I wanted to see what everyone's thoughts were on this. I just had a first date with a girl, took her to a decent restaurant, and she finished approximately 1/2 of her meal. She asked for a takeout box for the rest, and proudly proclaimed to me that it would be lunch tomorrow. She then proceeded to carry around the take out box for the half hour that we walked around after dinner. Is it just me, or is this terribly low class and in poor taste? It just gave off the impression to me that she cared more about the food than the company - which is always something I try to stay away from giving off no matter how good the food is.
I know that I saw an interviewee do this during a business dinner one time, and the guys at the office were all laughing about it the next day and he got dinged.
My thoughts right now are to give her the ding.
I would not do it in a professional setting and probabaly not on a first dates either. I would do it if I was with friends, family or people I was comfortable with. Personally, I don't like to waste food and would only care if someone did it at a business dinner. Otherwise, I would cut the girl some slack (assuming everything else was okay). I don't think it's bad enough to be justified as "low class" or "bad taste." That would require a string of racist jokes or not tipping the waiter.
Your post made me laugh.. That is a great question in general. I went on a date the other day and I couldnt finish my 22oz ribeye, and although I really wanted to take it home, but i resisted..what do yall think?!
Also, in my situation, I paid for the dinner, and I already made it clear that I was not going to be taking my leftovers home. I think it would be appropriate to follow the lead of the host. I know that I'm treating this way too formally, but I think there is some manner of etiquette to be followed on a first date. The 2nd and onward can be a lot more relaxed.
She could just be oblivious to the situation. It might be considered rude to leave perfectly good food behind in her family or culture.
She could just be clueless. This would definitely turn me off, though. Maybe she did it because she wasn't enjoying the date.
This was my impression. She didn't care for me and wanted to show it in a subtle manner.
You are WAY overthinking her taking the leftovers home. "She didn't care for me and wanted to show it in a subtle manner" - yeah right, that's ridiculous. If she didn't like you, she would have done something else to let you know, like not returning your calls. The meal was great, she couldn't finish it, she never gets to eat at this nice of a place, and wanted to eat it again the next day. What's wrong with that? You don't have to over-analyze everything.
kick her off the bed if she didn't want to do it on the floor!
this is trouble with nyc - lots of people looking for free dinners/lunches
was this person well off or not so? did you meet her at Ulysses on stone st?
she was not well off. she works in PR and barely squeaks by with help from mom and dad. i just figured that she would have been raised in a classier fashion than this.
oh well. fortunately i don't mind paying and it's just a drop in the bucket for me. i just wish i could figure out a way to screen out girls like this from the get go next time. my time is more valuable than the money spent on dinner. there's no way she's getting a 2nd date.
carrying around a doggy bag makes it very awkward to have any physical contact after dinner and i did not even feel comfortable going in for a good night kiss. she knew that and i knew that - but she cared more about her free lunch tomorrow than me. ding
LOLOL Toooo fucking funny. Reminds me of Seinfeld/Curb Your Enthusiasm. I totally agree with the OP, it seems low-class/bad-taste, HUGE turn-off. NEXT TIME, on a first date forget about taking the broad out for dinner like an average fustruated chump, take her out for coffee - that way you can end the date practically at any time and you only need to spend max. 10 bucks on her (assuming youl pay for her)
HALLELUJAH!
You are totally SEXIST! Quit promoting patriarchal normative viewpoints... #FEMINISM
I have always been amazed at how in every restaurants in the US, servers offer you to put your leftovers in a doggie bag. I never really saw that in any other countries, It can be interpreted as low class by certain people, but who are they to judge? What she did shows that she does not care about petty things or people's judgement, I'd love a girl like this. Go for the second date if you liked everything else!
Remember, you will always be a salesman, no matter how fancy your title is. - My ex girlfriend
I completely agree with Disjoint to the point that she didn't let formalities stop her from enjoying what should have been a fun night out on a date. If you are insulted by her behavior and willing to ding her for something like this, I'd say she is the lucky one for getting out now, not you.
how about...you not make such a big deal about this. This is such a small detail. She wanted some food for later. Girls love to eat.
It's not just you. I also think it's terribly low class. I'd be embarrassed if someone I was with were to ask for a doggie bag.
OK, maybe I'd be willing to ignore it if this girl is otherwise great, but I don't get the sense that she is.
you just said she's not well off and is barely getting by?
i was raised in a low-income household and I understand the value of money, maybe she does too and it's instinctive.
what you deem "low-class" is everyday life for many americans.
if i had other signs that she was not interested/bored and then she did this, i'd be offended.
I think this bird is great for a number of reasons...
She knows your a banker, and doesnt put on a 'classy' act.
She's careful with money and understands its value.
She doesn't waste food.
She might have been embarrassed to leave that much on her plate with you paying, and didn't want to seem ungrateful.
I think its wonderful to find a girl that values money - even if it may be a little 'unclassy' for the aristocrats on this board. I suppose Warren Buffet driving around in a Cadillac is also "terribly low class and in poor taste."
I think point #4 is actually quite plausible. I personally don't ever have food wrapped up, but there is something noble to the general idea of not wasting food.
Interestingly enough, my gf of two years asks for doggie bags from time to time, and she comes from a very wealthy family (while I do not). I think it's more of a principle-driven thing (i.e., taking food home that would otherwise go in the trash), particularly considering I'm usually the one that ends up eating her leftovers.
I agree with every point. Although on a first date its a little extreme, I think most of the responses have been overboard. The girl knows what she wants, knows what she needs, and isnt ashamed about it. It might have been different if she was well off but gimme a break, you said she's barely getting by! Judging her is harsh.
And if you think her holding around a bag (girls are carrying around bags anyway) is going to distract her from you enough that it would ruin the night or diminish the fun factor, well... she's lucky to get dinged.
With that said, in a professional situation, absolutely unacceptable. IDK what that kid was thinking
Strongly agreed with you. I don't think wasting food is classy. However I always try to finish whatever I order instead of take home. I try to order something that is not too filling if I think there are too much food.
If it was me, most likely I wouldn't take out especially on first date. I prefer to under order and try to finish everything. I find wasting food is tasteless.
About being PR girl => I work in marketing and get pretty much the same treatment as PR. I always eat and drink at the best places in town. That is the perk of our job. She should be used to nice things.
Damn, it seems that maybe I'm learning something new today? Growing up, it was not uncommon for the leftovers to get bagged. I figured it was normal too since 90% of the time, servers ask if you would like to take the food to go. I never thought twice about it being unclassy (and etiquette is something I usually keep in mind). I didn't grow up in a low-income family or low-income area either...
When I got older, it never really became an issue since I'm generally a pretty big eater and don't leave much left on my plate. With family though, it was still common for the leftovers to get bagged.
As for you paying for dinner, I would hope you'd be paying if it were a first date =P. If not, THAT would be bad! I honestly think she may have been clueless. Then again, our difference in opinion might be due to a slight generation gap? I'm still at the stage where hooking up at a Thursday party is not uncommon and dates are anything BUT formal. Class, money and power aren't really issues in a college environment. Usually it's more a matter of whether she's attractive and has a decent personality. Unfortunately, from the looks of things, matters get more superficial in the real world. Another downside of growing up I suppose...
Anyway, it seems like your mind it set. Hopefully though, it wasn't decided on a doggie bag. That would be incredulous!
there was an article in mens health that said a restaurant serving is usually twice the amount of food you should actually be eating. they actually recommend you tell the waiter to bag half the meal before it's even brought out to you.
maybe you should try portion control to be proactive in avoiding the "banker ass", and maybe she's doing it to stay fit.
i also like the fact that she doesn't waste food. if everything else about the date was good, then don't give her the ding yet.
Still laughing my way through these posts. It's amazing how critical some people are on such a petty subject. Nothing wrong with not wanting to waste food if half the portion is leftover, why not eat it another time?
Sorry to tell ya but first date does not exactly equal meal with the CEO (in which case its a no-no).
I'd like to know why you think getting a doggie bag is a "no-no" for a meal with a CEO, but OK for a meal with a date. Don't both people deserve just as good manners from their dining partner? Or do you only put on good manners when you think your dining partner is 'important' enough?
you should be concerned about analyzing a lot of other things rather than worrying about her asking for a doggie bag...as has been said numerous times, if thats the only thing bothering you, forget about the "ding".
If anything, go on the second date and see if you can find out more about her personality...maybe if you end up at her place, you'll see its a pigsty or something else thats crazy...or maybe you'll discover the girl of your dreams and 5 years from now be laughing about overanalyzing a doggie bag on an internet forum.
if you're still dinging...share her phone number...i'll take her out and see if she does the doggie bag again!
lol, hardly a matter of "importance." Unless your date is the CEO, they are entirely different situations.
Good manners vary from situation to situation and yes, on a date, I don't exactly put asking for a doggie bag on the bad manners list. Besides, if she's the type of person who sees it as okay, then why feel the need to hide something so stupid. That's generally not a good way to start a relationship.
However, in a business environment (not even necessarily with a CEO) it would be considered poor taste to take the leftovers. Not necessarily a matter of who is more important, but rather the environment. Good manner are important in both situations, they just vary.
Personally, I wouldn't think a thing of it if a girl asks for take out. Got plenty of better things to worry about.
I would never, ever, never never ever, get a doggie bag on a date. If I wanted the possibility of going for a drink afterwards, or back to his, or even a little physical contact on the walk to my place/subway/etc, a bag of food would get in the way. Plus it's pretty tacky - especially to say "oh this is gonna be lunch tomorrow!" Way to really hammer home the point that the guy who's taken you out is feeding you for 2 days.
Bingo. That's exactly how it came across. I felt that she was basically telling me "This date is over, I don't want to hang out any more with you after dinner, and by the way, I was pretty much just here for the free food." By far, one of my worst dates in years. I got the sense that this girl is one of those girls that "dates around a lot" and I was just the scheduled Tuesday dinner. She barely asked any questions about me during dinner and I had to control the flow of conversation - not what I'm generally used to at all.
Just because you and one female perceived her actions in a negative light doesn't confirm that this was your date's intent in the least. If anything, I think her declaration about tomorrow's lunch was intended to justify her request for a doggie-bag, not to rub it in your face.
If you're so hung up on the prospect of leftovers then maybe it is best that you move on, but please keep in mind that most of the world does not view things from a banker's perspective.
Very good point. And I can't say I have any idea what's really going through women's minds either. I'm overall terrible at the whole dating game. I broke up with a long-term girlfriend 6 months ago and we dated for 4 years. I almost forgot how much of a pain in the ass this whole process is.
ah. judge her based on the conversation, not on if she uses a doggie bag.
it could be her old money thrifty value. you never know.
from a girl's perspective ... the whole taking a doggie bag home on the first date reeks of awkward. it's kind of like girls who don't wear makeup to work. i mean, sure, people should be judging you for your "inner" beauty and job performance ... but wake up and smell the coffee already....there some things you just don't do because they signal that you aren't aware of basic social niceities. this falls into the category of guys ordering bud lites on first dates at a bar...sure you can do it, but why would you want to?
Hey I order Bud Lites on first dates and I've never had any problems. I would never take any leftovers home though - that really is poor taste.
Patek, you answered the question yourself. If she was an amazing person and she took a doggie bag with her, who cares?? The thing that bothered you is the: "I am interviewing you, and you are such a bore that you can't even bother asking questions about me". I have had dates like this, it's almost as if you want to shoot yourself a bullet in the head. On those occasions I suggest to just bite the bullet, offer her another drink or two and usually by then you will have killed whatever brain cells she has left, and you can proceed to bring her home. The next morning you can have the pleasure of telling her where the door is, and if you are in a good mood you can even give her 1 pound for the bus ticket.
Remember, you will always be a salesman, no matter how fancy your title is. - My ex girlfriend
fp175, sr636,
In my opinion, a pretty girl that doesnt have anything to prove to anyone and doesnt try to hard, is 10x the turn on than a chick who feels the need to act the part. Someone who is as comfortable with themself on a first date as they are 100 dates in... Says alot about a person and their self-confidence. I admire that more than any wannabee princess in Gucci.
I see your points, and though this girl may be a little different, I dig it!
since when does wearing gucci make you a wannabee princess? I would think that's when you wear pink head to toe.
:) gucci does not make for a wannabee princess - but for some reason, wannabee princesses have a thing for Gucci.
this thread has gone on way too long but you gotta agree, doggie bags on dates is tacky as hell
haha what would bateman do if his date got a doggie bag....he would probably mix the leftovers with the brains and eat them.
I think Boosie said it best-
she got her own house, she got her own car, two jobs, work hard, you a bad broad.
Why give her the ding when you could instead give her the dong? Haha. Just kidding.
Like SmugGuy, I have a gf from a well-to-do upbringing, while I come from middle-class suburbia. I hate doggie bags. But my gf doesn't seem to mind them if she can't even come close to finishing her meal. Give the girl a break - maybe she blurted that stupid ass "lunch tomorrow" comment because she was nervous. It's all a matter of personal taste when it comes to women. Honestly, if I liked her enough, I can get over little things - no one's perfect. Obviously, I wouldn't put up with poor taste (getting drunk on the first date, excessive cursing, and general hoe-baggery), but I personally think it's something I could overlook if I liked her enough. Seems to me you don't really like her that much to begin with - so save her and yourself the bullshit and move on. Or, you could chicka-bow-wow if that's what both of you are down for.
I skimmed this thread, so I apologize if it's been asked already. But it seems like you're hung up on the fact that you feel "used" for a nice dinner. I guess my question is: How was the rest of the night? Good conversation, or awkward? If you really clicked, I would overlook the doggie bag.
Don't be such an uptight douchebag. BFD, she got a doggie bag. I feel bad for you if you really give a shit that much. Maybe you could concentrate on other things like if she is attractive, a decent/honest person, or laid back enough that she feels comfortable around you.
Maybe I was raised in a barn and have no manners, but I think true manners is making your guest/date feel comfortable and happy they are there.
not what the real gecko would say, but classy.
DO take home the leftovers and eat them for breakfast after you get her in the sack that night.
"Low class" to doggie bag food? Who are you people? What planet did you grow up on?
My family is no stranger to nice restaurants, but if we're too full to finish something, we'll pack it up (Not a steak, but some pasta, sure).
Me? I wouldn't do it -- I might as well ask the waiter to wrap my nuts up, too. But I really don't see a problem with a girl getting food to go. My first impression would be that she didn't want you to feel like she was ungrateful not finishing her meal you paid for.
i had lunch with a bb md on this one occasion. he got a doggie bag for the leftovers (and it became my dinner).
i think it is more of a ideological thing - not wasting food.
Wow, I love the fact that some people think they are high class because they waste food?
I feel bad for the girl, she just had a date with a douchebag!
From a girl's perspective, one of two things happened....
She felt bad for leaving half her meal on her plate and wanted to show you that she appreciated the dinner and didn't want it to go to waste.
She was your typical "date for food" chick. A LOT of those twenty-somethings in NYC especially. In that case, you probably don't even have to ding her, she already dinged you first.
I suppose the best way to determine whether it was 1 or 2 was by how the rest of the date went. Just my two cents....
How are these old threads being resurrected?
Also, who goes out on dinner dates for the first date anymore? For me, dinner doesn't happen until after I've seen her at least a few times (usually drinks). Not because I'm cheap, but who the hell wants to sit through a dinner with a girl for the first time? Get to know her a bit, get comfortable and then get dinner.
it really bothers me when I am going out with a girl and she has an over the top nice purse (from like $2500 chanel to a $15000+ birkin) and they are so afraid of putting it down unattended in like a bar or club atmosphere that they insist on dancing with it. I want to ask them are you here for me or the purse? really really bothers me and has happened a couple of times. If its a second date, and I am expecting it, I insist, before we head out that they put their ID and maybe a credit card into my wallet for the evening, and leave the purse clutch all together.
Are you serious???
I agree. If you are buying something you shouldn't be so scared of losing it that you can't enjoy life when it is with you. Once you drop several grand on a purse you've basically wasted that money anyway, why not accept that. I've never told a girl to give me her cc though, I might have to start doing that.
Wow. If I ever encountered this I would make a point to vomit in her bag.
Haha that is a little bit too much. Maybe she should get a WoC ( Chanel wallet on chain) :)
I extreme high maintenance.
Wear fur -> avoid rain and snow Wear heels -> can't walk for hours Carry clutch -> can't leave them unattended. My things are vintage, they are usually somewhat "one of a kind"
But I don't mind get dirty if I know that in advance. If we are going to walk a lot, please let me know so I can wear my flats. If the girl refuse to leave her bag home after you asked. It is a bad idea to date her. She will never do anything for you.
serious about what?
In Europe at least, asking for the leftovers is unclassy even when you are with your family or friends. So when you are on a first date you try to be very formal because first impressions are first impressions. That's it.
So yes, this girl should have had some etiquette and either eat it or leave it would have been safe zone... but no way taking it. So I understand why you feel rejection. But in my opinion she has been a bit clueless. However, with just 1 date I don't think you have enough to judge... unless she failed many many things.
About the super expensive bags... c'mon. Would you leave on a club table your $10000 watch just because your date hates the steel feeling while you dace with her? Most likely it would disappear in 5 min and you'd develop assassin thoughts.
People are hard to please so simply say what you want. Men want them classy and refined, but please no overacting, overdressing, over making up, or over behaving. Don't be stiff but please don't be a plain Jane... we still need to have a presentable gf to carry around. Be as close to a super model as you can if possible but don't wear killer heels because even thought they are sexy as hell in bedroom not so when you complain 300 times when I take you for a walk. So... if we want to find something we don't like we will.
Socially awkward Oasis
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