Lost a lot of pride from S&T GF..

seville's picture
Rank: King Kong | 1,343

To simply put it...

My girlfriend and I are graduating this May - She will start FT at JPM S&T and I'll start mine at GS Ops. Indeed, my pride has already been penetrated. I come from a very untraditional background and granted I was a total screw up in high school and college. Only if I were given the chance to go back, I would do everything in the world to change things around. I was very fortunate to even receive a BO offer and will put in all efforts as if my life was on the line to move up.

I told her for this winter break, I was going to be productive by taking up a part time job. I realized it wasn't going to be worth it making minimum wage where I can use this time to hang out with friends. The fact that I changed my mind so easily and not being productive in other ways had disappointed her a lot apparently. She said "I don't have motivation; I change my mind easily; I don't have set goals." This just hurt my pride a lot and had put me down. I feel miserable for some reason.

Apologies, this is by no means any way to seek sympathy or pity, I just wanted to let it out. Maybe I really do lack motivation, I don't know. Really don't know how to resolve my emotions at this point.

Thanks for reading..

Comments (53)

Dec 21, 2012

1) Do you lack motivation? Are you flaky and flighty with your goals?

2) Is she just upset with you that you didn't secure a more prestigious job?

Dec 21, 2012
mango001:

1) Do you lack motivation? Are you flaky and flighty with your goals?

2) Is she just upset with you that you didn't secure a more prestigious job?

Definitely not #2, she does not look down on me or anything. It's more likely #1, the fact that I change my mind often and how I said I was going to do something during winter break and decided not to. It's more complex, apologies for making the story so vague.

Dec 21, 2012

If it makes you feel better, this relationship probably won't last no matter what you do or don't do. I couldn't imagine being 21 (or whatever age you are) and having some girl nagging me. I've been married over ten years and my wife doesn't nag me.

You probably should just dump her now and get it over with. I'm sure getting some fresh would boost your spirits.

Or, maybe she's right? Work on that and dump her anyway.

Dec 26, 2012
SirTradesaLot:

If it makes you feel better, this relationship probably won't last no matter what you do or don't do. I couldn't imagine being 21 (or whatever age you are) and having some girl nagging me. I've been married over ten years and my wife doesn't nag me.

You probably should just dump her now and get it over with. I'm sure getting some fresh would boost your spirits.

Or, maybe she's right? Work on that and dump her anyway.

holly shit, where you find her or how you do it? I am only 2.5 years in and the nagging started 2.8 years ago.

Dec 21, 2012

Who cares if she has a better job than you? At the end of the day it shouldn't matter whatsoever. I dated a girl who made more money than me and it was fine.

The more pressing issue for you is finding motivation and drive. Start being alpha bro.

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Dec 21, 2012

Thanks for the comments guys

Dec 21, 2012

PIITB

Dec 21, 2012

lol you said penetrated

Dec 21, 2012

stop being a beta phaggot and watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsSC2vx7zFQ

Dec 21, 2012

Unless you have something truly unique with her (which it seems you don't) I'd just leave her now. If she already sees you as slightly weak / not motivated / underachieving, wait until she starts FT and she sees how her colleagues look at BO people. It's completely legitimate to be frustrated in your spot, if she was unconditionally supportive and wasn't looking down on you already it might be another story, but I wouldn't be with a girl who nags you AND makes more than you. Unless it can serve you as motivation to make the BO to FO jump as quickly as possible :).

Dec 28, 2012
f4tality:

Unless you have something truly unique with her (which it seems you don't) I'd just leave her now. If she already sees you as slightly weak / not motivated / underachieving, wait until she starts FT and she sees how her colleagues look at BO people. It's completely legitimate to be frustrated in your spot, if she was unconditionally supportive and wasn't looking down on you already it might be another story, but I wouldn't be with a girl who nags you AND makes more than you. Unless it can serve you as motivation to make the BO to FO jump as quickly as possible :).

How do they view back office people? And why would it be negative granted that the back office is just another division of the firm?

Dec 21, 2012

Wait, I completely retract my statement. Let her PIIYB. You turn down a PT gig, which I am going to assume you wanted to do for a valid reason, just to hang with your friends. Yeah, all I need to know.

This is such a bogus excuse. You can work at McDonald's while your GF is at Goldman and still be a man. But when you are wishy washy and can't sack up the chick is going to move on. Especially in Alpha Male dominated finance.

Fuck your friends and fuck this PT bullshit. Start networking, study for the CFA, get a shit FA gig to get your Series 7, something productive and finance related. Coming on here and complaining about how you turned down a gig to pal around with your buddies isn't going to get you that far considering people were talking about working from the office on Thanksgiving.

Dec 21, 2012

Leave a bish and get into FO.

"The HBS guys have MAD SWAGGER. They frequently wear their class jackets to boston bars, strutting and acting like they own the joint. They just ooze success, confidence, swagger, basically attributes of alpha males."

Dec 21, 2012

your girlfriend got an offer at jpm, and these assholes are telling you to break it off... lol

definitely don't do that. even if she is a nagging bitch, she can still help you in the near future, as you're trying to network your way into a "better" job.

anyway, she's not the problem. the fact that you posted a thread about having your "pride hurt" reflects how much of a pussy you are. grow a pair, set a goal, and get there.

also, if she's in s&t, she most likely frequents wso - how hurt would your pride be if she mentioned this post?

Dec 21, 2012
Dec 21, 2012

you're soft

Dec 21, 2012

Your pride is hurt? What exactly were you proud about?

Dec 21, 2012

It's not about you being BO. It's about a lack of motivation and drive to better yourself. And honestly, I'm sure you're a great guy with great intentions but your track record doesn't really speak to that right now. I'm with your girlfriend.

Go work the bloody part time job. Or spend the time doing something useful. Study for the CFA, learn a new language, whatever.

I'd be fine with my significant other working BO, being a teacher, or whatever, as long as they gave it their all. Not so much if they just wanted to sit around with their friends and smoke away all their free time.

Dec 21, 2012

My question is, if you are this soft and have your feelings hurt this easily, how the hell are you going to make it on Wall Street?

The fact that you ditched a part-time gig to chill with your bros conveys an attitude that this also translates to your relationship life.

Not good. Man up. Rub some dirt on it and move on.

Dec 21, 2012

Oh and if your girlfriend cares enough about you to bust your balls when you're truly being a bum, stay with her. At least for a bit. It'll be the best thing for your career.

Dec 21, 2012

I have a related dilemma. I'm a senior with a full-time front office gig lined up for next year. Should I spend my last semester of college working part-time at a hedge fund or spend more time hanging out with my gf and friends?

Serious question btw (since everyone seems to be encouraging him to take the part-time job even in his last semester of college)

Dec 21, 2012
whalesquid123:

I have a related dilemma. I'm a senior with a full-time front office gig lined up for next year. Should I spend my last semester of college working part-time at a hedge fund or spend more time hanging out with my gf and friends?

Serious question btw (since everyone seems to be encouraging him to take the part-time job even in his last semester of college)

This is clearly a troll attempt but whatever, I'll bite.

There is one obvious answer here and nobody is going to spell it out for you. Survival of the non-idiotic and all that.

Dec 21, 2012
whalesquid123:

I have a related dilemma. I'm a senior with a full-time front office gig lined up for next year. Should I spend my last semester of college working part-time at a hedge fund or spend more time hanging out with my gf and friends?

Serious question btw (since everyone seems to be encouraging him to take the part-time job even in his last semester of college)

your problem is not even close to this guy's. you don't even have a problem. congrats on the offer.

Dec 21, 2012
whalesquid123:

I have a related dilemma. I'm a senior with a full-time front office gig lined up for next year. Should I spend my last semester of college working part-time at a hedge fund or spend more time hanging out with my gf and friends?

Serious question btw (since everyone seems to be encouraging him to take the part-time job even in his last semester of college)

You already have a job. You have the rest of your life to work. Live it up during your last 4 months of freedom.

Dec 21, 2012

I think some of you guys are blowing this winter part-time job out of proprtion. We're talking about a few hundred bucks here. We're talking about spending a month at the Gap or equivalent. It's not like he was going to be working at KKR or something.

Agree that the OP can man up a little bit, in general, but working at the mall over Christmas break isn't going to solve the major issues. You need to have a little perspective. Trust me, if you have a girlfriend that's giving you grief over a part-time job for a month, it won't end there.

Dec 26, 2012
SirTradesaLot:

I think some of you guys are blowing this winter part-time job out of proprtion. We're talking about a few hundred bucks here. We're talking about spending a month at the Gap or equivalent. It's not like he was going to be working at KKR or something.

Agree that the OP can man up a little bit, in general, but working at the mall over Christmas break isn't going to solve the major issues. You need to have a little perspective. Trust me, if you have a girlfriend that's giving you grief over a part-time job for a month, it won't end there.

+1. Look man, figure out what you want and just go after it. I can't fathom becoming miserable because my girlfriend told me that I lacked motivation. Seriously? Make your own choices and feel your own way about them. If you feel that bad about your situation, do something to change it. If not, tell her to take a hike...

Dec 22, 2012

How can anyone date a female trader (even in the making)? They're scary as shit!

Dec 22, 2012
Walkio:

How can anyone date a female trader (even in the making)? They're scary as shit!

Not entirely true for trading, but pretty close. As for sales, you're wayyy off - they're the most attractive women at investment banks (excluding HR). OP never said which side she was one.

Dec 26, 2012

Dude you're at GS. That's way more prestigious than JPM.

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Dec 26, 2012

the OP is the gayest thing I've seen on the entire internet

Dec 26, 2012

Bish is disappointed because she had already mentally spent the extra cash you were going to be bringing in.

Dec 26, 2012
seville:

Indeed, my pride has already been penetetrated.

Indeed, she will be the one doing the penetrating from now on.

Dec 26, 2012

Grow a pair and start working on your goals realistically, also drop her if it gets to that point.You still young is not the best time to get that serious anyhow. You will have time after.For now let it go you wont regret it.

Dec 26, 2012

I would never date a girl in finance, NEVER. They have some headstrong personalities to themselves.

Dec 26, 2012

Nut up OP.

Dec 26, 2012

HAHAHAHA, Callus, normally I wouldn't laugh at that joke, but immediately after I read your sentence, I saw your profile pic and spilled my coffee.

Dec 27, 2012
TeddyTheBear:

HAHAHAHA, Callus, normally I wouldn't laugh at that joke, but immediately after I read your sentence, I saw your profile pic and spilled my coffee.

I wouldn't normally laugh either; but combined with that picture; I think I just had my laugh of the week.

"Dont compromise yourself; you're all you've got" - Janis Joplin

Dec 26, 2012

if shes in the S of S&T it doesnt matter XD

Dec 26, 2012

Do you even bring anything to the table? You need to learn how to take constructive criticism and stop jumping to the conclusion that everyone is out to get you, so you have an excuse to write off everyone who rejects you. Right now it looks like all hope is lost for you, but you need to get your shit together and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Dec 26, 2012

Funny picture OP (and Callus).

"Maybe I really do lack motivation, I don't know. Really don't know how to resolve my emotions at this point."

C'mon man. Be bold in making decisions regarding both your career and your relationships. Both are important, both require good decisions, and neither have time for whining or lack of self-confidence.

You have got a great position in operations, she has a great job in S&T. If you want to move away from BO, put in the effort to do so (see posts on getting CFA, networking, etc). Be proactive!

Dec 26, 2012

If the love is true you'll be fine.

if you like it then you shoulda put a banana on it

Dec 26, 2012

the prob is, moving into a FO role wouldn't solve OP's problem.

Dec 26, 2012

Damn, son. Sounds like you have no confidence in yourself.

I suggest fucking your girl's brains out, if only to feel slightly better about your current "dilemma."

Dec 26, 2012

Dude, she's going into S+T. She'll be laid off when basel 7 passes or she'll hit the compensation wall well prior to your ability to network into a FO role. If she continues to insult your status, I suggest you leave her. The only thing worse than somebody you don't care about telling you that you suck is somebody that you do care about telling you that you suck. If you don't get your way with your career, you will loose. If you do get your way with your career, you will still loose because the whole way you'll be listening to the tales of your failures from the person who is supposed to be supporting you the most. Do yourself a favor and "lay her off".

Dec 26, 2012

Get hungry and let it rage, being a pessimist wont get you anywhere.

Dec 27, 2012

a) I'd like to punch you in the windpipe for being such a pussy

b) I'd like to punch your gf in the vagina for being such a cunt (and cuz I'd get to touch her vagina)

Dec 27, 2012

Dude I don't understand what you're whining about. Sounds like you've scored yourself an awesome girl and a job at GS (who cares if its not the div you want, it's a freaking start, man). Get your panties out of a bunch before she moves on to a better guy and GS cans your whiny a$$.

Dec 27, 2012

So you were a screwup in HS, a screwup in colllege, you screwed up FT recruiting, and you turned down a pt job that mightve put some hair on your balls to play xbox? What pride did you have to lose exactly?

Dec 27, 2012

Dude you're out here crushing it, don't change a thing.

Dec 28, 2012
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Dec 28, 2012
Dec 29, 2012
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You're walking around blind without a cane, pal. A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.

Gordon Gekko