If you could punch one well known person in the face, who would it be?

SaltySpitoon's picture
Rank: Baboon | 134

I have a pretty long list but I'll just stick to my numero uno. Also, there are no consequences after hitting them.

Justin Bieber. Obama is a close second, but I HATE Justin Bieber. By far the biggest douche bag on the face of the planet. Kid thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread. It's only a matter of time before he goes into a stage 5 meltdown like Lohan or Bynes. (They use to be so hot).

Comments (157)

Jun 10, 2013

Yea I'd for sure punch Justin Bieber in the face.

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Dec 8, 2017

Be more satisfying to chuck him out of a plane with the parachute not to work.

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Jun 10, 2013

Dick Cheney.

Please don't quote Patrick Bateman.

Jun 10, 2013
DBCooper:

Dick Cheney.

With brass knuckles

Jun 10, 2013
UFOinsider:
DBCooper:

Dick Cheney.

With brass knuckles

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

Jun 10, 2013

Cain Velasquez.

Bragging rights, much?

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Jun 10, 2013

Nancy Pelosi and/or Diana DeGette - I'm opposed to violence against women, but I think I could make an exception with these two.luminaries.

Jun 10, 2013
TechBanking:

Nancy Pelosi and/or Diana DeGette - I'm opposed to violence against women, but I think I could make an exception with these two.luminaries.

Pelosi was a close second for me there. I just can't get over wanting to punch Bieber in his shit eating grin

Jun 10, 2013

Bieber

Jun 10, 2013

Why waste a free punch on the Biebs?

I'd pick Diane Fienstein.

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Jun 10, 2013
StryfeDSP:

Why waste a free punch on the Biebs?

I'd pick Diane Fienstein.

This is a good one.

My drinkin' problem left today, she packed up all her bags and walked away.

Jun 10, 2013

^ Dat's anti-semitic bra

But seriously, most of Congress deserves a swift kick in the bum

Jun 10, 2013

I said 'Bieber' before I even opened this thread.

Jun 10, 2013

Piers Morgan

Jun 10, 2013

Piers Morgan + Paul Krugman. Maybe not Krugman as much, since he might turn out to be right 50 years down the road (who knows...). But definitely Piers Morgan.

Jun 10, 2013

Dyler Turden(s) at ZH

Snootchie Bootchies

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Jun 10, 2013

Maxine Waters

"The HBS guys have MAD SWAGGER. They frequently wear their class jackets to boston bars, strutting and acting like they own the joint. They just ooze success, confidence, swagger, basically attributes of alpha males."

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Jun 10, 2013

Pitbull

Jun 10, 2013

Brady4MVP

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Jun 10, 2013

Rachel Maddow

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Jun 10, 2013

Probably Rush Limbaugh.

I'd love to punch the king of Dubai too.

"That dude is so haole, he don't even have any breath left."

Jun 10, 2013

Elizabeth Warren

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Aug 4, 2017

I feel like a nice backhand would be more enjoyable than a punch, personally. Still boggles my mind how MA elected two complete wingbats for senators.

Jun 10, 2013

Ann Coulter and Donald Trump

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Jun 10, 2013

Glenn Beck.

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Jun 10, 2013

Your Mom

Jun 10, 2013
SaltySpitoon:

Justin Bieber.

Anyone who hates Bieber that much is clearly mental ill. Why be jealous of a guy who looks like he is 12 years old and makes his money selling $hity music to girls who are too young for anyone here.

Jun 10, 2013
John Daggett:
SaltySpitoon:

Justin Bieber.

Anyone who hates Bieber that much is clearly mental ill. Why be jealous of a guy who looks like he is 12 years old and makes his money selling $hity music to girls who are too young for anyone here.

Bieber gets more poon and makes more than 99% of users here. I would definitely be as cocky as him, it's just what happens when you get both fame and fortune.

Jun 10, 2013
DaisukiDaYo:
John Daggett:

SaltySpitoon:
Justin Bieber.

Anyone who hates Bieber that much is clearly mental ill. Why be jealous of a guy who looks like he is 12 years old and makes his money selling $hity music to girls who are too young for anyone here.

Bieber gets more poon and makes more than 99% of users here. I would definitely be as cocky as him, it's just what happens when you get both fame and fortune.

Money only buys love in Nevada.

Jun 10, 2013
John Daggett:
SaltySpitoon:

Justin Bieber.

Anyone who hates Bieber that much is clearly mental ill. Why be jealous of a guy who looks like he is 12 years old and makes his money selling $hity music to girls who are too young for anyone here.

Let's see here:

-Constantly in the media and thus on my computer screen for his stupid shit
-Makes millions off of his shitty music (which not only tweens buy)
-Always acts like a douchebag that thinks he's the shit
-Following the above, 12 year old girl in disguise
-Makes more than anyone on this forum, and more than 99.9% of those on Wall Street who actually work

I can be annoyed by a little shitbag if I so chose.

Jun 10, 2013
John Daggett:
SaltySpitoon:

Justin Bieber.

Anyone who hates Bieber that much is clearly mental ill. Why be jealous of a guy who looks like he is 12 years old and makes his money selling $hity music to girls who are too young for anyone here.

Jealous is the last word that comes to mind when I think of that chode. I would knock him out because I think he is a stain on the underpants of society.

You cannot help men permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves. - Abraham Lincoln

Jun 10, 2013
SaltySpitoon:

Jealous is the last word that comes to mind when I think of that chode. I would knock him out because I think he is a stain on the underpants of society.

LOL. Side note, I like your screen name.

Jun 10, 2013

Dianne Feinstein, Nancy Pelosi, Pier Morgan, or that angry little boy Rachel Maddow. Whoever was available at the time. Wouldn't matter.

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Jun 10, 2013
SaltySpitoon:

I have a pretty long list but I'll just stick to my numero uno. Also, there are no consequences after hitting them.

Justin Bieber. Obama is a close second, but I HATE Justin Bieber. By far the biggest douche bag on the face of the planet. Kid thinks he's the greatest thing since sliced bread. It's only a matter of time before he goes into a stage 5 meltdown like Lohan or Bynes. (They use to be so hot).

For me, it's between Eric Holder and Barack Obama. I abhor both of those people so much. Sometimes I'm almost cool and they don't bother me and other times I wish them cancer.

Jun 10, 2013

Everyone here seems to lack creativity.

I would punch Flo, the woman in the Progressive car insurance commercials.

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Jun 10, 2013

One MD in particular from when I was an analyst.

Jun 10, 2013

Eric Holder

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Jun 10, 2013

Jeez, who knew that Wall Street spent so much time and effort fuming about Justin Bieber??

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Jun 10, 2013

Edward Snowden and if the Chinese won't let me, then the Gangam Style guy

Jun 10, 2013
BlackHat:

Edward Snowden and if the Chinese won't let me, then the Gangam Style guy

This.

Apr 27, 2015

you do know that snowden is not in china, right?

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Aug 4, 2017
MBA_Junkie:

you do know that snowden is not in china, right?

This.

Jun 10, 2013

I second Gangnam Style guy...it would definitely give me pleasure to punch him in the mouth.

Also second Dick Cheney.

Not too creative I guess, looks like all the good ones are already taken.

Jun 11, 2013

Preet Bharara

- Steve A. Cohen

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Jun 11, 2013

Preet Bharara

- Raj Rajaratnam

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Jun 11, 2013

Donald Trump

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Jun 11, 2013

^^ Punch Raj right off the boat

"That dude is so haole, he don't even have any breath left."

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Jun 11, 2013

Floyd Mayweather

Sep 16, 2013
Little Engine Would:

Floyd Mayweather

"Yeah, so I punched Floyd Mayweather."
"Then what?"
"He beat the fucking shit out of me."
"Oh nice."

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Jun 17, 2013

Don't care if he's a celebrity or not, it'd be this guy for sure. I'd Kanye West this guy's jaw.

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Sep 9, 2013
madmoney15:

Don't care if he's a celebrity or not, it'd be this guy for sure. I'd Kanye West this guy's jaw.

Wow I just saw this entire video. Kid is a total dumbass.

Jun 17, 2013

"A panel consisting of the Black Student Union, Muslim Student Association and Student Government Association..." Do you not see the cognitive dissonance in that? It's ok for black people, muslim people and nerds to create their own organizations but not white people?

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Jun 17, 2013
NorthSider:



BlackHat:

Edward Snowden and if the Chinese won't let me, then the Gangam Style guy


This.

THANK YOU.

Jun 17, 2013
DCDepository:

"A panel consisting of the Black Student Union, Muslim Student Association and Student Government Association..." Do you not see the cognitive dissonance in that? It's ok for black people, muslim people and nerds to create their own organizations but not white people?

OKKKK?

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Jun 17, 2013
UFOinsider:
DCDepository:

"A panel consisting of the Black Student Union, Muslim Student Association and Student Government Association..." Do you not see the cognitive dissonance in that? It's ok for black people, muslim people and nerds to create their own organizations but not white people?

OKKKK?

Really original.

Jun 17, 2013
DCDepository:



UFOinsider:



DCDepository:


"A panel consisting of the Black Student Union, Muslim Student Association and Student Government Association..." Do you not see the cognitive dissonance in that? It's ok for black people, muslim people and nerds to create their own organizations but not white people?


OKKKK?


Really original.

......okkk?

Ok, kidding aside, I'm white and I'm not sure I'd want to join a group where the only thing everyone had in common was ......being white. Like, what's the point? I have no use for "white empowerment", we kind of already run things. Here, check this out: www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG4f9zR5yzY

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Jun 17, 2013

I'm shocked no one has said ME.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

Jun 17, 2013
heister:

I'm shocked no one has said ME.

When I saw you were the last post on this thread, all I kept thinking was how I wanted to let you know that I'd punch you in the face...

Sep 10, 2013

Paul Krugman.

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Sep 10, 2013

Alex Trebeck.

He's standing there smugly like he knows the answer. We know the answer is written on that card you're holding Alex.

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Sep 10, 2013

Kim Kardashian

Yes, I would punch this woman, errrr plastic surgery junkie. Thanks goodness that family is becoming increasingly irrelevant.

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Sep 10, 2013

Janeane Garofalo...man she really grinds my gears.

In pursuit of four monitors...

Sep 10, 2013

Sasha Grey, I heard she likes it.

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Sep 10, 2013

Kanye West. How pleased I would be to knock the "I am a god" out of him.

Close second is Chris Brown. Just for the irony.

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Apr 27, 2015

Dana White

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Apr 27, 2015

Sheldon Adelson hands down

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Apr 28, 2015
jankynoname:

Sheldon Adelson hands down

I like it ^^

Tim Geithner, Pelosi a close second.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Apr 27, 2015

Sidney Crosby

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Apr 28, 2015

I don't think I'd be able to stop at JUST one though.

Apr 27, 2015

Hmmmm....this probably changes daily.

  1. Whoever comes up the GEICO commercials
  2. Eric Holder
  3. Hillary Clinton
  4. Bill Maher
  5. Jim Buss (Lakers co-owner; dude seriously needs to step away from basketball-related decision making)
  6. Algore
  7. Lena Dunham
  8. Michael Bloomberg
  9. ISIS and al-Qaeda, if the "punching" involved 5000-lb JDAM bombs
  10. Rolling Stone (the mag, not the band)

Oops, just realized I had to pick only one. Maybe I have anger management issues haha....

Apr 27, 2015
SpeedAKL:

Lena Dunham

Strong pick. Very strong.

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Apr 27, 2015
DickFuld:

"SpeedAKL" wrote:Lena Dunham

Strong pick. Very strong.

Come on Dick, I would have thought you'd have more concrete people like Hank on your list. Personally, I'd like to beat the shit out of, not just punch, a few people in my past who have fucked me over in real dollar terms. Celebs and politicians can be annoying but I'd like to royally fuck up a few people that cost me well into 7/8 figures. When I can't fall asleep at night instead of counting sheep, I get an odd Palpatine like calm by thinking of smashing their faces in and I somehow sleep like a baby (although baby's don't sleep, so more so that I sleep like a drank a fifth of bourbon).

Dec 6, 2017

In light of recent events, I would like to second Lena Dunahm and recommend "her" even more strongly as a candidate.

Apr 28, 2015

annnddd... racist.

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Apr 28, 2015

This will probably cause a fracas, but I would punch Jeremy Clarkson.

Now the world doesn't get to see the McLaren P1 vs Ferrari theFerrari vs Porsche 918 battle that EVERYONE has been waiting for.

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Apr 28, 2015

Echoing Lena Dunham. Utterly repulsive.

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Apr 29, 2015

Strong pick with Lena Dunham. In that same vein, I'd have to throw in Sabrina Rubin Erdely, the Rolling Stones writer of the UVA campus rape story. And not because she got the story wrong, but because she REFUSED to apologize to the fraternity she tarnished in her apology-non-apology a month ago. How low could one's character possibly be to (mistakenly?) accuse a group of young men of ritualized gang rape and then to refuse to apologize to them once she realized the story was false? Simply unbelievable.

Aug 4, 2017

Eric Holder

Aug 4, 2017

My dad

    • 1
Aug 4, 2017

Rosie O'Donnell

Aug 4, 2017

Steph Curry. Not saying he isn't good, but keep your mouthpiece where it belongs you smug bitch.

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Best Response
Aug 4, 2017

Bernie Sanders, the socialist cun*t

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Aug 4, 2017

Cosign.

Aug 4, 2017

he literally might not survive the impact. are you prepared to kill a man?

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

Aug 4, 2017

It's for the greater good.

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Aug 4, 2017

Elizabeth Warren... banker hating cunt.

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Aug 6, 2017

Pocohantus, this isn't your world anymore, your 'people' are gone

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Aug 4, 2017

Russell Brand
And several times over. Because I feel like after the first punch, he'd act indignant about it and like oh my gawsh did you just hit me? That's when you hit him a bunch more then put his ass to sleep. Then he comes to with his eyebrows missing.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

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Aug 4, 2017

Any Kardashian

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Dec 5, 2017

I had to scroll WAY too far to finally find someone say this. Those leeches only exist to try to stir up drama, and the unwashed masses just gobble it up.

I'd love to punch Kylie or Kim or whomever the fuck is most popular right now.

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Aug 4, 2017

Mark Zuckerberg

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Dec 6, 2017

what "shhtyle" would you use?

Aug 4, 2017

Tucker Carlson....

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Aug 7, 2017

So much MS thrown at me for Tucker Carlson.

All he does is win debates/arguments, even the ones where he clearly wrong. Example the Bill Nye debate on Climate Change.

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Aug 4, 2017

John Oliver

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Aug 4, 2017

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West at the same time because they're the same heaping pile of shit in my eyes.

Aug 4, 2017

Tom Brady

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Aug 4, 2017

No Order:
- Dick Cheney
- King Salman of Saudi Arabia
- Bashar Al-Assad
- Benjamin Netanyahu

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Aug 5, 2017
MarkBaum:

No Order:
- Dick Cheney
- King Salman of Saudi Arabia
- Bashar Al-Assad
- Benjamin Netanyahu

why do u wanna punch Netanyahu?

Dec 6, 2017

Maybe cuz he's an asshole?

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Aug 5, 2017

George Soros
Barry Obama
Hillary
Maxine Waters
Pelosi
Krugman
Tim Robbins
Tom Cruise
Lane Kiffin
David Letterman
Jay Leno

to name a few

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Aug 7, 2017
joey joe joe shabadoo:

George Soros
Barry Obama
Hillary
Maxine Waters
Pelosi
Krugman
Tim Robbins
Tom Cruise
Lane Kiffin
David Letterman
Jay Leno

to name a few

Perfect list. Not one on here that I wouldn't like to punch

Dec 6, 2017
joey joe joe shabadoo:

Tim Robbins

to name a few

I see him walking around a lot where I live, you could take him.

Aug 6, 2017

Kevin Durant.
Ruined the NBA

    • 1
Aug 6, 2017

Kim Jung Un
Sanders
Hillary Clinton
Dick Fuld
Ed Sheeran
The Affluenza Kid
Anyone with a manbun

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Aug 6, 2017

Concur with above regarding Lena Dunham but also I am throwing in Amy Schumer - I don't think this requires an explanation as they are essentially the same gross person. Taste the equality.

'I'm jacked... JACKED TO THE TITS!!'

Aug 7, 2017

Bernie Sanders
Lena Dunham

Aug 7, 2017

Lena Dunham is definitely punchable.

    • 1
Aug 7, 2017

Michael Moore and Nicolas Maduro

Aug 7, 2017

Kim K no hesitation

Aug 7, 2017
guggroth93:

Kim K no hesitation

I mean, I'd smash her for sure, but maybe not with a punch.

    • 1
Aug 7, 2017

stephen miller

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

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Aug 7, 2017

Oprah

Aug 7, 2017

Season 3 Ramsay Bolton

Dec 5, 2017

Colin Cowherd

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Dec 5, 2017

.

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Dec 5, 2017

A yes, the guy putting the internet back into the same regulatory regime that we had for the first 25 years of the internet.

Dec 5, 2017

25 years ago there wasn't a fully scaled and entrenched duopoly that could stifle any sort of market dynamic that would help moderate ISP practices.

Anyways, I'd rather not derail this thread but I think it would make for a good stand alone thread. I'm sure we could violently disagree with each other there.

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Dec 5, 2017

Justin Trudeu

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Dec 6, 2017

I could get behind this.

Dec 5, 2017

Stephen Colbert

"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn
    • 2
Dec 5, 2017

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. How could someone remake Jumanji like that?

Dec 5, 2017

Elizabeth Warren

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Dec 5, 2017

At least for me the stand-out mention on here is Lena Dunham. Grayson Allen also comes to mind.

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    • 1
Dec 5, 2017

Amy Schumer

"If you're afraid - don't do it, if you're doing it - don't be afraid!"
-- Genghis Khan

    • 1
Dec 5, 2017

Stephen Miller

Dec 6, 2017

Are you against the RAISE act or something? I thing merit is very important!

Dec 6, 2017

Steve Mnuchin. Politics aside, he has one of the most punchable faces in the world

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Dec 6, 2017

He really does honestly, and he has kind of a weird tick that makes it even more punchable...

Dec 6, 2017

Tie between Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell

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Dec 6, 2017

Seems cruel to want to punch Mitch McConnell, he looks like a turtle and he is really old.

I second wanting to punch Paul Ryan though.

I wouldn't put people like Pelosi and Maxine Waters on the list, just because they are so old and fragile...

Dec 6, 2017

Or Ben Shapiro and Matt Walsh, so many good options.

Dec 10, 2017

Why Ben Shapiro or Matt Walsh? They are just pundits (I think) that you don't have to listen to or care about and don't have lots of power like Paul Ryan...

bad take bro

Dec 6, 2017

not picking one

elizabeth warren
jeremy corbyn
bernie sanders
donald trump
steve bannon
obama
kim jong un
ellen degeneres
jimmy fallon
rodrigo duterte
joe buck
skip bayless
jay cutler (but I have a feeling he wouldn't care)
michael isaacson
jemele hill
bruce jenner
samantha bee
jim jeffries
ndamunkong suh

Dec 6, 2017

what did Jimmy Fallon ever do to you. Plus I hear he is a raging alcoholic, so he must be fun to party with.

Dec 7, 2017

That's a pretty solid list.

Are we talking body builder Jay Cutler or shitty QB Jay Cutler? If body builder, I would pay to watch you punch him and Suh. RIP.

Dec 7, 2017

QB jay cutler. I'm a green bay fan, hence the hate for both.

I'd only punch suh if I was sure there wouldn't be any retaliation, I'm not an idiot.

Dec 10, 2017

Almost a good list until you put a hero like Rodrigo Duterte on there SMH.

Dec 6, 2017

Can't believe no one has mentioned Martin Shkreli.

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Dec 6, 2017

Zuckerberg

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Dec 6, 2017

Skip Bayless

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Dec 6, 2017

Too many to list: Zuckerberg, Obama, Jamelle Bouie, Shaun King, Tim Wise, Kurt Eichenwald, Ta-nehisi Coates.

Dec 6, 2017

there used to a thread here called "do you hate poor people?

i think a more fitting thread would be "do you hate rich people?"

and judging from this thread, I think the answer is yes.

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Dec 7, 2017

Correlation =/= Causation

Monkey see. Monkey Doo [Doo].

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Dec 6, 2017

I can't resist: If you punched one well-known person in the face, you would be referred to as "One Punch Man."

If you don't get it, look up "One Punch Man."

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Dec 11, 2017

SB for the reference

Dec 7, 2017

Bill Nye. Parading around like a scientist to advance his liberal agenda on gender fluidity and shit. Hate that guy.

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Dec 7, 2017
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Dec 10, 2017
Dec 8, 2017
Nov 14, 2018
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Cash and cash equivalents: $138,311
Financial instruments and other inventory positions owned: $448,166

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"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn