Is coming out for diversity programs worth it?
Hi everyone,
I am a Freshman at a nontarget State school which sends a very small handful of kids (5? maybe) to Wall Street every year. I hope to work in M&A IB.
I am a bisexual male who has been closeted for the last 18 years, with the caveat that I spent a gap year traveling abroad and was open it about it then and I really enjoyed the freedom I had.
However, I feel very scared to come out in the US because of the downside, which is
1) I come from a super conservative Christian family (they’re kinda crazy honestly but they’re family and I love them anyways) with a super tight knit fundamentalist Christian friend group. My views are very different now from the rest of them, but they’re my family and friends and i am very worried would disown me and cut me off financially if they knew I was bi
2) the campus and town isn’t that big and I am worried about the stigma that bi guys face. most girls would never want to sleep with or date a bi dude, most straight guys think it’s disgusting, my reputation might take a big hit.
But, this could be my shot to do diversity programs and get interviews. There are not many alumni from my school at all, and if I did get into a diversity program, it could be life changing. Is the upside of doing diversity programs big enough for me to outweigh the negative effects of word getting around to my family and friends? How public about your sexual orientation do you have to be in these diversity programs anyways?
Hopefully, one day, I’ll be living in NYC and openly bi and making f you levels of money, but for now, I am in a precarious spot financially and socially. Can any gay or bi guys share their story and/or give me some advice? Thanks so much.
I'm only an ally, but one of my best friends is bisexual and from our conversations about it I know that he shares a lot of your concerns in regard to women. At the end of the day, it's all about your presentation to whoever you're going after. In regard to straight guys thinking it's disgusting - I'm straight, I don't think it's disgusting, and those who do are plainly homophobic... while it sounds like your town might be tolerant of that, you would be hard pressed to find people to stigmatize you in NYC. At the end of the day, I don't think that you should come out for a dream job you have no guarantee of securing, or even one that you do. If you choose to come out, it should be for yourself (again, it's not my lived experience so I don't mean to be righteous here). If it's time, it's time.
The family situation seems a bit more challenging. Do they have to know too? Would it be difficult to live openly and confidentially at the same time (is there enough distance / lack of mutual friends, family friends, etc.)? If your concern goes to the extreme of being disowned, perhaps it's not worth losing your family over - even if it means that they will never know an important part of you, despite how difficult that is for you.
Regardless, the diversity programs are an excellent funnel into IB, especially for the BB's, and coming from a non-target would be a valuable boost. Importantly, this isn't to say that you can't make it without something like this. Also - some firms, like Oliver Wyman I believe, now make their diversity events LGBTQ+ and Allies. At first I thought this was wonky because any vanilla kid could call themselves an ally and undermine the purpose of a diversity program, but now I'm realizing it might actually be a good vehicle for people who are not ready to come out yet. See if you can find such programs for IB, and if you choose to not come out, maybe you could say that you're just there as an ally.
Overall, really tough to read this. I'm sorry we still live in such a fearful and discriminatory society that this is even a choice you have to consider. I can all but guarantee that you won't find this crap on the street. Best of luck mate.
I hope the two below points are helpful.
Firstly, contrary to popular believe on this forum, diversity recruiting isn't a slam dunk for getting banking offers (or even interviews) - same rules apply so being at a non-target, not performing academically relative to your peer set, etc. still will factor into how this process will pan out for you. Would advise networking with the few alumni you have on the street, alums of other non-targets on the street, etc.
Secondly, you're really only "coming out" on paper in that you don't have to broadcast your relationship preferences broadly (wear them on your sleeves on campus, talk about them around your family, or even in the office really).
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