LinkedIn Cringe Kids

I am so fkn fed up of these kids, who keep posting life lessons, advices, entrepreneurial shit, and other "Gyan"BS.

what is your life advice Mr. "Growth Hacker"?
and when they get 50+ likes on 2 posts, they start a hashtag. FML.

SMFH.

so done with LinkedIn.

 

LMAO AGREE UH. =_= like all these little shit pretending like they are such experts im literally like bro, you got like 2 years of working experiences can you calm down. your level of "expertise" is just someone else's starting point. :)

 
Prospect in IB - Gen:

I hate when I try looking for alumni from my school at banks and what pops up is kids who did those 1 day insight programs.

This.
Spotify provides a range of investment banking, investment management, and securities services for our clients. Dance like nobody's paying. Premium is free for the first 30 days.
 

OP here. lol, just wanted to compile a mega list of the cringiest shit.

  1. Growth Hacker.
  2. 25 yr old LiFe CoAcH
  3. 22 yr old Chad who got an offer at Goldman, his "got an offer post " blew up and now he "coaches" and "guides" young students.
  4. "Comment Interested for resources" FUCK YOUR RESOURCES!
  5. 18-20 yr olds posting finance news, biznews -> few likes -> ConTenT WrItEr

Add if I left any lol.

so fkn tired of this BS on my feed.

 

OMG thank you =_=. these cringest of all bullshit is someone been in IB for like a meager 2 years and feel like they can start coaching desperate college students. like please reevaluate yourself.

 
Funniest

“I am beyond humbled and excited to announce that I have been accepted into Harvard Business School’s Summer Venture in Management Program”

proceeds to list HBS under education

Hello Wall Street, It’s Yours Truly. If you don’t see it here, I didn’t say it. Former Buffalo Bills Tailback / 1973 NFL MVP / 1968 Heisman Trophy Winner / 5x All Pro
 

"Getting rejected from Goldman's HireVue was the best thing that EVER happened to me ... [ramble ramble ramble] ... agree?"

 

There's an absolute legend at my university who dropped out sophomore year, created a YouTube channel and became a "life coach".

TWO ENTIRE YEARS and 50+ cringey-ass videos later (about personal growth, consciousness (???), and being woke) his channel doesn't even have 100 subs.

Funny thing is, there are a few guys who actually pay for his life coaching...

 

Agree that Twitter is the best, but LinkedIn is so much worse than Facebook. At least Facebook as a community is honest about what it is and it's much easier to tailor your experience to cut out the parts you don't like. Because Facebook's business model is entirely ad-based, their timeline has sufficiently strong machine learning capabilities that they legitimately know how to cut out the dumb shit that you won't take well to.

Because LinkedIn is partially ad-based but also makes money from things like premium subscription and other dumb learning products (i.e., their focused is split across different product categories), their community is full of the worst losers publicly virtue signaling their dumb fucking stances because as a platform the LinkedIn timeline rewards this behavior and they don't have the moderation tools or the analytics/ML to know that their users fucking hate that content.

“Millionaires don't use astrology, billionaires do”
 

“I am proud to share that I have completed -inserts 2 hour online course- ...”

 

There are ADULTS who pull this shit

  • Formerly @GoldmanSachs, @McKinsey, @Google, etc. when they were in some back office role (and I’m talking all the way in the back)

  • CFA Level 1 Candidate

  • Strategic Storyteller, Career Coach, Futurist (when they’ve never accomplished anything like ever)

I would cut those kids some slack because at least they’re ambitious and have an excuse for their lack of self awareness. There are people in their 30s and 40s pulling that shit on LinkedIn and sending LinkedIn invites to randomass alumni of the schools at which they completed a seminar at the extension school bearing the same name

 

I saw some post on how LinkedIn should become more like other social media platforms. It's just unbelievable that some people think it's ok to post insulting and excessively political comments from a professional profile.

Array
 

I am pleased to announce that I have been selected by Goldman Sachs to participate in their 2020 Summer Insight Series!!!

I would like to thank Goldman Sachs for giving me this opportunity and for everyone who has been there to help me get to this moment.

I’m so excited and I cannot wait to begin and see what I can learn to continue my growth as a leader and a professional.

 

I did it last summer for kicks, terrible program. They pair you with another random participant to review resumes, my guy knew nothing. GS also said they would give us feedback on a practice HireVue we did, never came.

 

My favorite cringe are the people that have like 10 different roles within their headline. For example: Strategic Business Development at XYZ | Content Creator | Motivational Speaker | Virtual Trainer | Blogger | (and of course) Forbes 30 under 30 scholar.

like bruh. who tf do u think u are to have all those thing. How influential do you think you really are??

 

and obv the ex-google ex-Goldman ex-McKinsey ex-hsbc employee who has gathered some amazing resources for those who are looking to apply for a new job. This person has only honest intentions and wants to share this with anyone and everyone, however instead of simply posting it up they take young kid’s private IDs and then phish them.

 

That one is actually used a lot in Big4 world and among those who transit from audit etc. I know some folks from Big4 and that is how they introduce themself usually.

“Destiny is a gift. Some go their entire lives, living existences of quiet desperation, never learning the truth that what feels as though a burden pushing down upon their shoulders is really a sense of purpose that lifts us to greater heights. Never forget that fear is but the precursor to valor, that to strive and triumph in the face of fear is what it means to be a hero. Don’t think. Become.”
 

Ya, it's a sad state of affairs, but you gotta keep in mind that getting into pretty much any "elite" white-collar profession is more competitive than ever.

I see it everywhere in tech too, kids basically copy-pasting tutorials, posting them on medium or whatever, and listing said articles in their CV. For whatever reason, HR seems to love that shit. Apparently it signals interest and passion, and building a more general online presence signals authority (blogging, tutoring, entrepreneurship, etc.)

Back in the day, the "standard" way for kids to pad their CV was to pick up some classical instrument, become president at some school club, and join / become proficient at some sport. While all those are still very relevant today, kids need to do even more to get that competitive edge - and out of nowhere, everyone their brother is suddenly passionate about "ML and AI", "Sustainable/green future", "Cryptocurrencies", and what not, with multiple authored articles and blog posts.

And everything needs to be documented, how else are people going to know? It's like that saying - how many people would run a marathon if they were forbidden from taking any pictures or sharing information about the event.

So, yes, while it's cringy as shit, that's just the evolution of things. More graduates, higher grades, less jobs, etc. all results in more competition.

 

It's because LinkedIn, by its very nature of being a workplace social network, attracts sterile personalities.

Anything anyone posts and likes has to be workplace appropriate, which means it needs to be the most dry, inoffensive, and low impact content possible. The things that go viral are just commonly known management things dressed up in hyperbolic stories, two sentence paragraphs, with an "agree?" at the end.

"I believe in second chances because interviewee fix friend grill lol"

Not only is the story obviously made up/exaggerated, but the takeaway is also something even a 6 year old wouldn't ever argue with.

 

I kid you not there was one kid on his LinkedIn profile that put, for a description of his 3 month intern gig at Google, "I was so good that halfway through the internship they told me I could drop out of school, bypass the mandatory interviews, and join them full time". He had similar descriptions for his ten other internships. Nothing about what he did or what he learned, just things like "was top Intern at Salesforce and they said theyve never seen anyone of my capabilities before".

 

The absolute worst I have seen so far was this guy who wrote a post about the fact that he got a 4.0 for the semester, but REGRETS it because he didn't spend more time with his family while he was at home and away from school, instead of taking advantage of the P/F system.

It wouldn't have been so bad (but still a terrile humble brag)...except he also shared a link to his making it on his university's dean's list lmfao

 

I don’t mind (and sometimes even feel a hint of pride) at those posts. However, a large portion of the “cringe” comes from over-sharing rich kids who 1) should know better and/or 2) are bragging about things that aren’t exactly outkicking their coverage. Every thought =\= a thread, and no one gives a fuck that you’ll be employed after you graduate Dartmouth.

 

yeah because being a medic in ramadi is like helping people with CVs and cover letters.

any time I see stuff like this from people I follow, I unfollow them. if I see it from people in my network because they've liked something, I mute future things from them.

complaining about your feed and doing nothing about it is unproductive. do something about it, get shameless self promoters out of your life

 

Looked on LinkedIn yesterday. some kid decided to post his weight loss journey and spewed off one of those confidence, persistence, etc lines. What had me dying laughing is he is a consultant for McDonald’s.

 
shrubbery:
I just wish shitposting was as risk-free on LI as it is on twitter/FB

Very underrated comment. LinkedIn would be way more fun if there was at least some cohort of people that actively mocked the cringe-y habits of everyone else, I think it would actually serve as a sort of policing mechanism that helps bring the most egregious cringe posts back in line.

“Millionaires don't use astrology, billionaires do”
 

The amount of obfuscation/lying on LinkedIn renders it basically unusable for search purposes unless you basically already know the person you’re looking for already.

They should limit “job” section to “paid FT employment >6m” or “paid internship >6 weeks” (then give option to filter by FT, internship, or both). Everything else is a cert or “event”

“Education” should similarly require a “degree-granting” program and information on the exact sub-school. No more “Cornell ” for the SCJ cert, no more “HBS” for that class Maria Sharapova took. If it doesn’t fall into a clear undergrad, graduate, or professional bucket, it’s not searchable.

Make misleading titling reportable. People are prissy enough about their schools and employers that they’ll self-enforce.

 

I've seen people put things like insight days and networking events into their experience. Like its nice and all, but what could you have possibly gleaned from that 1 or 2 days?

And then there are those weirdos who list out every damn course they took under the Skills or Accomplishment sections. Like WTF?!?

 

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