say thanks instead of sorry

smile a lot

if you're gonna interrupt someone just say i apologise for interrupting then proceed with your interruption

if someone fucks up, and you're talking with someone about that person behind their back - say nice things about them, somehow makes people think you're nice too

x

“For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

-Matthew 23:12, Luke 14:11

It's good to be humble, but I don't think it's good to be too humble. At a certain point, you have to be willing to assert yourself, point to your actions (not just your words), and tell someone why your opinion is credible and why they should listen up. And if you're early in your career, then put your nose down and grind until you get to that point where your opinion matters.

One piece of advice I got was "think more, speak less, and write even less." Haven't always remembered to follow it, but I feel I've generally done better at things when I do.

Separately, I've noticed some job environments are all about this and some aren't, i.e. some places are all about lots of meetings and reports and other places encourage right answers (thinking) over meetings and reports. Not hard to guess which one seems like a better place to work.

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie has some great advice along the lines of what's been said. A highly recommended read

Get rid of weasel words full stop

For newer folks I found this slight tweak made a difference, "is there anything I can help you with?" vs. "Do you need help with anything?" The first will open up more opportunities for growth. Use the second when you're trying to gtfo the office.

At more senior members, what are some tactics or mental tricks to keep in mind when presenting information to executives, specifically when you 1) are giving bad news e.g. xxx segment is underperforming, and 2) when you want to strategically withhold information

Have had trouble with the above, veering towards being too frank as I climb through middle management...thanks!

Never say "no worries" or "no problem"

Some advice a partner at Kirkland once gave me:

1) Say "My pleasure" instead of "No problem". When I hear someone say "no problem", it sounds more negative.
2) Never start a sentence with "To be honest..." It sounds like you were being dishonest before. 3) When you know someone is wrong, ask to understand and lead them to your perspective. With practice, this can help you become more convincing.

The way you say something matters. That's certainly true. But the speaker matters just as much as what's spoken. The look and demeanor of the person can completely alter the context of otherwise identical content. This is most readily seen in quotable quotations. Most quotes wouldn't be quotable if the person to whom they are attributed wasn't already notable.

"If you're going through hell...keep going."

If I said that, it might get a chuckle and be forgotten. But Winston Churchill said it, so it's memorable. Churchill is a great example of a person who could get away with saying a great many things that others could not. The speaker matters. The way you carry yourself, your natural loquaciousness and your quickness of mind all matter. I have seen someone fluently and deliberately curse in a professional setting without anyone batting an eye. But that's a rare ability. You can't do that if you don't sound like Hemingway. For everyone else, professionalism means never cursing.

I'm convinced that charisma isn't teachable. Otherwise, Mark Zuckerberg wouldn't be such a punch-able weenie. That said, I think you can refine what you've got. For most people, the easiest way to do that is through emulating someone you admire. This takes some introspection as Mark Zuckerberg can never be anything like Winston Churchill, but he can be a little more like Bill Gates.

For each of us, there aren't many hard-and-fast rules that can be generalized to the population at large. I can't pull off the word 'bro' without sounding ridiculous. I guess there must be someone on the planet who can non-ironically use that word, but I've never met him. My writing and speaking style is largely stream-of-consciousness. That doesn't work for a lot of people. If you can't crank out A-quality work on a first draft virtually every time you sit to write, then you can't do that when you speak either. Good writing and good speech are intrinsically linked to your ability to convey a message. Most people are bad at both.

To overcome that, you need to prepare more studiously for meetings and save your commentary for moments where you have something to add. If you can't carry a room when you're out for drinks or at a party, what makes you think anyone wants to listen to you in a board room for any length of time? Try to be honest with yourself about where you excel and hone that skill. Sometimes it's better to speak fewer words but to make them count. In fact, I'd say that's almost always the case. Phrasing matters a lot less when you say little but everything you say carries weight.

Humility is actually a great indicator of self-confidence. If you lack confidence, you need to brag. If you feel confident, no need to boast, and much more authentic - no one is perfect, and perfect is not even aspirational. It makes others uncomfortable. You can show total confidence without making the other party ill-at-ease. Especially with clients - it's not a competition. It's a collaboration. Believe me, people know quite quickly if you're intelligent, diligent, accomplished, etc. No need to advertise. Let someone ask where you went to school, or look at your LinkedIn for the grand details. Being human and relatable, even vulnerable (e.g. a client tells you a mild personal issue, and you commiserate with something comparable), is great. It's that thing they call EQ, and it is an easy way to connect with colleagues and clients alike. The psychology of narcissism - to give the extreme example - is actually behaviors of someone trying to compensate for a very fragile ego, and for self-doubt. No one roots for the braggart - they wait for them to fall off their self-made pedestal. Humility doesn't mean self-deprecation, it's self-awareness and fostering communication and connection. Interestingly, or oddly, depending how you view it, in recent years there's an obsession with over-stating one's accomplishments, life, etc. Extreme grandiosity, to the point of being completely fake. I hope the pendulum swings back.