Marriage + Bschool
Currently wrapping up my first year at a MF PE that strongly encourages getting an MBA. I've been in a relationship for the past 3 years with my gf (love her). Not sure if I'd be able to do 2 years of long distance (We already did a year of it) if I go to an M7 and she is passionate about her career so I don't want her to move on account of me.
How have couples been able to manage this transition? I'm seriously considering skipping Business school (don't think I need it) for my gf. Is this crazy?
If you want to get married to someone you should be willing to make sacrifices including moving. Especially if they make way more money than you. I wouldn’t do long distance either. You are in MF PE and if you need an MBA to move up, and you want to continue PE, then do it.
What kind of career does she have? Is she just some auditor at PWC or is she kicking ass somewhere and moving would be really bad. Do you two have different visions of a future together? I guess more context would be better.
My wife followed me to business school. We both know my career will provide most/all the earnings once we have kids so the move makes sense and was an easy choice.
Appreciate the insight and tbh I doubt I'll stay in PE for much longer. Hours are brutal and sure all in comp is around $400k first year but each $ brings less value to me rn. I think I could easily exit to corporate in a year instead and make $220k.
To answer your other question, she works for a start up so pay isn't fantastic, but she really believes in the mission and I'm not going to tell her to leave it. We certainly envision a future together and I think that's the play I'll make. I'm 25 right now and want a good WLB before I propose, which is the direction I think I'm going to.
I think business school isn't very appealing much anymore either, to be completley honest a few people at my firm have skipped the MBA and more and more are following suit. Don't think it's worth such high costs (would be close to $1mm opp cost to me due to a higher comp).
From another 1st year MF PE associate, what sort of corporate roles are you considering where comp might be $220k? My understanding was the drop off in comp would likely be more substantial
if you skip b-school, what options do you have? I know only a handful PE funds let you stay 2 more years with the same title.
If you really think she is a keeper and you are not dead set on going back to the MF PE rat race post-MBA, then forgoing an MBA might be the reasonable decision. Idk how old you are but a family friend of mine went through a similar problem recently. He is currently an ASO at a MF (non-US office) ended up having to break up with his 10+ year GF because he told her he is planning on going to BSchool next year. The girl had already re-located across the globe with her a few years ago; however, as they are 28-29 year olds now, that kind of big commitments are not easy to make. Plus she knew that him going to BSchool meant delaying the probability of engagement/marriage for 2-3 years. Who the hell gets married half way thru BSchool...
Definitely not set on the rat race portion of it, and don't think an MBA is worth the price (opportunity cost included) for me. I'm turning 26 in a few months and frankly could see myself proposing to her in another year or two. My gf has relocated for me already and although I think she would move for me, it would put her interests second and dampen her career growth a bit (which I really don't want to do).
Can't imagine getting married during business school haha
ooh dude considering your an MF PE id consider applying to an MBA
just see you can get into the top 3 (Wharton, HBS, GSB)
considering ur from an MF PE id say ur chances for getting into GSB OR HBS is HIGH
apparently, rumor has it that MF PE has basically a pick between the two schools and its basically a guarantee..just their PE teams but id consider it
just apply and see what happens before u make ur decision, the only reason I say this is because depending on ur stats u have a decent chance of getting into the those two schools
also if ur girl is the one she would prob support u and make ur relationship long-term.... it's just for TWO YEARS so u guys definitely could survive it.
anyway good luck with whatever u decide
It sounds to me like you're mixing two issues, so lets separate them to see if that helps you gain clarity:
1. Do YOU want to go to business school? Sounds like the MF you work for pushes it on you, but if you don't even want to return to PE that shouldn't matter. If your goal is cushy corporate job making $200K and you're more focused on WLB that ability to get promoted then the MBA probably doesn't help you too much. If you want to go back to PE or even transition to corporate with an eye on SVP+ positions some day then I can see value in it. If the answer to this question is no then you have your answer.
2. If you do want to do an MBA, should you do it considering your relationship? This one is tougher and more personal, but there are ways you can make it easier. Do you live in NYC? Go to Columbia. You'll probably get hella scholarship $$ and can still live together. Or if you're in SF go to Haas if you don't get into GSB. At worst case there should be a great school within a 2 hour plane ride of wherever you live now, and in business school the distance will be easier because you'll have a lot more free time than you've ever had.
TLDR: If you don't want to go because YOU don't want to go, then that's your answer. If you're just worried about the distance, there are things you can do to make it more manageable.
Really appreciate this insight. I don't have a burning desire for an MBA personally and think it's easier to skip it and stick with my gf.
This was really helpful
curious how you maintain a relationship in the first place working 80+ hours a week...
I'm based out of NYC right now and my gf works a fair amount as well ~50 hours a week so we juggle our schedules around to make time on the weekends / during the week. I'm also in a bit of a position to say "I'll have this done for you by the morning" and then take her out for dinner (or buy takeout these days) then spend an hour after to complete the assignment. Also, we basically always have breakfast together now which is super nice
Why does it have to be long distance?
Most startups nowadays have a WFH/WFA policy. What prevents her from moving with you to wherever you do your MBA and still continue working at her startup?
You're right, but she recently transitioned into this role and it's harder to meet a team / know them well if you're remote. Don't want to force her to do that
MBA=married but available
Plenty of couples have made both business school and a marriage work. In some cases some weekend commuting might be necessary. For the first six months of business school you’re going to be pretty slammed. But afterwards there’s a lot more flexibility and more free time. Which city do you live in? That could potentially dictate some options.
I had a few classmates get married during business school (to girlfriends/boyfriends they started dating before school). Wasn’t unusual or weird at all. Also lots of people who got engaged right before/after graduation.
I think you need to have a really good talk with her. At some point either she has to move where you'll go to after M7 or you'll have to move back to where she is. Also it depends on how important MBA is for you. If you decide not to go for an MBA you need to be sure that sometime in the future you wont blame her for it or think along the lines of "I wish I had gone for the MBA" cause that thought process will definitely end your relationship.
I don't believe in giving up my career and not following my dreams and it has had consequences and I have to live with it. So you just gotta ask yourself are you willing to live with the consequences of your decision whatever that may be.
See what schools you get into then decide MF PE guy. Also, pics of your girlfriend would be helpful for context. -Prospect
where do you live? NYC? just go to columbia or wharton (close enough) if you really want b school. tons of people at columbia chose the school based on staying in the city with a significant other and getting married - end of the day thats the most important decision you will ever make in your life
Why not just go get a MBA at CBS or Wharton? I'm assuming you're in NYC and that's close enough. Or just lateral downstream to a UMM/MM fund? Or even just transition over to the public side?
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