Just been broken up with - what now?

Intern in IB - Gen

Hi all. Sorry for the bitch post. I remember seeing a similar one at the beginning of the year that had some great advice, but that was for someone older and actually in banking. Idk, I just feel shit and don't know who to turn to so I guess it's the IB forum.

Basically just been broken up with. My ex said she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore - she moved across the country and isn't coming back. I'm just finishing my degree and have my first IB internship this summer in NY. I'm distraught. She was my everything and I don't know wtf to do now. I'm finishing up as a student and moved back home for other personal reasons. Just need some advice for what to do now. Thanks all.

Comments (44)

Feb 22, 2020

bruh - you gotta get chiseled to prep for NYC

step 1 : go to the gym immediately and frequently

step 2 : lots of hot NYC chicks - you're set

step 3 : succeed in internship, get FT offer

...

profit!

You're set bro.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Feb 22, 2020

Isaiah_53_5:
bruh - you gotta get chiseled to prep for NYC
step 1 : go to the gym immediately and frequently
step 2 : lots of hot NYC chicks - you're set
step 3 : succeed in internship, get FT offer
...
profit!
You're set bro.

His post might sound a bit humorous....but to piggyback off of what I wrote below....his advice is the absolute best thing for you...especially #3.

The world is yours if you want it OP...Go get it.

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Feb 22, 2020

Keep your head up king, don't let your crown fall.

Array

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Feb 22, 2020

When I hear a dude calling another dude, "king", it's cringes me. I don't know. That's just me...

Lol @ people down voting me. Ha, ok. So when your colleague ever get upset, call him "King" to make him feel better, alright?

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Feb 22, 2020

Array

Feb 22, 2020

I think everyone assumes it's done humurously. Especially alongside that picture hahaha.

Array

Feb 22, 2020

Don't let your relationship dictate who you are. You are your own man.

Close that door and don't look back.

Go out and mingle, keep your head up and you'll be fine. Focus on your career my man.

No pain no game.

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Feb 22, 2020

post malone circles

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

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Feb 22, 2020

tfw can't get broken up with because never had a gf

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Feb 23, 2020

you can be my BF
let's practice so you can get some confidence before you fuck a real girl
if you don't you're gay

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Feb 22, 2020

Chick did you a favor man.

Sounds like you're succeeding

As was said above, Become a peak specimen.

The rest will fall into place.

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Funniest
Feb 22, 2020

Your wife is in grade school. Relax.

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Most Helpful
Feb 22, 2020

Not in banking but went through something similar around the end of undergrad. At the time, I thought it was the worst thing that could have happened. Looking back years later, it was the absolute best thing and I am legitimately thankful it happened.

It might hurt for a while. You can dwell in that and get nowhere or even move backwards. Or, you can use the opportunity as a chance to identify/pursue what you want in life and as motivation to improve each day in pursuit of that goal. In the long run this will also move you in the right direction to find a better partner down the road.

The most concerning part of your post is it sounds as though you have let this derail your path. If you do not correct that, you most certainly will regret it later. If you focus on improving and building the future you want for yourself (and nobody else) you have an opportunity to develop character and grow into something you never thought you were capable of on your own.

If you are really stuck on this...get off WSO and speak with a therapist. There is no shame and it is admirable to prioritize your mental health as it can be necessary in being the best possible version of yourself. It will also significantly accelerate your timeline for closure and will help you move forward.

Breakups can be tough but they are temporary. Don't let it break you and don't look back.

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Feb 22, 2020

Is her best friend good looking? If so plow her and keep rolling.

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Feb 22, 2020

My dude, NYC tinder is infinite. Get your picture game on, and go hunting - if you had a GF to begin with, chances are you're good looking enough to get some ladies in your net. I've been stationed at satellite offices where you had to restart Tinder every 2 weeks, and still managed to get laid (note: I'm not hot or rich).

Hit the gym, get fresh, git gud.

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  • Intern in IB - Gen
Feb 23, 2020

Hi all, cheers guys, this stuff made me feel hopeful this morning. Things are still very raw, we were together for a long time so my heads a little scrambled. I joined a gym a couple weeks back so guess I'll have to throw myself into that now. Just them creeping doubts about never finding another like her again in my brain now.

Thanks for the kind words.

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Feb 23, 2020

2 final thoughts in response to your reply.

1) Unfollow her on everything. You might reconnect later when you have moved on or you might not. But right now it will only make it harder if you allow her to enter your mind. Clean break and focus on yourself.

2) Never doubt yourself. Focus on staying in shape, developing as an individual, and most importantly dominate your work. If you do these 3 things consistently the rest will fall into place on it's own. Good luck

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  • Intern in IB - Gen
Feb 23, 2020

Thanks for everything bro. I'll do my best.

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Feb 27, 2020

Heartbreak is real. Very painful. Time will heal it.

Feb 23, 2020

Bitch just doubled your chance at a full time offer. Removed herself as a distraction just before you were about to hit your grind. Game. On.

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  • Quant in HF - Other
Feb 23, 2020

Mute their stories & posts - crucial step.

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Feb 23, 2020

Unless you're posting some awesome content that'll make them jealous, just block them all together. No point in you being able to either: A) stalk them and get depressed, or B) hit em up at 2am drunk saying stuff you'll definitely cringe at later.

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Feb 23, 2020

You forgot C) Be the ultimate Alpha and bang her mum on a Facebook LIVESTREAM!!!

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  • Quant in HF - Other
Feb 24, 2020

Not to be a buzz kill but that sounds a little immature. I don't think unfollowing or blocking are always necessary options personally, as that just crystallises the idea that you dislike or have a problem with them. If the breakup was fairly amicable then just mute their posts and get on with your life. Are you also going to block all of their friends/your mutual friends? And posting content specifically to make one person jealous sounds kinda sad, almost like a modern day Gatsby lol but you do you.

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  • Analyst 1 in S&T - FI
Feb 24, 2020

From my understanding, the reason for the breakup is the distance after graduation? My advice would be: realize that, at least for now, they are not the one for you, and accept that there are some experiences with them that you'll never have again, but you'll have new experiences with someone else.

As someone who's been in your position before, you'll forget about them 2 weeks into your internship. You'll be exhausted from the long hours and stressed about getting the return offer.

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Feb 24, 2020

future

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Feb 24, 2020

The timing obviously sucks, but you have some time to just think about things and prepare your mind and body for the internship. You'll have one less thing taking your energy, and more to give for your new role. You're a wrecking ball. It feels like you are being pulled back now, but soon you'll be released and building up momentum to start crushing sh!t. LFG!!!

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Feb 24, 2020

You have time. The most valuable asset in existence. Time. In the history of your existence, this is just a sand grain. You're gonna have a solid career in a great city and you have your friends, health, and family. We tend to magnify the negative things in our life while all the positive things fly past our head. It's important to sit back and recalibrate after something like this. Go hang out, do positive stuff and go get some sun. Keep yourself busy and before you know it, you're gonna be in a better place. Obviously you can be sad, take this 1 day to be sad, dwell on it, cry, but tomorrow morning make sure to wake up better than today. King shit only in 2020.

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Feb 24, 2020
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  • Analyst 2 in RE - Comm
Feb 25, 2020

Millions of people have been heart broken after a break up while being completely convinced it was the love of their life. Only to realize after the emotions wear off that it really wasn't and they eventually find someone better. It'll take you a few weeks, maybe even a couple months, to get used to a new routine without her around but then you'll get into groove and feel better

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Feb 25, 2020

You'll be fine, there are way more women than men in NYC. They will find you.

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Feb 26, 2020

The only way to get even is to nail her BF to the cross. I have same nails used on Jesus Christ, PM me for pricing.

Feb 26, 2020

Rub one out and reassess

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Feb 26, 2020

Lay down and rot

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Feb 26, 2020

Speaking as someone who feels emotions very strongly and has a helluva hard time getting over girls, here's my advice:

  • watch these:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c709rGYW8v0&t=1s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqVxBT-Z4yE
    [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rzd_8YN6vtc
  • no one is irreplaceable. When I lost a gf what crippled me was the idea that she was the one and i wouldn't be able to find someone like her. That's bullshit. No one is irrepleaceable and you will find a better match for you. Focus on what you disliked about her and convince yourself that she wasn't such a good mach after all.
  • 90% of our daily thoughts are the same of the previous day. Right now you want to forget her, so what you have to do is reducing the amount of thoughts about her until she fades almost completely from your daily mind space. I like to create mental totems that help me when I get a thought I don't want. E.g. create a very strong image of you being a vp for a top BB, a great phisique, etc and every time you start thinking of your ex gf immediately switch to that mental image and go back to work. It's like a form of mental jiu jitsu.
  • Decide that you want to get over with it. Sometimes we just want to be in that limbo where we feel bad about ourselves but we don't really want to move on. Make a choice, tomorrow you will start rebuilding yourself. Start creating momentum. Set very small daily goals (like eating well, going to the gym andstudying 10 pages a day) and accomplish them. You have to create a series of victories that will stack on each other and bring your back on track.
  • the most important thing is that you don't let this interfere with your career. Right now it may look like the end of the world given the impact that dating has on your brain chemistry (you become like addicted to your gf, you brain pumps out dopamine whenever you are with her), but it will pass with time and you don't want to compromise your life just for this reason
  • try seeing this as a challenge, a problem to solve. If you learn to manage a situation like this it will be like a toolkit you will carry with you forever and which may be very useful should something similar happen again in the future.
  • I am someone who never drank a single glass of beer or never touched even a cigarette. BUT i do think that drugs work and sometimes it may be better to take something for a few weeks instead of completely destroying your career because you are messed up emotionally. I would try to see how your doctor feels about an antidepressant or even something like gaba supplements or modafinil (which acts as a dopamine reuptake inhibitor and has the added plus of making your super energized and productive)
  • deactivate social media and don't give in to the tempation to look up for her pictures or what she is doing. Forget her.

I remember a quote from a physchiatrist that stuck with me: "You know, I have seen vietnam veterans, astrophysics PhDs and CEOs break down in tears in that very chair because of love. The good news is that with time they all did fine. In the moment it looks like the end of the world, but time will heal you and a year from now you will be okay". No matter how tough you are, human beings are biologically programmed to feel love as the strongest of our emotions, so yeah it hurts, but you can get over it, other have done it before you. And also, what the fuck is the alternative?

Feb 26, 2020

Hit the gym and get that FT offer. I'm sure you'll eventually find someone better, don't let this distract you from your goals

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Feb 26, 2020

Pretend she's dead and work out like you're about to go into combat

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Feb 27, 2020

Broo its ya boy from the post you were talking about earlier this year lmao. Legit just focus on getting ready to go ham this summer in NY on the internship and solidify the FT.

It's hard to see past tomorrow, but you're young af. Legit by the time you start the job you're about to get I guarantee you would have met someone else and many other people who are just as cool, in different ways, as your ex. Some may be people you may have met before but didn't even look at in that light bc you were so focused on your shorty.

Hit the gym. Go out a lot. Crush the internship. And don't feel bad about feeling bad occasionally. But do not let this fuck your shit up.

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Feb 27, 2020

Hit the gym, focus on your internship/job/classes/money, date/smash other chicks, DO NOT reach out to her.

It'll get better, you just gotta ride out the downturns in life.

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Feb 27, 2020
Comment
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Mar 2, 2020
  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Mar 2, 2020