If you aren't married by this age....

For those who have yet to marry, is their an age in mind that if you don't find your wife to settle down, you will end up staying single? 1 MD and 1 VP I know are both going through (expensive, nasty) divorces, and both share to the incoming Associates to marry young or not at all.

Comments (117)

 
Funniest
Oct 26, 2020 - 11:38am

21 right now. If I find somebody soon and they're "the one" then sure, but the age I've always had in mind is around early 30's. I could also just live the single life until I'm 40 and marry a girl who is 21 like my uncle.

The main thing about money, Bud, is that it makes you do things you don't want to do.

  • 28
 
Oct 26, 2020 - 1:18pm

Currently early-mid 20s and early-mid 30s is my target. Gives me another 5-10 years to work with and by then I should be comfortably established to the point I can support a family. Definitely want to get some world traveling under my belt before having kids.

Array

  • 2
 
Nov 5, 2020 - 3:02pm

I guess it's worked for them, they've married 12 years at this point. I guess it would depend on the people, no? My uncle is the young at heart type of guy, always busy and his wife is more mature, older than her years type. They even each other out. I can't speak for them, but that's what the family says lol.

The main thing about money, Bud, is that it makes you do things you don't want to do.

 
Oct 26, 2020 - 8:25pm

i cant speak from my experience cause its not a custom practice in my culture (I'm Irish) 

 

but I personally would want to meet a girl that we can both fall madly in love either than me being contempt with an girl from an arranged marriage. Like i wanna spend my life with my best friend/wife instead of marrying a random chick just for the sake for marrying 

also marrying and starting a family is freaking expensive so I wouldn't want to do that with someone i just met through an arranged marraige

i just rather be single if i cant find a girl which is looking like a serious possibility at this stage LOL 

 

 
  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Oct 26, 2020 - 8:59pm

While that's certainly how it used to be decades ago in my culture (I'm Indian), that's not really how the practice works anymore. In rural villages, sure, people still get married and meet each other for the first time on their wedding day. It's a practice that's astounding to not only me, but to my grandparents as well who are relatively old-fashioned. The concept is that you are arranged together by your families to meet and see if it's a good fit. One family (and I mean almost the whole family) will visit the house of another whole family. The boy and the girl will go to a separate part of the house and have a conversation or share a meal to see if they have similar priorities in life or if there's some sort of connection between them. On the other hand, the families will interact with each other and see if they fit with each other. If both the parents and the kids agree with it, then the marriage moves forward. If it doesn't then, they move on to the next person. I'm at an age where a bunch of my older cousins are starting to get married and when I was in India over the summer of 2019, I went on some of these trips. It's not uncommon at all for someone to go to 3 or 4 potential spouse's house in a day and end up meeting 100s of people to potentially marry.

 

We ran the numbers on my cousin and he ended up meeting 246 girls and their families before finally getting the one. He's by no means a catch (receding hairline, shitty job, dad bod coming in, kinda ugly) but he got 246 girls to meet him and seriously consider marrying him. He ended up getting married to someone that he finds attractive and someone that he fits with on an emotional level. Can he get divorced in the future? Sure. But imo, the chances are pretty low because it's just such a good fit.

 

It's really enticing to me (and other ugly brown guys) cause i can date a maximum of a few girls a year and most of them are not wifey, but this process can do things like take my cousin to the final stage with 100s of girls over a few months and that's why it's such a tantalizing backup plan for me lol.

 
  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Oct 27, 2020 - 11:00pm

Well, when you find the right girl you'll know regardless of whether it's from a love or arranged marriage. If you found the right girl via an arranged marriage, then it won't really hit the ego (but I see what you mean, it's like you struck out on your own and you needed your parents to get you hitched). If you didn't find the right girl, then don't just marry any girl (unless it's for the papers, in which case I fully approve).

 
Oct 30, 2020 - 1:53pm

Honestly, a lot of people are in "arranged" marriages now. 

When people have arranged marriages, it just the parents looking for qualities in someone else. People do the same on their own; it doesn't specifically have to for money or acclaim. If you were raised on a farm mostly likely you're looking for someone else who was also raised that way; you prob don't want to date an animal rights banker lady/man. 

 

 

 
Controversial
Oct 26, 2020 - 12:06pm

Age doesn't matter, especially since men can typically date younger anyway. The most important factor that age plays into is establishment. What I've noticed and experienced is that women will expect you to virtually take care of them and it's like this person becomes an extension of you. If you go out to eat and on average it costs $20 for a quick bite, having a steady partner as a man means it will now cost you $40. If you want to have children, that is a direct extension of you, and so now that's going to be half off for a children's meal, plus two adult meals--so that quick bite is now $50.

Beyond money, you also have to think about the responsibility. When you are hungry, you need to think about how hungry is this woman. You need to be in a place where you can take on that responsibility to make sure that two people get fed or three or more, however it is for you. That is stress, time, and money out of your pocket you could save and use to establish yourself further.

I don't think a general rule should be the younger the better, especially not for men, because of the level of responsibility and the obstacle that comes between you and your goals. It's much easier to reserve your cash, time, and mental bandwidth for accomplishing goals overtime that can lead to success in achieving your potential when you don't have a steady partner in a girlfriend or wife. Overtime, you may be able to start accomplishing some of your goals, but I would say hitting certain milestones are a better gauge for me, than hitting a certain age.

 
Most Helpful
  • Intern in IB - Ind
Oct 26, 2020 - 1:01pm

I hate to say it, but there are countless posts of dudes who want 'non-threatening, school teacher' kinda girls so that they will eventually become homemakers.

I CouLd neVeR daTe AnoTher bAnkEr bEcaUse my KidS nEeD a MoThEr 

No shit she's going to depend on you, that's what you wanted in the first place. I don't know what kind of women guys on this forum are interacting with. I agree that there are women who you will have to 'take care of', but successful and accomplished women do exist... 

 

 

 
Oct 26, 2020 - 1:20pm

 

I hate to say it, but there are countless posts of dudes who want 'non-threatening, school teacher' kinda girls so that they will eventually become homemakers.

I CouLd neVeR daTe AnoTher bAnkEr bEcaUse my KidS nEeD a MoThEr 

No shit she's going to depend on you, that's what you wanted in the first place. I don't know what kind of women guys on this forum are interacting with. I agree that there are women who you will have to 'take care of', but successful and accomplished women do exist... 

 

 

Nah. I've dated women who essentially make similar money to me. I found that they interpret your commitment by how much you "do" for them, which always takes money.

 
  • Intern in IB - Gen
Oct 27, 2020 - 11:35am

finally something good in here! Thank you for saying that. I truly don't know what kind of women men on this forum interact with. I am a woman and I work crazy hard. So do all my female friends (from college and at my bank). All women I know are financially independent. Literally the only reason why I'd want to be with someone is for companionship/having love in my life lol. You can keep your money thanks very much. 

 
Oct 26, 2020 - 2:57pm

maineiac42

Your expectations are more inline with what you should plan for when adopting a child, not marrying your spouse. Keeping track of their hunger and making sure they get a meal? Give me a fucking break. 

I think you're reading too much into my comment. I'm a single now, so I'm definitely not blinded by "love", but there is a certain rhythm to relationships that is pretty standard.

 
Oct 26, 2020 - 12:21pm

I think they meant "marry while you're young", not when you're older. When you meet someone in your early 20s, you can live together, grow and mature together, and by going through all this and surviving I think that's a pretty good gauge of how well you can trust someone, and if you want to marry them (this when you get married). You go through a lot of change in your 20s, along with many ups and downs, making through all of that can create a strong bond. This is why most people prefer to get married in their 20s, also if children is something you want, it's better to have them early on as you don't want to still have kinds in the house when you're 60. Marriage is a contentious issue these days, as is having children, but from what I have seen people that push off marriage until later in life seem to regret it most (as in they stay single longer, don't end up marrying, and end up lonely). There's a lot of talk about how men can date younger, and while there is some truth to this, a 40 year old is going to have a hard time relating to a 25 year old, and the odds of having a successful relationship or marriage are quite low. Divorce also has a lot of men on edge these days, and going forward I don't expect to see many men marrying outside their respective "class" as often as they did in the past. Marriage rates have been dropping for decades, and this trend isn't showing any signs of stopping. Marriage may be the new caste system (many speculate that marriage will be reserved for the wealthy in the future). 

 
Oct 26, 2020 - 4:34pm

Honestly, hate to judge, but I think more women have an age in mind for the time they need to be married then men, usually for more biological reasons. 

Getting married young, or married at all, is for it to be successful you need two parts to work 1.) someone you're physically attracted to 2.) someone you're compatible with in a lot of aspects of life (financial, hobbies, interests, thoughts on life, kids). Most people go for one or the other. Though not mutually exclusive, its difficult to find both.

A lot of it comes down to expectations as well. A big problem I think is that some couples don't explain what they want out of their marriage, but then get into problems when the other person doesn't do what they want. 

 

 
Oct 26, 2020 - 8:16pm

Bizkitgto

I think they meant "marry while you're young", not when you're older. When you meet someone in your early 20s, you can live together, grow and mature together, and by going through all this and surviving I think that's a pretty good gauge of how well you can trust someone, and if you want to marry them (this when you get married). You go through a lot of change in your 20s, along with many ups and downs, making through all of that can create a strong bond. This is why most people prefer to get married in their 20s, also if children is something you want, it's better to have them early on as you don't want to still have kinds in the house when you're 60. Marriage is a contentious issue these days, as is having children, but from what I have seen people that push off marriage until later in life seem to regret it most (as in they stay single longer, don't end up marrying, and end up lonely). There's a lot of talk about how men can date younger, and while there is some truth to this, a 40 year old is going to have a hard time relating to a 25 year old, and the odds of having a successful relationship or marriage are quite low. Divorce also has a lot of men on edge these days, and going forward I don't expect to see many men marrying outside their respective "class" as often as they did in the past. Marriage rates have been dropping for decades, and this trend isn't showing any signs of stopping. Marriage may be the new caste system (many speculate that marriage will be reserved for the wealthy in the future). 

I can see almost no benefits to marriage for a man. The downsides are endless. Now, I'm not advocating for endless promiscuity, but marriage is a really, really bad deal for men in the modern world. I'm not sure what the answer is, but there are endless accounts of men who have bitterly regretted marriage at all, let alone in their youth. 

Array
 
  • VP in IB-M&A
Oct 26, 2020 - 10:57pm

Just marry someone who isn't a loser. It's not that difficult.
 

I have a friend in CA who has to pay his ex (who cheated on, and left, him for being too boring) roughly $100k a year for the next 3 years because he makes quintuple what she does because she is a fucking loser who is utterly incapable of living within her means. Another friend just got divorced in NY from his college gf and they split cleanly and quietly because she makes around what he does and was good about her investing while together, and they only broke up because one changed their mind about having kids. 
 

Second friend is doing ok in a bittersweet way. First friend can't even afford a nice place for himself anymore and has to rebuild all of his retirement accounts because his loser of an ex never saved a cent of her own to begin with

 
Oct 27, 2020 - 4:26pm

Yea, but I feel most of those people who it doesn't work out for tend to be lasse faire about who they marry. Most of these people are just getting married because some one is "there". 

It's kind of like investing; just because you do due diligence doesn't it will work out, and investments can work out with no due diligence. However, if you are going to invest, do you want to do the due diligence or not?

 
Oct 26, 2020 - 1:07pm

I got married at 24, which is a lot younger than I had pictured earlier in life. But it worked out, I got lucky, found an amazing woman who is also incredibly mature and sees a vision for the life we want to create together. We've grown together, went through ups and downs, both impacted by COVID and riding on the savings account watching it go down, then making it work and now we're better off than ever before. Normally people advise not to marry young but I think it has its pros.

“The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.” - Nassim Taleb
  • 4
 
  • Intern in IB - Ind
Oct 26, 2020 - 1:08pm

My family has always advocated for prenups- not because they're super wealthy or anything, but to protect yourself from others' debt. My $0.02 is to get a prenup whenever you get married, as harsh as it sounds. 

 
Oct 26, 2020 - 4:08pm

maineiac42

FYI a prenup will not help you stay out form under the debt if it is accumulated during the marriage. 

That isn't entirely true.  There are ways to get around it... but anyone running up such vast debts (I assume we're talking credit cards and not mortgages) that it's a burden for them probably neither needs a  prenup nor should be spending money on a lawyer for one.

Separating out things like student debt is super easy.

 
Oct 26, 2020 - 1:52pm

any of you get married younger than i did at 22? it was so not my goal lol i was having a good time i wish we'd met a couple years later tbh

but also the life you can build when you get married young is really something different imo

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
 
Oct 26, 2020 - 5:48pm

TheDebtStar

Didn't you just post about your wife in a very negative way? 

https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/have-you-ever-met-a-female-psych…

yeah i never said the shit was roses lol but the life we have built is pretty powerful and not something i had if i spent my 20s dating around

also, about half of my posts on this site were made in blackout drunk mania in the 2-4am time window and i don't remember making a lot of those. so you can't take any of it too seriously

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
  • 4
 
Oct 26, 2020 - 2:27pm

My ceiling is 35. Anything pass that, I belong to the streets forever.

"Full speed ahead, damn the torpedoes." -U.S. Navy General Farragut
  • 5
 
Oct 26, 2020 - 9:50pm

Strom Thurmond had his youngest son in his 70s.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

 
Oct 26, 2020 - 4:45pm

BankerForNow

For those who have yet to marry, is their an age in mind that if you don't find your wife to settle down, you will end up staying single?

117

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 1
 
Oct 27, 2020 - 7:36am

Most people on this forum are young, educated and high earning men. Remember, your value only increases with age and you can still have kids in your 40's, so don't rush. Can't say the same for women. My point is, marriage is great if you find the right person, unfortunately, the dating pool doesn't inspire too much confidence at this stage.

 
Oct 27, 2020 - 12:29pm

I'm married here so I'll share my insight. I used to be young (although I'm not that old either) like you guys expecting I was invincible. Everyone dreams of the models & bottles lifestyle and making $10 mill a year and pulling up to your NYC penthouse in your Ferrari. Now realistically less than 1% of the people on this forum will achieve this lifestyle. However, lets just say you achieve this lifestyle. Sure you'll have some sort of short-term satisfaction, but you won't have someone to share your life with. Believe me, a simple Friday night binge watching Netflix with your SO is a lot more meaningful than a Friday night in your 30s partying.

Array

  • 4
 
Oct 27, 2020 - 2:42pm

A lot of garbage advice here, and in general in a lot of places. Marry young, marry when you are settled, marry when you find 'the one' - stop putting all the freaking pressure on it. Let things evolve organically. No one has a 'high-probability of success' framework for relationships. Getting married is not the only objective of life. There are 7-8 billion of us, give or take. The world would be absolutely fine if you and/or I do not pass on our genes. 

 

Marry when you feel like you want to grow with this person. Good 'love-making' is essential but what will you do after all those hours? Can you be bored and comfortable with this person? Does this person make you feel excited and at peace here and there? That's pretty much all you need from a good partner.

 

No matter when you marry, there will be speed-breakers. Marry a dude, girl, school teacher, or a blue alien. Who cares what happens inside your house. Your MD and VP have a recency bias. Even the people who get divorced have had some good stories to tell. And the ones who have been living together for decades - oh, they have fought like hell once in a while; and they worked through it. That working through it can happen at any stage in your life, pal.

 

A couple very close to me got married early in life. And grew co-dependent (that's a term). They have three children, nice kids. But their marriage is not functioning. I am not sure about the insides but something seems off. They are not very social and the wife is often, for the lack of a better term, off. The guy is not that outgoing either. I might be entirely speculating here but that's my take. And then there are folks who were married for a few weeks but boy - they had amazing weeks.

 

If you are worried about parting with half of your earnings because it did not work, it's less about when you marry and more about who you marry. Focus on that last part pal. And most probably, it won't matter when you marry. Peace. 

 

Funny advice from a 23-year old.

 
Oct 27, 2020 - 2:57pm

in my mid 20s -- don't expect to get married till 35 unless i get stankin rich BOI

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

  • 1
 
Oct 27, 2020 - 8:59pm

-

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

 
Oct 29, 2020 - 2:11pm

Jesus....some of these replies here are depressing. WSO wants to date the teacher or housewife, but then wonders why they are the ones paying for the $500 dinner date. WSO wants to date solely based on income and submissiveness and then wonders why they are taken to the cleaners in divorce court. If you're paying for most of your dates, you're doing it wrong. If you're constantly thinking about divorce, you're in the wrong relationship. If you think that a prenup will solve a crappy relationship, look into your state's community property laws. Dating isn't hard....but WSO seems to love dating shitheads. You need to get better at weeding out terrible partners.

 
Oct 29, 2020 - 6:59pm

I think this is different for everyone. I think everyone should get some experience under their belt before committing (life experience and dating experience unless you feel something really special with that person and you're dating for a while 1-2 years). That's why I think the golden age is around the late 20's, however, everyone gains this experience at a different pace.

I'm a completely different person from who I was 5 years ago, even 2 years ago, and appreciate I have more time to explore who I am and what I want from my partner. I learned in the past two years that I extremely value communication, and thoughtfulness. When in college, I was just obsessed with finding a woman, and never focused on what I liked but what she liked and catering to her. That has changed thankfully, and sadly there are lots of people who haven't grown past that stage and put their partners on a pedestal. 

 

Array
 
Oct 30, 2020 - 3:27am

People get in trouble when they let age, societal/familial pressure, or economic status determine how they select their wife/husband.  If you let external factors determine your spousal choice, you run a high risk of it not working out.  When things get really hard in a relationship, which they inevitably do, you will not have the intrinsic motivation to stick it out and you'll look for an out (or worse off you'll check out).  There is a reason why people call it a "Soul Mate" - not a "Hey this is convenient mate."

Marriage is a serious responsibility, and a major risk - no doubt about it.  

But respect the risk, and find someone worth taking it for. 

If not, don't get married because it's not for you.  You run a good probabilty of it not ending up well.

"A man can convince anyone he's somebody else, but never himself."
 
Nov 1, 2020 - 3:43pm

Could someone genuinely tell me the benefits of marrying as a man in this day and age, other than maybe some tax benefits??

Like I just don't get why you would ever want to get married. It's more responsibility, you're confined to just one girl when humans are naturally polygamous, you pretty much lose half of your net worth if she ends up divorcing you, forget all those "fridays are for the bois", etc.

For a girl, I totally get it. Apart from their natural biological drive to reproduce and have offspring, they (unfortunately) deal with more stigma if they are single past a certain age, and they also get financial security with marriage.

Idk someone enlighten me, cause marriage sounds pretty awful imo. Unless ofc you find "the one" that also makes good money, and you are truly in love. But how often does that actually happen?? 50% of marriages end in divorce for a reason. Not to mention having to (possibly) deal with creepy ass, toxic exes

 
Nov 2, 2020 - 11:09am
Start Discussion

Total Avg Compensation

November 2020 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (18) $713
  • Vice President (52) $334
  • Associates (272) $228
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (39) $161
  • 2nd Year Analyst (152) $153
  • Intern/Summer Associate (139) $139
  • 1st Year Analyst (593) $130
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (566) $82

Leaderboard See all

1
LonLonMilk's picture
LonLonMilk
98.4
2
Jamoldo's picture
Jamoldo
98.3
3
Secyh62's picture
Secyh62
98.3
4
CompBanker's picture
CompBanker
97.9
5
redever's picture
redever
97.8
6
Addinator's picture
Addinator
97.5
7
bolo up's picture
bolo up
97.5
8
Edifice's picture
Edifice
97.5
9
NuckFuts's picture
NuckFuts
97.5
10
frgna's picture
frgna
97.5