How to make a cover letter sound more results-driven?

In my cover letter, I wrote about one of my experiences raising awareness of student loan defaults. I'm not sure how write about this one. We gained a lot of supporters, and I wrote about that. But after a year-long campaign, Obama did also sign a bill back in August that lowered the student loan rate.

I want to say that Obama signing this legislature was at least in part due to our collective efforts. But of course, politicians rarely publicly acknowledge efforts like this, so I'm not sure if it's appropriate to say.

 

When I mentioned "collective efforts" before, I meant the several people across the country, not just me.

The thing is, legislatures aren't signed if there's no issue to be addressed. And issues are raised by people across the country. There was likely a large collective effort across the US to advocate for lower student loan rates; I was part of that effort, even if it's a small fraction. Would that sound like a good thing to say without taking too much credit?

 

I wouldn't include anything even remotely politically related in any of my cover letters.

When a plumber from Hoboken tells you he has a good feeling about a reverse iron condor spread on the Japanese Yen, you really have no choice. If you don’t do it to him, somebody else surely will. -Eddie B.
 

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When a plumber from Hoboken tells you he has a good feeling about a reverse iron condor spread on the Japanese Yen, you really have no choice. If you don’t do it to him, somebody else surely will. -Eddie B.

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