Insecure/shy intern

Hi,

I have recently started my internship in a big multinational company, way "out of my league" as I come from a small public university and my English is not the best. For some reason they liked me during the assessment centre and here I am. My worry is that I am a bit introverted and not so talkative as some other colleagues, specially other interns. I am also more insecure and shy, afraid of messing up, not been understood due to my accent and I don't dare to take the initiative in meetings because I feel I still don't know enough about the matter (the internship is one year long with a lot of preparatory training) All the other interns come from private business school, have an impressive network and more international experience, also they are used to participate in networking events and seem to be very confident. Due to this fact, sometimes I can't help feeling I am worse than the rest, that my manager may regret his decision or think I am weird... :S

I wanted to know what do you think when an intern seems to be that shy and insecure or in case you had a similar problem, how did you manage to become more confident and stop comparing yourself with the other.

Thank you,

Lena.

 

If my interns come across as shy, I typically try to adjust my managerial style with the hope that they feel more comfortable around me and the team. If they're comfortable, they're more inclined to contribute.

With that said, I do need to see some attempt at improvement throughout the course of the internship. Try not to overthink it. They clearly saw potential in you during the interview process.

 
 

You're not alone. I, too, did internship and I was very shy also. Take your time and during break time you can introduce yourself to whom you feel like talking to.
Anyways, we all have our first day in the corporate environment.

 

If part of your insecurity stems from the fact that these people are more connected, experienced, intelligent, etc., shed your doubts now. You will learn in time that they’re just idiots. Remember this: it’s the most stupid among us who talk most. You’re likely more aware of the work you need to do and thus see your shortcomings as more exposed. Over time people will begin to seem more and more stupid to you, and it’s then that you’ll see you never had anything to worry about.

in it 2 win it
 

Thank you for your reply. The other interns are also intelligent, not only well connected, I get on well with them but I feel quite different when they start speaking about their semester in Switzerland, their internship in Paris... they also know very important people in the business, know how to approach the "right" people, have more than 500 contacts in LinkedIn, etc.

I guess they will be very successful and I am happy for that, I just wonder if there will be opportunities for people who is more "like me", if the managers care a lot about these soft skills (they told me networking within the company is important, so I guess they do). Is not that I don't socialize with other people but I need more time, I like more listening than talking and maybe I find it easier to speak with a random engineer than a popular program manager or talk when there is a group of people.

 

here's the thing

most people who spout off things like that do so from a place of insecurity, they want you to think of them as the 'cool guy from Paris' bc they're worried about how you perceive them now

just realize that they're no better than you, you landed the same internship as them, and you can do all the same stuff they are doing

and on the networking piece? Bragging sometimes HURTS- its easier to talk to someone and have them talk about their experiences- that's what people want to do, and you can definitely let them do that.

 
Most Helpful
BlurVN:
Thank you for your reply. The other interns are also intelligent, not only well connected, I get on well with them but I feel quite different when they start speaking about their semester in Switzerland, their internship in Paris... they also know very important people in the business, know how to approach the "right" people, have more than 500 contacts in LinkedIn, etc.

I guess they will be very successful and I am happy for that, I just wonder if there will be opportunities for people who is more "like me", if the managers care a lot about these soft skills (they told me networking within the company is important, so I guess they do). Is not that I don't socialize with other people but I need more time, I like more listening than talking and maybe I find it easier to speak with a random engineer than a popular program manager or talk when there is a group of people.

You need to radically advance your social skills. If the other interns are going to the bars, go. Take advantage of joining in every social engagement possible. You need to learn to fit in culturally and advance your English skills. The way to do this is not by sitting back but by engaging with every social opportunity possible so you can get to know people and improve your language skills.

 

As time goes by, you will blend in the new corporate environment, things will get more comfortable. Don't stress yourself over it, you'll get used to it and speak up more, for sure.

Array
 

First of all, congrats on landing the internship. On this Part a short hint: the people you compare yourself too, that brag about knowing important people probably did get their internship due to a combination of some smarts and connections. You got it (solely) based on your qualification. So that is not what you should question.

I am surprised, that the people that actually went abroad seem to have learned so little during their time. Usually I see that people return from such an experience changed, and more aware of the people around them. Take a guess they were the sorts of people that went abroad and stayed only with other Americans and avoided any contact to locals.

While companies often claim that for them it is important that you are amazing with soft skills, usually it is enough to be OK, as long as your work is amazing. They will slowly get you up on your feet and on the level they hope you to be on. If they hadn’t seen your potential, they had not offered you an internship.

Over the time, you will complete more and more of your assignments, and I believe that that will give you more confidence. Hence, it should come naturally after a time.

Something I think works great to connect with people in the office is to get lunch with different people from time to time. There is no need for performance during lunch, and if you want to be boring you can even play it by the networking book (i.e. ask about what they like about the job, how they got to the company etc), but what’s better is to actually talk to the peOple, and theoretically bond with them over that. Of they can have a genuine conversation with you, they will enjoy that. And that is just how it goes. From what I read out of your texts, it’s gonna be pretty hard for peers to have a genuine conversation with our brag-athon guys, nobody wants to hear about who in management that intern knows.

And besides: don’t worry about their LinkedIn connections. It’s probably just everyone they saw on LinkedIn with a mildly familiar name.

 

Because for non native english speakers, even though we are fluent in english, it's tiresome. It really is a relief when you can speak your native language, and whenever I have the chance to speak my native language - I will. However, out of politeness, I will always do my best to speak english if I'm at a table with others who only speak english. But instead of feeling threatened by a foreign language you could try learn one!

 

If you were my intern and you finish whatever I ask you to do - correctly the first time - without me having to fix it again - I probably give you a full time offer - even if you were totally a mute.

Anyway the point is if you can perform the work, most managers probably won't care much that you are an introvert. We hire people to get shit done, not to throw a party.

 

How has your manager been treating you? If he adjusts his style to your personality and is willing to mentor you regardless, you're in good hands.

Speaking as someone who always felt out of place and sometimes still do ("how the hell did I get here among these people?"), the feeling gets less and less frequent with time. It gets better - if you end up remembering your roots, you gain a sense of humility which most good senior people infer and appreciate.

As for the interns who talk about their experiences, they may not necessarily be bragging, maybe they're just genuinely talking about it when it comes up. But if they're frequently bringing up people they know in the business, then I agree with everyone above that it's coming from a place of insecurity. Most senior professionals can see that too in conversations, so it's not gonna help those interns in the long run.

My advice to you - work hard, learn as much as you can, don't make the same mistakes twice, and strengthen your relationships with managers/supervisors who take an interest in you. You mentioned you're ok in one-on-one conversations, so use that to your benefit. Good luck!

Move along, nothing to see here.
 

Long story short: You have to knock it off. Why? Because if you want to get a return offer or a recommendation people need to 1) know you, 2) be able to work alongside you for 10h+ a day. If you are always quiet you will be seen as boring and no one will know what kind of person you really are. Relationships matter. Whether your work is great or average doesn’t matter as much as how much you get along with your peers. I am also an intern and my english isn’t great and there are only british people in the office but I try to joke around and have fun as much as possible. Never stop a conversation(if it fits the culture). Its probably more important than any deadline you have and 5 mins wont kill you.

made new unrelated account - dont reply or message as i never use it. 
 

It's a development area for you (and that's ok). Kick ass at the work and improve on the social aspect. The good news is that you have a year long internship so you have time to develop.

Your peers will not be evaluating you and/or making the decision if you get an offer. The company will care mostly about performance in the job so never let that slip. If you're an A+ performer and comfortable with your boss you might even want to talk to him/her about that being a development area. However, if you're struggling with performance then this will just pile up on you.

I never had any issues socially, but as someone who came from a blue collar family and crappy school, I have always taken pride in doing well (sometimes needing to outwork my peers). I don't really judge others based on where they've come from, but I've certainly achieved more than many with "better" backgrounds.

If you want to chat more openly, feel free to PM me

twitter: @CorpFin_Guy
 

If you have a background that is less distinguished at this stage on paper than the other interns, but they still offered you, it means they liked you specifically and could see your talent. Remember that when you're in the office.

In terms of worrying about saying the wrong thing, I can tell you no one's a bigger loser than someone who hates on interns and/or peers for not knowing things. They know they aren't very smart so need to bring others down to feel better about themselves. It says more about them than about you. People who actually matter at the firm won't care.

Just be confident because you earned the role. A lot of people will be more interested in an intern like you without the traditional background who is there on their own merit, rather than someone who has everything work out for them and has never faced adversity. You sound much more interesting than your peers at the firm.

Lastly: You gotta stay relaxed

 

I've noticed that (under any scenario, not just finance) when I'm happier or enjoying what I'm doing, I tend to loosen up and become more comfortable. Are you able to find pleasure from your job? Try to enjoy it and increase your happiness during the work day

 

I’m calling BS on this. If you’re so shy and they’re so much better than you, how did you land this internship to begin with? You claim it’s a one year program. No ones hires for that without some extensive interviewing. If you had said it was a summer 10-week program you would have been more believable, but as written, your story does not add up.

 

To get here I had to pass a test, record a video and finally an assessment centre. During this assessment I had 2 interviews and 2 presentations, one individual and one in group. There was also small talk with 6 managers and the group discussion was monitored by 2 managers.

The day of the assessment I was so amazed just by the fact of being there (had never been to Ireland) the company's new building and people were so friendly that I got an energy boost and I was super excited and happy during the interviews. I think that was one of the things they liked the most about me.

Actually, I am a very enthusiastic person, I feel really lucky being here and this means a huge achievement, this is way beyond what I would have expected 1 year ago, working abroad in a big company that really cares about employees, in a super nice environment, was just a fantasy.

However, now that I am here there is something that makes me self-contain my emotions, ideas, opinions... I feel afraid of making mistakes, compare myself to the other interns, worry about being a disappointment and sometimes just don't know what to say, I feel blocked somehow :s

 

Thank you for all the replies.

By the way, I have moved to Dublin for this internship and I am from another European country. On 1:1 conversations I give a much better impression I guess, but in the office I still have problems to speak loud and look like "a future leader" or a disruptive person :S I still have to learn a lot so when I feel confident about the matter I imagine it will be more likely that I suggest changes, new ideas, etc, to the team. They told that was what they look for in interns, apart from a good performance.

 

Do you maybe have a superior that holds you in high regards/ that you know pushed for you at the round table after interviews? If so, maybe have a coffee with him/her, and ask him/her for feedback and tipps. Depending on how they react / how the thing goes you might even talk to them about how you feel in all this.

With regards to what you said above, where you hold back opinions and ideas, what did the trick for me in my first internship, was to write down my ideas and opinions during the meeting, and in the evening after work / in some down time assess them critically and research their viability. Depending on the company, you could even check back to old projects that are similar to see whether they implemented your suggestion there. If you have evaluated your idea, and developed it a bit, you can go to your manager the next morning and say: Hey, last night I had this idea with regards to what was discussed in our meeting ... and lay out what you found. That way, you still bring through your idea, and maybe you will get some intuition as to when an idea is good enough to be brought up without backup, and when it is better to have some backup. Depending on your company culture, you might even prepare a slide visualizing your idea (i.e. idea, assumptions, underlying information, conclusion, that will make it easier for you to structure your thought process too). Also what helps is to do some research before the meeting, especially if it is for a new project. If you got some input/ information in the first session (for instance knowledge about similar projects that competitors are working on, instances where your idea has been implemented), that is already a strong position to start.

Naturally, as you are new to the job, it might be, that the idea is something more experienced people have already thought of and dismissed. That is normal, as they have much more experience at their disposal.

 

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