Is it better to hide your financial success from friends?

How do you approach conversations surrounding work/compensation with friends that aren't in finance? 

Now, I have plenty of friends with similar backgrounds/jobs as me. Discussions around work/comp with them are very open since we're all in a similar position and there's a general understanding of the jobs that we all do. It rarely comes up, but if it does, I have no problem sharing info on bonus ranges with friends working at banks, hedge funds, PE, etc. As an analyst, comp is fairly standardized anyways so it's not a big deal. 

But also I recognize that I'm in a very fortunate position compared to most 22-24 year olds. I come from a middle class area and the median person I went to high school with is probably making around 50-60k. There are plenty of others that are making 0k a year as they work their way through med school, law school, etc. Lots of smart people I know don't expect to make a single dime for at least another few years. So while the friendship is rooted in common interests/values, in this specific area I find it harder to relate to them.  

When catching up with old high school friends, discussions around work inevitably come up. If asked directly about comp, I try to keep it vague ("Decent enough pay" or "Maybe around six figures depending on how the year goes"). I hate the comp conversation and really want to steer away from it. But often times, people probe for specifics. I think people are just curious, and I think this is made worse by negative media attention surrounding the industry and its high pay over the last 1-2 decades. 

Have made the mistake of giving away specific number before, and I hate the changes/teasing that happen after they know. Won't describe in detail but you can probably imagine.  

I think maintaining these friendships isn't the real issue, given the other common interests we have. I just think that our generation is broadly under financial pressure and I want to avoid as much as possible anything that highlights the income disparity. But as this income disparity grows, is it inevitable that I lose some of these friends? 

 

A couple years after I started working in NYC, one of my friends made a 7 figure bonus at a HF as an analyst and everyone in our circle knew it. I had some friends in IB that made good money and they were definitely jealous. 

Most of my friends from college all know what each other makes. As far as people from HS, that's a more random group that might be surprised by some Wall Street numbers, but if you don't rub it in their faces, it should be fine. 

Wealth is all relative; there is usually someone out there making more than you are, especially if you're in NYC.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

I make low comp and discuss comp with 2 friends making over 6 figs at the minimum 4 times what I make. Being on WSO I obviously am familiar with what they day do. I don't really care.

The only thing that bothers me is when they suggest I make certain decissions that could be financially risky. I still like hearing their feedback and thoughts since they are mostly positive, but sometimes they get insistant and frustrated too.

N=1

 

Human beings can be jealous and vicious creatures. Even other friends I've met in finance who work in IB like me, I have found to be jealous whenever they learned of my success. I would give small numbers, like sharing that I made a couple grand (single digits) trading in the market (back in college), and their demeanor changed.

From that moment on, I kept things vague and stopped sharing with others outside of my mom, dad and brother. In the end, it's nobody else's business but your own. I like to share with my family, because it can be exciting to share that your compensation has increased, or that you made a good trade in the market. I know my family will genuinely be happy for me, and that it won't make any of them upset because we celebrate our achievements together.

 
Most Helpful

I would just ask what you hope to gain by sharing your financial successes with other people?  Ponder that and if you're like me, you'll find that there is no upside to letting anyone in on your personal situation (except family if you so choose).  

In general, be as vague as possible.  People know you make decent money so you don't need to be a dick about it with fake humility either- that's obnoxious and people see right through that.  I would just say from experience that you also really don't want to be the "rich friend" in the group who is known for throwing money around or at least being able to do so.  I think the happy medium is to be money-conscious and be sensitive not to put others in difficult financial situations (i.e. ordering fancy wine at dinner and not picking up check or proposing expensive travel plans with poorer friends, etc.), to be sure to be more than fair when it comes to reimbursing people, and be generous yet be cautious not to let people take advantage of your generosity.  

 

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