Love at First Sight

studmonkey's picture
Rank: Baboon | 151

How did you know that your SO or wife or husband was the one? I don't think soulmates or love at first sight exist because there are so many people in the world we can potentially have a happy relationship with and fall in love with. It's the staying happy part that's hard. I constantly find myself looking at other girls and flirting with them (never crossing the line). It's around the 2 year mark and I love her, but I can sense myself getting tired of only being with her. For all the married monkeys out there, does everyone experience this?

Comments (37)

Jul 18, 2019

Honestly dont believe love at first sight exists... I think you need to continuously work on it and learn to love someone in the right way.

You may not be as into her as you think if you can see yourself with other women....

But dont take it from me as i am single and am closer to winning the lottery than finding a serious GF....

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Jul 18, 2019

There is no love at first sight there is only attraction at first sight.

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Most Helpful
Jul 18, 2019

From a high level, I think humans are like most other mammals. The natural inclination is for males to mate with as many females as they can, and females to find as much security as they can with their male partners. We see evidence of this today with men marrying younger and younger women/having many different partners and women who are "gold diggers". The problem is, I dont think it is a recipe for long term fulfillment, society/culture maybe agrees and has instituted the idea of monogamy. Monogamy might also be helpful in raising a healthy/balanced generation that has been trained in building significant relationships by having a significant relationship with both their father and mother/witnessing a healthy relationship between their father and mother. All that being said, sometimes I suffer from "shiny object/squirrel syndrome", it is instinctual to admire beauty, that one is hard wired, hard. The thing that helps me get over it is remembering all the really crappy relationships I have had with women that had amazing beauty and nothing else/deeply negative traits in a lot of other ways, most of the time brought on by their beauty. I realize that as my wife and I age, her youth will fade (as will mine), but we married eachother for a lot more than that and lust was never the focus. We share a lot of memories together, we have hobbies we enjoy together, we have deep conversations about vulnerable topics, we support eachother, we make fun of eachother ... anyway, it is not perfect, but working to build a deep relationship is significantly fulfilling and remembering that helps to calm the squirrel syndrome.

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Jul 19, 2019

As someone who is getting married in two months this nails it on the head. I came here to comment pretty much exactly this, if you want a relationship and one that will last you need to find someone that you love beyond just beauty. Someone that values you, supports you, and you can open yourself up to is really nice, especially for people who find themselves in jobs that tend to be fairly stressful like finance.

Array

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Controversial
Jul 18, 2019

there is only one way to find out...go cheat with a really hot girl...have really hot sex and really push the boundaries...you got to see if he greass really is greener...and either convince yourself that
a) nope, i really love my GF and want to stay with her
or
b) damn, i want to be with this new girl (in this case, date her for a couple months just to make sure..and if you really want her, then break up with current GF and switch to the new girl)

women do this ALL THE TIME...its just the new dating and mating paradigm. don't feel bad...just do it...and of course, be discreet and don't get caught.

just google it...you're welcome

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Jul 19, 2019

Whys this getting downvoted? I bet the other posters don't know their GF is getting dicked while they're at work.

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Jul 19, 2019

EXACTLY

just google it...you're welcome

Jul 18, 2019

If she is over 28, don't play games with her. Fuck around all you want, but if you know you would never get married to her then break up.

Jul 19, 2019

Yes love at first sight does exist. If you see an individual that causes your brain to produce a chemical cocktail of dopamine, serotonin, oxycontin, and endorphins.

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

Jul 19, 2019

What if you only met her on Linked.In?

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Jul 19, 2019

a thread I can contribute to! been with same girl over a decade and faithful 100% of the time, though with plenty of opps to ruin it.

no, love at first sight doesn't exist, lust at first sight does. you see a good looking chick wherever: library at school, club, bar, gym, and you think "I gotta get in there" and somehow you muster up the courage to ask her out and date her. fast forward a couple years, you are happy, maybe you're on a guys weekend talking with the boys and some girl keeps cutting eyes at you. you wonder "is she looking at me?" because you've been out the game for so long, you have no clue that your aloffness is insanely attractive to women, plus if you've already bagged a hot chick, you've likely still got some swagger (unless you have a dad bod). every man in a long term relationship has those moments "hmm, I wonder..." and you'd be lying to yourself if you said that never happened (the thought crossing your mind).

here's the thing about having a happy long term relationship, you have to think many many steps ahead. this could be in things as small as trivial arguments (any long married man will tell you to pick your battles), or the situation you're describing - you have an opportunity for infidelity. for example, say you cheat, assume you'll get caught. maybe not immediately, but she'll catch you in a lie eventually, we're too stupid to hide it forever and have a really deep relationship with our partner. what happens next? do you just have awkward sex with your gf for the rest of your lives after you get married? does this cause the end of the relationship? and assuming the worst (well not lorena bobbitt worst), was it worth it? if you say to yourself (be honest here) that "yes, it would be worth it" then you don't love her, or you're a douche. in either case, something needs to change. either you need to become less of a douche, you need to break up because you don't love her, or you need to really work at the relationship to see if you do in fact love her, you've just lost the spark.

also, ask yourself why you're tired of only being with her? has the bedroom lost its adventure? has the frequency gone down? is she getting out of shape? or, maybe you're the problem. maybe you're not working as hard to "win her over" every day as you were when it was early on. do an honest assessment of yourself and what you've done to be a good boyfriend over the past few months and ask yourself: "if I had done all of this to a girl and we weren't dating, would she want to be with me?"

maybe, your weekends have morphed from fun new experiences to the following: you've argued about where to get takeout from, had some boring sex when you're drunk a couple times, and spend most of your evenings looking at your phones since you can't agree on what to watch on netflix? that will cause you to resent someone, become bored, and think that the grass is greener on the other side

I could go on and on about this, feel free to follow up with more questions, but the TLDR is no, love at first sight does not exist, love is cultivated, and like a plant it will die if you don't tend to it.

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Jul 19, 2019

For me, I've only been in love twice. People get confused between loving someone and being in love. Loving someone means you care about that person and being in love means you'll go to end of the world for this person even if you had to risk your life. Also don't get confused between lust and love... Anyone can have sex but have you ever had passionate, loving making sex? Like truly giving each other everything. Gently pressing your foreheads, passionately looking into each others eyes and locking your hands as you two make love and not holding back. That's when you connect mentally and it slowly grows from there.

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Funniest
Jul 19, 2019

This is some 50 shades sh*t right here

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Jul 19, 2019
mswoonc:

Anyone can have sex but have you ever had passionate, loving making sex? Like truly giving each other everything. Gently pressing your foreheads, passionately looking into each others eyes and locking your hands as you two make love and not holding back.

Wrong forum buddy. But also yes.

"The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary." - Nassim Taleb

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Jul 23, 2019

dont stop

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Jul 23, 2019

spit out my coffee^

Jul 19, 2019

I think @REPESailor2020 and @thebrofessor said it pretty well, but an additional piece of advice is to avoid putting yourself in bad situations.

Don't flirt with random girls. JUST DON'T DO IT. Also, don't stay out with your bros and some girl that's into you until 2 a.m. Even decent people can slip up when put in a bad situation. So don't put yourself in bad situations. If you're really serious about the other person, these things are easy to give up.

As you noted, you flirt but don't cross the line. Guess what....stay about a 100 yards away from the line and you'll never cross it! Don't hang out next to line like a jackass and pat yourself on the back for not crossing it.....yet.

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Jul 19, 2019

Totally forgot that, not putting yourself in risque situations is sooooo key.

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Jul 27, 2019

Smart, and honest. Flirting at lunchtime on line at the deli is different that going out drinking with the office and staying out with your crush who wants you until 2 am. If you're putting yourself in those situations, you're gonna slip up. "Even decent people can slip up when put in a bad situation..." Yes

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Jul 19, 2019

try reading 'the rational male' by rollo tomassi. he talks in depth about things like this and then on to things like peak sexual market value, he recons males peak in SMV at age ~35 and should get as much experience until then. And how women peak at 23. Interesting to read.

Jul 19, 2019

lmfao

Jul 19, 2019

As Ben Franklin once famously said, "disregard females, acquire currency."

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Jul 22, 2019

right place right time

Jul 23, 2019

^Literally. It'll happen when you least expect it.

"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn
Jul 23, 2019

married 5 years. SUPER reluctantly is the answer. very gradually. the first time i said i loved her, btw first time i ever told a chick i loved her, never been one of those teenage boys spilling their guts to bitches first time they touches their pp, not like i was getting laid a bunch as teen or whatever, but anyway, and fuck periods, first time i told her i loved her, i was sweating liquor and we were in a green whirlpool tub, i had just come off a long drinking binge, so i combined the lovey statement with an intention of redemption of sorts. she makes fun of me to this day for this line, and this is paraphrased because i was drunk then and im drunk now, but here goes: "I know you love me, and I love me, and I love you back. And I commit to being the man you fell in love with." Something along those lines. Many similar drinking binges and subsequent apology-resembling vagueries followed for years. to this day tbh.

tbh when she makes fun of me, i love it. i'm attracted to chicks who try to put me down for any reason. im attracted to conflict and confrontation. i like a chick who realized im a piece of shit. cause she sees the truth. with that said, my sex life is astoundingly typical. whoda thunk it

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

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Jul 23, 2019

What made you decide to get married? Reading your blog and your comments on old posts throughout the years made it seem like you were living the playboy dream and had no intention of settling it down. did you just find your other half? besides looks, what about her made you decide to get married and stop fucking around?

also, your blogs were hilarious you should start them up again. especially the one about being catfished., i was dying

Jul 23, 2019

Hey man I'm glad you liked those posts and the blog. That's dope. That Goldie is dead though dude. I'd have to burn a lot of bridges to go back and I'm not interested in going back. But I do think I write some funny shit and I enjoy writing it and putting ideas together and talking to people about shit. But that's pretty much what I'm doing here already. What should I blog about? I have a lot of very serious interests that I take deadass seriously, but I also fucking love music and art and comedy. Right so let me answer your question because you're probably just a few years younger than I am and it's probably valuable to get the perspective of someone doing something you'll probably do eventually.

Short answer is I don't know and I would not recommend it. It's worked out for us though. My wife is my project car dude. I've always taken on projects. These long-term, intricate projects that a lot of people don't even know they're involved in. I got my mom out of a relationship with her shit ex husband, we got her a new house, a new life basically. That was a good project. I took on my wife. I saw potential. I am very good at spotting potential early on. I've made her hotter, smarter, better in every way. I mean, she did it herself obviously. But I guided her hand so fucking expertly, so unforcefully, like you wouldn't believe, And I'm still doing it. I'm interested in observing change. Let's see what happens, you know? Even as a kid in our little apartment in Skokie where I slept on the futon together with my mom, I had a little tent set up and I'd be in there doing experiments. Mixing fucking cleaning products together, heating shit up, I have no clue why my mom allowed it. She never told me no to a single thing in my life. I've never had a consequence.

So I met my wife on Tinder. You know me, all I was doing at the time was eating burritos, drinking malt liquor, fucking around on Tinder, doing a little coke with my illegal immigrant line cook roommate, getting drunk with him and his shifty cousin and getting into wrestling matches, breaking furniture in the process, sometimes feelings would get hurt when you wrestle drunk with your illegal immigrant line cook roommate and his shifty cousin and punches start to fly, you hug and make up pretty quick because it's suddenly now 2 against 1 and I'm not down for that, borrowing Jim's car to cruise around and smoke blunts. Jim was so gay and so nice he could never say no. His front door was later broken down by police in a drug raid I caused and that Nissan Rogue was impounded. He barely cared. That's how cool Jim was. I threw all my shit in a trash bag and dipped that night.

Anyway, back to the wife shit. First off, I was her first Tinder date. I liked that and I'm not even sure why. She wasn't a virgin or any shit like that. I kind of just felt like I had a rare pokemon in my sights and I wanted to catch it and nurture it and see what it evolves into. Evolution. I'm into that. She was on there in solidarity with her roommate who's still single and a dumb bitch. She's been made aware she's on my shit list. Anyway. I saw that she had a high-RAM brain, she was loyal, and a good person. She had a great frame too. I'm into thick legs and thighs and she had those half-Asian calves and she's 4'11'' so you know how Lee Priest looks like a fucking monster but is only like 4 feet tall? It's easier for short guys to look jacked because it's all compacted. I've met some short dude who look like they work out and they don't even. Black guys have that too sometimes. Same thing with the height applies to chicks. Oh and funny thing is her mom has skinny legs and is the Filipino half. Who knows how that works. Her face was great with those high cheekbones Filipinos have which was very hot to me, but she's mixed so it was unique looking, and I knew that once I got her into fitness and taught her to eat correctly and all that shit, she would get super hot. So that base was checked. She's only half Filipino, so my kid will be 3/4 white. Kids will be the next project. We're working on it. There was a hiccup, a series of them actually, but we'll be alright. Being white is awesome if I'm being honest and I want those perks for my kid and I want my kid to look like me too. When a white dude has a black kid, I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but it's not for me. For the record, mixed black chicks were my absolute favorite for Tinder activities. They're super fun and they fuck great and they like rap music and they smoke weed.

Enter button. Breath. OK.

My wife is the exact opposite of these fun chicks I was seeing. She doesn't smoke weed, doesn't drink, never smoked a cigarette, was raised by an 80-year-old man. She's loyal as fuck. She'd give me a lung and a kidney in a heartbeat. I know it. She's fucking funny too. She says some hilarious shit. She's just like an amazing and perfect person and a great life partner. She's not interested in being dependent on anyone. She makes her own money and is developing hustle of her own these days. I saw all that shit in that timid little chick back on that first date at the now-closed Happy Krab where I learned how market price crab works. I thought it was a fucking fast food joint. Dinner cost a hundo that night. It was a great investment. I could go on and on but you see what I mean man? I didn't find a wife. I made one.

Only thing I'd say to you is make sure you're good to go as an individual, a single, self-sufficient individual, before getting into a relationship. You're supposed to have synergy, not crutchery. I'm still not good to go as a human, so I have to work on myself, my career, and my relationship concurrently. It's a lot of work.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

Jul 23, 2019

As one of the few females here, as well as one of the even fewer folks here over age 40, along with being married over 20 years... I'll repeat some of the things I've stated on other discussions here on WSO.

Good looks and good health fade. Fortunes get made and can be lost. Jobs come and go.

There is no magic formula for truly finding the right person and knowing that they're right for you and vice versa beyond this... 8 or 9 out of 10 times, do you want to be around this person?

Can you discuss a range of topics together? Do you each have some completely separate interests as well as things you enjoy together [and that means more than just sex].

Can you argue and get past whatever the argument was about or do one of you or both of you keep picking at the scabs of former clashes and hurts?

Is this someone who supports your interests even if they don't particularly like the interest [for instance, I love hockey, but am bored with more other sports, but I certainly encourage Hubby in getting out to games with his buddies or watching them on tv, meanwhile I enjoy the opera and he doesn't, therefore I don't drag him to the opera, I go with friends or with my mom].

Is this someone that you feel wants to help and support you in being the best and happiest version of yourself? Do they inspire the same feelings in you, that you want them to excel and be content in whatever endeavors they want to excel at/in?

We're human. We'll all always likely enjoy flirting and interacting on some level with others, whether to see if "I still got it" or to boost our egos to some degree. The important thing is to know that flirting is a fleeting, passing action that rarely satisfies beyond the moment. Can't say I've ever heard of someone on their deathbed regretting not having flirted more...but when you're in your late teens and 20's, and young, dumb and full of cum and chomping at the bit of wanting to sow all those wild oats you have, it's hard to believe anyone who is older who says that it is intend possible to find one person to be with and be happy with them for potentially decades... yes, divorce happens a lot, but there are also lots of us who are very happy together after almost 30 years of knowing one another.

Good luck to you and whatever decision you make! :)

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Jul 23, 2019

How'd you get into hockey? I'm always curious when a woman is into a traditionally very male thing, but then appears to be feminine in all the other ways. Also, what is it about hockey versus all the other sports that does it for you? I'm not into any sports so it's hard for me to tell. To me, it's like, all various forms of the same shit.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

Jul 24, 2019

Sports didn't interest my dad or my kid brother. Beyond a bit of whiffle ball and skateboarding, I wasn't an athlete myself in any way, shape or form. My uncle loved baseball and would take me to Yankee games, which I enjoyed more for the quality time with him than the game itself, but attending sports was definitely more fun than watching them on TV.

We were already married a few years, when a few days before my birthday, the Rangers and Canucks forced a Game 7. I'd been watching the games on TV with one eye, as Hubby is a massive second-generation Rangers fan. I'd developed a fondness for a number of the players, especially Adam Graves, Alexei Kovalev, Mark Messier, Brian Leetch and Mike Richter - their toughness, their scrappiness, their non-diva style of play, but I wasn't really invested in the games beyond "oh yeah, there's a NY team in the mix."

So Hubby tells me "I know it's going to be your birthday, but I really want to go and see Game 7 somewhere on a big screen." I was fine with delaying my birthday plans. So, June 14, 1994, we go to a sports bar in Yonkers with 3 of our friends. Prior to that night, I honestly never understand sports fans screaming "We're Number One!" and all that - it's not like you're on the team, you're just a spectator.

That night, as I watched the game and also observed the vast majority of men in the bar, I remember Hubby mentioning that the Rangers hadn't won a Stanley Cup since 1940 and that "1940!" was a chant that non-Rangers fans would shout at Ranger fans and "oh wouldn't it be great if my dad sees his beloved Rangers win before he dies." I watched Hubby get so nervous and excited after one particular goal [Messier's power play goal], he was clapping and cheering so hard, his wedding band flew off from how sweaty his hands were. We all laughed as we and our friends searched and found it on the bar floor.

I can still remember guys with literal tears of joy and happiness in their eyes as they screamed "that fuckin' '1940' chant is finally fuckin' dead!!!" and I cheered and screamed like a lunatic myself and hugged complete strangers and finally "got it" regarding why fans scream "We're Number 1"... I was damn-near exhausted without having played, simply from screaming and cheering.

I really liked pro basketball back in the 90's and early 00's, when guys like Karl Malone, John Stockton, Kevin Johnson, Steve Nash and Patrick Ewing played. But there are just too many divas in most pro sports these days. I admire players that have the fundamentals down and make the game look easy when it's not. In hockey, you especially have to have a serious love for the game long before getting to the pros, as when you're in junior or high school and play, you often have to be fostered with families that live closer to practice facilities and ice rinks. Hockey isn't a terribly sexy or pretty sport, but the agility and finesse required is like no other, and you are only recently seeing hockey players getting sizable endorsements and sponsorships. Thankfully for every jerky sort like a Sean Avery, there are far more players that just play and play hard and even play hurt - not that playing hurt should be a goal, but I'm convinced they play hurt because they love the game, whereas it seems like NBA/NFL/MLB, you hear someone simply pulls a hamstring and they're on the injured reserve [although yes, I know the injury report deal plays a big role in fantasy games and sports betting].

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Jul 27, 2019

I love hockey, and don't really enjoy watching other sports. I love to be at the game. It's a very fast-paced game. The players are traditionally low on ego, high on camaraderie and are good guys. It's just fun to watch, especially live, there's a lot of energy in the stands. Love it

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Jul 27, 2019

Genius. Fully agree with it all.

Jul 24, 2019

A more interesting question is who of you have successfully brought other chicks into the mix with wifey's approval and it hasn't hurt the relationship? I have a long-game plan I'm working on but I'd like to hear how others have done it.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

    • 1
Jul 27, 2019
Comment
Jul 27, 2019