MD never sleeps (growing suspicious)

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So I've had this hunch for a while and wanted to get others thoughts. Before you think I'm crazy and sleep deprived just look at the evidence I am about to bestow upon you all.

Over the past year I've been growing suspicious that my MD is a vampire... There are several reasons that have begun to bring me to this conclusion, which I have included, below:

(i) I have never seen him sleep and his email correspondence does not leave gaps in which one could conclude that he sleeps (e.g. emails all day with no major gaps in correspondence

(ii) I've noticed a direct correlation that the more well rested the junior bankers are the more his skin has a slightly grey-ish tone to it (e.g. could he be sustaining his immortality on our suffering? Just proposing the question here...)

(iii) I have never seen him walk past a mirror nor do we have any in the office, which seems odd no?

(iv) He was a major banker (think head of IB at elite boutique) and had over 30 yrs of experience and MBA but looks as if he is late 30s. Yet no look of any cosmetic procedures having been completed. Couple with the fact that there are never doctor appointments this portends to an almost ageless effect of the stressful nature of the job which seems dubious at best.

(v) He will consistently wear sunglasses outside even if it is not sunny. Anecdotally, he seems to heavily prefer the indoors.

Now I have no evidence for this, but I believe he could have a blood boy...

In light of these finds, I have bought garlic pills to begin taking, but I'm not sure if I should also keep some in my desk to avoid Friday evening fire drills...

Thoughts?

#1 top discussion of 2018

Comments (37)

 
Mar 3, 2018 - 8:19pm

You're a creature of the night, Michael. Just like out of a comic book. You're a vampire, Michael! My own MD, a goddamn shit-sucking vampire! You wait 'til Mom finds out, buddy!

 
Mar 5, 2018 - 10:01pm

babyygotwacc:

So I've had this hunch for a while and wanted to get others thoughts. Before you think I'm crazy and sleep deprived just look at the evidence I am about to bestow upon you all.

Over the past year I've been growing suspicious that my MD is a vampire... There are several reasons that have begun to bring me to this conclusion, which I have included, below:

(i) I have never seen him sleep and his email correspondence does not leave gaps in which one could conclude that he sleeps (e.g. emails all day with no major gaps in correspondence
(ii) I've noticed a direct correlation that the more well rested the junior bankers are the more his skin has a slightly grey-ish tone to it (e.g. could he be sustaining his immortality on our suffering? Just proposing the question here...)
(iii) I have never seen him walk past a mirror nor do we have any in the office, which seems odd no?
(iv) He was a major banker (think head of IB at elite boutique) and had over 30 yrs of experience and MBA but looks as if he is late 30s. Yet no look of any cosmetic procedures having been completed. Couple with the fact that there are never doctor appointments this portends to an almost ageless effect of the stressful nature of the job which seems dubious at best.
(v) He will consistently wear sunglasses outside even if it is not sunny. Anecdotally, he seems to heavily prefer the indoors.

Now I have no evidence for this, but I believe he could have a blood boy...

In light of these finds, I have bought garlic pills to begin taking, but I'm not sure if I should also keep some in my desk to avoid Friday evening fire drills...

Thoughts?

Call Wesley Snipes.

 
Mar 5, 2018 - 11:52pm

Based solely on this post and your handle, your talents are wasted in banking — go get the WSJ to sponsor you as a columnist à la Matt Levine

Life's is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
 
Mar 10, 2018 - 7:10pm

They should make a True Blood series about this. HBO would love it.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

 
Mar 9, 2018 - 12:38pm

(iii) I have never seen him walk past a mirror nor do we have any in the office, which seems odd no?

Have you followed him to the bathroom?

 
Mar 12, 2018 - 2:21pm

Your MD is a Vampire? Short the VIX.

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.
 
Jan 9, 2019 - 10:24pm

i might have joined just 10 minutes ago, but I have already seen my favorite post on the site

Array
 
Jan 13, 2019 - 7:27pm

Slide a vial of your blood under his door. Check the next morning. If it has been returned empty, you have your answer.

Also check if the late-night office cleaning crew has had people go missing.

"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn

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