How to get rejected from an IB internship

BillMurray's picture
Rank: Neanderthal | 3,496

My friend's dad wants him apply to IB internship to gain some "valuable experience". He does not want to work the long hours for something he has zero interest in doing. What are some ways he can easily get rejected from an internship?

Comments (39)

Funniest
  • Prospect in Other
Nov 12, 2019

go to my state school lol

    • 54
Nov 12, 2019

Too late, he's already attending prestige and I'm pretty sure his dad would be pissed if he transferred

Nov 14, 2019

r/suicidebywords

    • 1
    • 1
  • Prospect in Other
Nov 15, 2019

.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Nov 12, 2019

First step: don't apply

    • 1
Nov 12, 2019

I like it, but hopefully something less obvious

Most Helpful
  • Works at Bank of America Merrill Lynch
Nov 12, 2019

Change GPA on resume to a 2.4 and put it in bold with larger font than the rest of the text. Pretty much guanteed to get no interviews.

    • 13
Nov 12, 2019

Let me know if he wants to sell his spot, I would gladly trade my soul for it.

    • 10
Nov 14, 2019

This one got me...

  • Subtly bullish -
    • 1
Nov 12, 2019

I'm pretty sure applying with zero interest already has his problem solved.

    • 6
Nov 12, 2019

When applying, tell him to make sure to answer yes to all the background check questions.

    • 2
Nov 12, 2019

Have him watch the job interviews in the movie Step Brothers to prep for his interviews.

    • 4
Nov 13, 2019

Seriously? Your friend needs to man up and talk to his father. Intentionally failing interviews is 1) easy and 2) a waste of time for everyone involved.

Nov 13, 2019

He should ask the interviewer how much he can expect in compensation his first and only two years

    • 18
Nov 13, 2019

This would be hilarious.

Array

    • 1
Nov 13, 2019

This would be great, but since it's all connections, I can imagine the interviewer may tell someone about this who will then tell someone else who will then tell his dad

Nov 13, 2019

All he has to do is apply

    • 4
Nov 13, 2019

Shit on the desk.

    • 3
Nov 14, 2019

Ask if interns get models and bottles or if he has to land the FT offer for those

    • 3
    • 1
Nov 14, 2019

ask to POUND the interviewer in the ASS

    • 5
Nov 14, 2019

But what if the interviewer says yes?

"The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary." - Nassim Taleb

Nov 14, 2019

Then you hit the jackpot

    • 2
  • Intern in IB-M&A
Nov 14, 2019

Why is this even a post on WSO?

    • 3
Nov 14, 2019

Seriously. Pretty obvious from the OP and some of the follow up comments that this is a rich lazy kid who's dad wants him to shape up a bit and become a fully formed adult before embarking on his rich lazy kid plan, whether that plan is some save-the-world bullshit or taking over the family fortune. My advice is the kid should listen to his dad.

    • 2
  • Associate 2 in IB-M&A
Nov 14, 2019

Wear an Elizabeth Warren T-shirt to all interviews

    • 7
Nov 14, 2019

Cry during the interview

    • 2
Nov 14, 2019

Go in and talk about excited he is to learn the ins and outs of daytrading and tell him to focus on how much he idolizes the movie Wall Street.

    • 3
Nov 15, 2019

change resume font to Comic Sans

You killed the Greece spread goes up, spread goes down, from Wall Street they all play like a freak, Goldman Sachs 'o beat.

    • 3
Nov 15, 2019

Putting the wrong bank name on the cover letter ought to do it too. If he applies to BBs make sure he uses the sentence "in line with other reputable budge bracket banks like Deutsche Bank". BB recruiters will love that one

    • 5
Nov 15, 2019

I'm gonna make an assumption and say you are trolling.

On the 1% chance that I am wrong, I would suggest telling him to pretend the bank is a girl in a bar. My guess is you both have plenty of experience with rejection there.

    • 2
Nov 16, 2019

We don't go for girls in bars, but this could work

Nov 17, 2019

50+ typos on the resume. Easiest one would be to make sure he screws up spelling his own name

Nov 18, 2019

Tell the interviewer he wants to learn inside information on companies to gain an edge in public market investing.

Nov 18, 2019

This.

Array

Nov 18, 2019

Being unprepared to respond to typical IB questions, particularly analytical ones; blase attitude.

Nov 19, 2019

Ask how strict the sexual harassment policy is

Array

    • 1
Nov 19, 2019
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