In the Bank We Trust - The 10 Internship Commandments

In-the-money's picture
Rank: Monkey | 36

1. I, the System Admin, am the God who brought the light and the Internet into your cubicle. You shall never pass the internal firewall and shall not have other gods besides me, such as Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, and Redtube.

2. You shall not make any grave images or likeliness of the things that happen in the conference room up above, nor in the MD's limo on the street below, nor in his private Jacuzzi under the water, nor in the nightclub underground.

3. You shall not take the name of your Holy Bank in vain.

4. Remember to keep the Sabbath night holy. Six days you shall labor and pull up all-nighters, but on the seventh night you shall go out and get crunk.

5. Honor your VP and MD, and your career shall be prosperous and ever-lasting.

6. You shall not kill your associate no matter how annoying and capricious he might be.

7. You shall not commit adultery with anyone in the Holy Bank because this would ruin your chances of touching the Financial Heavens and would kick you down to the jobless Hell of the Street.

8. You shall not steal from the common fridge because the corporate cameras will get you.

9. You shall not bear false witness to your assumptions and Excel models no matter how BS they might be.

10. You shall not covet your coworker's goods and possessions, including his golden Cartier, Prada shoes, $6K-tailored suit, V8 Bentley, supermodel girlfriend, and Manhattan penthouse.

Comments (7)

Jul 15, 2013

Holy*

Jul 15, 2013
In-the-money:

8. You shall not steal from the common fridge because the corporate cameras will get you.

"I do not think that there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverance. It overcomes almost everything, even nature."

Jul 15, 2013

Thanks Asatar.

"No man is poor who can do what he likes to do once in a while! And I like to dive around in my money like a porpoise! And burrow through it like a gopher! And toss it up and let it him me on the head!"
~ Scrooge McDuck

Jul 15, 2013

Words to live by. May St. Dimon bless you.

" The art of good business is being a good middle man" - Eddie Temple (Layer Cake)

Jul 16, 2013

Great write up! Just like Moses!
Who would we call the God of IBanking?

Jul 30, 2013

Commandment 11: Do not act like you are "better" than the analyst/associate just because you are attending a "target" school and the analyst/associate attended a school "inferior" to yours.

I've seen these moments first hand and trust me, they were not pretty.

Jul 30, 2013
Comment

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." --Abraham Lincoln