Impossible to date people in chiller fields

My girlfriend works in entertainment and rarely works more than 10 hours in a day, ever (usually ~8h max, like most non finance/consulting jobs). She absolutely hates whenever I cancel plans bc of work which happens a lot. It is honestly causing a huge strain on the relationship and I think we may break up over my not being available enough. 

What do to broz? Should I resign myself to a life of dating other finance/consulting types? Seems like a sad life :(

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Jul 27, 2021 - 8:00pm

You can definitely find someone who will accept your way of living.

Explain your schedule to them near the beginning, and try to remember to respond to their texts as soon as you can.

You just need to find someone who is patient.

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Jul 27, 2021 - 10:52pm

I mean if you don't plan to work IB hours long term and you're just doing it for 2-4 years then tell her that. If she's not willing to stand by you during the rough times rn then she's not worth it. If you plan on working IB hours for the long term and she doesn't like that, then let her go, it's a strain that'll only grow.

  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
Jul 28, 2021 - 9:32am

People on this site need to hang with consulting chicks. My GF is consultant so she works similar hours to me during the week, and she also makes a similar amount so she actually pays for stuff too.

Many of her coworkers are hot too, I'd say far more attractive on average than female bankers/lawyers.

Jul 28, 2021 - 10:04am

If a person is young, not a high flyer in a finance or consulting role, and wants to enjoy life while being young... I kind of understand it. Looking back at my 20s, I have lost gfs, date nights, missed events, lost many friends, and thought I could have made more effort to spend time with gf or friends. It is one thing to be successful and career oriented, and there is nothing wrong with it. I am like that too. But with a gf who wants to see you on a regular basis... just need to be honest and have a talk about it. What works, what doesn't etc.

I have a small amount of regret that my 20s are gone and I spent most of the time either studying or working or commuting. It was the right thing to do, but maybe I could have enjoyed life a tiny bit more. And maybe you can find a compromise with her as well. On a more quiet day at work, text her and suggest a nice date maybe?

Aug 7, 2021 - 3:09pm

Staffers got her on speed dial lmao

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Jul 29, 2021 - 9:14am

It's really hard dude. I spent my 20s and early 30s dating women who didn't fully grasp what our lifestyle is. Some made it through the first few rough patches but ultimately it didn't work. Almost always because of the lifestyle, not being around, uncertainty around plans, cancellations etc.

Finally found the one. She's in a super chill line of work but understands the grind and hustle that comes with the gig because she shares that mindset. She's hungry af. You could have a chill career person determined to make it to the top and I think they'll get you. Mine certainly did.

Jul 30, 2021 - 3:26pm

You're 22. There will be many more women. Let her dump you but be resigned enough about knowing it will happen that it doesn't hurt much. Start worrying more about dating seriously when you lateral to a buy-side job.

Aug 3, 2021 - 2:34pm

We all felt the same around that age with our exes. That's why we older people have to give good advice to the young ones. In this field, it's often a mutually exclusive choice in early career between making it big or ending up in middle management back office with a wife and 2 kids. I would not be able to live with myself if I let the opportunity go. But it is anyone's choice to make.

  • Consultant in Consulting
Aug 2, 2021 - 6:32pm

Lots of bankers and consultants have spouses/long-term partners that don't have overly demanding careers. Relationships involve compromise - you may not be as available as someone who has a super chill career, but you (hopefully) bring other things to the table that can outweigh that. 

Find someone who likes you enough to put up with your hours, and go from there. Might take a few tries to find the right one, but it's totally worth it.

  • Analyst 2 in IB - Cov
Aug 3, 2021 - 9:19am

Half of the bankers that have spouses started with the spouse prior to banking.  

Aug 3, 2021 - 6:51pm

I see a lot of beating around the bush and some random bro culture cooler talk going on as nobody wants to say the truth here.

The truth is everything in life comes with a trade-off. You knew very well entering consulting/IB what the hours would be which in return you would get a sizable salary for. Everyone wants the salary but with the salary something is being given up? That "something" is the date nights, fun events, parties, etc. that you will miss out on due to work. When you signed up for your job your job becomes your girlfriend/wife and any other girl you may have ends up being treated like a side friend. Everybody on this site talks about dating that attractive gold digger model and if one chooses that path so be it, but given by your response you've chosen the exact opposite. You didn't say but it given that she works a chill job in the entertainment industry, she seems like someone who loves to  have a lot of cool experiences and try out new things, and presumably is a social/party type. It's natural for her to want you (her boyfriend) to be there when she does these things, and you didn't even have to say anything as it's pretty clear by the nature of the job that you're abysmally failing in that role. 

To answer your question more specifically I think there's a personality type disconnect in your relationship which goes beyond just the number of hours she's working. You can have someone in a 40 hour dead-end job who just comes home, browses social media for 3-4 hours, goes to the gym for maybe an hour, cooks food for another hour and then goes to sleep. You'd fit a lot better with someone like that than the person you're currently with. That being said some people (like your GF) view life as a series of shared social experiences (shared with friends, family, and SO) and you are absolutely going to strike out on those people (who in my opinion have the most interesting personalities) in your dating/relationship life. That's an (undesirable) part of the trade-off that you agreed to when you signed up for your job.

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