It comes to my attention today that today is one of those holla-day (?) things we hear about, but don't get to enjoy too often. In fact, today is the day I used to enjoy most when I was a young kid. That's why there is a faint feeling of excitement that almost escapes my consciousness, but just not quite. I'm here today to wish everyone on WSO a Merry Christmas!
Why? Because you need it. You've worked hard, and you might have even checked into the office today for a few hours, even if you didn't get any actual work done. I'm just happy you've made it this far and cleaned yourself up so well. Your cubicle looks nice and I'm sure you are proud of either your bank account or apartment or both. You really did it and it's such a beautiful thing--you made it to the front office. And the title of your position is success, because relative to the back office, that's what your job is. You don't live in an average house, which would be a step up from a single-floor, three room shack that you share with your fat wife and stupid kids. Or maybe your sense of pride can be found in the fact that you no longer have to live in Smallville, that you always knew you were superman. You don't wear square toe black shoes with white socks, but you also know how to distinguish between a ski jacket and a windbreaker down jacket.
You have no career path, you have to fight for every spot. Your bank statements are riddled with scatters of seamless orders, but you still don't know the guy who delivers your crab ragoons, or California rolls at 9pm every other night. Or is it Grubhub? You speak to college kids, but only the ones from certain schools because they know how to 'hold an actual conversation' (classicism/sexism/racism/elitism). You bitch about using the subway, even though at 2am there's hardly anyone on there except the winos and sparse collections of hipsters drunken from the art show they've just attended. I'm pretty sure you never even considered why they are like this on a Wednesday night. They have real problems, unlike you, you entitled fuck. They need governmental assistance because they're stupid, while you just bitch about Obama being too much of a communist or Trump being a war-mongering fascist. Then you argue over whether the environmental regulations are too restraining to the economy, or if unleashing new technology will lead to higher job growth. Cool it guys. You can just get drunk and don't think about it, Big Brother will handle it.
You guys are just a mess. A bunch of fucking slobs. Anyways, just wanted to say Merry Christmas to all of you wall street, front-office, prestige whores out there. Congratulations on making it through another year. And please, try not to condescend to anyone today, or make them feel like a much smaller person. No one deserves that.
