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Comments (52)

Oct 9, 2021 - 12:07pm

Eh... not really. I'd prefer them to be decent people, but I don't care about their social status. The rest of my family care quite a bit though. Money and family names matter a lot to them. I told this story before but my cousin was seeing this girl and his family simply did not allow him to propose to her, she came from a poor family (lower middle class not actually poor). He was pretty upset about it but listened to his parents/family, they arranged for him to marry some second cousin of his. The thing is both he and the girl are surgeons and she was a lot prettier than his wife to be. Just not as rich. 

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Oct 9, 2021 - 12:09pm

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/05/divorced-parents-mar…

There is some correlation between divorce of parents and divorce of children.  This can be explained by not having examples of successful relationships to emulate, genetics, the lack of a father (sometimes a mother but much less common) figure, or less stigma around getting a divorce (this was more true right after the sexual revolution when it was more taboo).

My partner had a widowed mother who is not happy in a relationship with her next husband.  Did this impact my fiancé?  I think so.  But hopefully it does not make our relationship worse.

Oct 9, 2021 - 12:17pm

My dad choose to not get married after his divorce with my mom. He told her he loved her as much as he would anybody, but he does not want to be married to anyone. He dates and what not, but I see him vs his friends and my friends parents, and can not help but notice he is by far the happiest person.I think it's made a big impact on me, because I absolutely despise having to structure or cater to somebody's plans. I may change, but I'd rather be by myself for the foreseeable future

Oct 11, 2021 - 3:17pm

MikeHuntESQCFAMBAMD

My dad choose to not get married after his divorce with my mom. He told her he loved her as much as he would anybody, but he does not want to be married to anyone. He dates and what not, but I see him vs his friends and my friends parents, and can not help but notice he is by far the happiest person.I think it's made a big impact on me, because I absolutely despise having to structure or cater to somebody's plans. I may change, but I'd rather be by myself for the foreseeable future

100%, which is why when I date I prioritize myself over the other person to an extent. I want to lift? I lift, Friday night and I want to stay in? I stay in. They don't roll with it, it doesn't work.

Most Helpful
Oct 9, 2021 - 12:22pm

Assuming by status you mean wealth/class/etc. which in and of itself is not the most important in my opinion, but I absolutely care about the type of family someone I'm dating seriously comes from. And their friends for that matter. If you marry someone you're also marrying their family and whether you like it or not will have to be involved with their close friends to some degree. When there are difficult patches in a relationship, and there always are, they will first go their family/close friends for advice so the character of those people absolutely matters and can have a measurable impact on a long-term relationship.

Array

  • 9
Oct 19, 2021 - 10:25am

I agree with this. Character of family matters, not so much socioeconomic status. There are exceptions to this rule though, I think both of my parents are good examples. My grandparents either died early, were extremely abusive, and or were in and out of prison. My parents have been married for >30 years and are happy together, self made success stories, etc. 
 

I also think coming from a lower socioeconomic status has its benefits too. My wife is very driven to succeed because she grew up really poor. But her parents are wonderful people, just never sought education and my father in law has always worked as a construction laborer, so his income has a ceiling on it. Great guy though, strong sense of morals and her mom also has great character. I think that's what matters more. 

“The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.” - Nassim Taleb
  • 3
  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Oct 19, 2021 - 6:48pm

LOL. Kinda seems like you live in a fairy tale tbh. I couldn't care less about the family. Friends OK. 
 

In any case, if you have a decent frame and level of compatibility, you shouldn't be disturbed too disturbed by things like family .... 

Oct 19, 2021 - 6:48pm

LOL. Kinda seems like you live in a fairy tale tbh. I couldn't care less about the family. Friends OK. 
 

In any case, if you have a decent frame and level of compatibility, you shouldn't be disturbed too disturbed by things like family .... 

The fairy tale comment is just funny. Spoken like someone who hasn't had a single long-term relationship. You do you, enjoy having half a family if that's what you want. Just sounds depressing to me. 

Array

Oct 9, 2021 - 3:16pm

Having a broken family usually is a sign that you will have to deal with some issues in the relationship. It's usually an indicator of potential issues. Depending on if they dealt with the issues will determine how much baggage they will bring to the relationships.

I've dated a lot of people and those coming from broken families definitely handle stress and trust very differently than other people.

I dated one girl whose mom was apparently physically violent with her dad and would throw things like dishes at him and she started pulling the same shit with me and I broke up with her immediately and told her to get help before getting into a relationship with someone else. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 3
Oct 9, 2021 - 8:10pm

OP is asking about status, not dynamic

For me personally it's a plus to date someone from a stable, wealthier background tbh but it would never make or break something. To be even more honest, it is nice to point to having a somewhat upper class background when selling myself though

Oct 9, 2021 - 10:02pm

Not explicitly, I'm certainly not from the upper class myself. But I do look for shared values (e.g., stable family, respect for others, open-mindedness) and experiences (e.g., black tie events, post graduate education, Greek life, etc.).

Marrying up has definitely made things easier, but the values and experiences part are the more important part.

Oct 11, 2021 - 1:47pm

The way I look at it is that by working a high-paying job, money should not be a primary concern. This carries over to marriage. Making a lot of money allows me to date someone who is poor because I know that paying the bills will not be an issue. 

Oct 11, 2021 - 6:38pm

Somewhat - I think stock and pedigree are more important than contemporary social status though.

"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Oct 11, 2021 - 8:45pm

What did I just read ? LOL. 
 

Only things that matter are the girl's:

- Appearance

- Behaviour

- Social circle 

- Job and Hobbies

I don't plan on spending too long at her family's so not too worried about it. Only way it matters is if her dad is a billionaire and plans on passing away in the next few months then yes that is an information I would like to be aware of, and I'll clean a few extra dishes for it. 

Oct 19, 2021 - 11:48am

I don't plan on spending too long at her family's so not too worried about it. 

This is the statement of a man who has never been anywhere near having a meaningful relationship.

If you want a trophy wife, then fine, you can demand she not see her family.  If you're looking for a partner.... you're gonna be spending time with your in-laws.  Having them be kind and considerate people is important.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Oct 19, 2021 - 6:48pm

Lol. No I definitely don't plan on spending a significant portion of my life with her family. Christmas holidays and occasional family dinner OK, but it's not like you're going to spend 1 day a week with them every week ?? (If so, idk maybe you're a huge family person,'personally I have work and hobbies and friends and don't even have time for that with my own parents so definitely not hers)

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Oct 19, 2021 - 6:48pm

Also, what the hell is a trophy wife ?! In my view it is not at all a show off to have a wife... if it's not a real match it's probably more a pain than anything

Oct 19, 2021 - 9:55am

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  • Associate 1 in VC
Oct 19, 2021 - 6:48pm

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