Made a huge mistake and cheated on my gf

Title basically says it all. I was blacked out at a party and ended up shacking up with another girl. I've never done this before and have been cheated on in the past so I'm absolutely disgusted with myself. I've been doing long distance for a while now and I guess my drunk self was tired of it. I plan on breaking up with her as soon as I see her, I don't deserve her after this. If anyone has some wise words I would definitely appreciate them. Don't really know what to do with myself, definitely feel like I've changed for the worse in the past couple months. 

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Comments (18)

Nov 21, 2021 - 8:20pm

Honestly cheating is obviously pretty scummy but if you clearly are as remorseful as you say then I would suggest you tell her the truth (as opposed to just straight up dumping her), show your remorse and then let her make her decision. If she does give you a second chance itll take time to build trust back up but you gotta be ready for that. Actions speak louder than words

Nov 21, 2021 - 9:15pm

I know most ppl say don't tell her but as hard as it may be for her to hear, I think she'd appreciate the honesty. If you just dump her ass outta nowhere it'll eat her alive because she'll feel like she did something wrong / it was her fault and she won't know what it was that she did wrong (bc she didn't do anything)

  • Incoming Analyst in IB - Gen
Nov 21, 2021 - 8:45pm

Ehhh if you're planning on breaking up with her then I'd think twice about telling her. It's not necessarily going to make her feel better and might actually result in her having trust issues in future relationships. In this instance, I think confessing would be more about you reconciling with your guilt than being a good partner to her. I'd suggest that you keep this to yourself, don't do it again, and break up with her in the near future. This isn't to say that cheating is okay at all; it's wrong to do to your partner. I just think telling her about it might make the damage even worse.

  • Prospect in Research - Other
Nov 21, 2021 - 9:00pm

This is my thinking too. She is a fantastic girl, by far the best I've ever dated, and I don't want to cause more harm than I have to. 

Nov 21, 2021 - 9:10pm

Definitely agree with this. Cheating is obviously wrong, drunk or not, but I personally believe there is a difference between consciously making plans to meet up with someone, secretly texting, etc., versus being blacked out and completely lacking control of your mind or body. I think the first is called being a scum bag cheater and the second is a mix of being irresponsible/sober desires mixing with alcohol. Regardless, if you're going to break up with her, I would do it asap and not tell her about the slip up, for the exact reason that was mentioned above. Rip the bandaid off and move on, but no need to cause her long term damage. Especially since it wasn't consciously intentional and you appear to have had a good relationship.

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Nov 21, 2021 - 9:27pm

I recommend not sharing it because from what OP has said, I get the impression that he is young and didn't plan on marrying this girl. Also, if his first thought after this mistake is to breakup with her, I'd also guess that there were probably other factors in his mind building up to this, and now this mistake has been the final reason he needed. Obviously a lot of guess work on my end, but that's why I said to keep it to himself. If he could truly see himself marrying her, then I would say to come clean. If not, then just break up with her and tell her you don't see it working out and don't want to string her along. Will that suck for her? Yes. But at least 2 years from now she won't lose sleep randomly thinking about why she was cheated on. I've been cheated on and there are long term effects on yourself individually and as you date in the future.

Nov 21, 2021 - 9:01pm

Don't tell her a about it and don't wait to see herself in person before breaking up. Obviously don't do this by text, but I don't see why you should wait weeks before seeing her in person and breaking up. (Unless you're seeing her very soon)

Nov 21, 2021 - 9:18pm

If you're remorseful, and there's no chance she finds out, consider just keeping it a secret and continuing on.

Or tell her you were black out and drunkenly went along with the other person. If you were a girl, there would be a word for that. Then beg forgiveness

  • Prospect in Research - Other
Nov 21, 2021 - 9:21pm

She deserves better than that and I know that. I'm going to end things 100%, just wanted to see if any WSO OG's had some wisdom for me.  

Most Helpful
Nov 21, 2021 - 9:26pm

Just tell her the truth. Don't hide anything from a serious relationship - it will always come out later, unless you're a major scumbag that cheats and hides shit all day.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 3
Nov 21, 2021 - 9:27pm

How do you think breaking up with her is the right thing to do? May seem a bit cynical, but it seems like the easy way out of getting rid of your guilt, or getting out of a long-distance relationship which you don't feel you're as invested in as your gf. I didn't explicitly read whether you are going to admit what you did, but that should be your first step in getting rid of the shame. You aren't the one to decide whether or not you deserve her, this is one of the biggest lies men tell themselves in situations like these imo.

Nov 21, 2021 - 9:27pm

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