Long distance GF advice?

I was in banking (corporate then advisory) and long distance for 1.5 yrs. I did things to surprise her, like send postcards, send flowers, write a poem, etc. Doesn't have to be something big or expensive but something thoughtful that shows you miss them. Whenever I took holidays I would always travel to visit.

Like the other poster, long distance is actually far less of an outright time commitment. But you definitely need to have a game plan and an end in sight so you can both stay positive about the future. I always video called for hours on the weekends, but during the week didn't have much time to do anything more than texting. 

I’m a big proponent of long distance. Putting yourselves in a tough situation is the quickest way to find out if you have what it takes to go all the way together. Did it for 2 years with my girl

• Try to establish a regular cadence of seeing each other, ideally you will always have your next visit set up. Makes it psychologically easier 
• Try to ring each other whenever you have time, ideally try to speak every day with the understanding that life happens and sometimes you miss each other. In IB you have a lot of downtime where you’re waiting for comments, etc. which are great windows to touch base… versus a set “let’s talk every night at 8” may get blown up again and again 
• Have tons of phone sex, it’s an imperfect (but your best possible) substitute for physical intimacy 
• Have a set plan for when and how your distance will end. Doing it indefinitely is mentally taxing but if you have a deadline like “you’ll finish your grad program in one year and then move to NYC,” it’s a lot easier (and a better indicator things will work out)
• Early on, I felt a lot of pressure to make our visits special and do a ton of scheduled activities. This actually is a pretty bad approximation of what being “short distance” is like and I don’t recommend it. Life (and dating) are much more “laying in bed until 11 on a Saturday” than they are balling at the Ritz
• If you all have a plan as to whose city you would like to end up in, make an effort to get to know each other’s friends in the location and seriously visualize what your lives would be like there. It will make it feel a lot more “real” (v a location-ship) and show that you’re invested

Been doing long distance for 4+ years with the end in sight (probably 2 more years). Honestly, having two driven people really doesn't make it too hard as long as you have a plan to unite. She needs to reach a certain tenure in her career before being able to move with a significant pay increase so we're just waiting until then. 

Tips

• Make sure to talk every day (text, snapchat, FaceTime, whatever works)
• Try to see each other as often as possible - sometimes, it feels like a drag and not worth it to fly out for only 3 days, but if you're actually in the relationship for the long-haul, just do it
• Don't ever, ever forget the special days (birthdays, anniversaries) and make sure to send something nice
• Don't be stingy with money - the primary reason for people to have long distance is to pursue opportunities, assuming this is true, don't skimp out on few times you can use your money

Agree with analyst 1, as a banker in a sweaty group in GS / MS, definitely has made it easier for me to focus on on work and feel less "bad" about skipping date nights / events with her. You also learn to appreciate the time you have with her a lot more, and you tend to spend it more productively (ie going out to nice restaurants, cool comedy shows, etc.) as opposed to just staying in and watching Netflix all the time if you guys live together / spend all day together.

Most guys, myself included, find it very hard to cancel plans with a gf on a Saturday especially if you've had a tough week, but if she's in a different city, that pressure's off the table. Freed up a lot of weekends for me to prep for PE, and was very lucky to land a MFPE gig because of it. If I was chasing girls all day and sending it at the club every Fri / Sat in hope of getting laid, likely would have killed my productivity on Sat / Sun mornings / evenings. Agree with the points above that there has to be an end in sight, otherwise, if you're permanently doing long distance, it's much harder to justify and go day-by-day even. That said, it's also very important to be with a girl who is a) willing to do long-distance and is very trustworthy and b) is driven / similar enough to understand your ambitions and the sacrifice it takes to achieve them, even if she's not in finance herself. Even if she doesn't understand, I think support is something that I think myself, as well as most of my peers really value in a girlfriend. 

Make sure to have lots and lots of sex when you do get to see her. 

Done two years of long distance, almost as far as possible from each other. I wouldn’t recommend it for the following reasons, although they may or may not apply to you. These are also not specific to IB so take it fwiw.

- Neither of you may be willing to move for the other in the long term. For me this one was the deal breaker. She has family in her home city, I have mine, and we both had reasons to stay. Numerous discussions turned negotiations ultimately did not lead to either party conceding, so in hindsight that was the main reason we ended it.

- Your circles of friends are different, and it may be difficult to know his or her day to day. 
- Limited time to interact once you start working. In our case, we started while both students (she was an exchange student, which was kind of hot). But once we both started working IB hours, we grew apart as there simply is only so much you can do over zoom. No date, dinner, walk to the park, movies nights (in proximity, which is key), etc. You can send physical gifts but over time, it too gets old. 

- I couldn’t be there to protect her if something happened. This bothered me a lot. 
- Unless you’ve spent time together in person for an extended time, I don’t think you can get to know someone on that deep level. 
- You won’t get much of a chance to get to know his or her family that well if you plan to get married etc. at some point.

if I could do things all over again, I wouldn’t put someone or myself through a long distance relationship, certainly not over a long term, if I could help it. Either have a concrete plan to be together to be close enough to see each other at least a few times a week, or it’ll be extremely tough fighting the circumstances.

Have done long distance twice (same guy) under different circumstances. He's a trader with a lot of work and off market hours (non US location, weird products etc.). I'm in a PE job but not as stressful. Earlier I was in corp advisory / banking with shit hours and he was getting his MBA. From my perspective:

1. Have a tangible milestone for this to end. Not we will cross that bridge when we get to it. This is an important to get you through

2. As a lot of other people pointed out, it can be a good thing to experience some single life pros (more time for yourself and buddies, focus on career, low maintenance) for initial career years. I'm free to design my days and work late at night if I want. He's free to come home and research. Use that to your advantage.

3. Talk every day. Try to make this non negotiable. Tell her about your friends, colleagues, random dude you met at the bar, that time your MD fucked up. Make her a part of your world. Introduce her to your friends when she's over. One thing that really screwed with my head when my partner didn't do this was "Am I a side chick he's keeping away from his main life?". Don't let this creep into the relationship. Make her feel she can rely on you when she needs despite the distance. Rely on her when you're down instead of alcohol and drugs.

4. Send her small stuff to communicate you remember her. Expensive gifts are overrated. 

People massively underestimate how much having a stable partner in your formative years can help. I cannot imagine having the energy to look up 20 fuckbois on tinder on top of my work. You have a best friend to talk to, to rant to and brainstorm life with  Hope this works out for you and good luck!

End of day phone call. Texting feels cold after a while. 

del

dont do long distance /thread

If you guys break up you're gonna look at those years spent away from her as the worst years of your life when you could've dated locally and been able to go home to someone waiting for you every night instead of dealing with all the hassle of being in a long distance relationship (extra effort imo and less benefits). But hey if you love her bro I guess it's your only option

Long-distance relationships never worked out for me, and for people, I know 
The only way I can see that it will work out is when you have a strong relationship before ( for a year at least ) and then move to a distance