I'd like to become a dictator of a third-world country. How can I make this happen?
Hi everyone,
This is not a troll post. Every since I was a little boy I dreamed of imposing my will on a country. I'd like to turn that dream into reality. I want to become the Lee Kuan Yew of the 21st Century and turn a third world shithole into one of the finest countries on the planet. Can anyone suggest the best path to taking over a country without getting my head chopped off by a 10 year old warlord? Befriend the king? Become wealthy and hire a private military contractor? Start a populist uprising with my immense charisma? Fire away.
get really good at gving blowjobs to old guys. Most investment bankers are actually really well versed in this so you should fit right in
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Ah the narcissistic fantasy. You should do fine in sales and trading mate, just apply there.
Is Dictator of Malawi a possible exit opp from S&T?
I was hoping to be a dictator of Djibouti after working in Goldman S&T. My dad tells me I may as well dream awake as well as asleep.
This is most certainly a troll post, but because I think everyone gets these narcissistic fantasies from time to time, I'll go ahead and give it my best shot. Disclaimer: This ain't advice anyone should follow and wouldn't work anyway.
Plan number 1:
1. Join the military, try for special forces, spend ~10 years inside get really good at what you do. Make some contacts inside the Pentagon and CIA, make some friends with as many politicians as you can.
2. Take a leaf out of Erik Prince's book - Blackwater is too well known now so found a different Merc group. Recruit your old special forces buddies, get those fat pentagon dollars.
3. Use your private army to Coup de Ta third world countries and help puppet leaders.
4. Profit.
Plan number 2:
1. Since U.S. policy is shifting to African anyway be ahead of the curve, make some friends with local politicians on the ground, especially people who are enemies of governments that are enemies of the United States.
2. Frame them in a positive light back in the U.S. - raise funds for them amongst the donor class. Chummy up to some Hollywood film makers and get a positive flic or two out about their struggle against American enemy number 9 trillion.
3. Convince the powers that be that regime change is needed, and that you have the perfect puppet dictator to take their place.
4. Profit as the new best friend of the installed military dictator.
Plan number 3:
1. Go full megalomaniac. Run around the country giving speeches glorifying expansionism and demonizing all the other countries.
2. Build up a following. Fuck if I know how. But you need it to be big, crazy and well armed.
3. Run for public office, cheat or win fair and square. Either way change the constitution to make yourself a dictator and start attacking other countries.
4. Profit.
Whichever option you choose, I want to be the first to congratulate you on becoming a world-class shitty person worthy of historical recognition. Few ever achieve that level of infamy.
The problem is, no African guy will ever willingly accept to vote for or be ruled by a foreigner. The only option is to go full colonial and maintain power through sheer force, which is something easier said than done since you don't have the army on your side. That means you need private military contractors, and lots of them. The only way to pay them if you're not a billionaire is to target a small country that exports high value commodities such as oil and take control of the wells. Once you control the oil supply, you can sell to countries like Russia and Iran.
Then the United Nations will try to send an expeditionary force to destroy you, which is why you need the support of Russia to veto any attempt to invade your country. You also need to target a country with jungle rather than savannah, so you can conduct guerilla warfare in case of invasion.
This is where you take GS over all the EBs and demand they pay you less.
Become an influential political figure but keep your backstory bleak. Potentially find a country with a failing political system and start a group that is the complete other end of the spectrum. Fund operations through things like diamonds, narcotics, arms, and various semi-legitimate sources that can allow you to acquire wealth quickly. Always good to be able to rally troops, but a corps of highly equipped and well-paid PMCs should form the base. Eliminate competition from other warlords quickly and ruthlessly before taking on government forces. One big issue that you can't get around is that you are likely white, so potentially find someone to be the figurehead and you pull the strings. But as always, remember to have fun.
I am not. I'm on the path to success already.
Go work in consulting. Not third world, but Netanyahu and the PMs of Belgium and Greece are ex-MBB and Boris is ex-LEK.
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I would think that unless you are from the third world country where you want to become a dictator, that path is nearly impossible. I think you will have to settle for backing regime change in nations and planting a more authoritarian leader in line with your ideals. Maybe try to model your life after Henry Kissinger or something. That way at least you can take pride in helping to turn countries like Chile into developed nations and turning countries like Nicaragua into less of a shithole.
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