Major life, relationship, interview or business fail?

numbermassager's picture
Rank: King Kong | 1,227

I recently saw a topic asking users to share some of their biggest chokes in life , and thought I'd start a similar thread of my own. Any stories? I'll start with mine. It's not work related, but it is relationship related.

When I was about 15, my older sister, who was a college senior, came to one of my games with her smoke show of a friend. Friend (definitely a future cougar), started flirting with me heavily after the game. I was extremely flattered and my hormones were absolutely raging from both the win and the attention, so I reciprocated hard. I'd never messed around with a college girl before so I was super excited. She was one of those hot cheerleaders types that never grew out of high school, and still yearn for their high school glory days.

Messaged her on Facebook afterwards, started texting for about a week, exchanging racy snaps etc... then the following week she came and picked me up from school. We went to her off-campus apartment, started drinking, heavily making out etc..and she started directing her vocal instrument towards my private parts. I, being over the moon and excited, decided the cool and grown up thing to do would be to engage in heavy sex talk.

Unfortunately, instead of the sexy talk I was aiming to spew out, I blurted out: "I know what you're doing is illegal, but don't worry, I won't ever tell."

This completely ruined the mood, she put her clothes back on, drove me home, blocked me on social media, and never replied to my texts ever again.

Comments (23)

Jul 3, 2018

LOL

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Jul 4, 2018

That is fucking brilliant lol!

The best life fail I have is from a few years back. My grandfather (mother's side) passed away and on the day of the funeral my grandmother, mother, her 3 sisters and I sat in the from pew of the church. In front of the alter is my grandfather's coffin. Everyone is sad and my mother and aunt's are consoling my grandmother. Right before the service starts my father comes and joins. He takes a look around the church and (genuinely confused) asks my mother 'where is your father?' - the dead man. My mother and her sisters burst out laughing in the middle of the church, my grandmother gives him a death glare. Pissed my pants with laughter too but never seen such a mix of anger and laughter at a funeral!

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Jul 4, 2018

Lmao kudos to your mom and her sisters for having a great sense of humor. although I understand your grandma not finding the hilarity in that situation

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Jul 10, 2018

You're lieing on just one part of the story.....it was a guy. That's the only way this story makes any sense.

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Jul 11, 2018

Lmao...you'd be surprised by how many "hot cheerleader" type college girls fail to shed their high school mentality. They go from being big fish in a small pond, to being just another hottie on campus. I was also fairly mature-looking for a 15 year old, and I think the fact I was her friend's little brother made it more exciting because of the "illicit" nature of it all. Either way, I still regret not closing that like you won't believe

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Jul 10, 2018

Lol, great thread.

When I was a senior in High School, the girl I was sort of dating and I were prom king and queen. The junior/senior prom court all had to do this stupid pie eating/bubble gum blowing contest at the pep rally before prom and we were supposed to explain the rules to everyone before hand. I always loved the attention of public speaking and love(d) the sound of my own voice so I gladly volunteered to do the talking. Then the day of the pep rally came and I was super jittery because the weekend before I got caught drinking at a national park with some friends and was paranoid I'd be getting some type of arrest warrant in the mail in the next few weeks. I was so anxious and jittery I panicked while I was supposed to be talking to the crowd (our entire 1,500+ person high school) and couldn't speak because my voice was shaking so violently and I couldn't breathe. I just sort of ashamedly stuck the microphone in my kind-of-girlfriend's face and forced her to take over mid sentence. Then had to do a fucking pie eating contest in front of the entire school after publicly humiliating myself. Was a top 5 worst moment of my life. I was so embarrassed I developed a severe public speaking fear after it that lead to 2 other presentations in college where I got so anxious I had to just walk away and stop my presentations looking like an idiot.

Got over it eventually and do tons of IC and investor presentations in my current job now and never have a problem anymore. In a way it was a much needed humbling moment in my life because it taught me that when you project yourself so arrogant and flawlessly, you create a really stressful reputation to try to live up to. Pride comes before the fall. Even the REPE God has his off days.

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Jul 11, 2018

OUCH man! Surprised you still went through with the pie-eating contest

Jul 11, 2018

Yeah dude, sucked balls. Tbh I don't think anyone really noticed I was panicking. The microphone and acoustics were so shitty no one could really hear my voice anyway so they probably just thought I finished talking and was supposed to hand the mic off. Either that or everyone knew I bombed and just didn't want to make me feel bad about it.

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Jul 11, 2018

did you at least eat some flesh pie that night?

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Jul 11, 2018

Not that night but I still got to lay the pipe on the prom queen on the actual prom night that Saturday. So really this whole story is just one TL;DR got laid, doesn't matter.

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Jul 11, 2018

going through the 'voice shaking' thing now in interviews and presentations after a nose-dive interview about a year ago... any advice in getting through it?

used to be really good at them, which is the scary part haha

Jul 11, 2018

Propranolol. I plug the drug on this site like I'm a rep for the company that makes it. It's a miracle drug for speech/performance anxiety. It doesn't affect your mind at all like xanax/valium, it merely blocks the physical anxiety symptoms (shaky voice, perspiration, hand trembles, etc.) completely by blocking the adrenaline rush reaction that your body goes through when you get anxious. You'll still feel nervous, but the eradication of all physical symptoms makes you so much more confidant and will stop you from appearing nervous entirely. It's non-addictive, benign and you only need like 20-30mg an hour before a presentation/interview. Doctors are happy to prescribe it because you can't abuse it. I took it for a few years and built my confidence back up to the point to where I don't really need it. I'll still occasionally take it for certain events if I'm stressed out.

Read the reviews, it's a life changer for people that can't get over performance anxiety https://www.drugs.com/comments/propranolol/for-per...

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Funniest
Jul 10, 2018

Still a win for a 15yr old

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Jul 11, 2018

few cringeworthy moments

couple years back, bachelor party (of a friend, not mine, never getting married) - I had a girlfriend at the time, as did nearly everyone there, and we're all getting pretty wild (duh), doing things our women wouldn't be proud of, including the groom, who's smacking the ass of this smokeshow on the dance floor and she's totally feeling it. all of the guys give each other glances with that understanding scowl only men know "we shall never speak of this again...after we reminisce at brunch tomorrow." well, the night escalates a bit, and I run into the sister of one of my friends, she was there at a bachette party, her brother was not there. she's pretty bad, so we start dancing and yucking it up, getting close enough to be considered risque. then I see in front of her friend's face the worst thing at a bachelor party, that black rectangle with a tiny white light. "oh fuck" I think to myself. then I get some shots poured down my throat and, as any red blooded male will tell you, an overwhelming sense of "fuck it" comes over you, so we keep grinding, night ends without incident, and I go to bed. instead of being awoken by my alarm, it's a buzzing sound that either means I passed out in a hornets' nest or I have some serious explaining to do. you do the math: snapchats lead to screenshots lead to texts lead to me not having a girlfriend anymore. whoops.

moral of the story: never get too "friendly" with females connected to your social circle. no matter how far you are from home, there are eyes everywhere

back in high school, eerily similar to your story. I was a lifeguard at a beach a few hours from my hometown, tan, in good shape, thinking I was the shit. a buddy of mine who worked summers with me was dating an older girl who happened to be friends with another lifeguard I'd not yet met. he thought we'd hit it off, so we all started talking and hanging out. this girl, just as an aside, was an absolute brick house, ESPN body issue type girl, so when I heard we were camping out on the beach and my buddy was going to float the idea of a skinny dip, I'm all ears. I should mention, I'm 16 at the time and a WSO level nuclear virgin. I developed late, so this was my first summer without the high pitched voice, baby face, etc., I had to make up for lost time. the campfire goes as planned, as the sun goes down the clothes come off, we all dive into the ocean and start messing around, I get excited in the way viagra makes you excited and I think I can tell she's feeling it. little do I understand, that girls don't necessarily want to be penetrated by a salty virgin dick adjacent to seaweed, sand, etc., so my advances fail, I go home blueballed and downtrodden. weeks go by, and my buddy calls me up (this is pre texting, you called people after 9pm and on weekends because you didn't have to use your "minutes") says he's at a party, and this girl is there (the same one I failed with) and she's feeling it, she wants me there. any man who thinks he's about to lose his virginity is arguably more excited and anxious than when you're team's up in the Super Bowl with 5 seconds to go. you think it'll go your way, so you're ecstatic, but you're unsure, so you rush like crazy. so I leave the family beach house I was staying at, making up some bullshit for mom so she doesn't know I'm about to play pullout roulette, but then I remember that line from "there's something about mary" when ben stiller gets told to never go in with a loaded gun, to clean the pipes, but it's too late, I'm already on the road. then I see a 7/11 "EUREKA!" I'll clean the pipes in here, it'll be tolerable and it certainly won't be the worst thing that's ever happened in a gas station bathroom. well surprise surprise, the mood doesn't strike me, so it takes a bit to get worked up. meanwhile, I'm trying to stay at midnight and my buddy keeps calling me to rush me to get over there. I finish in what I think is a short amount of time, call my friend as I'm parking, and instead I see him on the front lawn. I missed my chance, cleaning the pipes was the only thing I'd do that night, and I stayed a virgin for 2 more years. whoops

moral of the story: don't take love advice from ben stiller movies

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Jul 11, 2018

Man, you're a great story teller. I respect the never getting married bit, but you'd definitely have some great stories for your sons and grandsons

Jul 11, 2018

Wait this cannot be real. LMAO holy fuck you fucked up bud.

Jul 12, 2018
buzzkillington:

I recently saw a topic asking users to share some of their biggest chokes in life, and thought I'd start a similar thread of my own. Any stories? I'll start with mine. It's not work related, but it is relationship related.

When I was about 15, my older sister, who was a college senior, came to one of my games with her smoke show of a friend. Friend (definitely a future cougar), started flirting with me heavily after the game. I was extremely flattered and my hormones were absolutely raging from both the win and the attention, so I reciprocated hard. I'd never messed around with a college girl before so I was super excited. She was one of those hot cheerleaders types that never grew out of high school, and still yearn for their high school glory days.

Messaged her on Facebook afterwards, started texting for about a week, exchanging racy snaps etc... then the following week she came and picked me up from school. We went to her off-campus apartment, started drinking, heavily making out etc..and she started directing her vocal instrument towards my private parts. I, being over the moon and excited, decided the cool and grown up thing to do would be to engage in heavy sex talk.

Unfortunately, instead of the sexy talk I was aiming to spew out, I blurted out: "I know what you're doing is illegal, but don't worry, I won't ever tell."

This completely ruined the mood, she put her clothes back on, drove me home, blocked me on social media, and never replied to my texts ever again.

At least you made it to second base. Was at my ex's house trying to get her to come out to the bars with me when her 27yo bombshell sister some's thru kinda tipsy and offers to go in her place instead. Told me that we'd have to go back and get her "stuff" at her house before we'd head out. DIDN'T SUS A THING. Didn't even get back with my ex and still kicking myself today about her sister. Life goes on

Don't break yourself on the way to making yourself

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Jul 12, 2018

Wow. Were you actively trying to get your ex back at the time? Because that mitigates things a little

Jul 12, 2018
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Don't break yourself on the way to making yourself