I don’t feel like I have anything to live for anymore..
I go to what’s considered a target school, and, because of some personal issues, ended up dropping my original major, and I’m now majoring in what many would consider a stereotypically easy major. My GPA is just above a 3.6. It used to be higher. I have lost almost all motivation in life.. Yesterday, I stayed up all night, until around 6:00 AM, working on a paper, slept for a few hours and missed my lectures.. Sometimes I guess I do enjoy working hard, and other times, I don’t have the motivation to do anything. I skipped almost all my lectures last semester except for a couple.. ended up with mostly As, an A-, and a B+, could have done better if I knew what was even going on. Sometimes I just sleep as much as I can to block out the world.
I constantly have a feeling of emptiness that doesn’t go away. Even when I’m out clubbing with friends it’s impossible to mask this feeling at my gut that will just not go away. And it’s addictive too.. just sad all the time. Lately I’ve been so divorced from purpose that I feel any amount of money couldn’t help me. It seems so pointless to grind away at this school, only so I can get a job so I can grind away some more. And at this point, I don’t even think I can get a job.. I’m a sophomore and I have no internship lined up for the summer. I reached out to dozens of people from my school, who work at different boutiques, and I felt like I built some rapport with some of them, but I haven’t heard back about an interview. Obviously it’s so late in the process that if I don’t get an interview within the next week or so, then it’s not happening. I’m not optimistic about my future and I’m just praying that maybe one of my friends after graduation will let me sleep on their couch for awhile, or stay at their home.. At this point my life seems like such a joke that I don’t really care what happens, and every day I think about killing myself. Any advice would be great..
Go see a psychiatrist, this site won’t help you.
Its sounds like you have clinical depression.
Make sure you are using coping mechanisms to deal with stress, hit up the gym often to get the positive chemicals cranking in your mind, take 5000 IU D3 per day, make sure you try to stay close to a circadian rhythm with sleep, and see a psychiatrist to talk about possibly going on some anti-depressants.
I agree with the others recommendation of seeing a psychiatrist, your school probably has some resources to facilitate that. In the meantime, I'd recommend watching at least the first 10 minutes of the video below and seeing if any of it resonates positively. I'm a huge fan of JBP and think you may benefit from some of his philosophy.
See a psychiatrist as others said and definitely stop clubbing. Soaking your brain in booze will only make it worse.
You have a 3.6 GPA from a target and are only a sophomore. You'll have no trouble getting a job; you won't have to sleep on anyone's couch. Just really focus on getting better. That's the most important thing right now.
It doesn’t get any better. Go see someone.
I work as a psychotherapist on the side, I see people like you frequently.
First question I ask is - Why should I bother seeing you? I wait and see whether they can articulate their problems. If they can't even do that, then they are beyond helping, and I move on. If you are in this category OP, don't bother getting professional help, they'll swindle you for all you're worth. I pray that your family and friends are there to re-inject some life into you. For cases like yours, you must first recognise and somewhat be able to describe the problem.
Second question - And what made you so great in the first place, that you get the right to cry all over yourself now? So then I wait and listen to everything they've accomplished to this point, after first having them write down their answer.
I make them write down their answers to both question one and two (if they make it to two), The point here is for you to think really hard, and reach a deep level of introspection. You must first want to help yourself, and I need you to understand that. If you lack self worth, and come up with more negatives than positives then sorry, but again I will not help you. You are most likely SEVERELLY depressed. Cases like these usually take abut a year minimum to reach recovery, in my experience. If this is your case OP, find someone that has experience in dealing with similar cases, however the risk of being swindled is equally high here, as they will intentionally attempt to prolong treatment.
If you however come up with an equal amount of positive points, or perhaps even more than negatives, then your situation isn't so bad, because at the very least your sense of self worth is still existent. If this is your category OP, then do not despair, you can be helped very efficiently. Introspection is the key, and a good psychotherapist can definitely help you. What you need is somebody capable of asking you the right questions, and catalyse the appropriate response within you. Do not go to a psychiatrist. An ear willing to listen is all you need, and not a pack of drugs.
I wish you luck.
"Severelly," really.
Yes, seek professional help if you need it. Psychiatrists or a general practitioner (MD) can be of assistance.
A psychotherapist has no control over prescribing anything.
Severally, yes. Depression is no joke, people still smile, and when describing it will usually fail in showing how bad things really are. This is based on my experience, and that of my firm, as a result I only pick the cases which I know I can handle/have time for.
Exactly. Do you know what happens to people that start on antidepressants? It's an extremely vicious cycle. A psychiatrist should not be your first option. You should first try a psychotherapist, because they will try as hard as they can to help you. A psychiatrist will instead always have at the back f his mind "well drugs are always an option".
Any therapist that starts out by asking, “why should i bother seeing you?” should not be a therapist.
Call it tough love, but I need to see your fighting spirit, or whatever bits of it are left. How else do you think people get better? What else will drive you during the long nights you spend alone at home? I see you for 1-2 hrs a day. You still have to survive the other 22. A smile will only help you so far. Somebody that pushes you, and makes you truly question your state of negativity, will instead drive you much further down the line. I don't know in America, but here in the UK we have licenses. I would have lost mine long ago if my attitude was inappropriate.
EDIT:
OP first see a therapist. If that doesn’t help then see a psychiatrist
You need to stop being "a psychotherapist on the side" right now. Like seriously. You are absolutely terrible at it and you are going to push people into an even darker place. This is literally one of the worst posts I've ever seen and up there with the worse medical advice I've ever heard.
By no means am I advocating anti-depressants, I actually would advocate against them, but asking someone with severe depression if they're willing to fight is beyond stupid. It will eventually push someone over the edge and that will be on your hands. People go to school for a really long time to learn how to be good counselors, let them handle it; they're licensed and actually know what they're doing.
Seriously, stop.
This is some monumentally terrible advice. Not even sure where to begin with a critique. Your presumption that most psychologists and psychiatrists are hand-wringing con-artists out to “swindle” their patients is incredibly asinine and childish. Do you also believe that most investment bankers are marauding evil men in silk suits?
If I’m being completely honest, you sound like a jaded, unstable individual consumed by the childish idea that, because some people in X profession are self-serving and careless, most - if not all - people in X profession must also be self-serving and careless.
There are Magneto levels of irony in your post.
Jesus f*ing Christ. This is the WORST advice I've ever read in this site. I've been in therapy for 1+ year now, with an amazing professional. Some years ago, I had therapy with a good therapist, not one of the best and quite inexpensive. Anyways, she helped me a lot at the time. But the difference with this new therapist is night and day. expensive but well referenced and with 30+ years of experience. He would NEVER approach a patient this way... NEVER. There is a time and place for tough love, and I guarantee that it is not on the first sessions.
To OP: Find a kick ass, well recommended therapist, seek help with family and close friends, if possible. Mental health is no joke. It's worth the battle getting better. Hang in there. Other than these advices, this site won't really help. Reddit has some interesting communities focused on depression... maybe that can help and provide further advice.
Personally, I find the Patrick Bateman approach to depression and psychotherapy to be the most satisfying. I'd start off slow though, maybe begin with animals and move on to strippers, eventually working your way up to future coworkers, which can actually become a great opportunity to rise up the corporate ladder. Best of luck!
What keeps me feeling good on a daily/weekly basis:
-Working out almost every day -Listening to loud music -Setting goals -Playing guitar -Solving logic puzzles -High energy environments
What makes me feel shitty: -Hangovers -loss of direction -Non energetic environments -Boredom
I try to avoid the bad things and replace them with the good ones, definitely keeps me going through the rough patches. I would recommend finding a therapist, but also looking at what makes you feel good and what makes you feel bad.
WallStreetOasis.com - lock this thread. OP needs to see a doctor, not internet trolls.
I know exactly what you're experiencing man, please PM me I'm currently at my limit and I'll shoot you a message across tomorrow
Sometimes all you need is someone to look at you and say its going to be ok. Depression is a terrible thing to go through alone. I have been lurking on this site for a while now but created an account just so I can tell you this - you need to surround yourself with people you can open upto and tell them candidly what you are going through. And then please visit a doctor and get medication. That's what worked for my dad.
OP, please go see a psychiatrist. I’m sure your school should have one on-site.
Also, just a few things. There are a lot of positives in your life. You need to focus on those, instead of dwelling on the negatives. It’s easier said than done (especially if you are clinically depressed), but to start you off:
You’ve got a 3.6 gpa at a target school. That’s a very respectable gpa, and being at a target is huge. Both are great setups for SA (and FT recruiting when it comes)
You’re only a soph, not a junior or senior without internship experience. Yes it’s a bit late in the process, but there are always opportunities that can open up (as you’ll see with threads on it even now). Some smaller shops might hire, but it’ll require some networking and hustle. And, if you can afford it, there’s always unpaid internships... there are cases for people offering to work the summer for free to build up good experience for the next summer.
Ask yourself what makes you happy and do it. It could be exercise/sports, hobbies, etc. Also, try to talk to some friends you’re comfortable with opening up to. Talking to people can really help.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve got a lot going for you. When negative thoughts or feelings of hopelessness comes up, counter it with the above - you've got a great setup (network, opportunities to explore), you can talk to friends/family, you have tons of time, you’re not in any situation that is so dire you can’t turn around.
1-800-273-8255
Please, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
1-800-273-8255
It's available 24/7, it's free, it's confidential. Call it.
1-800-273-8255
Replying to hopefully draw more attention to this phone number. It is an excellent first step. Seeking professional help can be a daunting task even when your problems are far less severe than life-threatening depression. The people at this number will undoubtedly make that process easier.
1-800-273-8255
Best wishes to you, OP. I hope you get the help that you deserve.
OP, if you're still reading this, I know exactly where you're coming from. Your issue is lack of purpose. When I was in college I was so depressed due to lack of purpose that I seriously considered dropping out and moving to Malibu to become a janitor. What you're experiencing is completely normal.
The best advice I can offer: do your best in school as it will open up the maximum number of opportunities. In your free time, explore some of your passions. And recognize that it gets better, especially when you find that "thing" that really motivates you to get out of bed in the morning.
Not to deter from a great overall message but what on Earth would make you want to become a janitor?
Haha, at the time the idea of "pushing paper" for the rest of my life made me ill. I was like, "Well, I could work with my hands!"
First, OP, if you are having thoughts of killing yourself, talk to a therapist. An outside voice can put things in perspective as people, myself included, can exaggerate things in our heads and blow things out of proportion.
Second, keep in mind that life is about the long game. In 5 years, are those missed lectures going to matter? Heck no. They probably won't matter in 5 months. Sometimes life is shitty for a time, but it gets better. You are having a rough time right now, but times like these are valuable to learn how to handle life. Life isn't peaches and cream all the time. But keep your head up and you'll find light at the end of the tunnel.
Third, you have a lot of life ahead of you. You're only a sophomore and are already thinking about things I hadn't considered until I was on the cusp of graduation. Interests change over time, what you want so desperately now that's causing you distress may not even matter to you at all in 5 years, or 3 years, or even 1 year. Finish your school year off as strong as you can, then consider writing out a plan and career options that interest you. Then start working towards them.
Fourth, and this ties in with my third point about developing a plan/goals, how do you devour a whale? One bite at a time. Looking at all you have ahead of you as one mountain of work can be overwhelming, at least it can be for me. Breaking things up, prioritizing the urgent and important helps you progress through tasks.
Stay strong out there!
OP, go see a counselor. They're there to speak with you and help you process through your thoughts/feelings. They went to school to learn how to effectively help you and their goal is for you to be happy and to have a sense of purpose. If that doesn't work, I'd recommend seeing a psychiatrist and speaking with them.
Hey, I know you never actually hard mentioned suicide but I get a little cautious when people use terms such as "lost all motivation in life". It seems like you are suffering from some type of (clinical) depression. If it is less serious and you just don't feel motivated to get work done then perhaps a break / semester abroad is necessary to just take off some stress, travel, and reconsider your life ambitions (There is no shame in dropping out / taking a break from ANY school including a target. If you find something you love I would heavily consider pursuing it).
On the other hand if it is a more serious type of depression / potentially suicidal I really think you should talk to people close in your life (parents, friends, mentors, siblings) or even seek professional help. I had a friend sophomore year that ended his life because of relationship / academic stresses coupled with depression. He internalized it and none of us knew / could tell. You need to let the people around you into your mind to get help. I can guarantee you that people WILL miss you and you ARE some type of positive influence in peoples lives, whether you believe it or not. Please seek out help.
EDIT: Seems like you did hard mention suicide. Please seek help. 1-800-273-8255
Yeah, hard mentioning suicide means he is a danger to himself, which requires inpatient care or at the very least a medical professional, not a psychotherpist.
Yeah I agree but that can be comparable to telling a drug addict "you just need to get yourself checked into a complete rehab program". Sometimes its just the little things that can help get them off of that proverbial edge. No doubt along the line they need some type of professional help but I believe every little step in the right direction helps. Going to meetings, talking to people, finding a purpose, etc. Anything that helps those feeling subside. They'll make their way towards professional help. If OP has been internalizing these issues (which seems to be the case from his post), then he has no parent / authoritative figure in his life that would make the call / get him professional help. He needs to that point on his own (whether that be through seeking professional help himself or opening up to someone that will get him the help he needs).
If you look at society as just a bunch of gene-propagating blobs of flesh encased in a dermis wrapper, it becomes a lot less depressing. Said blobs are constantly trying to distract themselves from the one (and only) certainty of existence - death. Everything we do is to help us "forget" the meeting with the reaper, nothing more.
And since (most) people are too insecure about their impact to society, they decide to share zygotes with other people to create "mini-me"s. The hope is to create an immortal self through procreation. The (rare) few are so confident in their impact during life (whether for good or evil) that they see no such/need for such multiplication.
My point is, if you trivialize things to the very bottom, it can (ironically) help you recover (however) temporary from the abyss.
Not really, brosef.
I could care less about the coming of the 'reaper'. Haven't you heard the song? Don't fear the reaper.
A lot of good advice on this thread. Hang in there and seek some professional help. You're extremely early in your undergrad career at a great school and with a good GPA. The opportunities will come. Your health matters a lot more than any internship/job/grades.
Life is full of tough situations that we have to learn to overcome. Everybody goes through rough patches, even if you don't know about them. Sometimes it's really painful and you might feel like you are alone, but you are not. So many people in your life care about you and I guarantee would be there for you if you express yourself to them.
I encourage you to seek help. We're all rooting for you OP.
Seek help, my friend. Things like job and a career are not as important as your mental health. Everyone deals with stress, pressure and not always getting what we want in different ways. In the first year of my career, I found out that this envolved doing things everyday for me, independent of deadlines or what was in my head. Big deadline coming up? Fuck it, my 40 minute gym session is sacred.
OP, good luck and I want to say that I believe in you. And stop alcohol, seriously. That shit only make things worse.
OP, I believe that I recognize myself in some of your experiences. I had a really rough patch in second year of university where I cut contact with my father who lives in another country and a girl I was hugely in love with dumped me. Your writing pretty much reflects what I felt then, being without a good support network as my mother is chronically ill and can't really take care of herself much less anyone else and my sister living in another country and we don't talk either. It hurts, but believe me when I say that time heals all and I agree with the advice above, go see a psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist. I did it way too late but it definitely helps just speaking these things into existence. It kind of unloads the burden in some way.
Also, these experiences make you into the man that you will become. Don't run from them, I believe that you should, within reason, avoid medication as far as possible. My reasoning for this is that if I can't even pull myself out of the emotional shithole that I am in, and at least win against myself, how am I ever going to win against others in life? How will I respect myself? It has been a year and a half since that time now, and I am doing much better, still have some anxiety though, working on that. Keep trucking and hopefully my advice gives a perspective, shoot me a PM if you want to talk more
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