Is Finance Really this Lonely?

Excuse the rant, sometimes you have to air it out, and this place has made me who I am today, and I'm sure many individuals feel the same way I think.

I sacrificed everything to break in

I don't know where I went wrong, two years ago, when I had nothing and had no future working late nights in a dead end job with only a few classes at a community college.; I imagined if I was successful that I would be happy. Finance was/is what interested me the most after a lot of exploring and what I excelled the most at, so logically I pursued it, aiming to reach the highest peak. Coming from an extreme non-traditional background, I sacrificed everything to break in. I barely slept studying; I alienated everyone that I thought were bad influences, I gave up everything that I enjoyed that distracted me from academia and breaking in banking, I spent every second thinking how to polish myself in every aspect to achieve what everyone told me that wasn't too possible.

Top BB offer but I feel more broken than ever

In the end, I thought once I reached my goals that I would be happy, that I wouldn't stress out anymore about anything again, that I would enjoy competing and developing myself like I had grown accustomed to. I thought everything would be good for once, and now yet everything feels the opposite. I have achieved everything that I wanted to accomplish to this point in terms of internships. I managed to finally accept an offer at a top BB for next summer, and yet I felt nothing. I have more money than I have ever had in my bank account, more people trying to talk to me asking for advice, more people proud of me, but yet I feel more broken than ever.

Will it always be this lonely?

As I come in early and leave late nights at my current internship, I find myself not challenged by the work, I find myself repeating tasks that are too easy, I find myself exceeding with ease, I knew banking work wasn't hard, but I didn't expect it to be to this extreme. I'm filled with loneliness even though people surround me; I feel no joy in any of my work even when performed past expectations, I feel nothing. I'm so desperate for any affection that my emotions are easily controlled by any girl who I start talking to in a manner past small talk. I just wanted to be happy and feel something for once, and yet I cant.

I'm scared that life will remain to be like this for me. I have grown so tired of fighting, but I pushed thinking that once I reached the peak, that the sadness will go away, but yet it remains. I'm just so tired and want to sleep forever, the only thing keeping me going is those promises that I made to the ones that I love, that I would change our hellish lives into a paradise. I can't give up, but it gets worse daily, I just want someone to tell me that I will be alright. I just want to feel something besides this emptiness.

Comments (72)

Most Helpful
Jun 27, 2019

In no intended order:

  • Delete your username (you're not a nontarget anymore and that's a dumb way to define yourself) / get off WSO for a while. For that matter take a pause on all social media. Facebook, Instagram, this stuff is like comparison cancer and will not do you any good for now
  • Understand that your career will never provide your real life any meaning. You have had to put all your eggs into this finance basket in order to recruit. You're done recruiting, so you need to turn your energy elsewhere to healthy, constructive activities and relationships of which you have currently a big fat 0
  • Hit the gym. I'm not an alpha redpill guy but dude, either lift, run, or do something in between that's physical
  • Develop one friend at a time. Send one message a week to someone to do something that week, and make that appointment. Start out with something easy to accept like coffee or lunch, you're not besties yet so don't try and monopolize their most valued timeslots like weekend dinner
  • Go find some activities that interest you --- that are not on the computer. It's cool to have a sidehustle, learn to program, game etc. but that's not a creative outlet that you can share with RL people. Play a sport, join a book club, something where you are engaged with people
  • Treat yourself the way you want to be treated by others. Along with exercise comes diet, dressing well, treating yourself well, you are worth it
  • If you find yourself depressed or literally can't do any of the above or it's not working, you might be in more than a "rut" and need some professional counseling, yo. If you live in any size city then go do that

P.S. Do all of these things before even thinking about presenting yourself to a woman. You need to put your own oxygen mask on first. Take 3 months and execute the above steps, then jump back on the bandwagon and see the difference.

P.P.S. If you're foreign, and you sound kind of foreign with some of your grammar and word choices and no offense, it's pretty common to feel isolated. I was an expat so I understand. You do have the additional option of joining affiliation groups like Asia societies, Chinese or Indian something-or-other groups in your city, etc. Apologies if this is off base, but I have been in these shoes and joining Amcham and other networks of foreigners helped me a lot when living for an extended period abroad to avoid jumping off the Great Wall.

    • 83
Jun 28, 2019
Synergy_or_Syzygy:

In no intended order:

  • Delete your username (you're not a nontarget anymore and that's a dumb way to define yourself) / get off WSO for a while. For that matter take a pause on all social media. Facebook, Instagram, this stuff is like comparison cancer and will not do you any good for now
  • Understand that your career will never provide your real life any meaning. You have had to put all your eggs into this finance basket in order to recruit. You're done recruiting, so you need to turn your energy elsewhere to healthy, constructive activities and relationships of which you have currently a big fat 0
  • Hit the gym. I'm not an alpha redpill guy but dude, either lift, run, or do something in between that's physical
  • Develop one friend at a time. Send one message a week to someone to do something that week, and make that appointment. Start out with something easy to accept like coffee or lunch, you're not besties yet so don't try and monopolize their most valued timeslots like weekend dinner
  • Go find some activities that interest you --- that are not on the computer. It's cool to have a sidehustle, learn to program, game etc. but that's not a creative outlet that you can share with RL people. Play a sport, join a book club, something where you are engaged with people
  • Treat yourself the way you want to be treated by others. Along with exercise comes diet, dressing well, treating yourself well, you are worth it
  • If you find yourself depressed or literally can't do any of the above or it's not working, you might be in more than a "rut" and need some professional counseling, yo. If you live in any size city then go do that

P.S. Do all of these things before even thinking about presenting yourself to a woman. You need to put your own oxygen mask on first. Take 3 months and execute the above steps, then jump back on the bandwagon and see the difference.

P.P.S. If you're foreign, and you sound kind of foreign with some of your grammar and word choices and no offense, it's pretty common to feel isolated. I was an expat so I understand. You do have the additional option of joining affiliation groups like Asia societies, Chinese or Indian something-or-other groups in your city, etc. Apologies if this is off base, but I have been in these shoes and joining Amcham and other networks of foreigners helped me a lot when living for an extended period abroad to avoid jumping off the Great Wall.

This.

OP - you are not alone. Many people feel what you feel at some point. There was a great article in the NYT recently that mentioned this. Something like "you accomplished something great, now what?" . Read it. In addition to what @Synergy_or_Syzygy said all of which I totally agree with, here are some additional thoughts.

  1. Those "bad influences" Ie. Friends. Were they actually bad? Or just friends (and friends take up time which it sounds like you didn't have). If they were actually bad forget em. If they were actual friends but you just dug yourself into a hole, give them a call. Apologize and ask to try to rebuild your friendships. Explain what you did , that you were wrong and want to make amends. They may not accept. That's ok. But it's worth a shot. If you feel remorse for it and really mean it, at the very least you'll get it off your chest.
  2. How close are you to your family? Connect with them.
  3. Are there hobbies or clubs or things you previously wanted to try but never got to? Now is the chance as a complete novice. Had something you liked to do before banking? Try to pick that up again.
  4. Go for a walk. Wherever you are. It can be just 10-15 minutes if you don't have time. If you have more time then explore a new neighborhood. Peek into shops and restaurants or museums and gardens . Just observe. Walk. See. Feel.
  5. Keeping a journal or diary may be of some huge help. Express whatever you feel and whatever you see or whatever affects you. It's your journal you can write whatever you want.
  6. Do you like eating/food? Learn to cook. Simple recipes from SeriousEats or NYT or whatever on google. The feeling of accomplishment of when you can make the simplest stuff on your own better than most restaurants is amazing. Something as simple as proper French style scrambled eggs (patience is the key as is butter, low heat and a constant stir).
  7. And I'm repeating the post I quoted just to emphasize. DELETE SOCIAL MEDIA AND GET OFF OF WSO AND ALL MESSAGE BOARDS. Get rid of the apps. Afraid you'll lose touch with people? Leave a message telling them to email/call or text you as you won't be on for a while. Thanks.

Good Luck

    • 14
Jun 28, 2019

This should be a sticky'd thread on its own.

Funniest
Jun 27, 2019

Imagine your life with all work and no mirror selfies.

    • 8
Jun 28, 2019

Damn, this is good advice. OP, work on these steps. I'm going to start working a few of these into my week myself.

    • 1
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Jun 29, 2019

This should be mandatory reading for anyone struggling in their career, not just in finance. Well done.

    • 2
Jun 27, 2019

You don't really need friends. Just go on tinder/bumble.

Jul 10, 2019

Hahah don't do this. Horrid advice. This is what I did. I'm miserable.

Sure you'll get laid, but then when those hot girls you slept with leave Mr. banker over here for mr personal trainer but dont tell you and screw with your head for money, you wont have any friends to call you on your bullshit.

Jun 28, 2019

I would say that a big chunk of happiness in a man's life comes from interacting with girls. Both in sexual and non-sexual ways. Men get their intemate relationships primarily from the opposite sex, as opposed to women who also bond emotionally with their female friends. And in the hierarchy of Maslov friendship and intemate relationships are more important than prestige.

    • 4
Jun 28, 2019

1) Congrats on breaking in - that is a good story
2) Be proud of your accomplishments
3) Just because you have the offer doesn't mean that energy / drive you had to break in goes
away, you need to channel it to something else (being the best ranked analyst / PE /HF /
VC if that is the path you think you want to go
4) Gym as someone mentioned (I enjoy running and cycling outside and do it for fun as that is the only time I can be truly disconnected from everything and just alone with my thoughts)
5) Consider therapy / meditation / Yoga (I've done all three and the latter two I do regularly)
6) Play an instrument, learn a new skill, keep moving forward
7) If work is making you that unhappy already as a summer analyst, consider doing something
more fulfilling to you. No one else actually cares what you do day to day, titles and
companies should not be your end goal. Your happiness should be your priority, because
not many people outside of close friends and family care about your happiness, only theirs

    • 3
Jun 28, 2019

You've had one internship (and haven't started the BB one?) and you're freaking out about finding meaning? You're like 20 years old so calm down, realize that you have no clue what "banking work" is like and be grateful you've gotten some great opportunities (clearly through hardwork).

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Jun 28, 2019
StrategyJunkie:

You've had one internship (and haven't started the BB one?) and you're freaking out about finding meaning? You're like 20 years old so calm down, realize that you have no clue what "banking work" is like and be grateful you've gotten some great opportunities (clearly through hardwork).

Kid thinks it's time to get his beach chair out and move to Florida already, and is questioning some foreseeable morbidity.

    • 1
Jun 28, 2019

lol someone is getting way ahead of themselves. I suggest improving your relationship building, through making friends outside of work and connecting with your colleagues and bosses. The shitty repetitive tasks you do as an intern or first several years of IB won't get you very far even if you excel at it. I can pull a random student from engineering department from a college and they will be able to do modeling. You haven't even earned the right to feel empty. Most kids in IB don't end up getting promoted all the way. Also, work is just work at the end of the day.

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Jun 28, 2019

Start here - watch the below video and reflect. You have to retrain your subconscious. Each morning wake up, stretch, and take inventory of what you have in your life. Are you healthy? Employed? Friends and family? Food in your pantry? Safe and secure with shelter? Express your thankfulness to the higher power for these blessings - it does not matter which (if any) religious tradition you practice but the act of expressing thankfulness is critical.

A terrible issue in America is the constant comparison culture due to social media which creates unhealthy focus on materialism and vanity. You must ignore the sickness of the modern world and create your own inner strength/foundation based off of the age old religious principles our disgusting popular culture has shunned. Try tastefully complementing a friend, say thank you and smile after someone serves you, if the weather is nice and the sun is out go on a long walk in nature.

I had to delete all social media, cut out many friendships that were centered around alcohol, and attend multiple talk therapy sessions to get to the point where I was no longer depressed. This resulted in a dramatically changed mindset about what is important in life, most notably real human experience and real human connection. Go on a mission trip to a 3rd world Latin America country and see how much happier the people are with nothing compared to Americans living in complete overabundance.

The truth is understanding why a billionaire can be miserable with a broken family and kids that hate him while a night janitor can be blissfully happy because he is blessed with a happy family and many strong relationships creating a reciprocal support network.

Finance is a path to achieve financial freedom which is immensely helpful to developing the life you want. However, achievement in finance is not a substitute for life achievement - too many men particularly throw themselves completely into work because it is much easier than striving for a balanced existence that demands a multitude of disciplines and competencies.

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Jul 1, 2019

Horrible advice. Why would OP take advice from SadGuru? He's already depressed and lonely...

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Jun 28, 2019

Hi Everyone ~ it's been awhile since I've been on here. I've only told one person from WSO about this but many months ago, there was post that I've posted under an unknown user and in the post, I was contemplating of committing suicide. Patrick Curtis was the first to respond to my post and made a comment that he was here for me and even provided me his number via private chat. I thanked him...

I lost my job as a trader at a hedge fund, mainly trading natural gas. Prior to that, I was working in front, middle and back in NYC. I've worked my way up... came from nothing. Hell, I didn't even graduate college. I did horrible in high school, coming from an abusive father, where all he did was drink and beat me everyday. My dream growing up was to become a Navy SEAL... I have a buddy of mine, who wanted to become a Marine but I told him back in high school to become a SEAL and he did. I recently found him on Linkedin and just seeing his picture, as a SEAL made me so envious.

I asked myself, do I really see myself working in finance? I've worked at Barclays on their equities floor in front office in NYC. Coming in every morning at 7am, hearing the sales people talk about their research on the loud speaker, seeing the sales trader on the phone, though traders hasn't come in yet... it was fast pace and dynamic... I loved it but after being there for 5 months, I asked myself... What is so fucking great about this? I'm constantly on the phone, talking trades, staring at 3 monitors and my eyes are starting to bleed (Not Literally).

So after all these years and watching my friend fulfill my dream, I've made a conscious decision to leave finance (for now). I'm getting shipped out to the Army for Special Forces. I've been in the Navy for 8 years now to become a SEAL and the current rate is overmanned for my year group, hence why I'm transitioning to the Army. I'll be leaving soon and I wanted to thank everyone for helping me over the years to get where I want to be in finance. I may not be a hot shot trader pulling in millions but someone like me, who came from nothing was given the opportunity to work in front office and actually trade for a hedge fund and all of the learning that I've gathered over the years was from WSO.... From you guys.

Take care everyone and follow your dreams. The worst thing a man can do in life is to regret. No body wants to be 70 years old and ask what if... hence why I'm making this decision to go into the military to serve with high flying guys.

For those who are lonely and don't have a clear path in finance. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Don't sit around and feeling sorry for yourself. I've spent years alone without family and friends because all I ever wanted to do was "make it". I took on python classes, read countless trading books on derivatives. it was literally non-stop. No one owes you anything in life. You control your own destiny. So make a move. I don't the know what that move is but do something. For me, I've realized I will regret not being in special operations when I get older hence why I'm making this move. Hell, it may not be finance but I can always go back to it afterwards or who knows? Maybe go into the agencies or go to medical school after being trained as a SF combat medic. Decide your own path. Don't think money is everything because it was for me, initially. Hence why I wanted to be a trader so bad. But as I got older, I've realized money isn't everything. Family and friends will get older and some day, they won't be around anymore. Make yourself happy and don't take time for granted.

    • 26
Jun 28, 2019

good luck buddy. when i was 21 i interned at UBS, and my boss was a former marine. I told him i was contemplating doing OCS and joining the marines after college (my mentor in high school was a former marine..now sadly passed...i think of him daily). My UBS boss offered to take me down to camp Lejeune NC, visit with some of his old buddies who were now running the place, and show me what i would be getting myself into...to make an educated decision. He told me that if i chose to join the marines, that he would have a job waiting for me when i got out, if i wanted it (assuming he was still in a position to hire).

I ended up not joining the military...perhaps one of my big life regrets. I still worked for that guy at UBS on their trading floor in Stamford for a couple years before moving on. Like you, I've had career success..and career failure...it can be very humbling, and depressing at times. I'm envious that you are still young enough to join the military...i've aged out. I wish you all the best....Semper Fi

just google it...you're welcome

    • 1
Jun 30, 2019
mswoonc:

I've been in the Navy for 8 years now to become a SEAL and the current rate is overmanned for my year group, hence why I'm transitioning to the Army.

How could you not get into BUD/S? You were trying to get an enlisted slot or officer slot?

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Jun 28, 2019

I had a SEAL contract going in but I have bad vision, as I'm near sighted. During MEPS, I squinted my eyes during a vision cjeck to get that SEAL contract but when I got shipped off to boot camp, they actually recheck your vision but this time, a person stands in front of you so ensure you're not cheating. I lost my contract right there... They re-classed me to security force and I was devastated. This was literally right after high school, so I came back and went into the reserves and I had no money to do lasik or PRK. So I got a job in finance, fell in love with it and worked my way to become a trader after stints at banks in NYC. I've realized finance and corporate is boring as hell and after seeing my buddy make it through SEALs. I had drawbacks... I was physically and mentally stronger than him because during runs or whatever physical obstacles we went through, he couldn't keep up with me and at the time, I was literally a top candidate because of my PST scores but now, the rate is currently overmanned for my year group. I joined the Navy back in 2011 so each year, there's an X amount of candidates they need for that specific year and anyone who joined SEALs in 2011 are still serving, hence why it's overmanned. Unless they retire or medically leave, I have no shot at BUD/s. So I said fuck it... and going for Army SF now.

    • 2
Jul 2, 2019

Wow, thank you for sharing and I'm so glad everything turned out alright.

Jul 3, 2019

PM me. I've been in nat gas and have been laid off 3 times in 3 years. It's the vomit comet.

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Jun 28, 2019

become a writer, that was very well written. i wish i could write that well

    • 1
Jun 28, 2019

Jesus this hits me hard. I'm not in banking yet, but at an M&A advisory and I've been feeling exactly all that you wrote for the past four weeks. I don't have words of wisdom or support, but I hope we both can get through this bro.

    • 2
Jun 28, 2019

So I dont want to hijack this thread but would you say its better to hate your job, and be somewhere you have family and support or to do a job you enjoy, and real build a life of friendships etc.

Jun 28, 2019

deleted

    • 1
Jun 28, 2019

You're not alone. Any significant pursuit can be extremely lonely. It can be an emotional roller coaster.

It's cliche as fuck, but I found that trying to enjoy the journey is important to maintaining sanity. Enjoy the late nights, the quiet, the challenge, the failures etc. Try new things, travel - this will reinvigorate your creativity and sense of purpose. Don't forget to take time for yourself. Even if it's just a couple hours/week. Learn to be your own best friend and people will start gravitating towards you.

"Out the garage is how you end up in charge
It's how you end up in penthouses, end up in cars, it's how you
Start off a curb servin', end up a boss"

    • 2
Jun 28, 2019

Want a real challenge? Start your own business. Honestly, society doesn't really celebrate enterpreneurs enough. They take most of the risk, most actually fail, yet provide jobs, your own salary, your perks and the rest.

Or you can go with what Synergy said, that's a really good advice.

    • 2
Jun 28, 2019

Our Federal government has destroyed entrepreneurship and small business in this country through regulation and favorable treatment of multinational corporations.

Jun 28, 2019
InVinoVeritas:

Our Federal government has destroyed entrepreneurship and small business in this country through regulation and favorable treatment of multinational corporations.

Worse, the entire education system is done to make you an employee rather than employer. Look at how many guys didn't even finish university, made their company and are now billionaires.

    • 1
Jun 28, 2019

Everyone here has really good stuff, so I'd like to contribute an idea that might align with your seemingly (at least from what I can tell of your background and post) highly structured mindset: schedule "relationship time".

Have a set block of time during the week/a few times a week where you dedicate yourself to people related tasks like calling a friend, going to organize emails in a coffee shop, reading in a book store, walking around a busy city.

You **need **this. At the end of the day, we are all still human, and we need to have interactions with other humans, however cursory. Sometimes we forget that because it's hard to create a proper utility analysis on the value of feelings. But its still important, even if we can't put metrics on it

Jun 28, 2019

Dude what? you're an intern, naturally you will be put on the most menial work before you have the chance to prove yourself.

Jun 29, 2019

I know exactly how you feel. That's how I felt when I received my offer too, after many years of slugging to get where I wanted. Congrats, you're in the top 1% and you deserve it.

What you need to figure out is what you are truly "missing". Reflect deeply on what your hole is try to find ways to find it. Believe me. Once you know what you want, then you will know where the uneasiness feeling is.

For me, it's a social issue. Try to put yourself out there and meet interesting people outside of finance/work.

Jun 29, 2019

Seek out help from a mental health professional. Seriously.

    • 1
Jul 14, 2019
hominem:

Seek out help from a mental health professional. Seriously.

X2

It might not be "your fault". You might just have a preexisting condition that under this incredible amount of stress becomes more evident. Talk to a psychiatrist, you don't even have to go, you can do it from work/home using Skype.

Jun 29, 2019

Every single longitudinal study of happiness has come to the same conclusion: beyond a certain baseline of monetary stability ($70-$90k/yr in today's dollars, depending on the study) the ONLY thing that makes people truly happy is connection/love. Be close with your family and try to nurture a few true, close friendships.

That's the key bud...

    • 3
Jun 29, 2019

This is Water

David Foster Wallace (full text below, video excerpt)
http://www.metastatic.org/text/This%20is%20Water.pdf

Jul 1, 2019

Wallace committed suicide a few years later... maybe not the greatest example to show here.

Jun 29, 2019

Thought about that - but without the perspective championed in the commencement speech, he probably would've killed himself many years earlier, as the full version of the speech implies.

I get that it makes sense to insist to the depressed that they can't kill themselves, full stop. But practically speaking, I think it's more meaningful to equip them with tools to see themselves through another day than it is to imagine you have some nonexistent panacea.

Jun 30, 2019

Wait, as of June 26, you already have a 2020 FT offer?

More interested about that part of the story - was under the assumption that lateral FT offers come after after internal return offers.

Jun 30, 2019

I made a post like this months ago and was called a fag for being sad. I deleted the post because of the comments. Reading your post, it is what I feel also. I have found that adding more projects, tasks, and things to do has helped me a lot. It has given me more meaning.

Jun 30, 2019

TL;DR: find a good therapist and call some of those old friends, stat;

call a crisis hotline if things get super bad (not in the Michael Cera sense): 1-800-273-8255

OP,

I also came from a "that's never going to happen" background, and I've been through more than one period in my life that reads like what you've described. The fact of the matter is that radically changing class positions is an extremely isolating experience, no matter where you are on the planet. That can be compounded even further if, in addition to that, you are considered to be any other sort of "minority" where you are. As if grind fatigue wasn't enough. Jay-Z put out a least 2 albums on the subject, and it's one of the reasons Kanye became a space cadet. In any case, what you are doing is not an easy thing by any measure. It's something few empathize with, but trust that you can do better than survive it. I made it through wilderness periods having to do with these conditions. I know you can too.

My #1 recommendation: find.your.people.immediately. I mean people you care about and who genuinely care about you. They're out there. Get back in touch with the old ones, and when you're in a place to do it, work on finding new ones too (don't deprive yourself of the opportunity to make genuine connections with classmates, those can prove to be strong bonds over time). You may find there's a chasm of difference between yourself and those you've "left behind," and it's tricky to navigate that. But if there were true friends among them, then for your sake, be willing to be uncomfortable for a bit and do not throw those old friends away. Find a way to reconcile being from where you're from with being where you are now. Other people have done it--keep your eyes out for those people and study them.

In the immediate, use your discernment to pick people you absolutely trust (and in case it's not obvious: leave out coworkers, potential partners/future romantic interests, and anyone you've known for less than a year). Think of a few people from among your old friends or among your family who are/were 1) genuinely invested in you doing well and 2) have some respectable amount of emotional intelligence. Reach out, let them know you're going through a rough patch and could use someone to talk to, and set aside a time and some private space to get on the phone (or meet up in person, if they're near enough). Tell them how you are feeling. And definitely apologize for checking out (and don't do that shit again).

If you find yourself in the kind of jam that I was in 15 years ago i.e., I had a very short list of people, all of whom were in tough binds themselves and didn't have the bandwidth to listen to my shit, then that somebody should be a therapist. Even if you find you have a list of 50 friends to call, a therapist is still a good idea. Use a search engine to find some LICSWs nearby. Call a few up to see if it's a good interaction. Again, use your discernment as your guide on who to ultimately see.

If you are able to do the self-care things other posters have described, also put those in motion ASAP. Still tend to building your safety net of relationships. This is extremely important, because sometimes you'll push the weight, and eat the green things, and go on the epic dates, and can still feel as bad or worse than you started. Chronic isolation (I'm talking the emotional kind) can do this. One of the most difficult things I experienced in the tortured 20s was being left with an overwhelming feeling of, "what's left to do"? What's left to do is breathe, remember you are a human being with a heart, and take action to feed that heart with the fellowship it needs. Life is not all about bootstraps and what the power of your will can accomplish. Sometimes you have to direct your will to ask for help, and that's perfectly OK. As social creatures, it's actually what we're built to do. No monkey is an island.

Last thing, if you ever find yourself in a place where you are completely overwhelmed, feel there is nothing to do/nowhere to go/nobody to call, and thinking maybe you are willing to do anything to make it all stop, hit pause and phone a crisis hotline. The national Lifeline is free and anonymous: 1-800-273-8255

    • 5
Jun 30, 2019

This, among with the other posts, is an absolutely wonderful post. Applying the Pareto Principle, this is one of the 20% of things that you can do that can yield up to 80% of the results, along with career, which OP has taken care of, as well as many others on this topic. Thank you for diving deeper here.

All the best

Jun 30, 2019

Hey thank you so much for sharing. I'm in a similar situation - therefore understand your current isolation deeply. I understand that isolation is indeed necessary during the recruiting process since you need solid focus on the working aspect. However, as going along the way, I found out that I cannot go far if I remain "dry" on my emotional side. I once found everything meaningless and numbness was not a surprise for me. What I did, on a very micro level, was trying my best to keep my best friends with me, especially those childhood or colleges. I know they don't understand what we have been through in Finance but for sure they understand us as a person - who we deeply are and what makes us purely happy. Honestly - I think many of us experience this thought, so reaching out to those would help too. Hope this makes you feel better.

Jul 1, 2019

I think a lot of the advice here is great, but completely way off mark....

PLEASE read this:

https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yu...

    • 1
Jul 1, 2019

Great thread. This was a good read.

Jul 1, 2019

Every job becomes tiring if you are doing the same thing for 10-20 years.

Jul 1, 2019

Its okay dude - I was in the same boat as you. I sacrificed everything I had to be where I am today - friends, family, health - everything. People around me were so proud of me but I was legit so lonely inside - its crazy. Its like my life is filled but I was so empty inside. I started having mental health issues - couldn't sleep for days, or would sleep for the whole weekend, mood swings, urge to drink and smoke.

Then I started talking to this older woman ( just to have someone who didnt know me and wont judge me) - to vent mostly. Really got active in the gym (started out just to be able to feel something), read random teenage fiction for a whole month for some reason, ate healthy (like, kale salad healthy). I reconnected with college friends and "tried" to talk to my family. Basically for four months I did everything I could just to feel something - happy, tired, sad - anything.

And then things gradually started getting better - for the first time in six years I am actually dating a guy. I am usually late to every single date and I fall asleep on him all the time but - hey its something.

Work on yourself - take your time. I took whole four months. Figure it out because no one will understand what you are going through. Also - believe in yourself. Just remember how you used to be and that if you had it once you can have it again. It will give you hope.

And if all goes to shit - text me.

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Jul 1, 2019

I agree with a lot of the great advice that has been posted already by many folks. Great recommendations.

The only thing I will add is that it is natural to have some of the feelings that you are having. The phenomenon is called the hedonic treadmill (or hedonic adaptation) in the literature: the observed tendency of humans to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major positive or negative events or life changes (pulled that from wikipedia).

All of us think to ourselves at some point, "If I just get promoted, then I will be happy" or "If I just get that job offer, then I will be happy." Once it happens, you get "reset". You need to identify another goal, or more importantly a higher purpose, in order to keep yourself engaged.

Keep your head up, go for a walk to get some vitamin D, call your Grandma just to say hi, get a coffee with an old friend, read a book of poetry, etc.

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Jul 1, 2019

Find yourself a quality hobby that you enjoy. One thing I noticed among people my age (early 30's) is that they start pouring lots of money and energy into self-discovery, -actualization and -realization. People kinda wake up, realizing that their lives are drifting by, and that their career is not everything.

The earlier you do this, the better. Even if the job is not all what it's cracked up to be, you can enjoy life outside.

(Better yet, find a job you also enjoy)

Jul 2, 2019

The old saying goes far in today's society.

"Work to live, not live to work."

Often times when I was younger bouncing around different companies and such, people simply lived to work (paycheck to paycheck).

I would find a job that have good stability in terms of work/life balance you are wanting to accomplish. Use that and the free time after to pursue whatever goals you want to.

Join a club, gym, etc., hangout for game night or some sorts. Friends locally would host game night - fun, interactive, and great venue to meet new incredible people you would never think that would appear in your life.

If you want to start small, go to a local park or area where you see it is crowded, and walk and/or start jogging. At the end of it, you will feel relieved.

Lastly, look for a good therapist if you there things going on within your life that you feel should be a discussion with a professional.

You got this!

No pain no game.

Jul 2, 2019

Dude, you need to get a grip.

You haven't even started working and are severely depressed? I think you might need a professional, just an internship cannot do this to you without prior issues.

It's only an internship! And you seen to lack motivation and interest in even the daily tasks. This is in no way acceptable.

I think you really need to re-evaluate your priorities here. You're in the financial world and these hours are expected. You knew what banking entailed when you signed up for the job.

I don't know what you expect but life's going to hit you hard if you continue like this in your next role.

Jul 3, 2019

Damn. I used to be like this only to realize I was doing it to cope with my own insecurities and troubles in life. I don't understand why you need to take the time to put someone else down anonymously.

None of chose to spend most of a century on this planet... two other people selfishly did. But were all trying to get through it as best we can. Just fucking leave other people alone.

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Jul 3, 2019

+1

Jul 4, 2019
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Jul 5, 2019
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