Medical Resident Dating Investment Banker. Does it work?
Hey folks,
I am a fourth year medical student (26 F) , wrapping up and waiting for graduation as we speak. I will be starting residency in a surgical specialty this July in a NYC hospital.
Long story short, I met this banker guy (31 M) earlier in September around the time I was submitting my residency applications; I was not really looking for a serious relationship given that I had no idea where I would end up matching for residency. However, I will say we had a great first date and I definitely felt this 'spark' when I first met him; but I am also a realist so I didn't think too much of it. We hook up for a few months whenever I was back in the city during the interview season, always staying in touch via texting or emails. I respected his work ethic, intelligence, and perspective on things. As interview season was winding down in January, I noticed he was trying to make that transition from 'hooking up' to 'seriously dating', I tread cautiously because my career is practically up in the air until Match day and part of me kept thinking no way I am the 'wall street type' (I know very petty.) Match day comes and in an ironic twist of fate, I match into my 3rd choice and only program on my rank list in NYC haha (this match season was tough.) He finds out I am staying in the city for training and definitely stepped up his game since. I sincerely enjoy his company; I would love to date him, but I am worried given how we both will have fucked up hours in high-stress working environments, etc. However, I've always been a risk taker and definitely want to go forward with this relationship.
Has anyone been in a similar relationship and made it work? Any tips or advice? Pitfalls to avoid? Challenges that were hard to work through? I'd like to hear opinions from the banking perspective.
Looks like your options are:
A) Date a guy you for sure like, maybe it works, maybe not, you won’t see each other much, but you can save a lot on COL and you have someone to relieve stress with and spend the little time you do have together with B) Spend time and energy going on tinder and shit, and even if not, dating random guys you run into. Seems like the inferior option when you’re already busy. Tinder was basically a part-time job for me pre-marriage. C) Get a nice vibrator and abandon men for the time being. This will be very bad for your psyche..
Also, honey, do you want kids? Do you want healthy kids? Do you want healthy kids who you actually see grow up as a healthy adult? You picking up what I’m putting down?
While this is a true statement, I would urge you not to weight this aspect too heavily. I've seen plenty of couples on the fence about moving a relationship forward that go "well i guess it will be convenient/economical to move in together" and don't address the primary issues.
I'm a banker dating a resident currently, I know how strenuous her life is right now and we barely get to see each other. Seeing you are doing surgery, you're going to be spending some time studying and working long hours at times. It's definitely doable if he is willing to wait another 5-6years to have a real life. Unless you switch out. I think you should wait and tread the water while you go through your first year and see how the work/school/life effects both of you. Worst case, you end up getting serious and breakup after first or second year. You cry about it for few weeks and get over it. (please don't kill any patients over your personal relationship)
One thing to consider is that he's likely over the long slog of the analyst and associate years. Not that it's easy to be a mid-level banker, but much of the discussion on this website concerns the analyst stint.
Met my ex when she was in the final 3 mos of residency. Dated all through fellowship. She worked 80+ hours plus moonlighting. I was working 60-70 hrs. It can be done. Ultimately broke up but not because of the hours.
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