50-60%) and I'd usually open with "I love finding out people's stories, I hope you'll indulge me, how did you get to where you are today, what was that journey like?" and by the end of that part of the convo, you've got them feeling good (people love talking about themselves) so they're in the right headspace to help. then you say "I want to be respectful of your time, so let me get to why I reached out in case you didn't already know. I'm trying to find my way into the finance world, I would love to be as successful as you when I'm your age..." and then you insert your "ask." maybe you're doing informational interviews, maybe you're looking for b-school advice, maybe you're looking for an internship, maybe a lateral, I don't know, but that is where you tee it up.
finally, and I cannot stress this enough, have a next step. don't just thank them for their time and be gone. if they give you a name of someone to contact, ask them if it's OK to follow up with them in 2 weeks if you haven't heard anything. if it's for a job position, get specifics - who is the contact person, how long until they make decisions, and so on. then, make notes in your phone to follow up on these things. and if the next step is just staying in touch with them, set yourself a reminder to call them in 2 months with something made up. it could be "hey man, I really enjoyed chatting with you before summer got going and I saw this research report and was having a hard time with XYZ concept, i know that's in your wheelhouse, what did they mean by XYZ?"
OK that turned way longer than I expected, feel free to follow up with more Qs
Super helpful, thanks so much! I find that hobbies transition a bit awkward at times though, since all of the questions are about the job and it seems forced
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