How you view ranks at your Investment Bank
Intern: Takes up space. Dresses like the MD.
Analyst: Usually has my back. Will not throw me under bus. Occasionally found playing League of Legends during the later hours, with thought that it provides total immunity from the staffer. Leaves me juggling numerous deal assignments.
Associate (promotion): Look to me for party/hangout invites. I know most of their secrets. Bitter about not getting into Private Equity.
Associate (MBA): Takes up space. Official reps for Patagonia fleece vest.
Vice-President: Born to do iBanking, hardest worker at the firm. Will sometimes carry my weight and is very patient with my careless mistakes.
MD: astonished he has worked in M&A his entire life (when sometimes he can't add 1+1). I get an eargasm when he says thx or good work.
Intern: Fresh meat. Think to myself "wow something new to look at today." oh well, its raining.
Analyst: Brother in war. Ride or die baby.
Associate: Idiots.
Vice president: over achiever, try-hard that most of the time just sucks to work for usually. Can be great if you have a good VP at your back though.
MD: complete hardo. again can be great to have an MD that has your back.
Intern (myself): Peasant
All of the above: Massa
Good interns: Little brother/sister Bad/try-hard interns: Peasants
Good analysts: The best comrades Bad analysts that think they're great: Plebs. Assert your superiority every instance that you can
A-A Associates: Nerdy rockstars Good MBA Associates: That one friend you're really cool with, but won't ever divulge your deepest, darkest secrets to Bad MBA Associates: The devil. Shut their shit down real quick
VPs: Are you even needed??
Good MDs: O Glorious Savior Bad MDs: I can do your job bro.
So true, what is it about MBA Associates that make them wear vests
regret about not doing tech
And boom goes the dynamite
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