Ideal girl: alpha or not? What do you look for in a girl

EuroQuant's picture
Rank: Orangutan | 260

Hi guys,
So I got the inspiration reading a post in the IB forum on the dating topic and I thought about asking WSO what your ideal girl looks like. Basically, I am have been going out with this girl who is very cute and I get along with very well, like I can talk with her for hours, we have fun, etc. I think she is into me and I think it's time to define what we want to be. My only hesitation is that she is not very alpha and career-focused. Like she went to an ok university for an ok subject, but I don't think she is gonna clear half a million a year at any point in her lifetime. And she doesn't even want to, she doesn't have any huge dream she wants to accomplish. I have always had my dream as my north star in life (going to a target, landing a quant job, etc) and that has always come before everything. She was saying stuff like "I would move city and job to stay with someone if I think he is the love of my life" which is something I don't think I would ever do tbh. So I guess I fear that she may negatively affect my ambition.
What do you guys think, do you prefer girls who are more focused on the family and have a less prestigious job or those focused on their careers like us? The latter seem more attractive right now, but maybe those of you who are 10 yrs into their careers have a different pov and prefer a girl who is actually at home when you come from the office.

Comments (80)

Most Helpful
Feb 26, 2020

Flip that around - would you be able to date an alpha girl who possibly made more than you and her career came before you and your own? if your answer is no, then you don't actually want a true "alpha girl" as you say.

Sure, there are power couples out there, but I think the vast majority of relationships are between people with varying levels of career motivation. It's possible her ambitions are different from your own.

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Mar 2, 2020

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Feb 26, 2020

I rolled my eyes when I started reading this, but I think the clarification in the second half is a fair question...

It depends a lot on how she handles YOUR ambition. If you are concerned about your ambition being inhibited by her lack of... that's a really fair concern. How will she react when you have to work consistently past 11 pm? How will she handle being responsible for 85% of raising your kids in the early years? As you progress in your career, on average, you are required to work less... also on average, people value their families more towards the end of their lives... things will most likely shift a bit later on, but you've just got to make sure she can handle your ambition early on.

Don't @ me

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Feb 26, 2020

NonTargetScum is correct, this is the more important question.

Does she realize the value in you working 80 hour weeks as opposed to both of you working 40.

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Mar 8, 2020

More time to screw the poolboy/plumber ?

Mar 2, 2020

Thoughtful.

Feb 26, 2020

You can't always get what you want. But you may find you get what you need.

Maybe don't overthink this, and just be glad you're dating a nice girl that's attractive and stop trying to mindfuck yourself.

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Feb 26, 2020

Honestly I say go for it as she's pretty much showing you who she's going to be. She seems like the type to move down south after she retires and start a family, from what your description of her.

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Feb 26, 2020
EuroQuant:

Basically, I am have been going out with this girl who is very cute and I get along with very well, like I can talk with her for hours, we have fun, etc. I think she is into me and I think it's time to define what we want to be. My only hesitation is that she is not very alpha and career-focused.

Please be a troll. Please be a troll. Please be a troll. Please be a troll. Please be a troll.

facepalm

    • 34
Feb 27, 2020

Ur just mad cuz ur irl gf < muh virtual gf. She makes 500k dogecoin per year bruh. Kissing her is practically the same thing as kissing a real girl, that's what the chatbot told me

"The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary." - Nassim Taleb

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Feb 29, 2020

you laugh, but some dudes actually do marry their virtual girlfriends.

man marries hologram

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Feb 26, 2020

If you are an "alpha male chad" and super career focused you want a girl like this. This sounds like the type of girl that will put you and your dreams first; "I would move city and job to stay with someone if they were the love of my life."

You will likely want kids, you will likely want a family, you will likely want a life partner, and you will probably want someone who is unselfish and has good values to be the primary caretaker. Most women want to be moms. It's science. Pop culture and media can try all they want to shove feminism down their throats but MOST women want to be mothers.

I'm ranting and off topic but if you dump this girl because she is content being a mom and having a normal career I might personally come find you and beat your ass.

EDIT: He is a troll and I lost my cool. I'm sorry.

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Feb 26, 2020

Sorry, I am not a troll at all. I don't buy into this notion that girls are like toys for men to play with when they are done doing the serious stuff. I always thought of my future wife as someone I could learn from and who could push me out of my comfort zone, not just someone to have a good time with. In this case I feel like I am the one who usually introduces her to new stuff and I guess this is what bothers me more than the alpha thing and the career focus.

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Feb 26, 2020

You can absolutely learn from a girl who isn't "alpha". you will learn about her perspective and at times challenge your own. I see what you mean about being young and seeking excitement and a challenge but you may be better off realizing that the spark will likely dissipate. Find a girl who is loyal, attractive, and understanding

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Feb 27, 2020

If you are a quant you will be too busy trying to generate alpha to worry about learning from an alpha female.

Seeking excitement? Are you twelve? "I feel like I am the one usually introducing her to new stuff" you are a gd dope. She is probably just following your lead, after all you are an "alpha chad quant"

Google image "wojak big brain" that is you right now. If you ever grow up and have a real relationship, you will be SUPER HAPPY when you realize your disagreeable self has a super agreeable partner. It makes everything easier when you are working 80 hour weeks with two kids and you won't care about the twelve year old concerns you have now.

-source- disagreeable married loser

    • 2
Mar 2, 2020

Put yourself first.

The rest will fall into place.

Funniest
  • Intern in IB - Gen
Feb 26, 2020

Asks socially retarded questions. Works as a quant. Everything checks out here.

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  • Analyst 1 in Other
Feb 26, 2020

Think of it this way. If she was also career focused/at the same ambition level then there is a chance of conflict as you might have a opportunity in city X and she will have one in city Y. This could cause a lot of conflict and eliminate many options as you have to consider both of your preferences. But the lack of ambition means you can move to wherever you want (i.e. no compromise)

Also, alpha doesn't have to be defined in terms of career ambition. You could have a classy gal that is beta in the streets and alpha in the sheets. I mean who doesn't like a little spank spank here and there.

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Feb 26, 2020

Just because a girl doesn't have high goals in terms of making money doesn't mean she can't be alpha in the streets.

As the great Michael Irvin said, women these days don't know how to be women anymore. They don't know how to cook, they don't know how to clean, they are really lazy. Now, I'm not saying it's a woman's job to do all the cooking or cleaning, but the ability for a girl to cook you a nice meal once in a while (and vice versa) is a positive for me, even if they don't have the lofty goals to earn money

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Feb 26, 2020

geek

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

    • 8
Feb 26, 2020

An alpha girl might want more than you can handle or be willing to give. But, there's also the chance that the alpha chick will find ways to complement you. It's all about how well you're a le to stay out of each other's way.

    • 1
Feb 26, 2020

I don't get guys who are looking for alpha/career girls. I understand wanting it on paper . . like, if two girls were theoretically identical in every way, why not prefer a better career to a worse one. OK fair enough.

But in terms of real world attraction, I don't feel it in the slightest. What do y'all see in that? More money? Because if you want more money, not getting married is the way to accomplish that.

Men and women want different things from eachother. Which is why rich, unattractive men routinely have attractive dumb wives, and the reverse never happens.

Maybe men who want alpha girls are submissives? Chucky Rhoads on the prowl looking for his Wendy?

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Controversial
Feb 26, 2020

Dated a career girl for like 3-4 years and recently broke up due to a move...Needless to say career women will never have you in their best interest, and are always looking for the next best thing. They're basically everything you WOULDN'T want in a woman, plus they're aggressive - which sounds attractive on paper, but gets really fucking old on a day to day basis when you're just trying to be a dude and be the lead like most men want to be. If anything alpha women are just obnoxious.

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Feb 26, 2020

This ^, it low-key is hot to see your GF tell a guy to fuck off at the beginning but it gets old quickly.

  • Associate 1 in S&T - FI
Feb 26, 2020

I have dated a couple of women who are "career focused" and I like the ambition and the drive to succeed but the problem is that some of them have huge chips on their shoulders about it. Like they can't accept other people being more successful than them or making more money than them. For example I was ready to move in with one of these women and we had the conversation about how much each of us was making and how much we wanted to spend on rent. When I told her what I was making and it was more than her, she was upset by it and went into this tirade about how she worked more hours than I did, went to a better school and her company was like the best company to work at in that industry (law, accounting, tech, etc) and mine was average. She was right on all 3 accounts but it really bothered me that she was legit upset about how well I was doing. That is not the kind of person you want to be with and that type of personality tends to be very prevalent in "career women" that being said their are some that are not but its not the majority.

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Mar 1, 2020

I lost brain cells reading this.

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Feb 26, 2020

Well, first of all thanks for the inputs. My focus on the girl being alpha or not is not about the money at all. The point is that I always believed that your personality is heavily affected by the people you spend time with, and you spend a lot of time with a girlfriend. In general I want to be around people who are better than me (I don't care in what field, e.g. I enjoyed a lot hanging out with a professional athlete recently as I learned a lot about work ethic, persistence, etc) since I think that's the way to grow as a person and also because usually people who have done something extraordinary in some area of their life have that special kind of vibe, like you can see it in their eyes that there's something different about them, and I have always been fascinated by this and always strived to be one.
When thinking about an hipotethical wife I always thought she would be a person like this, and again, I don't necessarily mean someone in finance. I used to date a girl who had an econ phd and our conversations were challenging and I always went home feeling like I learned something, while this time I feel it's the opposite. So I guess my main concern is that this girl doesn't push me out of my comfort zone.

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Feb 26, 2020

I see your logic but two comments.

  1. Different people play different roles for you. My parents play one role, my friends play another, my wife plays another, my coworkers play another. I want different thngs out of each of them. So you're talking generally about the type of people you want to surround you but they don't all have the same job.
  2. Your feelings for a girl should probably be more visceral and not so logical and specific. Like, chemistry just happens. You can list all the qualities you want but if you've ever really fallen for someone you know it had little to do with the fact that they checked the right boxes. It just happens and as men we're fortunate to have a lot more time to just wait and let it happen.
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Feb 28, 2020

I see what you are saying but:

  1. I don't think a gf should be much different from a friend. I always thought as a gf as like a best friend that I also happen to be attracted to. I have seen too many couples that had very little in common and were only bonded by sex/physical attraction. But that fades away with time, whereas if you really like her as a person (you are inspired by her, she pushes you to grow, etc) your bond will outlast the inevitable loss of attraction or the initial excitement.
  2. I know what you refer to when you talk about chemistry, but I always considered that just a powerful trick that your brain plays to you. Falling in love is just your brain thinking that you found a good partner for reproduction and therefore starts to pump out a helluva lot of dopamine when you are around her. Nothing different from an addiction. But it doesn't last in my opinion. I felt it and saw it fade away with time, so I just try to make a more rational decision when choosing a partner now cause I don't really want to waste time, let alone end up a in a bad "match" like that of my parents tbh.
Feb 26, 2020

Look I'd hope she'll be better than you with kids, thus allowing you to enjoy your career

  • Intern in IB-M&A
Feb 28, 2020

I feel the same way you do, I think it's a fair concern. I'd say if there's good enough chemistry you should be fine, you're just going to have to get more friends that "challenge" you, to fill up the gap that the GF won't provide. Which can be hard on its own right given the busy lifestyle.

But I do think your concern is justified, as I think girls who don't try out new things and learn and have deep conversations can get boring over time. As in, after a while the relationship could stale, because it's always the same superficial stuff. You should definitely give it some time. It sounds like you're looking for something potentially serious out of this, and if it's going well so far there's no need to jump to conclusions. But keep it in the back of your mind - could you really see yourself with her and her lifestyle/personality/curiosity long-term?

Some people say that choosing your partner is the most important decision you will make in your life, so I think it's good that you're thinking about it in this way.

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Feb 28, 2020

Thanks mate, this is exactly how I feel. For now the chemistry is good and intend on keeping seeing her, but I really don't want to waste time or worse end up emotionally "sore" if we were to realize that we are not that compatible after all. I tend to get heavily affected by emotions so if I have to cut ties I would rather do it earlier than later. Also, I think think she is really into me so I feel bad deceiving her if I don't think we can last. I always thought as my future gf as a best friend I happened to like too, and in this sense I would really like if she challenged me more. I think I dated a girl that really was challenging only once: she was 7 years older than me and I think that played a role, but it was really exciting to go out as every time I learned something new.

But keep it in the back of your mind - could you really see yourself with her and her lifestyle/personality/curiosity long-term?

I fear that right now the answer would be no. But I will give it some time. I would just like to avoid pointless emotional pain, for both me and her. But I don't want to have any regret either so, let's see how it develops.

Feb 27, 2020

It's not really fair to complain that she will likely never clear 500k, since only about 1.5% of Americans clear that level.

Array

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Feb 27, 2020

Why does everyone want this "north star" dream or whatever. If she gets a job in her degree assuming it is a substantial degree she will be earning an above average salary one settled in her career. What do you mean you need to define what you want to be. Surely you would know depending on how long you have been talking.

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Feb 28, 2020

I mean, we have been dating for a couple weeks but I wouldn't call her my gf yet. I want to decide whether we should keep seeing each other and like introduce her to my friends, etc or stop right now. Also because if we have to end it I would rather do it now, for the sake of the feelings of both of us.

The idea of the "north star" dream is important to me because it represents a person that is not just surviving, but who has a purpose in life. Most people they earn a living, they raise a family and then they die. If this is all it's about, then what's the difference between us and animals? What separates human beings is the ability to dream, to pursue something passionately. For me, happiness in life doesn't come from surviving or from comfort, but from living aligned to those values and principles that I consider worth fighting for.

Feb 28, 2020

a couple of weeks is nothing dude...what have you been on like 4 dates MAX? i think youve got time to figure this out man

Feb 28, 2020

Two weeks is soon. Sounds like you are trying to force a relationship just go with the flo. Also we are animals. That north star dream and the average joe look all the same to the grim reaper. Just one person who is chasing something in life and one who is fine to live life for what it is.

Feb 27, 2020

why would you need your wife to make money at all if you are a badass quant?

Feb 27, 2020

Definitely a quant.

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Feb 27, 2020

More than an alpha girl, you need a girl that takes care of herself. Takes care meaning that she is not a crazy psycho and also has a reasonable sense of nutrition and fitness.

Beware of girls going from 20s to 30s and losing all of their hotness. I know that sounds superficial, because it is. If you are in a relationship with a girl that doesn't eat well or workout, it will be partially your responsibility when she all of a sudden gains a bunch of weight and isn't hot anymore.

This may sound mean, but I think the body is a temple and reflection of self. Healthy body, healthy mind.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Feb 28, 2020

I do agree on this, but that's because I have been lifting weights for about 5 years now. Started at 64 kgs, I am hovering at 90 right now, decently lean, while most of my friends (male or female really) are already in a much worse shape than they were in college/high school.

Feb 27, 2020

Alpha queen or bust. If I wanted beta I'd buy a dog.

    • 1
Feb 27, 2020

You're def a wannabe alpha female.

Feb 28, 2020

I'm a dude...

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  • Analyst 1 in CorpStrat
Feb 28, 2020

Go for it

Feb 29, 2020

I feel like I'm watching a slow-moving train wreck.

Him: "She's pretty, she's sweet, she's into me and wants to be with me. But I"m so awesome it hurts. She fails to stimulate my awesome mind with deep insights into quantum mechanics. It's all fucked up, can I break it off?"

Him in 3 months: "Dude, what was I thinking?"

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Feb 29, 2020

+1 - the surplus of idiots here never fails to amuse me.

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Mar 3, 2020

That's the attraction of it! It's hilarious.

Feb 29, 2020

I'm a Principal from Chad Capital Management, an MF PE specialized in the bird industry.

When it comes to long-term buyouts, we have an investment/due diligence framework:

Initial Due Diligence

These days, deals are usually sourced from BBs like Tinder, Bumble, but for long-term buyouts, we also maintain active engagements with EBs like Hinge. Of course, there are cases where some deals come from personal networks, which requires a different investment approach. Here, I assume fellow investment professionals on WSO usually source deals from banks mentioned before.

When we get a CIM, we focus on the attractiveness of the sector the company is in:

  • Blonde
  • Brunette
  • etc

And geographic location of which the company is founded can also be a factor in our initial DD effort. I know different funds have different preferences when it comes to sector and geographies, so I will leave it at your discretion.

If the sector and georaphy check your boxes, we can then focus on financial attractivesness. Personally, I'd like to look for:

  • Does the Company have sizable assets?
  • How thick is the equity cushion for our debt penetration later on?
  • An estimate of the liquidity of the Company [subject to further DD]
  • Is the EV reasonable for your fund size? [we prefer to buy out companies shorter or pari passu to our bite size]

We are not an infrastructure fund, so we do want to see some growth story in the CIM. Usually EBs like Hinge would allow the management to put out a preview presentation before signing the NDA. Sometimes one can get an adequate amount of information from these previews about the company's mission and values, see if they match your fund's objective. Otherwise, we can obtain these information through further DD.

Auction/Bidding Process

Assuming the management shows equal interest to your fund, and that you have signed the NDA. It's time to conduct further due diligence through your bank. At this stage, both the management team and your fund are trying to pitch to each other, to differentiate from other players. Of course, this is a sealed auction, you don't know who the other bidders are. But you want to make sure that your fund is impressive enough to get a chance for a DD meeting with the management.

As to how to impress the management, I will not discuss here as different funds have their own niche strength. But if you are a hedge fund looking for short-term trading opportunities, the size of your dry powder and your sector attractiveness would definitely help.

This would be a good time to gauge if there's enough chemistry between you and the management team, if you are trying to work with them for the next 5-10+ years. Different funds have their own values, but I will share ours:

  • Honesty
  • Creativity
  • Positivity
  • Curiosity
  • Must be fun

These are the traits I'm looking for when assessing the management's competency.

Management Meeting

Usually I'd prefer to have a dinner discussion with the management to finalize my DD. Again, if you are in this part of the process, don't forget the values your fund is looking for. Sometimes, the management might have messaged numbers to misguide you.

After the dinner or whatever method you conducted your meeting with the management in person, it's at your discretion to make a decion on whether to 1) maintain contact for further DD and meetings, 2) invite the management to your firm or go to their HQ for an accelerated LBO, or 3) kill the deal and move on to the next.

Memo to OP

To answer OP's quesiton on the management's background and growth potential, I would look at deals in this way:
* Would the acquistition of this company add value to your GPs and LPs?
It is very important to know your own fund very well. Are you a Growth Equity fund looking for multiple expansions or an Infrastracture fund looking for stable revenue, though lower IRR, or a traditional PE looking for a mix of both? Or, are you a distressed/speical situation fund that has the ability to turn around companies the way you wanted? Do a thorough due diligence on your fund's strengths and weaknesses, reevaluate your mission statements and values, then you will have a clear mind when diligencing with different companies.

Wish all the best luck on striking good deals.

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Mar 1, 2020

Gotta forward this to my colleagues ahahahah Anyways, thanks for the funny advice. I consider my fund pretty flexible so I could take on distressed opportunities if I saw a significat ROI potential. But those cases usually require to pull resources from other projects (e.g. my career) and funnel them into one opportunity, which is something we as a fund are not comfortable doing right now, especially because we consider diversification pretty important to avoid unexpected losses that could potentially send us out of business.

I would say our values are very similar to yours:

  • honesty
  • positivity
  • intelligence
  • curiosity
  • fun

I guess I might angel invest some money into this opportunity and then either double down on that to get more equity or pull out of the deal completely.

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  • Prospect in IB - Gen
Mar 1, 2020

wtf did I just read

    • 2
Mar 2, 2020

Careful with distressed opportunities, they require a unique and well-honed skill set. Mishandling one might not only prove to be a bust, but impact your brand in the long term and ability to score new deals going forward.

Proceed with caution.

  • Prospect in IB - Gen
Mar 1, 2020

gold.

    • 1
Mar 2, 2020

"How thick is the equity cushion for our debt penetration later on?"

Well played.

Mar 11, 2020

This guy be living in 2050 while we all still be living in 1998

Omnia facit Voluntas - Will alone succeeds

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Mar 17, 2020

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/71b60ye8nxL._SX268_.jpg

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Mar 3, 2020

From the outset, my thought after reading this thread is that this question gets at a more profound question, which can be be asked of both men and women (of any sexual orientation): what kind of partner do I want in life? More crucially, the most important aspect of this question is what kind of relationship/partnership do I want? This is not an easy question to answer nor is it one that can be answered on a financial blog. All I can offer from my own life experience (and what I think is a wise approach to building any relationship, in businsess or otherwise) is that the core tenant to be successful is compromise. First of all, in order to compromise effectively, you have to thoroughly know yourself and what you want. If you answer that for yourself then you can move on to navigating the world and finding a partner whose own character is compatible with yours. Many of the comments I've read on here seem like they've been written by men who either (1) don't know themselves or (2) know themselves and are either ashamed or embarassed of their own character. Whether your partner is an "alpha" or not, to me, doesn't matter at the end of the day. What matters is who you can compromise with and on what. If you are the type of person who needs to have it your way on most financial decisions, for instance, then you need someone who is willing to compromise on that point. For example, my fiance is in every classical sense of the word, an alpha female. She is super smart (she did a triple undergraduate at a top-tier school and has an MA from the best university in the world for her discipline), beautiful, and commands a room better than most men I've ever met. I'm 27 and she's 5 years my senior. I'm about to make junior partner at my firm and expect to be making $1.5M+ a year in the next 2-3 years. She's started a company and is ramping up the business. At the end of the day, what matters is that we're willing to comrpomise. I make a lot more money than her, but her career ambition is no less serious than mine. Because of that, we compromise on how we spend our time. I spend extra time helping her build her company and she does more house chores while her company is getting off the ground and she is working from home. Although she's not in a "serious work environment", her ambition and drive is no less important than mine. Chalking someone up to 1 character feature like career ambition is foolish and will not serve you well in building relationships. I don't think you'll answer your life-long partner questions via this thread. It is a personal journey that no one can force you to go on (and it seems many here have failed to look at themselves objectively and know themselves fully), but is something I think everyone needs to do to be successful, happy, and live an impactful life. Best of luck my man.

EdardStark, the Warden of the North

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Mar 3, 2020

You sound quite mature and sensible, congrats on your engagement. A good partner (I have mine 27 years) helps you roll with the punches. At this stage, you're building, and learning to support each other more on the professional side. Long term, difficult and unbelievably sad and tragic things happen. Challenges that no title or $ can fix. Sure, have a comfortable lifestyle, and enjoy - but when times get tough, all you really need is each other. And you will need each other! And careers are a very long-term prospect - maybe in the long run her company will become your focus and career as well. Compromise is good, and so is realizing that much of what seems to "matter" doesn't really matter - the commitment and foundation (your relationship) matters. One of the most difficult things is managing babies and kids - because the kids need love and attention for decades. If I could recommend anything, it's that you support her in any way she needs (your flexibility, household help, understanding) when it comes to children and mixing kids with careers. "Anything you want, Boo" is the answer here, because no matter how you slice it, no matter how evolved the world becomes, you cannot outsource the "mom" role, and there's a lot of mom-pressure, mom-shaming, etc. Sounds like you get it and things will be great. Happy Wife, Happy Life. If Momma Aint' Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy. These are truths = to the Ten Commandments. Wish you both super success in your careers and marriage!

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Mar 3, 2020

I think that everyone wants someone who is driven or pursuing something, or at least this is a trait I have always found attractive in the women I look for. I also have a desire to be with someone who challenges me and is either of equivalent or greater drive / intelligence, but as mentioned by Disgruntled, I don't think I want this to go as far as her putting an entire career before me, and so on.

Similarly, when considering the long term, I do want to start a family, and knowing I have a reliable wife who would potentially be willing to lay down her career to raise our family is both a great and respectable sacrifice -- arguably raising a family is one of the most difficult tasks compared to many careers.

I would say it largely depends on the OP's life goals, but I think a healthy balance of drive (especially nothing wrong with it in her 20s), followed up by a commitment to simple family living is a good mix in my opinion.

Array

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Mar 7, 2020

That was me. Super education/career-oriented (target school MBA/DCM) pre-kids, took extensive time off (Wall St is not super flexi, as you know), and now back in the game. That is how I "had it all" - just not at the same time. 27 yrs 2gether, 25+ married, still healthy and happy. Having a partner, and being supportive and flexible in both directions is key. Sure, I could have stayed working with more household help, but chose not to. And yes, it is a huge sacrifice to give up career for FT family. Not as necessary any more - options are much greater now. And no one knows how they'll feel as a parent - lots of moms want to get back to work ASAP, and that's fine, too. I honestly have not seen any kids not loved and very well cared for if mom worked, including full time and intensive NYC careers.

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Mar 3, 2020

If she's hot bone. Who cares.

Mar 5, 2020

Just because she isn't a hyper career-focused person doesn't mean there's anything wrong with her.

In my case I've got someone like that and I'm considerably more ambitious. What you lose in earning potential you more than make up in overall quality of life and relationship quality.

To be blunt as well most women like that will tend to buy into your vision and mission if you believe strongly in yours. Then instead of having two separate missions, you and her have a shared mission.

    • 1
Mar 9, 2020

Just to give an update on the matter: I ended up not seeing her anymore because I found out that she was lacking what I consider essential in a partner, honesty, and after this I think our vibe was gone. I do have to admit that she was hot af though.

But this whole experience and this thread tbh were very helpful because they made me realize that I don't really want an alpha/career-focussed wife. I want her to have passions and be intelligent, but I realized that I would rather have a wife who wants to take care of the family and who would follow me should I have/want to move from london to the US for instance, than someone who is super ambitious and who would never put anything before her career. I think I value stability/honesty much more than I realized and overall I am happy about this story (even though it kinda sucks when you liked someone and you stop seeing her, no matter how much you rationalize the whole thing) since I learned what to look for in the next one.

Mar 18, 2020
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Mar 20, 2020
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Omnia facit Voluntas - Will alone succeeds