Living with the Parents...In Pennsylvania?!?!?!

foreverparis's picture
Rank: Monkey | 47

Someone please tell me this idea is infeasible, insane, outright hilarious.

Next summer I'll be starting a gig as a first-year analyst at an AM firm, which I estimate to mean (after having spoken with current employees) that I can expect 12 hours workdays. Needless to say, I expect to put in more that than especially as a new hire.

The commute would easily be 2 hours door to desk. That means on a good day, I'd have 8 hours from the minute I get home to the minute I leave the next day.

Now I have a bad case of helicopter parents. "You can sleep on the bus." "We need to keep an eye on you and the people you socialize with." "Think about all the money you'll save," they say. The saving money part is nice, but I need to save my sanity here. I'm 20 years old, for god's sake. How on earth am I going to convince them when they refuse to believe that I'm my own person??

Comments (24)

Nov 29, 2014

If the commute is entirely done on the bus, then it might be worth looking into. Its a much different story if you are driving for two hours straight. With taking the bus, you can grab some sleep or even do some work, it would be even better if there is wifi on the bus as well. Saving money helps and obviously you also want to leave a good impression, it might be worth trying this commute for awhile. See if you can manage before you say no.

Nov 29, 2014

Is this a full time or summer intern gig?

It's feasible, but it's going to be a pain in the ass. I have a friend in AM who's much more senior than you and pulls 10-12 hour days. He moved from Manhattan to somewhere in North/Central Jersey (the wife and kids thing and it's near her parents) about 1.5 years ago and he takes the bus for about 1.25-1.5 hours each way if its the express. He thought it wouldn't be too bad but says if he had known what it would actually be like he'd never have moved that far away from his job. Especially because he said the express buses stop running after 6 or 7 so after that he's on a local bus so the 1.25 hours turns into >2. Check the bus schedule to make sure your 2 hour ride home wouldn't take 2.5+. Personally I have always felt that it's best to live as close to your job as possible because commuting just sucks time out of your day that you'll never get back and you also tend to hate getting stuck at the office because you know that you have another chunk of time until you get home that those who live closer do not have. I think it has an effect on work performance to tell you the truth. That's just the logistics side of your decision.

If you're doing it for a reason YOU want, such as saving money, I suppose consider it. Don't do it so your parents can keep an eye on you. You're an adult. They want to see who you socialize with? Are you kidding? Time to cut the cord.

Of course if this is just a summer gig with a finite life and you want to save money, go for it. I'd prefer to experience living in the city but to each his own. I'd also take into account being able to socialize with people that you work with and to be able to build a bigger overall network. It's good to go out and have drinks with coworkers and more senior people in your firm. You'll be less apt to do so if you're staring at your watch wondering if you'll make the next bus and know that you have a two hour ride home.

Nov 29, 2014

It's not practical. Tell your parents to cut the umbilical cord.

Do you live with them while you're in school? I swear, I really don't understand how people fail to see things that are so painfully obvious. I'm shaking my head at myself for even responding to this. Are your parents going to drop you off and meet your colleagues/boss on your first day? Is your Mom going to pack you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch every day? Seriously, WTF????

    • 1
Nov 29, 2014

Thanks for your responses guys. I'll just have to tell them the networking opportunities would be seriously stunted by living at home. What they propose is definitely not what I want.

The argument "I'm an adult" falls on deaf ears every time, not much to negotiate with people who think cutting the umbilical means cutting all ties. You'd be surprised what 20 years of indoctrination can do to one's idea of the obvious :/

Nov 29, 2014

What is their practical hold on you? Are they paying off student loans?

Nov 29, 2014

Future JD/MBA tuition actually, but I suppose I'll just push back those plans for when I've got enough saved/take out loans. It's the possibility that I'll have no support network if I fall out with them and something goes wrong that irks me more than anything. Did you find yourselves 100% self-sufficient in your first year out? (I would imagine many people were and are, but...Murphy's law.)

Kills me to have to post this all, really...never took any shit from anywhere else but when it comes to family, I'm kind of their b****. Got some growing up to do on my part, I know.

Nov 29, 2014

So they're going to basically disown you if you don't live at home and have a 4 hour round trip daily commute? You gotta have an adult conversation with them. Soon. Just my opinion, but it would be odd if they threatened you with things like that if they lived in Jersey City but they expect you to sit on a bus for 4 hours (then add the commuting time within the city) every day to keep tabs on you? You're an adult.

And yes, plenty of people are self sufficient way before their first year after graduation. I had parents, but I was lucky if they slipped a $20 into my birthday card.

Nov 29, 2014

At some point you're going to need to define the relationship you have with your parents. Whether you wait to make that stand until two weeks prior to starting your job in order to avoid months of headache and hedge against the unlikely revocation of your FT offer is up to you. Keep in mind, how you handle this dispute will likely set the precedent for your adult relationship with them, and it sounds like not being considered your own person isn't acceptable to you... Don't cave and good luck.

@"DickFuld" pass the sapphire.

Nov 29, 2014

Thanks everyone, will get on it. I suppose where there's a will, there's a way, just wanted to make sure I wasn't the only one who thought this was insane.

@Dingdong08 props on that, respect everyone who pulls it off. Since my folks paid my tuition I had it easy financially but never had much negotiation power in the house...time for that to change.

Best Response
Nov 29, 2014

I'm glad I never heard the term "Helicopter Parents" before reading the OP's whining. Grow a pair and live where ever you want in the summer.

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Nov 29, 2014

Exactly. OP: feel down in the space between your legs and see if there's a bulge or a warm moist hole.

Nov 29, 2014

Well a bulge would be a problem, Dick...not a guy.

Nov 30, 2014

One thing you could do is go back for dinner/brunch on some of the weekends and just hangout with your family. If you move out and your family doesn't want to get food with you/hang out, then they are just immature. Find some common ground.

I'm too drunk to taste this chicken -Late great Col. Sanders

Nov 30, 2014

I did a PA to Midtown internship one summer since it was unpaid and I could only afford to live at home. Approximately 2 hours door to door (drive, train, subway, walk).

I only had enough time every day to wake up, shower, commute, work, commute, eat, sleep. It's not worth it.

If you can afford to move out, do it. Your sanity, health, and social life will thank you.

Dec 1, 2014

think of it this way

you are valuing your free time at the rate of (cost of renting - cost of homestay) / (incremental time spent commuting).

you can get find a decent shared unit anywhere in the city for around 1k. budget in $500 a month for NYC COL.

you're spending at least 4 hours per day in traffic.

so in essence, you'd have to value your free time $15-20 / hr or less to stay at home.

bear in mind this is doesn't even consider fatigue or flexibility in scheduling.

in general, the older and more money you make, the more you tend to start valuing your out-of-work time. It could be 5 or 10x my effective rate and you still couldn't get me to make that commute.

whether or not it's worth it totally depends on you. if you're going to go home, rip a bong, and queue up some Netflix before you pass out, maybe you can make it work. otherwise, sack up and tell your parents to fuck off.

Dec 2, 2014

if it was an internship, I'd say suck it up and live at home. but you're full time now. if they really press, live in hoboken or something (assuming your gig is NYC) and join the IP school of frugality. had a buddy who lived with an aunt and uncle about 1 hour from midtown because his parents demanded it. it lasted about 3 months before he was ready to shoot himself. sure you save money on rent, but are your parents really going to cut you off if you don't live at home? seems silly.

Dec 2, 2014

The more I meet people with overbearing parents the more I am happy with the ones I have. I wouldn't trade the relationship I have with my parents for anything in the world.

Since the OP is a girl I can understand the over protection. That being said, that commute sounds unbearable.

Dec 2, 2014