How to make small talk?
I work at a mid sized firm and I realized recently that I am terrible at making small talk. I would see a co-worker in the break room and I can't think of anything to say?!
Please help me, how do you make small talk?
Trending Content
| +169 | The "Not So Obvious" things that get you a return offer? | 20 | 5h | |
| +101 | Is my life over after not getting GS? | 25 | 4h | |
| +65 | Best IB group on the Street | 28 | 2s | |
| +56 | BIG FOUR ARE PARADISE | 15 | 8h | |
| +49 | Thoughts and tips on how to speak like an investment banker. | 25 | 7h | |
| +47 | Tell me one good reason why Jefferies isn’t going to be a top bank in the next 5 years | 23 | 29m | |
| +36 | UBS Outlook | 28 | 1d | |
| +34 | How to deal with egotistical team? | 6 | 3d | |
| +33 | Highest Paid Bankers in Toronto? | 51 | 6h | |
| +25 | Got RBC offer but I have cold feet accepting. | 33 | 1d |
Career Resources
Check these out they've helped me:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Fine-Art-Small-Talk/dp/1401302262/ref=sr_1_1?…
http://www.amazon.com/Never-Eat-Alone-Secrets-Relationship/dp/038551205…
I also try to stay up to date on news, sports etc so theres something to make a comment about.
I agree with Never Eat Alone. It is a good book. Highly recommended.
This should be a good start: http://www.basicincome.com/bp/artofconv.htm. There are many other resources that I have provided in the previous thread: http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/personal-development-0. Hope it helps.
Also recommend Never Eat Alone. I was terrible at small talk and that book helped me a lot. If you don't have time to read a book, the basic premise of small talk is that people want to talk about themselves / things they are interested in. Figure out what those are without intruding on personal space and then try to connect with them on those subjects.
When I moved to the buy side, I had to learn how to quickly build rapport with CEOs / CFOs who were often twice my age. People talk about fiduciary duty, blah, blah -- the bottom line is that management teams don't have to help you at all if they think you are a douche. You want to come across as likeable from the first second (this is true in pretty much everything in life). One thing that has really helped me is to look up sports results from the previous day for whatever sport is in season for whatever city I am. It takes about 3 minutes -- you can be like, "Yeah, did you watch the xyz play last night? They killed it / got killed. (Specific player) was on fire." Or whatever. I find that talking smack about Obama is generally well received as well, but you probably don't want to do that at work.
So yeah, figure out what people care about and then get in the loop. Where I work, it ranges from Xbox (which I don't play) to hockey (what my co-workers like) -- I try to pick up a little bit here and there and then work it in. A little bit goes a long way. You don't need to know a lot, just ask questions and seem interested enough to keep them talking.
I'm the same way. I hate all people in general, which makes it even more difficult for me to care and make an effort to say something.
Just ask a question or two that will keep them talking about something they care about or hate. People love to complain, especially to young guys they want to seem cool around and give wisdom to. You'd be baffled how many times I've been able to develop a good rapport with C-level guys twice my age just by letting them give me tips about marriage (more often than not, the wisdom is to turn around and run the other way if she wants marriage). Never had a problem with dealing with older guys, especially the ones you meet in finance. If someone could teach me how to make small talk with guys my own age... now there's something I need to work on.
-45 year old man in a 25 year old body
Read how to Win Friends and Influence People. It will help you outside the break room as well. Believe it or not, it's recommended reading for CIA employees.
The above poster (not you Cali, lol) is deserving of my second ever SB contribution. Based solely on the CIA recommendation, I picked up a copy of HTWFAIP and loved it. Believe it or not, there is some seriously legit suggestions in there, and not that anything they say is gonna be groundbreaking, but it's stuff you just wouldn't pick up on and in practice really helps you dominate a conversation socially and have people leaving the conversation thinking you're a boss.
Favorite tidbit from the book was how it stressed how much people love hearing their own name. Don't be afraid to use it (sparingly though) in a conversation to make it feel more personal and to really butter someone up.
Also love the parrot reco
Yea "How to win friends and influence people" is a great book. It opens your eyes to so much that you do in everyday life that you just don't take into consideration.
My favorite part: People like to talk about themselves. Just keep trying to get people to talk, even if your not interested. Sooner or later your going to stumble upon something you have in common, and then you genuinely do have something to talk about.
Small talk topics (Originally Posted: 05/26/2014)
So small talk has always been one of my weak points, and I realized it's both a massive hindrance in the social and professional worlds. What kind of sports are the most popular for small talk, and I mean professional sports, like NHL, NBA, NFL, MLB, which order of those? Do FO guys mainly listen to what is popular or what classic rock, etc.
There really is no catch all. But it seems that at least in NYC, that baseball and basketball or the main things that get talked about. Which sucks for me because those are two sports I care the least about.
Fortunately for me, I work with people from not the US, so we talk about soccer a lot.
Music is also a very different thing. Just from reading WSO I've seen posters that listen to anything from heavy metal, to dubstep, to classical. There is no one topic that you could master that would be able to move you forward in the small talk category.
What you need to master is the way to get the other person to bring out something that you will be comfortable talking about. You can't just walk up to everyone and say "Oh man did you just see XYZ play from the game last night"
I don't think it's really a matter of having a list of things to talk about. The skill you are looking for is to be able to naturally drive the conversation to figure out what your common interests are with the other person. Not really sure how to explain that, perhaps someone else could take a stab at it.
music is tricky, because if you find someone that's a snob the conversation could die quickly. sports are safe, assuming you know a little something. here's what I'd talk about:
-current events in the city the other person works/lives -books you've been reading they're likely to have heard of (assuming they're the intellectual type) -TV shows they likely watch (safe stuff like NCIS or Silicon Valley, not Game of Thrones) -if they're the financial type, talk about markets.
that all assumes that I know nothing about their business. I much prefer to ask people about their work, because I find other industries fascinating. how companies make money, what affects their businesses, what trends are taking place right now, etc. if you have a general awareness of what's going on in the world, you won't have to try hard to find something to ask someone about. and if all else fails and they tell you they're a micronuclear biostatistician, you can always say "pardon my ignorance, but what exactly does that entail?"
/thread
SB'd. I honestly don't think that knowing about sports, music and books is necessary. People (especially those in their roles for a long time) usually enjoy talking about their jobs. From there, I believe most people have at least some common interests and the conversation will naturally drift there. I think the best advice for small talk is be interested in what others have to say. That usually makes them want to talk to you more.
I recommend small talk only after 2 cocktails but before 5.
sports, whatever's in season, though can't go wrong with nfl any time of the year, don't fake it
what else, music / women / food / men's fashion
small talk is one of those things you will get better with in time/practice, unless you're socially retarded
key skill to have though
Start going to networking events that may not even have much to do with building up your network or young adult meet up type of events. You can practice there if it's something that doesn't come naturally to you.
Just ask everyone you meet what their opinion is on HFT. That should get them going for a bit!
PS don't do that.
is NHL a popular sport with FO guys? I am into hockey. I like football, tho not into basketball too much. I can tolerate baseball.
I didn't realize that there are BO sports and FO sports....
Back office: professional wrestling, NASCAR and monster truck rallies FO: polo, cricket and America's Cup
Totally kidding.
I wouldn't mention NHL, that would probably pigeonhole you into Chicago/Minneapolis. MLB/NFL are the top-tier small talk topics for FO placement. I think the next WSO guide is coming out with full prestige rankings for different topics - "weather" ranks dead last for the second year in a row.
Females in the office
Jane Austen has always worked for me
Start off like "Obv, Pride and Prej is her magnum opus, and that's a given, but how do you rank two and three? Emma or Sense and Sensibility for the numero dos slot? Darkhorse for Persuasion maybe?"
Keep talking, keep networking. Talk with a random girl or person on the street everyday. Make that 5 every day and in a month you'll be much better.
One of those things ONLY practice makes it better... more you use your mouth, the better
Read Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People"
Quibusdam sit incidunt facilis sunt. Amet placeat aliquid totam dolor reiciendis accusamus est. Amet consectetur ut quo ab aut natus. Non autem impedit distinctio dolor qui quis. Et nihil consectetur consequatur sed sunt atque.
Voluptates et quia rerum. Sint distinctio dolores omnis quos doloribus. Est excepturi eaque sit aliquam placeat vel delectus optio.
Et sit eveniet soluta ullam est at eum et. Deleniti impedit aut adipisci est libero aut natus.
Id quibusdam delectus fugiat amet sit autem. Quod dolorum quam nihil possimus autem. Est voluptas laudantium et qui ea velit consequatur in. Reprehenderit rerum quas qui et ut voluptatem itaque quos. Voluptas enim consequatur in nostrum dolor.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Minus eos nihil dolore commodi. Ex et consequatur ducimus aut et maiores sit. Cum voluptate doloremque aliquam ad molestias quam consequuntur. Omnis quo harum recusandae aperiam sequi.
Et qui ex dicta laborum sit ut quae. Et est aut tempora dolorem et dolorem soluta. Qui est ad et dolorum ad minus blanditiis. Eius eaque placeat aut. Et laborum esse est. Autem et quae et dolorum. Assumenda dolore natus harum nihil doloribus.
Laborum ex autem illum praesentium sit. Magnam cumque et est accusamus. Officia cum ab possimus soluta asperiores accusamus tempore.