Investment banking analyst with old self harm scars
Background on me: went to an Ivy League institution, analyst in investment banking at a top firm (JPM, GS, MS).
I went through a tough time back in middle school and did quite a bit of self-harm on my wrists and arms (most my forearm is covered in scars). I always wear long sleeve shirts - in college and now professionally - so they are never on display. Have been thinking more and more about what people would think of me and how they'd react if they saw the very old, very faded scars (e.g. wearing a tank top at the office gym, vacationing with friends in my analyst class, recently accepted a buyside gig in CA so the regular warmer weather concerns me as long sleeves 24/7 feels impractical).
A few questions:
1. What would you think (internally) of a peer or subordinate if you saw old, faded scars on their wrists?
2. How would you react? Comment on it, ignore it/pretend you didn't notice, etc.
3. Would someone with scars be a person you'd prefer to steer clear of?
4. What about romantically? Would it be a huge turnoff if a girl you were seeing shared that
Exploring laser to see if that will make a difference in appearance but early research doesn't seem in my favor.
Sorry to hear about this man. I'd just be yourself the best you can. Maybe it is something you can bring up casually w friends at work and over time it is no big deal. Helps if you are a total stud at work and otherwise appear totally "normal" that way if / when people discover this they are like ... wow, that guy cranks and has been through a lot. We've all been through some tough times, you just show yours on your arms. Give yourself a break, this is not such a big deal. Best to just address it and overcome any issues. There will always be people here and there that say something, but so what. They would say something else if it wasn't that.
Sorry to hear that you went through such a hard time. I do commend you on your ability to overcome those challenges, get into a good school, and start your professional career off on a high note. It really speaks a lot to grit and is impressive.
I'm not sure I can offer any beneficial advice but I did want to say the above. I think some people might be concerned/freaked out by it but I'm not too sure. I hope this thread gets a lot of responses so you can get some of the answers/perspectives you're looking for.
Unless they're pretty obviously self-harm scars or are not very faded, I would honestly think that they were just birthmarks or some cuts you had when you were younger.
If you feel weird about them then for one off occassions, you could get away with putting band-aids (should be similar to your skin color to fade in) or something on them and if someone asks, you can say you got hurt. Sounds silly, but I had something similar but not as serious as yours and people didn't seem to care or even ask much at all. I do understand that you may not like this approach in some cases and people might disagree but this is an option if you so choose.
I'm sorry to hear about what you went through, but if it's any consolation I'm in a similar boat to yours and as an intern in IB this summer no one ever noticed my scars. Even though they are quite faded by now, they are close to my wrist so even long sleeves don't always cover them. I sometimes forget myself that I have them and so I think that everyone you will be working with will be too caught up in their own lives to really notice.
Nevertheless, if they do, I doubt it will be a reason for them to steer clear of you - most likely if someone does bring it up it will be in a caring way and best for you to address it upfront. You shouldn't be ashamed of your scars/past and you shouldn't give a second thought to anyone who has anything to say about it.
Best of luck on your buy-side gig! It's clear you worked hard to get where you are now.
the comments above hit the nail on the head, but i just wanted to chime in and say you should by no means feel self conscious about your arms at all. it's admirable that despite the challenges you faced you have gotten to where you are now--shows your strength and resilience. if anyone in your life (work related or not) has a problem with it that speaks more about the kind of person they are and you should steer clear of them anyways.
I wouldn't spend much time worrying about it but since you asked, a couple thoughts:
Unless the pattern of the scars is unmistakeable, people will believe any story you tell them.
If the pattern is unmistakeable then fine, you can't make anything up, but still not that big a deal because they will keep fading.
I don't want to make light of anything you went through, or stereotype girls, but the truth is most of them dig it. Just being hones. They dig the whole "dark side" thing and if you go the route of having another story for the scars (I got mine climbing a fence to sneak into a concert) they dig that shit too. To be completely honest I wish mine lasted longer because they made for nice convo with the ladies for a few summers.
People are understanding. Everyone knows lots of people who went through shit growing up.
All I see are scars from a motorcycle crash, bro. ;)
Sorry to hear that man and congratulations on getting through it king.
As to what I’d say - just shrug and go “high school man”
Guys, I think OP is a woman based on the q about it being a turnoff if a girl you were seeing had scars.
nice catch!
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