Men, friendship and love
Hi,
explanations from male bankers awaited.
A friend of mine, male banker, did not tell me he had a girlfriend for months and has just told me before explaining that he does not want to see me now that he is with her.
How can it be possible that a friend does not tell you that he has a girlfriend? And why would it be impossible to have a female friend when you have a girlfriend?
As for me, I do not have the impression to cheat on my boyfriend when I am with a friend. The reationship is completely different.
It says you are a male under your profile. But anyways, maybe it's because he's a banker, and he doesn't have time for both friends and a girlfriend.
It's possible that he has become aware (or thinks) that you want to bang him, and doesn't feel the same way so he's using the gf as an excuse.
No, he has really had a girlfriend for more than a year, but the fact is that when I saw him or had him on the phone he never told me... That is what I can't understand. Normally, at least after a few weeks, when it becomes serious, you tell your friends that you have a girlfriend...
Everything you said is accurate, sounds like the guy may be a little odd and you may be better off not being friends with him. Up to you, some people are just weird.
Whether you/girls have a boyfriend or not doesn't matter to guys because there is always a possibility they can become the clean up hitter when your man is out of town, etc... That way he can keep his girlfriend around and still have relations with you and he knows you won't tell and he hopes that you won't break up with your boyfriend so he can keep this going (have his cake and eat it too, if you will). My experience is, guys can't really have friends that are girls because they always end up banging them or trying to and fucking up the friend relationship. You seem to be really upset about this. Did you like this guy a lot?
Probably didn't advertise girlfriend because they are not serious in his mind and maybe wanted to keep his options open. Or at least that's what I do sometimes. As for rejecting you as a friend - sounds strange, either he truly doesn't have time or maybe you did something to annoy/piss him off?
I work with a gentleman who started dating this girl right before the holidays. At our holiday party, a coworker ran into said girl in the ladies room and started chatting with her. The girl introduced herself as "so and so's girlfriend". Later, my coworker bantered with our colleague and said "I met your girlfriend..." His reply?
"Oh, she said she was my girlfriend?"
So we all concluded she was his flavor of the month.
Fast forward to the present. He just announced he's engaged to this girl. Been dating her for merely 6 months. Go figure.
In short... I think guys generally guard things closely when they're serious about someone. Perhaps this friend of yours, the male banker, didn't mention anything because you were on a "need to know" basis, i.e. you are not in his circle of confidence.
So my question to you is? Why do you care? You found out "he's not that into you" in a very clear way. Accept it. Don't rent this guy any more time in your head thinking about the matter. Move on.
When I meet a cute girl, I never tell them I have a gf. It's simply leaving your options open, and I think all men are internally wired to approach attractive girls flirtatiously, which is hard if they know you're not single. Why did he wait a year? Maybe he has a really jealous gf, maybe he's just weird, or maybe he finally decided that you're no longer a potential romantic interest, and it would be too complicated to move you back to what he considered the friend zone. While you thought you two were always friends, he may have thought of it a little differently.
I know that one of the only things that keeps me from cheating on my gf is being able to flirt with other girls. It makes me feel like I still have a little freedom outside the relationship.
We were close friends and have had a lot of fun together. So I can't understand that he can decide so easily to put an end to our friendship like this. I don't know for you, but I don't have so many real friends, so it's a loss.
In addition, I feel betrayed, but maybe as aadpepsi put it, I was not in his "circle of confidence" (but the story of this man engaging after 6 momths is not so clear for me as it seems to be for you, marriage is a serious thing and even if you're deeply in love I think it deserves some time to think about it).
However, I fear the fact is that he did not want to be just a friend. In this case of course since he has never wanted a friendship the end of the friendship is not a problem for him. But what I can't understand in this case is that he never did anything to date me when I was single...
But you are all riht on one point: the only thing to do is to move on : )
Don't feel to bad, you really don't need friends like this.
He waited so long to tell you about his gf because he wanted to try to get you into bed first. He obviously lacked game and gave up.
SAC has it right. it's pretty obvious what's happening here.
And I don't think this behavior is confined to bankers. Pretty much all men are like this. Just forget about it and move on.
I tend to agree with the few above. Post pictures of both said parties. His gf probably isn't that hot, but she's stead. He's just hedging himself. He didn't want to give up his position until he was sure what you're final call was.
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